Good morning, people. I'm here, very bummed out. Really don't even want to talk about it. I'm just so pissed off at the way things are going this year and now I have to go in to the office and I'm afraid my attitude is going to result in another blowup. I just can't take any more cra@p and the place to get it is work! I'm so sick of "controlling" myself, looking on the bright side and all that. Jeez, I still haven't been able to get a ride this year. Yesterday I go out to the stable and partway there I get a message on my cell saying the ground is frozen and I still can't ride. Went out anyway and gave the horse a brushing. It sucks. That after that boss not showing up at the meeting in the morning. So, the day was more or less wasted. Didn't get any exercise in except walking. Oh well, rant, rant. Even George on my computer screen is not helping this morning. Horoscope on TV is worse than yesterday! Crime girl, turn my horoscope around!
But heh, why are the "bad" things the ones I choose to get all riled about? And why NOT look for the "good" things if they are to be had? I guess it's because the "bad" things are the things that prevented me from having the things I really wanted. This reminds of Jagger's "You don't always get what you want . . . but you . . . get what you need" I always hated that song because I have always wanted what I wanted so badly that I get into a black cloud when I don't get it, a 2-year-old tantrum that can be downright embarrassing. But heh, I want to ride a horse that I'm paying tons of money to keep, that is the reason my life is so hard and on and on and on. It's like why should the things I want be so hard to get? It's not like I'm asking for the moon!
Just grow up and get on with it. Well, I was going to delete all this but then I thought, heck, maybe someone will benefit from it. You all sound so happy and all all the time but maybe you can understand my feelings. I mean, this is really the main reason behind my inability to get the body I want. I hit obstacles and I lump it all, all my efforts. I get so angry at my "fate" why these blocks are being put in my way when I AM making the effort that I just give up in tears of frustration.
Sure, outside I'll be OK, saying "it's OK, it's OK" but it's not OK. It really really is a pain! Alright ENOUGH!
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Crime girl -- I'm sorry you're feeling sick Please get well soon and try not to pig out. We miss you terribly when you're not here.
stormy -- Have a good flight. Be safe and don't let the airplane food (if they have any these days) or the airport fast-food garbage shake you from your resolve. You are doing great. Hurry back. I miss you too.
little grasshopper -- Thanks for your vote of confidence. My childish rant above helps me act like an adult though I don't sound like one. I will continue to look at the good things that happen and allow myself my anger and feelings of frustration at the same time. They are both there, both real.
I'd have a hard time I think just doing yoga and pilates after having been so good at martial arts as you but maybe your having done that already is what allows you to now say, "let's do something different." You are doing great as well, getting to the gym and all. I am jealous!
kjk -- You are amazing and I can't say I'm jealous because I don't think I could get up and do what you're doing. I have not yet managed to get my bike usable. Sorry no one was there for you on the board but I DID try last night. I really wanted to touch base with you all but I couldn't get the forum to come on. It wouldn't load though I tried over and over. It was only 3fc too because other sites came up no problem. Must have been a problem or a traffic jam. I was glad I was able to get on this morning. You mentioned "venting" but I didn't read any. I'm glad we're helping you. I can't believe how in control you are, doing your morning exercise and stopping at 1/2 cup of sherbet! Last night I had a minor eating spree but it could have been a lot worse. I was pissed and was going to get a big ice cream cone as I came through the station. But I thought of you all and how I would sound saying I had done that and I thought, "NO, I just can't!" Good luck over the weekend and have fun at your party. I hope we hear from you before then though!