Only a short note as I've been awake since 3.....luckily, reruns of the Nanny were on and it was mindless and even funny to make my early morning bearable.
Found out last Friday that surgery is not an option. Tomorrow we meet with "our team" to finalize schedule for radiation and chemo.
Emotional weekend for all. My family has suprised me in many ways; my mother especially has been wonderful.
I am sorting thru things to turn this office I sit in now to a bedroom again; DD has promised to appear soon....
I also anticpate a bed on the first level of the house, am hoping to have it in view of the windows, I will add arrange bird feeders for fun.
I had two very clear dreams last night----one, I was riding a bicycle on the busy interstate and last a tire.....
second, I was driving again on a busy interstate and heard a "PING" sound......and realized I couldn't steer anymore.... I thought quickly enough to put on the hazard lights and was able to strong arm the car to the shoulder but it was by enormous force of will.....
Doesnt take a Royal rocket scientest to figure that one out does it?
I reread the lastest posts and know you are still relieved you spoke your mind Kat. We have similiar issues in our family--- some of them bleed over into how certain family members are treated. Like you, shortly, my 'flag" will be very clear for all to see. And believe it or not, its DH who has said to me, "I believe that family is important and family will get us through this".....
And he means MY family.
My point is, I am almost looking forward to not being the diplomat, it already feels very freeing. How much time was wasted!! But at least, Kat, we know we weren't too late!!
WSW-- You continue to amaze me with your tally! Yahoo on so many sizes down! YOU are the QUEEN!!!
Anagram-- you look marvelous!!
Wood Nymph--PLEASE recommend your best and favorite Imagery CD people.
Eydie- Yes, hugs are welcome!! I do remember your scare. Hard to believe 7 yrs has gone by!!
Silver- How are you? How is life treating you??
I'm really off my friends. Thanks for listening.
Oh and by the way..... DH cannot tolerate bleach or lysol smells..... Can anyone recommend a scent free germ killer other than rubbing alcohol???
(or something better?) I expect to be knee deep in germ killing soon....
Thanks again.
Honestly, just this little post made a difference.
219.8. Yup, it's a bump-up. Not a binge or anything but I helped sis with cake, then ate a salty snack, had extra veggie chili and an extra piece of toast and voila! Three pounds! AND... it would never have happened if I hadn't: 1. jettisoned my rule against eating other than at the table; 2. forgotten I'd sworn to post my weight each day. Silly me! Aha. I've got my orders clear for today.
We've got a glorious day started here. It's supposed to be very sunny and warm. I'm going to make a point of sneaking out of the office as often as I can.
Oh Kaye, honey! Please remember that we're all with you every step of your way. Sending love and healing energy to you both.
I remember The Nanny -- what a cozy comfort for your middle of the night.
I'm attaching a file about a global energy attunement set for today (because it's the autumnal equinox). Anyone who'd like to participate is welcome to.
K, it's just about light enough for me to go for my little woods woggle. Let's take this day we've been given and live it! Love to all...
219.8. And I know it probably has something to do with the bag of brown rice chips and fiber bars. I did, at least, eat them seated at the table. That's not quite enough to dissuade me, though. I'm going to have to add a prohibition against reading while I eat too. Really -- if I want to eat so much, why is it I need to be distracted? Could it be that my need is not for food, after all? I was a little hungry but that wasn't what I needed, nope. Onward! I will do better for myself today.
Kaylets, I forgot to say -- I don't actually have any guided meditation CDs (I think our WSW is the one that mentions those) but I'll see if I can find stuff online. Can you download audio files or do you need discs?
So, anyway, here we are in autumn. Let's brush out the corners of the palace and put on the fall colors slipcovers, lay a fire ready for cool evenings.
217.8. Frantic day yesterday -- had to take over for director. I'd said I couldn't take DGS after school because I was facilitating writers' group last night but then found out that no one would be able to take him to his first Wolf Cubs meeting if I didn't. Ended up going to pick him up, trying to get my work done, prepare for writing group, get dinner ready and get him to his meeting. Just one of those days. But. I made it through OP, so that's a good thing.
Suffering some kind of malaise. I really need to change things up, see how I can make my job work better for me and change my attitude otherwise. Because I can't quit.
Sorry for being so blah and negative. Almost decided to delete this but I`m too Scotch (as my mom would say). I`m going to work on feeling better.
Oh, let`s take this day we`ve been given and do our level best with it.
I think one of our systems will let us download and burn our own CD's.
We do have access to the library at the hospital, there was one we borrowed by Bernie Siegel but I'm not sure if its guided imagery.
DH likes Bernie Siegel because we have a Yale connection and when DMIL was sick, Dr. Bernie Siegel, signed a book for her.
***************
We're only at the beginning of this journey and Dh is already so weary of it mentally. I know he will recharge but.......
I need to do an Academy Award winning performance tomorrow, going back in and sitting again with the doctor who was sneering at me......
I'm thinking when he walks in, I will open my purse and pull out a roll of duct tape.... If he asks me who it's for, I'll say "We'll see how the meeting goes"....
