Wow, lots to read here.... not much time for me as well. I'm bushed. I raced around today getting things done and shovelled snow as well. DH is nearing an agreement for an 8 week long consulting assignment and if he does, we can "breath" for a couple of weeks while he looks at other jobs. I hope it works out, we shall see.
I had a good day yesterday, but I had apple pie..... My birthday was Feb. 18th and a friend had a surprise birthday party for me yesterday, out of the blue! She baked homemade pie, what was I to do? Oh well, it was great but I am truly "behind" on my ww flex points for the week and yesterday was the first day of my ww week. I'm in trouble, but it was so special that someone took the time to do that for me.
I needed it.
Linda

Oh, guys, I'm just so tired again. Too much work. I feel awful. Really wanted to catch up here. You've all been wonderful. Love those hugs, Rave! But, I'm going to hit the hay. I am sick of sitting in front of this computer, being "spoken" to constantly by faceless people sending me emails, do this, do that. And jolly, no, I hate this work. The question is, what to do about it? Kind of the catch-22. Right now, I need to just get through what's right in front of me. I will be overwhelmed if I think of the big picture right now. I need to get through this slog of work and pay the bills. ARG! This last email really ticked me off, some ridiculous translation company got me to do some cheap work yesterday, a ton of work for low pay and now they're asking me to fill out some lengthy registration form for them, telling me to send a photo and give detailed information AND they're telling me I won't be paid for work for three months! I mean, like what's the sense of that. Do they think I'm doing this in my free time, with a three-month cushion to sit on. These translation companies act as middlemen here, eat up 50 percent of the money the company asking for the job pays and they want to gyp me on the payment and then pay me for my work three months after I do it. No way, I may need work but I'm not saying yes to this kind of stuff. Didn't go to a press conference today that would have been interesting because I was doing this other stuff. Oh, rant! rant! I have to be so careful choosing who I work for because they will USE you. Rant rant. Hope I can calm down to get some shut-eye. The emails I shot back to that place have gone unanswered. The nerve, sliding in with work and not telling me the details.. ..

Red, sounds awful what you've been going through. I think companies really take advantage of people, just like my DH has experienced.
He is working away trying to find something and the former company keeps calling and asking all sorts of questions, still taking advantage of him. He's too polite not to answer, and of course he wants a good reference.
I blew it again last night and had more pie. The nice woman who had the birthday celebration for me baked two pies and gave me one to bring home, really HUGE sabotage. It's about the best pie I've ever had, by the way. I always thought I baked great pies, but hers are awesome. OH well, when it's gone, it's gone!
I'm going to duct tape my mouth tonight!
Linda

Hi all. Derry, I hear you on the duct tape thing. I need it too. Good luck getting back on points, and good luck with your husband getting the consulting assignment. Who knows what contacts he might make that might lead to a fabulous new job! Chachee, I had to laugh - "face where your booty goes" I was giggling and saying "euwww" all at the same time. Just gross. Red, all I can do is send you a hug. Is there other types of work you have done htat you can try again?? Other things you have trained for?

Well, the vet visit yesterday didn't tell me anything new. We are going to do the test to find out for sure if it is cancer, and, if he can stand the anesthesia, I AM going to do the surgery. He is still too much himself for me not to try, if you understnad what I mean. Keep fingers crossed.

Have a great day all.

Good morning, ladies.

That dang Junk Food Fairy must have made all the rounds to our houses. I could not stop a sweet tooth craving last night. I ended up having a small ice cream sandwich and half a three musketeers bar. What is wrong with me? I had a very healthy dinner and then had that. Ugh.

Red: Sorry to hear work is such a bad place right now. I can't understand these companies thinking all the "consultants" can just hang on for months on end waiting for a paycheck. Oh sure, they need the work done now, but to heck when we want to pay you. Sorry things are cruddy.

Derry: That pie sounds amazing. Don't share any of it with us. You know that have duct tape in colors now....might be able to match your outfit with the tape.

Jolly: I know exactly what you mean about your dog. I know we all would do the same thing if we were in your spot. Keep us posted on what is going on.

Tonight is big grocery shopping for me. It's going to take awhile, but I hope it's going to be worth it with my coupons. I'm so funny about shopping with coupons. Hated doing it when my mom would shop like that when I was little, but dang, you really save some money doing it. I figured if I used all the coupons I have with me tonight, I should save around $190. I'm sure it will be about $400 after the coupons, but I have so many for cleaning products, razors, deoderant, etc., that are due to expire that I need to use them. We'll see how it goes.

