Do what a friend should do...be supportive and congratulatory..You may know that she is wrong, but she doesnt think she is wrong...Your'e job is not to be her teacher, your job is to be her FRIEND. I remember when i lost weight doing some cooky things and all my friends simply encouraged me...i had one friend that didnt though..and it was quite hurtful to see that she wasnt being encouraging or supportive..Your'e friend might know that its not really 20 pounds of fat, deep down inside, that she has lost...but she wants the acknowledgement and the encouragement..so encourage her to keep going...when she starts gaining weight and she doesnt understand, then it might be time to be tactful and say "you know, there is a really good nutritional website out there, that might help?"... It has to be done with total tact and sensitivity. You might not even be the one to help her..it might need to be someone more removed from her.
Definitely do not correct the newly postpartum, hormonal, sleep deprived mom of a newborn. Nothing good could come out of it, for her or your friendship.
I am learning to keep my mouth shut when it comes to people's weight loss and exercise misconceptions. Especially since I still have quite a few pounds to lose, I don't think (some) people take my "advice" seriously, anyway.
Now if they come to me and ask me for advice, that's a different story.
Last edited by grneyedmustang; 03-26-2012 at 01:36 PM.
I agree - there's no upside, for you or for her. She's losing weight - she's happy, you're happy. When that changes and IF she asks for your opinion, by all means, give it to 'er!
The woman just gave birth. I'd give her a pass and let it go.
I remember whooshing off 30-40 ish lbs with the birth of my kid. There was her weight (9lb+ was just HER!), the weight of the placenta and cord, the swelling and serious mega bloat I suffered from all thru her pregnancy, etc.
Like you, I doubt it is fat loss.
But I'm inclined to be charitable and just say "That's cool." and let it be.
I have a friend that is extremely overweight and my other friends have said that i should basically have an intervention with her. I said are you NUTS!!! Nothing can come good of saying anything to my friend or yours. I would just let her be excited about the loss (water or not). Also because i'm sure after just having a baby your probably not feeling THAT great about yourself and your body. I see friends of mine do all kinds of methods of dieting that i totally disagree with but try my hardest not to bother making them see what i know is to be true. I agree with the others, say great job and move along lol!
You already did sort of "correct" her (or at least offer up the logical explanation) and she rejected it. That's the point to drop it.
My husband jokes (quoting some one) that in an argument with me, he can be happy or he can be right (and I feel the same way).
We all have our delusions, and misconceptions, and mostly they're harmless. I for example like to that I've lost 105 lbs of fat. Of course, I'm wrong. I've lost fat, water, and probably even muscle (though hopefully I've gained more than I've lost), but how much does my delusion really cost me or anyone else.
We all know people who make a habit out of correcting others, and find them extremely annoying. To avoid being one of those people, we have to pick our bubble-bursting with some care.
I'm not saying "never correct people," but use a light touch and drop it when the person is clearly saying "I reject your reality, and am substituting my own."
I would tell her, indirectly. Just mention that the baby weight "comes off quick" but then you reach a point where you have to work hard again. But definitely congratulate her and encourage her to continue losing weight the healthy way.
This is the best way to handle it. Be kind but don't lie or discourage her!
saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him think.
something like that, anyway.
i got into it with one of my sisters - same thing: "i only eat once a day"
"yeah," i replied, "once a day, ALL day."
she bangs back smoothies like there's no tomorrow saying "it's healthy! it's healthy!" then got mad when i pointed out that a smoothie is supposed to replace the meal, not the drink (not kidding: i watched her eat a quarter bbq chicken, baked potato with butter AND sour cream, who knows how much candied carrots, and washed it down with a smoothie before heading up for dessert!).
so i don't say anything now - we live far apart so we'll see who's right when i head back south in a cpl months.
and then there's the other end of the stick: the guy who's packing too much but only in one place. from behind, he looks like a skinny dude. from the side, he looks about 7mo pregnant. he lives in town and wanted to know what my "secret" for weight loss was.
we got into a discussion about weight loss and i discovered that his "extensive knowledge" was mostly from the national enquirer and other such fonts of "lose-it-quick" knowledge.
after about the 8th time i had to correct him (he was telling me that he could lose his gut any time he wanted except he hated doing situps) he made a comment about how i'm the last person who should be lecturing about weight loss.
i looked him straight in the eye and said "buddy, if you ever want to meet someone with weightloss and diet knowledge equivalent to a BA in nutrition, talk to *any* woman in this town who's had to struggle with her weight."
he shut up for a moment and i will say that instead of storming off in a huff, he acknowledged the validity of my statement and we continued the discussion amicably.
I'm not going to bring up the issue with my friend, but if it comes up I won't press it either. A simple "that's great" and I'll move off the topic. If she wants to believe that she lost 20lbs of fat in a week, no harm done. Even if its way off in the realm of weightloss truth. If she specifically asks advice, then I'll educate her.
