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Old 01-06-2005, 04:34 PM   #106  
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Unhappy very frustrating start to a year . . .

Good morning, people. I'm here, very bummed out. Really don't even want to talk about it. I'm just so pissed off at the way things are going this year and now I have to go in to the office and I'm afraid my attitude is going to result in another blowup. I just can't take any more cra@p and the place to get it is work! I'm so sick of "controlling" myself, looking on the bright side and all that. Jeez, I still haven't been able to get a ride this year. Yesterday I go out to the stable and partway there I get a message on my cell saying the ground is frozen and I still can't ride. Went out anyway and gave the horse a brushing. It sucks. That after that boss not showing up at the meeting in the morning. So, the day was more or less wasted. Didn't get any exercise in except walking. Oh well, rant, rant. Even George on my computer screen is not helping this morning. Horoscope on TV is worse than yesterday! Crime girl, turn my horoscope around!

But heh, why are the "bad" things the ones I choose to get all riled about? And why NOT look for the "good" things if they are to be had? I guess it's because the "bad" things are the things that prevented me from having the things I really wanted. This reminds of Jagger's "You don't always get what you want . . . but you . . . get what you need" I always hated that song because I have always wanted what I wanted so badly that I get into a black cloud when I don't get it, a 2-year-old tantrum that can be downright embarrassing. But heh, I want to ride a horse that I'm paying tons of money to keep, that is the reason my life is so hard and on and on and on. It's like why should the things I want be so hard to get? It's not like I'm asking for the moon!

Just grow up and get on with it. Well, I was going to delete all this but then I thought, heck, maybe someone will benefit from it. You all sound so happy and all all the time but maybe you can understand my feelings. I mean, this is really the main reason behind my inability to get the body I want. I hit obstacles and I lump it all, all my efforts. I get so angry at my "fate" why these blocks are being put in my way when I AM making the effort that I just give up in tears of frustration.

Sure, outside I'll be OK, saying "it's OK, it's OK" but it's not OK. It really really is a pain! Alright ENOUGH!

*************


Crime girl -- I'm sorry you're feeling sick Please get well soon and try not to pig out. We miss you terribly when you're not here.

stormy -- Have a good flight. Be safe and don't let the airplane food (if they have any these days) or the airport fast-food garbage shake you from your resolve. You are doing great. Hurry back. I miss you too.

little grasshopper -- Thanks for your vote of confidence. My childish rant above helps me act like an adult though I don't sound like one. I will continue to look at the good things that happen and allow myself my anger and feelings of frustration at the same time. They are both there, both real.

I'd have a hard time I think just doing yoga and pilates after having been so good at martial arts as you but maybe your having done that already is what allows you to now say, "let's do something different." You are doing great as well, getting to the gym and all. I am jealous!

kjk -- You are amazing and I can't say I'm jealous because I don't think I could get up and do what you're doing. I have not yet managed to get my bike usable. Sorry no one was there for you on the board but I DID try last night. I really wanted to touch base with you all but I couldn't get the forum to come on. It wouldn't load though I tried over and over. It was only 3fc too because other sites came up no problem. Must have been a problem or a traffic jam. I was glad I was able to get on this morning. You mentioned "venting" but I didn't read any. I'm glad we're helping you. I can't believe how in control you are, doing your morning exercise and stopping at 1/2 cup of sherbet! Last night I had a minor eating spree but it could have been a lot worse. I was pissed and was going to get a big ice cream cone as I came through the station. But I thought of you all and how I would sound saying I had done that and I thought, "NO, I just can't!" Good luck over the weekend and have fun at your party. I hope we hear from you before then though!
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Old 01-06-2005, 05:52 PM   #107  
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Hi guys - well add me to the list of people that had a shitty day! The boy wonder doctor is finally talking to me again..found out today why...he's hurt and the head doc told him he would heal until he got a massage. Great, so he's using me. But that's the FUNNY part....He actually jumped me in an office meeting today to the boss (30 minutes before he was to get on my table for body work) he told the boss he was ticked because he sends all these people to me and he doesn't have a clue how any of them are doing. okay 1. I TELL HIM regularly. He ignores me or walks away from me. 2. it's IN THE FILE! He said he never sees me read or use the files. He didn't know I kept notes in them....and that it's not his mind set to look in the file. So I said, well if you're going to walk away from me when I try to tell you, and you don't want to look in the files, perhaps you could call each patient and ask them how they're doing...He said he doesn't get paid to do that! UUUUGGGG!!! Luckily it was pretty obvious that he was making a fool of himself. It got so bad the head doc actually sent him home and called me into his office to pray for me. I cancelled the appointment with boy wonder. Ethically I couldn't put him on my table when I was that mad at him....believe me, I wanted to!! OH and he told a PATIENT that he wants her to see me but that "these are muscles i want her to work...she's to work what I tell her and not what she finds..." tells the patient this!! THEN tells our office manager that I am to see this patient 2 times and if I try to book more apointments with her, he trusts that OM will tell him about it. Never tells me any of this though...does all of it in front of my new patient.