Or perhaps, just do the Royal thing and just smile.
I feel like the mother from Terminator..... just wish I looked like her and could carry her gun in there with me tomorrow.
* No eating other than seated at the table when alone
* No reading while I eat
* 10,000 steps a day
* At least 8 servings fruits/veggies a day.
I've got most of my steps in already, been to the gym and done some yoga. I've got a birthday party on here this afternoon for DGS and sis but I am NOT going to eat any cake or junk.
Still working on adjusting my attitude. Seems like one of those times -- at least I can fully see how much I NEED to work on it.
Kaylets, hope the meeting goes well today! I mean, you don't want to have to go in there and blow anyone away, right? "Tell me, punk. Do ya feel lucky?" I know I'm mixing my movies (not to mention misquoting), but I like the visual.
There are some CDs on this page that seem good. They've got customer recommendations, too.
The party went very nicely last night. I felt beleaguered all day, was totally cranky. (Well, it had been that kind of week -- things got piled up on me despite my best efforts to keep clear.)
But then, magically, as everything was more or less ready and I'd picked up DS & DGS, my mood lifted and I was happy. It was quite striking -- one of those "Oh, now I'm happy" moments. And then the party went very nicely, other than DH being cranky (Saturday is the one night of the week that he can really tolerate having any kind of social engagement). It was fun! And everyone else had a good time, too, I think. I managed not to eat anything I shouldn't have although I had a bit more wine than strictly necessary.
Tonight we've got SIL and a friend coming to dinner and then we're going out to a concert. Madness. Tomorrow I'll be happy not to have any plans.
Kaylets, how did that appointment go? I didn't catch that the doctor had been sneering at you. You have my permission to go all "mother in Terminator" on his a**.
I'm enjoying my second and may go for #3 before I head out for my run. Because it's Saturday and I feel like it.
Insofar as possible today, lies, let us do what suits us best. Love to all!
Well,
sometimes it's good to be crammed in a doctor's examining room with 3 doctors and 2 nurses......
Evidently, something was said Friday's appt was like meeting a whole new man. AND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHEMO STARTS ON WED!!!!!
Is this ironic that I cheering that DH is starting chemo.... but yes, this is a good thing. All the cancer medical professionals we knew from home kept saying "Should be starting treatment, sooner the better"
And now we are only a few days away, radiation will probably begin week after.... otherwise, well, they know what happens when I see things fall apart and are delayed.
In addition, this doctor's Nurse Practioner, sat with us for a good 20 minutes, explaining many things and she is fabulous. Too bad she wasnt running last weeks meeting.
Now that we had a schedule, I had something to tell DM( mom), who is coming to stay with us as along as we need her.
She wanted to drive so she'd have her car but I was not comfortable considering she lives in Fl.
BUT, as I was discussing my concerns online, a Dsister volunteered to fly down and ride back north. What a wonderful show of support and what a weight off my mind!!
Then, my brother contacted me today to tell me specifically that a woman he is dating works for Novartis (sp?), a drug manufacuter and there is a drug in its 12 trial specifically developed for non small cell lung cancer.... If I understood my brother, this drug is administered the same time the chemo is and it prohibits the cancer from reproducing while its being killed.
so, things are better!!
Much better!
And it's wonderful how so many people are showing so much support.
And it's so lovely how folks seem so glad to do it.
218.8.
Dinner and concert went pretty well last night but I had about 10 chips and also a small piece of pecan pie with a little ice cream. Which I totally didn't intend to do. Onward, though. I can make my year end goal but will have to, um, start making progress if I want to do that.
Kaylets, I'm so glad to hear that things have improved. I don't know if you remember, but my SIL was pretty much told she should get her kids home and it would take a miracle for her to live last January. And now she's finished chemo and radiation and has been, other than a rough patch at the first, fairly well throughout. Remember we're all with you - and look after yourself!
K, DH is waiting to go for our long Sunday walk. I'm going to chug my and then plan for a reeeeelaxing day. Love to all!
218.4. This is getting a little tedious. Now that the weekend's over, maybe I can stop bumping up? I had a good day yesterday.
Pouring rain this morning so I ran/jumped on the trampoline instead of going to the gym. But now I'm tired -- I could SO go back to bed. The fatigue won't knock me off plan, though, because I am not allowing myself to do anything but eat when I'm eating and that just doesn't have the power for me that slouching on the sofa in front of the TV or poring over newspaper at the table.
Wow -- nobody but Kaylets and me in the palace for a week now. Where beith all my lies? Let's make this a good one, anyway.
Wood Nymph, could it be time to change out that scale???
Remember what the Empress always says in these situations!
"It's only Temporary!!".....
Try not to let those numbers take over, I know that's so much easier said than done.....
I know the list of things that add a couple pounds or four or five ......especially whatever is in the sugar free hot chocolate --- zoom!
must be extra salt under the flavor that pushes that BLOAT button.......