Have a great day. Tomorrow is weigh in day for me. Getting a good starting number to never see again!!!

Happy Thursday.

Chach

Heyas chicklets...

Chach - I am so not a coupon person. I try to be.. you know, I clip them, organize them... then forget about them. I just hit Walmart and forget about it. Again, as I did before, I'm actually planning in my "junk food" so I don't feel deprived and resentful. I just keep the amount to one single serving of it. This week it's been M&Ms for dessert. Whatever works. As long as I have something to look forward to, I seem to do much better.

Red - I'm so sorry things are so crappy for you right now. I'm worried that things are going to explode soon. You can only stand living like that for so long before you lose it. I'm just very thankful I found something I feel passionate about, and I know that everything I'm doing now is only bringing me closer to those goals. I have a direction and a purpose... it really helps with the motivation and attitude.

Jolly - I'm so sorry... I have been in a similar situation, and I know in your place, I'd do the same thing. *warmest hug* I'll be waiting to hear about the test results.

Derry - No way I could pass up apple pie if it were in the house. Or much of anything else, for that matter.

Ok, I haven't gotten on the treadmill yet. Tomorrow? I am pulling outfits out of the closet that I want to wear and realizing fully that if I don't get on the treadmill I'm only delaying and prolonging this whole thing. I did see the numbers on the scale drop for the first time in way too long. I don't even want to go into what I'm at now. *sigh* I just need to let it go and move on. I just wish I didn't love food as much as I do. I'll be working Saturday this week, and that's good and bad. Need the money, loathe losing the time. It's only for a short while, I keep reminding my kids and myself of that. Food is doing great, water is doing good... still not sure exactly how much I'm taking in, but that I'm drinking it at all is a huge improvement so I'll roll with that. I have that last hurdle of getting back on the treadmill.

Penalty for not posting often enough, I'm a little behind. But I'd like to bring up the live like you're dying thing. (I grew up in NY when Tug McGraw was pitching for the Mets. I really liked him) For the most part I like the idea, but I also believe in hope for tomorrow. And especially since I have children, I need to be practical and think about their future. The other day I was listening to NPR and Terri Gross was interviewing Fred Hersch, who is a musician that is HIV positive. His response to a quote from Walt Whitman was something like this:
If we are not here and present for our lives, what's the point? If you don't really go for it in your life you will die and never know what might have been. There is no reason to hold back.
I really need to apply this to my life. There are a few road blocks, mainly eliminating a lot of materialistic clutter and dropping 15 pounds (body clutter) but I should get started on my life goals NOW.
There is the old tired and true: Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Too bad I already wrecked it by eating an apple turnover.

Hi guys, morning here. I'm writing back to you first thing so I don't go any longer without catching up and then come in for another little all-me rant! Sorry! But you all are great and it helps me a lot having you all there.

So, let me tell you what I just did with that translation company. Last night before I went to sleep I did see an email from them saying they would fill out the registration form themselves the best they could from the resume I had sent them and that they would "try" to pay me a bit earlier because they had failed to comment on this point. I didn't reply because I had already turned the computer off and was reading the message on my phone (I am addicted to these things!) It gave me a little time to think about the situation before I fell asleep though, which is always good. I have certainly learned to give myself some space and time before coming back with a retort (riding has helped this while at the same time making me more responsive, Rave, jolly do you understand this?) Anyhow, I do lots of work for various places and most of the ones that don't give me hassles are ones I have relationships with, ones I know the people at, and meet them at times. It's not all faceless, email, go-between kind of thing. I realized that I need to say no to the cheapo jobs that use middle-men and try to see out the ones where I am going directly to the employers. The money is better and also there is just a better rapport and feeling of wanting to do a good job when you're doing the work. The translation agencies simply take work, field it out to names in their list of registered translators and take a giant chunk of the credit (and money) for this service. I decided this is not the way I want to work, even though I find it very hard at times to turn down work. In the long run, it makes my work for the places with whom I do have a more personal relationship worse. I am not giving them the attention or consideration they deserve.

So, sorry about the long-windedness of this but what I did this morning was send off an email to that agency translation place and saying I appreciated their understanding but I requested a confimation on their part that I would indeed be paid by no later than mid-April or I would not do the work. This was an exception because I accepted the work not being told the crucial details. So, let's see their response. I am willing to junk the work and am putting any more work I do on it on hold till I get their reply. I requested they reply by sometime today.