I'm much better now but had to tell you guys. okay, I feel better. Really needed to get that out. I was so mad I DIDN'T eat lunch. I was too busy being pissed off. It was all I could do to stay calm and professional. Two things he didn't do. What a twerp! okay enough about that.

I did go to the gym today and did about 1 hour of working out. I'm trying to decide if I'm going back tonight to do more. I had to leave early because I was late for work. Tomorrow am I have be like Kjk and get up really early - may your spirit be with me, cause it's going to take a miracle.

Crime girl - sick again!!!! You POOR thing!!!!!! Get better sicko - KJK is going to kick your butt if you don't. You can make it. I hope your'e feeling better soon.

Red - I'm too pissy today to be insprirational...all I can tell you is doctors don't intimidate me a bit anymore!! They're little pieces of crap just like the rest of us sometimes....although having one pray for you right there in his office is kind of grounding. I'm so sorry you can't ride. I know that has to be killing you!! When does spring come in? Do you have a rainy season? Keep that chin up. You're doing well. Even small changes for the better are changes...so you don't do it all - every little bit counts! I'm still proud of you...you're dealing with a lot of crap right now and it's not easy. You're staying strong and that's impressive...set mini goals with small rewards you wouldn't normally give yourself maybe.....if I'm good all day I get a small cookie - by it at a store and then throw the leftovers away in a public trash can! No way you can get that back

Well I'd better finish dinner - slow cooked chicken and salad. again. still good though.
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Old 01-06-2005, 06:01 PM   #108  
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Angry what a friggin' lot of idiots!

Wow, grasshopper, what a lot of crap got dumped on you today! There must have definitely been some bad vibes going around. My day was shite, Crime girl's sick again, and then this for you. I would have up and quit. Who are these people! and they're called doctors! They sound like they need major therapy themselves. And what is this, someone praying?!?! for you. Give me a break. If I were you I don't think I could have hidden the absolute disgust I would have felt for these people. How do you do it?

This guy talking to you in front of your patient????????? Was this the boy wonder or the head guy? And either way, your place makes my newspaper sound like. . . well, first grade instead of nursery school. Boy, can't say I don't feel a teeny bit better knowing you are having to deal with this kind of lunacy. Yeah, well, you were magnificent in the face of this. OK, not eating lunch I could understand. I would have had my fist through something or somebody.

But your having made it to the gym in the morning means the day was not a loss and YOU got something out of it, because you did it! Good for you. And here you are making a good meal. I don't know, grass. You put wimps like me to shame.

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Old 01-06-2005, 06:11 PM   #109  
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Red - thanks. It was a wierd, childish day for sure, but just to be clear, the head doc stood up for me completely and put the guy in his place. He is the one that prayed for me and it was very well meaning - he called me into his office and said that he wanted to make sure I understood that he did support me and that he wanted to take the time to pray for me to make sure I was okay with everything that happened and ready to move on a treat clients without all the anger. Oddly enough, just knowing he made the effort after something like that DID make me feel better. I know it's odd to have anyone praying for you at work but it was gesture meant to be kind and I was very glad he offered it. I might have killed his little doctor if he hadn't......and the deal with the patient. I wasn't there.....he had this conversation with the patient and the office manager and then told me none of it. After the office manager lit into him at the meeting today, she told me about the patient thing. I couldn't believe he was stupid enough to rattle off a bunch of muscle names and expect a patient who also has a severe HEAD INJURY to remember them to tell me!! Idiot!!!!! He's the most childish md I've ever met in my entire life...I'm a massage therapist and he's threatened by me. I won't even begin to figure him out. Whatever - he's his own pile of ****. He can either chose to change, or die with it! I don't care.

I'm much better now though - nice, how venting it all out here makes it so much better. well I'd better get some stuff done here so I can finish my workout at the gym. BF is going to ride with a tape and a trainer at home - it's raining here today, no mountain biking. Might as well go work out myself...his bike set up will take up the living room and the TV, and it'll be LOUD. time to ride
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Old 01-06-2005, 06:23 PM   #110  
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Thumbs up go for it!

