Do you correct people's weightloss misconceptions? Help with a friend's "weightloss"?
 

I've spent so many years obsessing about nutrition/weightloss/dieting/execise and I'm an RN, that I can sometimes be quite surprised at how out there some people's beliefs on weightloss can be, or how mislead they can be. Honestly, it comes down to them needing to be informed, but not everyone is looking to be educated, so I typically don't correct people.

My friend just text me that she lost 20 lbs this week. Now, she just had a baby 10 days ago, and went to the doctor's 2 days later, and weighted herself. She weighted herself at her sister's house today and "lost 20 lbs". I told her that's great, because I remember how good it felt to get all the swelling gone after having the baby.
She replied that she did not swell with this delivery, and it was all weight loss (fat).:rolleyes: Ok, I've had 2 kids, and I know there's a huge weightloss following the birth, and a lot of it is water weight. Even with BFing, its not a 20 pound of fat weightloss. No for nothing, but my friend, and I love her dearly, is obese and not one to really move from the couch, and her diet is mainly fast food. Even if she was in her first week of The Biggest Loser, I don't think she (or anyone!) would see a 20 pound (fat) weightloss. (I know it has happened on the show but the point I'm making is there is no way she lost 20 pounds of fat)

So do I just text her back with "Yeah! Guess you DID lose 20 pounds of fat in one week! Even though its impossible!" ...Or do I try to explain to her what's going on...

She's the same person that "joined the gym for the week" gained a few pounds then quit because she couldnt lose weight. When after taking to her I found out that she may have walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes, but then she was eating fast food 3 times a day. She claims she barely eats, yet can't lose weight. But her "one meal" is Burger King with a regualr soda. And she will "forget" she also ate pancakes with syrup for breakfast....and a donut mid morning...:dizzy:


I think informing her will only rain on her parade. :(
Opinions??

I think you can't make someone else see what their problem is - they have to see it for themselves. They have to accept their OWN personal reality.

But you CAN say "well, this has been *MY* experience" - in other words, just talk about what you know is true for YOU, and not assume that others should assume the same is true for them.

One of my best friends is doing the weight loss thing. Her method seems to be a combination of a large amount of exercise, eating less than I do (and, as my calorie limit is 1200, I get a fair amount of somewhat justified crap for not eating enough) and taking pills with caffeine and other stimulants in them.

I've expressed my concerns about the healthiness of the last bit, but other than that, I find it incredibly hard to go, "hey! That isn't going to work long-term, because you can't do it indefinitely!" I mean, on the one hand, I know I'm right. On the other hand, I still probably weigh at least fifty pounds more than her, so what do I know? I mean, I know I know a lot, but you know that I know what I don't know, and I don't know what it's like losing just 19 pounds, and not 200+. So I bite my tongue.

I think it's hard to criticize others about weight loss because the subject is so inherently touchy. Maybe don't say anything now, but if she gets discouraged later, maybe say something oblique and tactful. But only if she brings it up. We can't be responsible for the actions of others; we can only guide them when asked.

That being said, if she weren't in another state, I'd just take the stupid pill things away.

No, don't tell her anything. Let her believe her 20 lbs was weight loss and not water weight loss :)

I would tell her, indirectly. Just mention that the baby weight "comes off quick" but then you reach a point where you have to work hard again. But definitely congratulate her and encourage her to continue losing weight the healthy way.

I have a friend who's very much like that. I don't bother trying because I have in the past, and it goes one in one ear and out the other. So now I just smile and nod. Like the previous poster suggested, I will sometimes say "well for me, it works like this" or "I've experienced this", but it doesn't make a difference.

It's tempting to try and correct her, but we all know it's going to fall on deaf ears. She's clearly not ready to make a change in her habits, so you'd just be wasting your energy. A simple 'go you!' will end the conversation without any hurt feelings.

I think it greatly depends on your relationship with this person. Can she take your information as just that, information? Or would she take it as an affront to her personally? Some people are very touchy.

Personally, I would tell her 20 pounds is a bit so make sure she discusses it with her doctor at her next check up to make sure it's healthy, especially if breastfeeding. It's then out of your hands but can open the door to someone neutral (doctor) to explain some of the things you already know. Not a perfect solution but seeing as she's postpartum and possibly hormonal, it could avoid a melt down. :)

Honestly? I think it's best to keep your mouth shut unless she's doing something really really unhealthy. She won't listen—no matter how successful you've been.

I bite my tongue all the time when it comes to others' weight loss attempts. The only one I talk freely to is one of my really good friends who has lost around 100lbs. We both did it differently so it's very interesting to just talk with her. Otherwise, unless someone asks and seems genuinely interested (not just a person looking for my "secret" for example) I will tell them exactly what I did but I always add: "It worked for me, it may not work for you. You need to find what works for you."

This is the type of person you just can't convince or change.

She's not stupid, she's delusional. She wants to believe that she eats hardly anything and can't lose weight, because that's easier for her to accept than the fact that she's consuming far too many calories.

She believes it's 20lbs of fat because she *wants* it to be 20lbs of fat... even though I think it's patently obvious to just about anybody that it's largely water weight.

Delusional is much harder to "fix" than ignorance and stupidity, because no amount of education or guidance will make her change her mind.

I wouldn't tell her. Just keep it to yourself.

I decided to just not respond for now. Which is normal for us to leave texts hanging b/c of being busy with the kids. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want to falsely encourage her. So I'm going with avoidance right now.

Ain't that the truth. I recently had dinner with a friend who insisted that she lost 10 pounds of fat every time she had a cold. (Never mind that the weight came right back when she felt better and started eating/drinking normally again.) She also thought that "the faster you lose, the faster you gain it back" was based on biochemistry rather than the psychology of deprivation. And she had no idea that losing a pound of fat required a 3,500-calorie deficit.

I challenged her misconceptions because we're very close and have a high tolerance for friendly disagreement. In other cases I'm more inclined to keep my mouth shut.

Freelance

I wouldn't say anything. My initial reaction would have been the same as yours, knowing that the big woosh of weight loss after giving birth is baby, placenta, and water weight. However, a large drop in weight after giving birth feels great and could be a springboard for her to lose more weight that IS actually fat. I wouldn't rain on her parade. Plus, having lots of experience being a post-partum mamma and people saying stupid things to me about my weight, if I were gushing to a good friend about dropping 20lbs, and she said to me, "You realize that is all water weight and not actually fat? It will probably either all come back or stall if you don't start to seriously diet and exercise," I would be none to pleased - especially with all the hormones raging!

Personally, I wouldn't say anything back to her, it doesn't seem like she's intentionally trying to lose weight or go on a diet. I've had my fair share of trying to help friends who are dieting and do it the wrong ways and it just goes in one ear and out the other. She is the one who will have to realize her ways and change them herself. People don't change, unless they truly want to change, and if they want to put the time into changing. In other words, don't waste your time. I understand your need to vent, I feel the same way a lot of times :)