OKaaaaaaay. 45 minutes and I've caught up on the thread - that will teach me not to stay away so long again (I hope). I'm a slow reader anyway and I didn't get much sleep last night - my eyes are so tired and I still have a a 45 min drive home.
To all the newbies - Allchic, Onyyx, Derry, Artist, and Asher (even if it's just to this thread) .
I'm glad to see everyone doing well with their challenges, including when you start over 'cause that means you didn't give up.
Diyana - take care of that knee. I checked out Zumba on YouTube. It looks like fun.
Red - sending you and well wishes. Do you need to try my I love me challenge for a day or two? Take care of yourself. I'm glad to see you're still coming here to tell us what's going on and how you feel.
I gave up on my challenges. Was going to wait 'til after my b-day to start back up again but decided against that. The decluttering one is gone - cleaning is not my cup of tea and I just can't get into it - oh please I can't even get started. We'll be out for spring break the week of the 15th so I'll get some stuff knocked out then but it won't be a challenge.
Here are my challenges starting today:
I love me & I'm worth it - (pause 0/1)- day 1 completed
20 toe tap jacks - (pause 0/2)- day 0 completed
Journal my food - (pause 0/0)- day 0 completed
I'm journaling my food so I can take the journal to a nutritionist next month to come up with on a workable food plan.
Have a great evening ladies.
Last edited by MoveMoveMove; 03-01-2010 at 08:47 PM.
I'm sorry to be so full of poor tidings but yesterday, the first of March, was a very hard day for me. I finally could take the suffering no longer and I made the incredibly painful decision to put my Nozomi to sleep. She was the cat with a facial tumor. It was hard, but I held up in the vet's office. What follows is a bit of tribute to her, a bit about her and about the end. I probably shouldn't be writing here but you all have been so supportive that I feel I should. Maybe, too, someone going through the same thing (I hope no one is) can read this and it will mean something.
Anyhow, this is bits and pieces and all just kind of stuck together so bear with me.
She was suffering. I had to help her. It was hard finding a vet. I knew I had to do it but had been putting it off. Finally, yesterday, I went for advice. The vet I had been taking her to for medicine said he didn't want to do it but would. He made it so hard for me. I then tried the one even closer by, whom I probably should have stayed with all along. He said usually people make an appointment and come in during the noon break, but if she was suffering then we should not let her suffer any more. But that it was my decision. Still, his support helped make me do it. It was so hard to go home and get her and then take her there. She hated to be held but wanted to always be next to me. She put up such a fight that they couldn't prep her and that almost made me want to stop but I knew it had to be done. But then they gave her a sedative. The vet was very kind. He couldn't understand why she was fighting when he hadn't even done anything yet. I could say it was as if she knew, but then she was always like that. I could never even give her medicine and I am pretty good at doing that.
I held her the whole time, watching her heartbeat on the monitor and watching it go to zero. Amazingly, I did not break down there and was glad for that, but walking home I had to hurry my steps because the tears were right there ready to burst forth and I just didn't want to break down in public.
I have had animals all my life, many injured and orphaned wild things and many many cats, and some dogs. Naturally, the partings have been numerous but when you bring it about yourself it's pretty hard.
I don't remember exactly when I found Nozomi. The vet I first took her to doesn't have that first card anymore. It was probably about 15 years ago. She was in a park I happened to pass through on my way to work, one stop down from where I live. I don't usually go that way but did that morning. She was starving and was badly congested. I don't think she would have lasted much longer. But she came up to me and rubbed her head against my legs. I thought she was a kitten, but the vet put her at about a year, but very malnourished. After that, she would always try to follow me when I left my room, but would be convinced if I put her back inside (there's a cat door, so it's just a gesture). I think she had been abandoned and was traumatized. She stayed around my place all these years, never venturing further like some of my others. Every time I cam home she and Shachi would greet me.
Only these past few weeks she hasn't done that. But she would still run into the futon to sleep with me every night, even what was her last night. That night I had the feeling I had to make the decision and remember feeling it was our last night together.
Shachi died on Feb. 12, Bu on Feb. 19 and Nozomi yesterday. It's been a rough few weeks. I only have one now. Three weeks ago I had four.
It's really been rough....
Anyhow, I am not doing too well with all this. It was the first time I put an animal to sleep (except for a crow when I was a teenager) and I am having these awful feelings of having done something very horrible. I know it was the "right" thing but it doesn't make it any easier somehow. I suppose the emptiness I am feeling over losing her and knowing that it was at my hand that she died are getting all mixed up.
After taking Nozomi to the vet, I had to head out of Tokyo to meet someone last night, then headed back into Tokyo late. It was about 11 p.m. and I was about to transfer to the next train line, but my feet just stopped and I turned around and headed out again to my usual haunt, stayed out all night and of course feel sick from that too. But, the bar I was out was totally empty and the owner is a dear lady. Our talk was in a way a tribute to Nozomi and I had to do it. I also couldn't bear going home to the emptiness, even though Momo is here. I will keep Nozomi's body a few days and then try to find a place to bury her. Digging all these holes....God, it really is a lot of weight to bear.
Red,
It's probably the hardest thing I have ever done, so I know exactly how you feel about Nozomi. You did the right thing. The poor thing was never going to get better. You had her a long time and gave her a lot of love and attention. She would have appreciated that, and if she was able to tell you things, she would be telling you now that she if feeling a lot better than she was last week.
Time is the only healer and quite frankly I think you did well to get through the night as you did.