grass -- glad you feel better. I had to chuckle at your anger. sorry, but in my sick way it made me feel better to know other people have to put up with the same kind of like "hello?!?!?" idiocy at their workplaces that I do. This doctor doesn't sound at all capable. I pity his patients. And, I am so sick of people saying people "feel threatened" by me and here you are getting the same kind of behavior. It's like, threatened??!?! When you see me walk in with a machine gun you can feel threatened! I am so so utterly sick of the "you're so strong, so scary, so . . blah blah blah." I guess anything looks scary to a spineless slug! Well, you're right grasshopper, let this "doctor" work himself out and hope he stays out of your life. Maybe he'll quit. We can always hope. As for someone praying for me, I don't know. I would take it like, look, I don't need your prayers, I've got my own connection to the powers that be. I don't mean, people saying sweet things like "I'm praying for you" or "you're in my prayers," but someone actually making a thing of it like they're an ordained priest. Well, guess it's my Catholic childhood, or bad memories of it! I'm glad you saw it for what it probably was, just one well-meaning person's way of showing support for you. You're cool, grass. Enjoy your exercising!
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Old 01-06-2005, 07:24 PM   #111  
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Okay- one reason I was staying off the board was my day from ..well I think you know. Since I dont think I will ruin anyone's mood or mojo let me put in my two cents.
I woke up this morning- still sick- never really mended completely and had to go to work. My bf, who can be a world class moron sometimes, was a butt to me this morning which of course made me feel great. I got to work and an idiot I work with that I have been trying to track down for 2 weeks to discuss a project I worked on for him corners me today and asks me why I didn't do the project a totally different way and why didn't I come talk to him after I finished. Geez- If he wasn't perpetually out to lunch or on freaking vacation MAYBE I could have touched base with him. He didn't even understand what I did and I did EXACTLY what he told me too. The guy is a complete airhead sometimes and I just get steamed trying to explain his job to him.
I left work to take my bf to his work (his truck is broken) and when I got in my car that he had been borrowing all day it reeked of smoke. The idioit SMOKED IN MY CAR!!! EGADS! I could have run him over with it I was so peeved. On the way to take his sorry butt to work we got into one of those gigantic fights and he left in a huff. I got him to a message from a friend who I always have to call- she NEVER calls me- telling me she is upset I haven't called. Are her fingers broken???
Okay, I feel a little better- I didn't pig out-I had a Lean Cuisine and brussel sprouts.
Red- I am sorry you didn't get to ride and that you are down. Of course you have the right to feel that way. I just hope things turn around for you and I predict, as your horoscope, that good things are coming. Hang in there!

Little- I am also sorry you had to deal with morons today. That guy has some jewels to be treating you like that. I use to work with doctors so believe me I know what you mean. Some of them get the "big man" complex and think their crap doesn't stink. Hang in there! At least the head doc is an ally and he sounds like he is looking out for you.

Okay I better go before I let the bitter side of me out again.
Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-06-2005, 09:49 PM   #112  
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Where is everyone tonight??
I wish there was someone to talk to- I am getting more and more stressed as the night goes on and I swear the day from **** just won't end.
I think I am about ready to say forget it and order a pizza..
I know I am whiny- sorry-
just how i feel..
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Old 01-06-2005, 10:35 PM   #113  
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Crime Girl.. I must admit I am a lurker on your thread from time to time.. but seeing as there is no "real" person here I thought I'd step in for you:
DON"T GET THE PIZZA... you are such a strong and amazing person. The way you organise and help to motivate all the other battlers here is incredible. You have a lot of love to give and are very talented to manage all the things you do. You are very self aware and have a great out look on life and it's challenges. Be happy. You are an inspiration to people you don't even know.
I hope you get some sleep
Good luck
Tiffany
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Old 01-06-2005, 11:06 PM   #114  
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Thanks NBK!
I appreciate the support and kind words. I managed to make it through the night without totally pigging out. I did exceed my calories by about 150 so I finished the day at 1350 rather than 1200 so I guess that is better than the large pizza I was headed for.
You should chime in more often- would love to get to know you and after tonight I think I owe you.
I am feeling a little better- after a crappy day and not feeling well I think I hit a wall.
Okay- I will quit whining-

Tomorrow is Friday so it is reflection day and support day as usual.
Can't think of a question and just not that inspired tonight so forgive me.
Have a great night everyone! Good to bed!
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Old 01-06-2005, 11:36 PM   #115  
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ok, so i just typed a whole post and it got erased...argh!

just add me to the list of those who had a shitty day (pardon the language)....i won't go into details, but i'm just annoyed with my job right now and the immense amount of responsibilities that keep being put on my plate.

CG - didn't hit my food plan today, went 5 WW pts over. not a huge deal overall, because WW allows for that by giving you a 35 point additional allowance, but i'm slightly disappointed in myself because i was doing so well....oh well, tomorrow's a new day.

tomorrow's friday, ladies. let's strive to finish this work week strong, and head into the weekend in good moods!!!

off to bed...talk to you all later!

kelly
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Old 01-07-2005, 05:52 AM   #116  
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Hi guys! Went to be early last nigt. CG - sorry I wasn't here. I'm glad NBK was though.

NBK - that was so kind and inspiring! And you were right on the mark too Glad you were there!!!