So there, that's the long of it! I feel better. It's that coming to the point where you have to say NO! and mean it. And this I don't do enough. It makes all the difference though because otherwise you sit there grouching, grouching, grouching and can't do the work.

Thanks for listening!

So, Raven, thanks for your concern. Sometimes I feel the same way about it all "exploding" but then I realize it's not ALL bad. And that's my fault for not giving you a balanced view of things. It's only natural that I wouldn't be writing about all that is good, unless it's really good. I think there are aspects about the variety of work I do here that I am passionate about but they are being overshadowed by the crap I am dealing with. I suppose it would be like if you couldn't ride but you were forced to muck out stalls all day long. It doesn't mean you've lost your love of riding, it means you're in a point of imbalance and sometimes it's due to circumstance, not your own fault. But you still have to think how you can right that imbalance. I think this is where you are now. You have a direction and purpose but are still doing work that is only a means to an end and not enjoyable in itself. I find your story very inspiring, especially the fact that you are back here telling us about it even though it's not all rosy, YET! I like the picture of you pulling out outfits and thinking you simply can't prolong this anymore. I like what you said the other post too about tired of wasting time. This is how I'm starting to feel. My youth is over. I've got to crack down. It's weird, isn't? I think most of the time decisiveness and resolve are associated with youth, but I think youth is just about movement usually. The real resolve, real gears-engaged stuff comes later and that's where we are. We start to get a feel for our mortality, a true, now-or-never feel that is the ultimate motivation.

jolly -- thanks for your support and understanding of both my crappy situations, the work and the grief over my cat. It sounds ridiculous that I grieve over a cat but I do. The animlas in my life give me so much love. It's the reason I'm a vegetarian and in the past couple years I no longer try to fudge the reasons for it. If people can't wake up to the fact that animals suffer terribly being killed, especially in the horror that is the slaughterhouse then I am not going to apologize for myself. I couldn't kill an animal myself and eat it so why have someone else do it for me. A friend of mine is visiting from New York on Sunday and someone here is organizing a dinner and the restaurant was insisting on a set course, which is always the worse because it means I am left to just pick around the meat and fish. And the organizer was saying that it what I could do. I hate to cause a problem for her as she is going through the trouble of organizing things and I don't really know her, but in the end I said that picking around the things is not what my reason for not eating the things is about. So my suggestion was to try to put me on a separate bill. She talked with the restaurant and they seem to have finally understood. Oddly, vegetarianism is very unusual here. I said "oddly" beecause Japanese never did eat meat. However, they did eat fish. Still, people think it's a religious thing or an allergy thing where you just pick out what you don't like. Ok, enough of that. I have always been an animal lover, used to write my senators letters asking for them to vote for certain bills such as outlawing leghold traps or so when I was a kid, would hand out anti-fur leaflets in front of fur shops and so as well when I was a kid.

OK, jolly, where I was going with all this was really about you and your dog. I think you are doing the only thing you can in this situation. How could you not try to do everything you could to save him. Yes, it costs a ton and most people would just go, "it's only a dog!" but that is ridiculous. Let's hope first of all that it's not cancer and you don't need the surgery, then if it is, that he can take the anesthesia, and then, that all goes well. You are in my thoughts and I am hoping for what is best. Last night, I bought more flowers and put them where I had the flowers where the cat died in the entrance well to my door. It is a Japanese thing, people put a vase of flowers and some of the person or animal's favorite foods or drinks or cigarettes at the site of where they were killed. You see it at the intersections, where a guardrail has been taken out, wherever someone died. It's an eery sign as normally you don't know something has happened. There are flowers in front of the newspaper building where a pedestrian was killed and they have been kept fresh now for over a year. New flowers appeared at another intersection near work (the intersections are very dangerous around there) and a sign asking for witnesses to a fatal accident where a pedestrian was killed by a mixer truck. You see the flowers and don't know if it wasn't a person or animal unless there's something else. Mostly it's for people but it's especially touching when you see a little can of cat food there with the flowers.

Ok, this is getting long. Will continue later. . .

Apple, hello! I was writing that long post when you posted. I still have to catch up with the others but I just wanted to say I liked your post. Yes, it's all about living NOW! And you didn't "wreck" anything by eating an apple turnover! Come on, get out there and have fun!

