As it is I have male friends, my fiance has female friends and we talk about them with each other. It doesn't phase us and I'm sure most within my age group act the same. I remember reading that my generation is a bit more lax about this anyway, which accounts for the differences in view.
I agree - nothing particularly stands out as inappropriate to me. I'm not a jealous person at all though, and I do have my best group of friends (about ten people) who are mixed male/female and any of go out to dinner/shows/renthouses/vacation/go out on the town together without significant others and sometimes even on a 1:1 basis.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sontaikle
What stood out to me is that he feels the need to exercise FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF by himself and leaves you with the kids when you really want to exercise with him. I agree with others that you should try to find a gym with childcare or invest in home equipment.
YEP! It just seems selfish that you aren't able to go, but he can everyday. The children are BOTH of yours and you should both need to share the responsibility involved. If you two could work out a schedule (ie he goes mornings and you go evenings or you both switch off every other day, etc.) I think it would be more fair.
Part of it is I have always wanted to go to the gym with him, but am unable to because we have 5 kids and can't leave them at home alone. I guess I'm kind of annoyed that she gets to work out with him and I don't.
Why can't he stay with the kids a couple of mornings a week so you can go to the gym?
Don't like what's going on.... can you get a treadmill or something for the house...If you're not comfortable with the situation don't let it slide.
I'm not the jealous type - I'm 48 and my husband is 41 (today! happy birthday Mr. Beach Patrol!!!!)
I've always been able to have male friends all my life - without seeing them as potential sex slaves. So I see nothing wrong with your husband's work-out partner.
That said, it clearly bothers you. So you have a right, and in my opinion an obligation, to bring it up to your husband. You can let him know it bothers you on a general level, without being accusatory or angry. His reaction to your being bothered will tell you a lot.
and THAT SAID, I'll tell you what I know for fact, cause this is what we did! - after 3 years as members of the local YMCA, we decided that we "could have had a home gym paid for by now!" with the money we were spending each month on gym membership. So that's what we did ... quit the gym ($60/mo) bought a home gym (only $800!!! - plus a recumbent bike... $300... 3 yrs at gym was $2160!!! so we SAVED money!!!) and man oh man! - it's soooo much easier to just roll outta bed in the morning & work out in your PJs!!!
Last edited by Beach Patrol; 04-12-2012 at 12:59 PM.
Agreed with most postings...it could be TOTALLY harmless, and probably is but why deal with that? It's your husband AND he's completely capable of working out on his own. Why does he need a female gym buddy. I don't like it, I wouldn't allow it for husband either and I doubt he'd be ok with me doing it every freaking day.
MARRIAGE IS HARD ENOUGH - Let's not make it more difficult.
I'm 28, I have plenty of male friends, NOT ONE do I or would I spend an hour and a half with EVERY day b/c my hubby would not be cool w/ it and neither would I if he did it.
You really should speak up and tell your husband how much it bothers you that he's spending all that time with this woman. What happened to his male workout buddies?
This would bother me as well. I agree with the others on here that say that if you spend enough time one on one with someone, feelings and or attraction are likely to delvelop.
Does anyone on here watch "How I Met Your Mother" ...it's the Mermaid Theory.
Talk to him about it, hopefully he understands and adjusts his behaviour.
This would bother me as well. I agree with the others on here that say that if you spend enough time one on one with someone, feelings and or attraction are likely to delvelop.
Does anyone on here watch "How I Met Your Mother" ...it's the Mermaid Theory.
Talk to him about it, hopefully he understands and adjusts his behaviour.
This woman is not a mutual friend; and it could create a problem -- well, it already has. I think he should stick to working out with other guys. I have seen this kind of thing ruin too many relationships to take it so lightly. Sooner or later, someone always crosses the line (just speaking from experience).
When I was younger, I also had some male friends; but they always tried or asked, so let's be honest here. It's plainly inappropriate and it bothers her -- end of story. Already, it was occasional and grew to every day; it shouldn't have started in the first place.
Then add on the fact that he gets to go to the gym every day and his wife can't -- what is with that? I agree ~ bundle up the kiddies and just show up there with them ... Or, at least threaten to.
Ask your DH if you can go to the gym and play with some hot, buff guy, while he watches the kiddies. Hmmm??? No, neither is appropriate ...
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 04-12-2012 at 06:09 PM.
I wouldn't like it and would definitely say something. I do have a jealous streak also, but jealousy or not, if it makes YOU uncomfortable, out of respect for you and your relationship, he should switch up his routine.
why it is very inappropriate? I am jealous type and totally understand Becky RN... But logically I cannot explain why it is not appropriate.
Work is quite different because you have boundries at work. (At least in theory) In my opinion when you're hanging out with the opposite sex outside of work the possibility exists that one or more of these people are going to develop feelings for the other. When you're getting sweaty together lifting you're going to be spotting one another which often involves touching the other person. Even if you're only touching their arm or waist it is quite possible for sexual tension to develop. Exercise causes all kinds of endorphins to be released ... there are simply chemical reactions that even the most innocent of people might find happen to themselves.
Again - just my opinion. Some people in this thread disagree. I personally think they're naive but that is again, just my opinion.
SOPHIA ~ on the job, there is a kind of unwritten social rule that we must act appropriate with the opposite sex in the workplace; anything else would be construde as sexual harrassment. But, I have to say that men made passes at me on several jobs I had (co-workers, supervisors, and bosses), and that really bothered me -- and, I always turned them down flatly!
This is a different set of circumstances; this is an after-hours social activity. This woman is not a mutual friend either; his wife doesn't even know her. At any of the small gyms I went to, the sexes didn't mix; we had same-sex trainers too: it was the gym policy. I live in a small town, and you really have to watch your behavior, becuz everyone else is watching you too ...
JOHN ~ I agree ...
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 04-12-2012 at 06:38 PM.
Work is quite different because you have boundries at work. (At least in theory) In my opinion when you're hanging out with the opposite sex outside of work the possibility exists that one or more of these people are going to develop feelings for the other. When you're getting sweaty together lifting you're going to be spotting one another which often involves touching the other person. Even if you're only touching their arm or waist it is quite possible for sexual tension to develop. Exercise causes all kinds of endorphins to be released ... there are simply chemical reactions that even the most innocent of people might find happen to themselves.
Again - just my opinion. Some people in this thread disagree. I personally think they're naive but that is again, just my opinion.
Yes. To put it another way, it's borrowing trouble.
I'm old fashioned, I admit, but I do not maintain friendships outside of church (thus mutual friends with my husband) with any men, nor does my husband maintain friendships with women. We have couples we are friends with, or unmarried friends who we deal with together, and then there are work relationships that stay in the office and in public. That's IT. And it is a very prudent boundary that puts off all appearances of impropriety and leaves us above reproof in our conduct.
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 04-12-2012 at 07:40 PM.
I feel differently about this than many of you. I have lots of male friends and my husband has lots of female friends--and we live in different states, which ups the difficulty level a fair bit!
I don't think there's anything wrong in the abstract with hetero people having friends of the opposite sex, but I think it wise to be alert to the possibility of future problems. As someone said, way upthread, most people don't wind up cheating on their spouses because they went out searching for someone to cheat with. Instead, feelings and attraction can develop over time, without anyone really intending it. If I were in the OPs position, I would want to point this out to my partner and make sure that he is being honest with himself about his degree of attraction to his friend and on the alert if things start to change in that regard.
At the same time, I think I would probably kill my husband if he left me alone with 5 kids every day while he flitted about taking care of his body and socializing without me!! He needs to share!
ETA: And I'm 36, so the generational hypothesis is further weakened!