KJK - notice, it's 5:30 am and I AWAKE!! I did it!!!!! I'm headed to the gym at 6:00 to get in my morning workout before the day starts. Very proud of myself too. (I know, you've already walked two miles......I'm working on it ) I'm sorry you had a bad day too. There must have been something in the air yesterday that brought the mean out in mean people! We didn't hear from Stormy on the topic but we pretty much all had crappy days, didn't we! Hope we're not THAT linked Here's to a new day today, and if not, to the weekend that follows today!!

We've all had good weeks program wise. This might be one of the strongest weeks yet. If we can just get Crime girl well! I hope you're all feeling stronger and sexier as I type!!!! We'll get there week by week and step by step!!

Have a great day. I will check in tonight.
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Old 01-07-2005, 05:55 AM   #117  
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Talking Go Grasshopper!!!!

Little Grasshopper!! Good for you!!

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Old 01-07-2005, 07:15 AM   #118  
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Exclamation I've got a question for you. . .

Hi there, just a quick post as I've got work to do still here at home.
Didn't do any exercise today other than walking and a few arm and shoulder pumps with a dumbbell. But I didn't pig out and I didn't have sugar and I actually turned down! another night out with the guys, which would have meant massive beer calories. So that was a save. Would have enjoyed the socializing but it is inextricably linked to alcohol consumption and I am an all-too-willing participant. Well, I wasn't great with the food, but certainly not bad. Brought my own vegetable curry with me to work and had that over brown rice with cheese on top and plain yogurt on the side Gotta cut down on the cheese I suppose because you can only get full-fat stuff over here.

Okay, over to you all. Not a very busy day on the site, was it?

*************

Crime girl -- I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. If you had just been a little bit earlier I would have been able to get back to you before I left for work. As it was I saw your message from my cell phone and planned to say hi when I got to work but was too busy and never came up for air all day really. And then it was probably too late anyhow. Well, it's good NBK showed up. Very nice of you NBK! You see, at least someone from my area of the world timezone-wise came through!

So glad you didn't get the pizza Crime girl. That would have wrecked utter havoc with you with all that salt. You might still have been showing water retention from the salt on Sunday and that would be a bummer. As it is, you'll probably have a loss, right?

You certainly were having a bad day. So you got airheads in your place too, huh? Welcome to the crowd! And smoking in your car. Gross. You should make your boyfriend walk! and that after he gave you a hard time in the morning! Heh, you don't deserve this, kid, not from what we all see at least! And your "friend?" Sounds like you need some new ones!

Thanks for the good horoscope. I think it was working. I got some more work lined up and some other prospects for continuing or doing more for a racing-related place I did work for last year. With the economy bad over here, the racing still has tons of money. Gambling is always a good place to hang out and in Japan racing is huge. Has the biggest purses in the world. And it's full of filthy rich people and I just KNOW they're all waiting to cut me in on some of that (for tax purposes and such) to be sure!!

Well, it's good I'm getting some prospects because my mouth at the newspaper just keeps getting bigger and bigger. But you see, anymore I just don't care what they do. I have lost all respect for the "management" and it's only my coworkers I enjoy.

Anyhow, Crime girl, if you ever need to talk send me an email to my cell phone. If you want to know my email address pm me and I'll tell you! It's cool sending email halfway round the world and having someone answer back! Oh, and yeah, will you stop apologizing for being "whiny" and such. You can be just any old way you please. That's why we're here. What good is support and venting if you have to walk on eggshells to get it.

kjk -- sorry to hear you're having a lousy time at work too. . . .but really, again it makes me feel less out on my own with my stuff.

Oh, don't worry about being 5 lil ole points over. That's nothing at all. You're STILL doing well. No past tense appropriate here! Well, I'm heading into Saturday but it's a workday. There was a package delivered to me today while I was gone so they took it back but I called and they're going to redeliver it, so I'm waiting on that now. It's from my sister. Christmas in January! Hurrah!

grass -- yeah, that was great, you getting up early to get to the gym. You did go, right?! Hope to hear from you when I get up tomorrow!

Ok, good night, everyone. . oh, and right, crime girl, since you didn't have a question, may I ask one! It's from my little book of questions.

********

If you could experience one whole year of pure happiness but wouldn't remember anything of it afterward, would you still want to do it? Why or why not?

**********

Last edited by redballoon; 01-07-2005 at 07:25 AM.
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Old 01-07-2005, 07:58 AM   #119  
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HI - just popping in on my way out the door. YES, I made it to the gym! feels good to have it out of the way.

I don't know that I'd want 1 year of happiness if I couldn't remember it. I'm not sure. The memories are the best part. That's all you take with you to old age (for a while at least )
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Old 01-07-2005, 03:33 PM   #120  
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Unhappy all by my lonesome. . .

Heh, where is everyone! I sound like Crime girl now, but really, this is strange?!!?

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