Thanks, Shad. Coming from someone who's been there, it means a lot.
This alone is bad enough but I am having lots of other problems I don't want to go into here. (Did I just hear a collective sigh of relief?)
I really need something to turn around, but fear it's not going to be that easy. It seems easier for bad things to come along than good for some reason. Gosh, sure, sure wish that would change.
Red, I am so sorry. I cried when I read your words. You did the right thing. I know it's hard. Hugs to you.
I was going to talk about other issues but I want my message right now to be for you and about you. This thread is in the support group and we are here to support you through this. For once, it's not about weight loss, it's about another kind of loss.
Please know that my heart breaks for you and I shall pray for you today.
Your friend,
Linda
Red - As Linda (derry) said, this is a support group...and we are here to support each other, so of course you can post this here. I have been there as well...and it's so difficult and so very painful. I know how hard and excruciatingly sad it is to make the decision and then take the animal to the vet and be with her 'till the end. I also know the emptiness you're feeling. It's good that you held her, and I'm sure she was comforted by that. I have broken down many times in vet's offices. When my dog died overnight in the vet's care, I got the call at work and started bawling hysterically with all my co-workers coming to see what was wrong. There is no shame in tears when you have lost a loved one. Shad is right. You did the right thing, and time is the only healer for such pain. Nozumi would thank you and tell you she is feeling much better now. You saved her life when you found her and you her a long, happy life that was full of love. It's good that you found someone with whom to talk. I, too, think you did really well to get through the night. Love and hug Momo and together you can comfort each other. My dear Red, I wish I could express eloquently how I've been where you are..I know the sadness and emptiness you're feeling. You're going through so much already, and to have lost three loving companions in less than a month...it's a lot to bear. Please know that you have friends here, and we care very much.
Red - I'm so sorry to hear about Nozomi. I know it's hard dealing with the sadness but she's at peace now.
From reading your posts, it seems like alot of your animals have "found" you. I think they are attracted to you because they sense that, no matter what, you will love them and care for them. And they've been proven right. Be gentle with yourself as you go thru this and know that we are here for you.
My two cats were thrown in a dumpster at an apartment complex as tiny kittens. They were found and brought to the shelter. What a sad thing it was. Yet, it was meant to be. They have been with my family for almost 12 years now. They are the best pets, ever. One day, I may have to put them to sleep and I know that they will be better off than the pain they would be in. I am their mistress and I hope that they trust in me to know when that time may come, rather than have them go through a horrible and painful time. I hope to have them in good health for years to come.
Red, when you have had time to heal, I hope you adopt another cat. Nothing can ever replace your darlings, but you will love them. You are a nurturing person and it is a good thing to have something to nurture.
Do whatever your heart tells you to do. Be at peace that your little darling no longer feels pain and that you, too, no longer feel her pain and suffer along with her.
Linda - My DH was driving down the road one day about 22 years ago, and the car in front of him tossed a paper bag out the window. When it hit the ground, 3 kittens scurried out. He was able to rescue two, and one ran down into the sewer. He put a board down the sewer so the kitten could hopefully climb out. He got the two kittens in his truck, and took them to the vet to have them checked out because they were so small. They were both severely malnourished. He gave them kitten formula and nursed them back to health and they lived long (17 and 18 years), happy lives during which they were spoiled and loved. A week or two later, he saw a neighbor family playing with the 3rd kitten (the one that went down the sewer), so he knew that kitten got out and found a loving home. It is amazing how animals are drawn to and find loving humans.
Red - Like Linda said, I hope that when you are ready, you adopt another cat - or another one adopts you.
Ladies, I didn't stick with my plan yesterday. I had a crazy busy day and things got lost. So, today I shall try again but this is harder than I anticipated.
No one ever promised life would be easy, did they?
derry, diyana, Move and everyone else who has offered their kind words of support, thank you SO VERY much. It means an awful lot and I am deeply touched.
I am over the worst, still haven't buried Nozomi, but am going to try to pick up and work on myself and my life again. Of course, this personal derailment has not come just from the three cats dying, it's other things as well. I'll be back soon. Until then, please hold the fort.
Much love.
Red - Take the time you need. Know that we are here for you.
Derry - Sometimes life can cause a temporary derailment. The key is to make it temporary. Take a "pause day" and continue with today!
****************
I sure as heck hope my scale at home is wrong. It says I've gained over a pound this week, and that just CAN'T be right. With all the exercise I'm doing, I KNOW I'm burning more calories than I'm taking in. Oh well, I'm not gonna stress about it. I'm just hoping the WW scale tomorrow is more kind than my scale at home.
Journal everything AND count WW points - 0 pauses allowed - Round 3 - Day 6 completed
64 ounces of water - 0 pauses allowed - Round 3 - Day 6 completed
Stay within WW points - 1 pause taken - 1 pause left - Round 3 - Day 6 completed
45 min. of cardio - 2 pauses taken - 1 pause left - Round 2 - Day 19 completed
5 servings of fruits and veg - 3 pauses allowed - Round 3 - Day 3 completed
50 crunches - 1 pause taken - 2 pauses left - Round 2 - Day 5 completed
1 minute of planks - 1 pause taken - 2 pauses left - Round 2 - Day 5 completed
Red, I am so sorry about all that you are going through. I can't imagine what a terribly hard decision that was for you. You're in my thoughts and I'm sending you good wishes every day.
.
It is amazing how animals are drawn to and find loving humans. 
