Sometime in October, a good friend of mine from college that I hadn't seen in about a year, came to hang out with me and my husband for the weekend. Although she was never really overweight (in comparison to me), she and I bonded in previous years over being 'curvaceous' and complaining about our struggles about having to watch everything we eat. I opened the door and my jaw dropped. She had lost a bunch of weight and was at a size that I could only dream of being. More than the numbers, she exuded a confidence that I hadn't seen in myself in years. Sitting there, having a glass of wine with her and my husband catching up, I suddenly felt very insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin. I began having flashbacks of being the "fat friend" again back in middle school and high school and after she left, I chastised myself for looking at it in such a superficial way. I tried to push it out of my mind, but before long I found myself digging out and dusting off the ol' bathroom scale.
When the number hit the 300 pound mark, I wanted to cry. I had never been that heavy in my entire life and had been in denial about how much I had ballooned in the past few years. I had guessed that I was around the 250 mark, but never imagined that I could possibly be at 300 pounds before the age of 25.
It all started to make sense. The huffing and puffing as I walked from class to class, the circling the parking lots until I found a parking spot closest to the door, the sudden decline in my sex life with my husband, being unable to sit in chairs (that I had no problem fitting into before) without the arms digging into my sides, no longer wanting to have candid pictures taken of me.
It wasn't that I didn't notice I was overweight. ****, I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't. It's just that I had accepted that I'd always be a big girl, and why waste my time killing myself to try to be something that I'm not? After that, I knew I didn't want to live like this anymore and it was up to me to change it, but still I made excuses that I would deal with it later - that I was under enough stress as it is with school, work, new house, being a newlywed, etc.
Then my final, final straw came a couple weeks ago when the new school semester began and I walked into a college classroom of about 30 other students. I looked around the room and noticed that the desks were some of those old-fashioned desks I remember from elementary school. Immediately, my heart began to pound in my throat and I started to worry if I would even be able to fit in one of those. I managed to gracefully stuff myself into the desk without drawing too much attention to myself.
Then the professor announced that we would be going around the room, standing up and introducing ourselves to the class. I looked around at the other females in the class and it seemed they could practically squeeze a whole another person between them and the edge of the desk. I started to worry if I would end up taking the flimsy desk with me when I went to stand up to introduce myself, so I literally sat sideways on the edge of the seat throughout all the other introductions (not knowing when I was going to be called on) so I wouldn't have to slide myself out of the desk when my turn came. After I finished my introduction, I sat back down and hung my head and remember thinking, "This is no way to live.." I decided then and there if I'm go to do this, I'm going to do this now and do this the right way. No excuses.
I started a new job last year advocating for people to get Social Security Disability Benefits (SSDI and SSI). I noticed that 90+% of our claiments were obese. Alot of people have like 10 conditions relating to their obesity and unhealthy lifestyle. I see so many cases of Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, Back problems, Depression, Anxiety, etc. and alot of these conditions begin in people's 30s and 40s! Alot of our clients are super sick and miserable. I am so always happy when that rare client calls me and tells me that they lost 60+ pounds and their conditions went away and they can work again. I know of course weight loss isn't a cure for alot of people but I wonder if many of our clients would be in the position they were if they managed their health better.
I made up my mind that I didn't want to be like one of the people I help. I have a predisposition to diabetes and high blood pressure and don't want to get sick so after a couple false starts last fall, I got it together and am now down 20ish pounds.
What a great thread! I agree with so many of the motivations - not fitting into clothes, pain from the slightest movement, fear of not being able to fit into a chair or seat belt, negative comments on weight gain, etc.
However, the final straw for me was being obese for a milestone celebration in my son's life during the spring in 2011. I have a few kids, but they are far apart in age and it's kind of like having 2 families. I had my older kids when I was in my 20s, and always thought of myself as one of the younger and thinner and prettier moms. After I had my older "babies," I was one of those who always had people telling me I didn't even look like I just had a baby or asking where all the baby weight went. I was pretty pleased with myself during those years, although I didn't have to do any work for my figure. I had my younger kids in my mid thirties and suddenly the weight stuck on. I added 15 or 20 pounds with each subsequent pregnancy, and my last pregnancy I gained about 60 pounds from being on bedrest that never came off. Now, for my younger kids, I am one of the older, fatter, and frumpier moms.
I always thought that I would look good (thin, stylish, young) for my older kids events. I can forgive myself for not being the youngest, thinnest, or prettiest with my younger ones, but not my older ones. For my older ones, I am supposed to be the young mother - the one that people ask, "You must have been a teenager when you had him - you look like you could be his sister, not his mother!" Well, I looked like an obese grandmother at my son's party - let's just say my mother in law (the actual grandma!) got more compliments on her appearance (she is very thin, btw) than I did! Of course, I had made a promise to myself to lose weight for the event, and didn't. I thought, "If I look and feel this bad now, how am I going to look and feel when my younger children reach this milestone? Will I still even be around?"