Apple - That's kind of the whole point I was trying to make. Yes, I have kids. But I do them no service by not living life to its fullest. I do them no favor if I don't get out there and seize these opportunities. In other words... live like I only had a short time. I get complacent, lazy, and forget that I have a finite time on this planet. I waste time. And regarding the apple turnover... hey - am I going to live the rest of my life without eating things I love once in a while. Uh. I don't think so.

Red - Wow. Yeah. That's it. I have so many things I want to do... And I don't want to stop enjoying my life along the way. It is about balance and perspective and taking risks. I can't spend my life looking in the rearview mirror, so to speak, but I can change the things that have been holding me back, and I can allow myself to pursue the dreams, to challenge myself, to take the chance. ****, at this point, what have I got to lose, eh? *lol* It's interesting that you mention the flowers at the site of a death. I'm seeing those more and more here in the states. It's a moment that makes you think - driving along in your own little world, and all of the sudden you see an arrangement of flowers and a stuffed animal or something like that along the road... I guess it's just one more indicator to me that hey.. I may not have years and years to reach for my dreams. We don't know what will happen next. We never do.

Ok .. anyway... time to get back to work. Whee!

Hi Raven! Heh, I didn't know people were doing that in the States too. I thought it was a peculiarly Japanese thing. Thanks for helping me to keep at least a little bit culturally literate these days! Yes, this living like you're going to die thing, though it sounds morbid is the way it is! We all ARE going to die someday. And moving toward the life we want is what that quote I posted was all about. Did you see it? I even sent it to my phone so I can read it during the day. Am going to print it out on a card or something and keep it in my wallet. Ok, enjoy your day!

Ok, part 2 here.

Derry! -- having a pie festival, are you?!! Quick, share the joy! Don't you have some neighbors who would love a slice. Nothing like a bit of homemade pie to use an excuse to say hi. Too late? Oh well, it was birthday pie and if it was that good, well, just enjoy it.

Oh yes, and belated Happy Birthday! I can't remember if you told us back then. Actually, I think you did, but happy birthday again, anyhow! I am glad to hear your husband is getting some bites. I knew he would and I think he did too. That's probably why he was happy and calm to quit. He could have fun with answering the questions from the old place, give them some very bad advice in the guise of good advice!

Chachee -- Thanks for your continuing support! and I'm glad you like that quote. Yeah, the columnist, the jerk, here this sports department head guy is always asking me for favors and yet, has yet to do me one. At least I see it and make note of it. I used not to. I've learned to say, "this is the way it is, deal with it." instead of getting all in a twist about it. So many of the people at the paper seem to still be into going out, getting drunk over a situation and not doing anything beyond that. Like yesterday, we had a union meeting. I didn't go. Mainly, because I'm sick of people complaining about a situation, thinking they can make demands and get anywhere. The only place to get "anywhere" in that place is OUT! I know that. The only reason I hang around is because it is still bringing in some money. But I am working on expanding. . .whoops, that wasn't supposed to include my hips!

Wow, Chachee, long nails AND a redneck! I can understand the fear of thumb sucking and as for worshipping the porcelain throne, glad you don't do that. I do on occasion, it always makes me think I've got to keep this thing clean! Sorry, I have nothing heard of any of these country music folks but I know the music has a definite appeal, especially when you're living in the areas where it comes from. I was in Wyoming on a story once, in a bar, and some guy next to me said, "I bet you think this music sounds real hokey." and I listened and said, "no, not at all. It fits here." Now, I realize that could be taken wrong, but what I meant was it sounded good there, it fit. When I was in India I couldn't play rock music, sitar music sounded perfect, and yet, I don't care to hear it for long out of India. chachee, your indulgences don't sound all that bad. Be glad you were able to stop where you did. If it were me, can you say three ice cream sandwiches and THREE muskeeters bars! However, I will say. .. drum roll, that I have remained off sugar now for over four weeks! Hurrah! And, my mother was a major coupon freak. I did all the organizing of the coupons for her, would put them in a box all filed by food and we would take handfuls with us every time we shopped. Saved a ton. Good luck on weigh-in day and have fun saving money!

Hey all. Just a quick fly by post. I am definitley feeling better about hte new gym I am really eager to go. Need to get more consistant with the weights, and getting some classes back in, but at least I am there. The atmosphere is much nicer. My eating . . . well, where is the duct tape??? I know it is stress, I know it doesn't solve anything, but I can't seem to help myself. And I really need to save money.

