Mantra - Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm. I woke up this a.m. feeling quite stressed and there is no reason for it. None at all and I will continue telling myself that until I return to my recent and much appreciated relaxed state. Had a good chat w/doctor yesterday, wt showed only a lb up on his scale.

I've weighed in consistently (4 days out of 7) at 208.8, so I guess I've kept a little of the WHOOSH - I really think that was a freaky day or I did something wrong to get the lower weight. It was still nice to see it.

I'm off the PoPC to see if I can regain some of my serenity. I think this is a perfect example of my theory that stress can become a habit after to many years of real stress and that I will need to continue conscious efforts. It's not like I have any MUSTS today. I even got GOOD news - the painters called and they plan to SHOW UP tomorrow. That's not CAUSING stress - it's more like RELIEF if it really happens.

Good Thursday, lovely s.

Thank you all for your support!
I flew out Tuesday to see my mom, and I'm still at the hospital with her. It has been a really good choice on my part. I'll be heading back home tomorrow, and I'll give a much better update then.
BTW, there is a wonderful meditation room just down the hall from here, and they have also built two beautiful garden areas for patients and their families. I'm taking advantage as I can.

Andria

What a day yesterday was! And maybe the prescient cause of my stress the day before?

Shortly after Thursday's post, I had a call from a neighbor saying she was ill (virus, according to dr's office) and could I pick up some things for her. Sure and I checked in through out the day including telling her in last call, I'd be happy to hear from her at any time throughout the night and would gladly take her to ER if necessary. I heard from her at 5:50 yesterday morning, took her to ER and she died at 5:20 last evening. All 115 pounds of her who walked her dog long distances every day and who is five years younger than I.

So then there were the phone calls to neighbors (all her son came up with for me to do so far) and then the calls/visits again so far today. Her son is over at the house now and told me yesterday he'll stop by before he leaves again - hopefully to give me info on arrangements.

And, yes, in the middle of all of this, the painters came and are still here but about to finish up. Strange how life does, as you say WN, find ways to keep us in perspective.

So, while I read many things I want to respond to, I'm putting them on hold until I'm feeling a little less loopy. I thought I wasn't feeling/reacting in an expected way but realized this afternoon when people started calling to see how I'm doing that I'm in a bit of a shock/numbness and if I'm feeling loopy, it's ok.

It is so wonderful, wsw, that you were able to hold fast and lose 11 pounds, Pauling perils and all. I'm hoping to hold at least semi-fast and not use all this as a food reason.

Andria, so glad you were able to see Mom. So important and I'm sure a lot of past things are now trivial. This neighbor's one son has not spoken to her for years but I suspect one of the cars at the house now is his.............At least I hope he'll be there for his brother.

I think I'm welcoming Mr. Full Moon and maybe with a leetle Scotch once painters leave and calls slow down............................

When I left Utah yesterday everything seemed like it was going well for my mother, but she had a huge downturn overnight, and she is back in the ICU again. This time she is bleeding internally and her liver is failing. They could go in and search for the causes, but that would be the third time she has been opened up this week. It also wouldn't be the last time this sort of thing would happen; the cancer has been very aggressive and is wreaking all sorts of havoc. My siblings and I decided that this would be the best time to ask the doctors to stop the extraordinary methods and only do things that will keep her comfortable. We just want her to be able to exit this world with some dignity instead of being drugged into a coma and breathing with a ventilator. It was a tough decision to make, because we all know our mom wanted to go out fighting tooth and nail. Today has been one of the hardest days of my life.

Andria

Andria Bless you, Honey! I don't think that you and your siblings could have made any other decision. It would just be prolonging her suffering, the last thing that you want. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs to you, Andria. I also do not think there was really any other decision. I know it's is so difficult. I've had to do that several times and it was never easy even in those cases where that direction had been impessed on me many times. Plus just Friday I was with a young man who had to make that decision too. In that case, it probably would have made no real difference in time but would have inflicted more on the person involved for at least what few minutes she had left. Never, never easy.

207.8 this morning and, believe me, that's a real gift. No expecting to see it again tomorrow but Mr. Scale does his own thing sometimes. I needed the encouragement today.

Lovely weather again today as was the whole weekend. Only an eye dr. appt and a funeral on the schedule for this week at this point so my plan is to continue my relaxing program and let the more complete cleanup after the painter just get done slowly and one little thing at a time. Found some spots I will need to touch base with painter about but I like the color and think once things are spiffied, I'll be glad about the whole thing (as vs. glad it's finally (almost) done ).