So, I got back on 3FC, and started slowly changing my diet and moving more. It's a challenge, but I am determined to get my groove back and look even better for my younger kids (as an older mom!) than I did as a younger mom with my older kids!
Oh I've definitely got one....but it's a long story so bare with me...
LBLAZY, thank you for sharing your story. I read it the whole way through and really empathized with your story. I'm glad you shared it with the group.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katy05
. I've been OP since.
Katy, congrats on being OP for a whole year!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkendrick
So I followed the soldier's statement. I have indeed gotten skinnier while my guy is deployed
mkendrick, and you look like you are close to goal too! congrats!!
When my friends said I looked a little green and purple in the face and what happened to my gorgeous cheek bones? A plump face isn't that attractive. Grrr. But at least I'm keeping my spirits up about it all. And I think that is half the battle.
After 2 years and 6 rounds of IVF I finally became pregnant ...my daughter is almost one now. During this time I gained around 20kg (45 pounds) ... a combination of the drugs I was on and my comfort eating after each of the negative pregnancy results. I knew I had to lose this weight but I was still living in "I deserve that bit of chocolate cake" land.
I am not only the oldest mother in mothers group but also the fattest by far far far. While all the mums are arranging pilates and yoga groups , I can barely sit comfortably on the play mat. My self esteem has gone through through the floor. I feel so left out and alone. This is not the example I want my little one to grow up with.
The final straw was not being able (or having the courage) to attend baby swimming lessons with the other mums and babies this summer. After struggling so long and hard to have a baby I cant believe that my weight is preventing me from doing things with and for her already.
Mine was a series of events that happened at the end of October 2007
I was graudating culinary school, and my best friend and I decided to take a trip down to florida to celebrate. When I got on the plane I couldn't buckle my seatbelt. I had to flag down a stewardess and ask for a seatbelt extender. After I got that settled, I realized that I was spilling into the seats on either size of me.
When we arived in florida, I went crazy and decided I wanted to get a lower back tattoo. I already had two on my back at this point. I got it done and everything was fine. When I flew back into New York, I stayed with my friends family for a day. I showed her dad the tattoo. He told me that I needed to have it extended out a bit further, because it was too small for my backside
In florida we hit universal studios. I had a hard time walking around and was sweating so badly. I couldn't fit on the rollercoasters. Tried one and the bar wouldn't go down. After I told my friend that I don't want to try anymore because I'm afraid of heights. So I had pretty much just payed a buttload of money to walk around the park while she went on the rides.
Same thing when we went to this mini gaming thing. They had go-carts. I couldn't fit into one
Then we hit wet and wild...I was actually able to go on the rides there. I was walking around in my swim suit and to be honest didn't really feel that bad about myself. I had some teenagers point and laugh as they walked by
After all this happened I went through a depression stage because for the first time, I became aware of my actual size. I finally started to realize that only I could change my body. Not just because of my size but because I actually wanted to be healthy. And haven't looked back since
I wish I'd had one but I never really did. Sure I've looked awful in photos, wished I looked better in a bridesmaid dress, been offered the seatbelt extender on the plane, broken a chair, not been able to participate in half the stuff my friends did, been yelled at by a doctor who said I couldn't be really trying to lose weight because if she locked me in a room and fed me the stuff I was claiming to be eating then I would lose weight, and yet although I was miserable about my size I never did anything substantial about it. I'd planned I'd be skinny for college, or when I graduated, or when I graduated grad school, or when my sister got married, and yet there I was every time bigger than before.
About 6 months ago was my turning point and again it was no lightbulb moment. I turn 30 this year and so for most of 29 I've been thinking about that! As part of that thinking it just occurred to me that while I'd spent the last 10-15 years miserable and at home eating cookies, everyone else's lives had moved forward with husbands and kids and all the stuff that goes with that. All the guys I'd had crushes on over the years were getting married, and although I don't feel like a failure in other areas of my life I don't want to be single forever either.
From there I just got in the zone of wanting to finally do something about my weight and I began to wonder why do I spend so much of my time in bed eating cookies? Or looking forward to going to the grocery store to load up on chocolate so I can spend an entire weekend watching movies and eating chocolate for all 3 meals a day? (I didn't do that all the time but it was the hallmark of what I'd have considered a good weekend back then!).
A lot of the time I thought that I didn't really have much input into how I ate, I felt I was an emotional eater and well I had an emotional life so there you go...but then I saw a tv show about extreme weight loss and one of the trainers was tasked with helping a teenage boy lose weight. The kid said he was an emotional eater and life got tough sometimes. The trainer looked at him and said something along the lines of you're not fat because you're emotional, you're fat because you pick up the food and put it in your mouth. Harsh maybe, but it rang true for me. Actually maybe that was my last straw moment It's a sentence I remind myself of often and it keeps me on the path to my goal.