I hear you on the riding thing. I squeezed in a ride last night after the vet trip. After the first couple of moments ( I expected him to work without lunging first??? That's just not done!) we had a real nice ride. I felt a lot better afterwards. I am trying to just take things one step at a time right now. The surgery, if we can/need to do it will be about $1000. I have already spent almost that much. If I think about it too much, as well as how I will rehab this poor baby when I have the Tank here also, and live in a second floor apartment, well, I get overwhelmed. So Iam just trying to take one test at a time, have faith, and trust that God will get me through it. So far, so good. Though I really could use a crying jag right about now . . .

Anyway. That's all I have to say about that. I do appreciate everyone's support right now. I know this isn't the animal support group, but it is very nice to be able to get stuff off my chest, because it is affecting my eating and stuff.

Anyway. It is good to see so many posts, even if I don't have time to respond to all. Keep up the good work guys.

Jolly, I'd be going for the surgery for the dog as well, for sure. I hope it all works out.
They do have pet insurance for animals, by the way, but I've never been able to afford it. I hope my cats are healthy and live long lives. They are totally indoor pets, so they have better chances than some.
Yes, we should all live life to the fullest and make the most of every day. But, that making the most thing does NOT include pie.... or does it???? I'm glad to report that DH ate the last of the pie last night and now it's gone and I don't have to worry about it anymore. Gosh, it was awesome.
I'm really trying hard to get back on track. I need to focus, journal and get on that treadmill. Another 6 - 12 inches of snow expected here, starting later this afternoon. That is always an issue for me as when we get stuck insdie with snowstorms, I tend to go for the comfort foods.
Chach, how are things in Alaska? I keep hearing you guys are having an unusually warm winter.
Linda

Good morning, Ladies.

Okay, I'm stepping up to the plate. I am tired of not being committed to this journey of a healthy lifestyle. I know several of us are struggling, so I am going to hold myself accountable and be a good example.

Before I left on vacation I was 229.5. This morning I was 234.0. Not bad for eating everything in site for the last three weeks. But not where I wanted to be at this point.

So, I am back and committed. Enough sitting on the fence for me. The weather is warm, snow is melting, and it makes me want to get ready for the summer and the activities we have planned.

I am committed to the following things for the rest of the month:

1. Get at least ten miles in on the treamill per week.
2. Eat within my WW points daily.
3. Lose 6 pounds the rest of the month, to be at 228 by April 1.

I can do it, because I haven't been doing it for about three months. Enough of this crud. I know we all have things we are dealing with, but honestly, my life is about the most normal and non-eventfull out of everyone right now. Jobs are the same, house is the same, people and dogs are healthy. So, out of all of us, I should be able to commit to something and make it stick. (Might as well take advantage of having a "boring" life somehow.)

Jolly: I'll keep you and your doggie in my prayers. Glad the new gym is getting better. I have never belonged to a gym. Just not my thing to work out in front of everyone. I'm more of a solitary individual.

Derry: Glad the pie is gone. The weather up here is crazy. It was 43 when I got to work this morning. We are now in what is called "breakup"--when the snow and ice begin to melt and make it a mess for about a month until the it's all gone. It's unusual for this time of year to be so warm, but that probably means we will get hit with a foot of snow over Easter.

Raven: I like that idea of rewards. I picked up some Slimfast snack bars last night. They are great and remind me of butterfinger candy bars. Low in sugar and fat. How is the new job going? We will both be back on the treadmill next week, right?? Oh yeah.

Red: I understand where you are coming from about your job. Usually if you go with your intuition, then it's usually never wrong. I'd do exactly what you did--stick with companies you know and can trust. Having a personal relationship with them really helps. I liked your story about the country music. It does "fit" where I live. You know what, though? I listen to everything. I love rap music and dance music also. Then there is always Air Supply that I love. The only kinds I don't care for are jazz and classical. Not my cup of tea.

Well, groceries went well last night. I ended up spending $400, but I saved $130. I probably won't need to buy razors, shave cream, soap, cleaning supplies, lotion and moisturizer for a year. I just love the look on the faces of the cashier when I hand them this huge stack of coupons. My bill at the Commissary went from $394 down to $303 after all the coupons. The lady behind me in line said, "Gosh, I really need to start saving coupons". The cashier was impressed also. Makes me feel so good that I did that and that I got such great deals just by paying attention to the sales fliers.

Okay, enough rambling about that. I just get so excited about it. The less money out of my pocket and the more to spend on my family.

Have a great weekend and I'll talk to you ladies on Monday! Pajama weekend for me and my son because my hubby has Guard Drill this weekend. Looks like crafts and pajamas. Gotta love that.

Chach