Thanks for refreshing my memory about your sister, its so, so true, the doctors only give their best guess....the rest is up to us.........
We are begining to see signs of fall definitely replacing summer. More geese in the sky than on the ground, more comfortable, cooler days.....
I read that the Northeast foliage will be record breaking this year due to our wet, wet spring. DH loves the foliage, especially in New England....
I am hoping we have an opportunity to go but it we'll see..... Perhaps the leaves will be more brillant here this year ...............
Today's thought of the day said :
"Action is worry's worst enemy"........
I can tell from that knot in my stomach I need to go get busy..... Right this minute, it's supper......
Still deep cleaning in preparation for DMom and etc.............
I swear, my packrat days are gone!!!
(Except for what I can use for gifts and to trade or to sell!)
I saw your link on the imagery cd's, I will try and explore that soon, my husband found on at the Cancer Center's library by Bellruth ...... forgot the last name.....
218.8. Had a perfect day yesterday, not so good the day before. However, I did stick to my ban on eating other than at the table and doing anything other than eating (read: reading) while I eat. And no doubt it would have been worse otherwise. Claiming partial triumph: Huz(zah).
I'm going to post a weekly weigh-in thread. I'm going to continue to post my daily weight because I think it's helpful but a weeky goal will be good. A cheap, non-time consuming substitute for WW WI.
Kaylets, I love that TOD -- so true, so true. I'll be having a crummy day, be in a crummy mood and then get up and start doing something and it IMMEDIATELY makes me feel better. (Yes, this clutter makes my butt look FAT!)
Wonder where all our ly friends be? I miss them, don't you?
I started a weekly weigh-in thread and tomorrow's first official WI for me.
Wrapping up some loose ends from September at work today. Tomorrow I've got an appointment to go look at some shared work spaces. They look great; there's also a kitchen, boardroom and lounge and it's in a nice old building. And very affordable. I think I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't stuck at home by myself all day every day. Even just the act of going to work, walking across town, going to and leaving the office -- I think all that will be very helpful. And if I can keep myself out of the house in the afternoons, that'll take that problem time out of the equation.
That's it for me -- had a good day yesterday, food-wise. That's two in a row
Well, I know I'm mostly talking to myself here but if anyone's listening, let's make this a good one!
Makes sense Wood Nymph, a set schedule works better for so many people, I know weekends DH often forgets to take meds because the routine is interrupted....
Another friend of mine has realized that time weighs heavy on her hands now that she's been working from home the past few months.... She finds that workng in her pajamas is not anywhere near as much fun as advertised.
Personally, I don't know how I would be.... certainly, having my own privacy, with music, etc would be a wonderful but I wonder if I would miss the interaction too.....
But your new office sounds exciting Wood Nymph... sounds like it's a solution in the making.... and yes, maybe just those steps in your commute will reap huge benefits....
Day 2 after chemo, DH awoke ok but is now wondering if he is seeing some side affects.... of course, we are also wondering if his spicy tofu lunch yesterday is really the culprit. I told hm he is very brave to have spicy tofu the day after his first chemo treatment!!
********************
Thought of the day:
"The only disability is a bad attiude."
Scott Hamilton, Olympic figure skater
Question of the day:
"How many people do you know personally who have had cancer?"
221.4 -- How did that happen? Carbs/salt yesterday? I was well-behaved, so it's not for real. Funny it should pop up from the previous pop up on the first day of official WI. I considered waiting until later and reweiging before I reported in but I think I'll just pop in and get it over with. BOUND to be a good WI next week.
I noticed that there are 12 weeks through the end of the year. I'm STILL going to get to Onederland in 2009, yes I am.
Kaylets, yes, the novelty of working in PJs goes away fairly quickly. In fact, I find that if I'm not showered and spruced up by a reasonable time in the morning I start to feel kind of blah. So I typically dress fairly nicely and put on makeup and jewelry.
QOD -- I don't know how many people I know have had cancer but in my close family, three.
Good morning!
Yup, it's a bump-up. Not a binge or anything but I helped sis with cake, then ate a salty snack, had extra veggie chili and an extra piece of toast and voila! 
Three pounds! AND... it would never have happened if I hadn't: 1. jettisoned my rule against eating other than at the table; 2. forgotten I'd sworn to post my weight each day. Silly me! Aha. I've got my orders clear for today. 
Please remember that we're all with you every step of your way. Sending love and healing energy to you both.
And we've made it to Friday
I mean, you don't want to have to go in there and blow anyone away, right? "Tell me, punk. Do ya feel lucky?" I know I'm mixing my movies (not to mention misquoting), but I like the visual. 
And then the party went very nicely, other than DH being cranky (Saturday is the one night of the week that he can really tolerate having any kind of social engagement). It was fun! And everyone else had a good time, too, I think. I managed not to eat anything I shouldn't have although I had a bit more wine than strictly necessary. 
and may go for #3 before I head out for my run. 
Because it's Saturday and I feel like it. 
lies, let us do what suits us best. Love to all! 