I can't recall a last straw moment. I just remember making friends with some other women who were trying to lose weight; they talked about it a fair amount and kept each other accountable on another, not weightloss, forum. I decided I wanted to get it on things. As I got closer with them, and started being conscientious about my own lifestyle, I realized that I was feeling better and wanted to keep going.
Rather than a last straw moment, I've been having one big "snowball rolling down a hill" moment. Fortunately, that hill is now leading towards weightloss rather than gain!
last straw was going on holiday with my husband and feeling so awful the entire time because I couldn't do anything normal sized people could.
I was moody, depressed, morbidly obese and it was a struggle to walk more than half hour without being in severe pain. We rented an apartment and to my dismay the pool was full daily with the other guests, who happened to be beautiful skinny women in tiny bikinis. I never made it to the pool and I was dying in the heat of the summer.
My husband and I went to the Verona arena to watch Romeo and Juliet and the seats were so tiny I only made it through one half of the show. I had to sit out on the stone steps but by that time my back was killing me and we ended up leaving.
A night that should of been romantic and lovely turned into a mess. As soon as we got back from holiday I decided enough was enough. So since September of last year I have been on my journey to lose the poundage.. So far so good! So far 16kg gone! yay!
I can't even enjoy my college life (I only just turned 20!) because I weigh over 330 lbs. I refuse to let my weight define me and my whole life. I hide behind this weight and am or was in complete denial about how bad it is. I need to change. Being so big, it affects my personality and everything I do and I want that to stop.
I can't wait to be free and to finally let the real me shine!
Honestly though, I have had tons of 'last straws.' Barely fitting into the plane seat; being told I was too fat to ride a certain ride (actually like 4) in Six Flags was so horrifying; having people stare at me with disgust while I walk around campus EVERYDAY; only having about 6 outfits that I can actually wear(!!); looking at my legs in the mirror; seeing the stretchmarks reach my arms; seeing my stomach actually stick out further than my boobs; having my neck darken and just look gross because of my fat; having to drop one of my classes because I was too fat to fit into one of the lecture hall seats and also having to squeeze into allllllll desks, lecture or not and not being able to lower the desktop.
I have no confidence, zero. I gained about 100 pounds in about 4-5 years after losing around 50-60. I can't do this anymore. I just want to be normal.
I have a child with cerebral palsy (and other kids with other, less physically involved special needs) and watching him struggle to learn to roll over at age 3 made me hate the years I'd spent wasting a body that worked. Also the thought that I couldn't take care of his physical needs as he grew if I didn't take care of myself now.
A year later we've BOTH come so far. I am capable of working out 3 hrs a day as opposed to my first workout where I truly thought I was having a stroke 3 MINUTES in and he not only rolls over with relative ease, he crawls/bunny hops across a room, can pull himself up to check out what's on a low table or in a box, and with assistance and braces he's learning to move his legs in steps across a room.
My last straw was over a week's time. My then 4 yr old son said, "Mommy, you're kind of fat."--I know he was being honest and not mean but it hurt anyway. Then a college friend of mine came from the opposite coast to visit and she lost a ton of weight. She posted pics of me on the facebook account she created for me (I had thus refused bc of pics of me lol) and I saw how bad I looked. I am vain in some respects and was horrified that people who knew me a few yrs ago would know how much I blew up. (As in 80 plus pounds). I started dieting that day.
The last straw for me was an overwhelming feeling of chaos. For the last month Ive been agitated and on the verge of losing it due to work and life stress. I just decided that enough was enough and that nothing will change unless I do the work to change the things I have the power to change. The stress was making it easier for me to lose myself in food so now I am determined to accept what I can not change and change what I can......
I didn’t exactly have a last straw, but I booked my first vacation in 13 years to Walt Disney World for this October. A few days after, I realized I HAD to start making some changes NOW, because the time until we go will go quickly and I did not want to go on the trip weighing almost 250 pounds. That very day, I set my goal of losing 100 pounds for Disney, and I am going to do everything I can to get there. I am down to 231.5 as of this morning, 87 pounds to go!
My Final Straw
straw came a couple weeks ago when the new school semester began and I walked into a college classroom of about 30 other students. I looked around the room and noticed that the desks were some of those old-fashioned desks I remember from elementary school. Immediately, my heart began to pound in my throat and I started to worry if I would even be able to fit in one of those. I managed to gracefully stuff myself into the desk without drawing too much attention to myself. 
LBLAZY, thank you for sharing your story. I read it the whole way through and really empathized with your story. I'm glad you shared it with the group.
