Just a quick good morning to you all, have to get ready to go to DM's and work for her today, last day to do this. Don't have time to post to everyone but I plan on doing what I did the other day and copy the board and do it at work so I can get caught up, at least from what I get copied.

Until then, here's my contribution for FRIDAY FUNNIES:


SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX:

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX:

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

CONFOUNDED SEX:

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

WOMEN'S HUMOR:

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."


*************
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return, I expect to see it completed."

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this there were hundreds of Indians in various stages and different positions of making love.

Furious, he called the artist in. "What the **** is this?" screamed the billionaire.

"Why that's exactly what you asked for, " said the artist smugly.

"No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth, I asked for a mural of the interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!"

"And there you have it," said the artist, "I call it 'Holy cow, look at all those fg Indians.' "

*************************

This was posted on one of the general boards by PUSSYWILLOW. I have guided her (hopefully) to post her questions here on this board so she can get replies.


FROM PUSSYWILLOW:

ok hope you will answer this one for me..... eating at subway is that ok ? going for lunch thought i could eat a sub on whole wheat ...please respond ...not having alot of luck with you guys responding to my questions.... hope it is not the name my nickname has been that since childhood hrew up in a garden nursery my dad grew pussywillow's for the city so i sort of got tagged with the name,,,, hope it does not offend anyone.... i could change it.....

so let me know i will be glad to put another one up here okay

Haven't had breakfast yet, but thought I would stop in here, and get psyched up for the cake icing event. I was happy to find I had the board and box I needed, so I don't have to run to the cake decorating supply store. Once I have my breakfast, I can get it done, and hopefully, will report back I did not touch a drop of it. Seeing my doctors face in my mind's eye, and his admonishment that I was headed for shots if I did not take my meds, helps a lot too!

TEENSY: Oh, rub it in that your garden is being bountiful! Glad you had a good time fishing. What did you catch? I used to like to fish with my father in law...we caught brim and bass usually, and a few catfish. Then my mother in law would slather them in cornmeal and fry them! Ew! I did not like catfish that much, but the brim and bass was pretty good!

PANCHO: No, these cukes are supposed to be slender, foot long green. I did get about a dozen from the plants last week, but this week, they started to look withered, and the small cukes are turning yellow. The ones that did not rot just did not get long, but round! Don't you love ebay? I have gotten some great stuff on there. I am addicted to books, and I have found a lot of hard to find ones on there. I hope the cliques of parents at the new school are not too strong. I hate having to deal with that. You wonder why people are that way. Especially those who claim to hold Biblical beliefs in their lives....

DEB: Thanks for the risque FFs.

MELF: How is your back doing?

BUSDEB: Welcome back!

BASHFUL: Here is a tip, open notepad, and make your replies as you read. Then copy and paste them into the reply window when you are done. Someone suggested that when I first got on here, and it helps! Now I just scroll up and down, and make my replies that way. If you want to make the cookies, as usual, just chew gum, and put duct tape on your mouth. Once you get through it one time, you will feel SO much stronger! It does help. I have gotten through making a wedding cake for 800, and serving it at the wedding without taking a bite! I remind myself of that whenever I feel tempted. I felt so successful, and I want to feel that way again.

FRUIT: Hooray! Way to go!

LIBRA: No more gloomies! Time to put the chin up and feel good about being successful! You can do it! Just a bit of planning so you are not starving and making bad choices, and it will all be much better!

PUSSYWILLOW: The bread at subway is not 100% whole wheat, so it is not legal. You can ask them to make the sub into a salad for you instead. I am sorry if people are not responding quick enough to your questions. I guess we can be kind of a sloppy group, but please don't hold that against us! Just keep asking and fuss at us if we don't respond fast enough. Your name is fine. No one is offended, but there are some characters on here that will tease you. Its all in good nature, and we don't want to offfend YOU, so if it does, just say so! We want you here! Jump on in, and join us. That said, I will admit that I have had the wheat sub rolls at sub places, knowing they were not totally legal. I can't say they did not hurt me, though, since I really struggle to lose anything, due to thyroid and insulin problems. If you can avoid not eating it, I would say that is your best route.

Good morning everyone. Well with the help of your support you've kept me motivated all week. I'm so grateful for all of you. I can't believe this will be my fifth day. Think I'm up for the challage of weighing in Monday. We can do it gals, a successful week-end!!!! Yesterday we had the hottest day since 1984. It hit a record 104 degrees. I waited till today to grocery shop as its supposed to be a little cooler. Sure hope so. I've been able to see more what I'm going to need in the way of food. Now if I can just get more vegetables in. I can't seem to eat enough of those.

CountryMom- I remember your struggles at the first with your walking. You are true inspiration on how far you've come!!

Monet- It has to be to much water on the cucumbers. Oh my I would love some fresh ones. I grew tomatoes and bell peppers in pots this year and they did wonderful. Till a big bunch of tomato worms cleaned house on them last week. Its the first time I've ever had them. I'm still getting a few though. I sure know what you mean about days when you can't seem to get full. But you gave me some snack ideas so thanks. Hope you got Tom's truck back.

angehaley- How exciteing to build your own home and move to a new place. Theres lots of deer, wild turkey and such around here to hunt. I love living out of the city and enjoy the peace and quiet of the country.

GatorGAl- Sounds like your eating is going so well. I loved reading your menu.

Libra- Come on and dust yourself off. It was one day and thats all behind you now. Here you've got a brand new one. Don't let one day wreck how well you've done. You can do this girl!!! Do the week-end challange and weigh in Monday. See how good you can do this week-end....

Bob- Are you still watching the movies and giving reports?

fruitloupe- Woo Hoo on 4 days. I think you're right and I can quit counting to. Theres something about making that 4 days that makes all the difference. And then I think two weeks has you over allot of the cravings.

Teensybean- Your garden sounds wonderful!!! How lucky to have all the fresh vegetables. And then to catch fish to go with them!!

Pancho-Yippee on winning the auctions. I'm having a heck of a time with mine this week. Yes e-bay has toys and I have found allot of neat things on there for my Grandsons. I love to get my step daughter and DIL jewlery off there. I've found some really nice things. And its sooo fun.... Sounds like you have really found the bargains. It makes you feel good when you do. Wish I could have cereal some nights. But heck no my DH wants his meat and salad!!! Good luck this week-end on SB...

bashful- I think we can have 1 cup of air popped popcorn. There should be a recipe some where around here for pancakes. I get Hodgeson mills buckwheat pancake mix and use the sugar free syrup. They sure are good some times for a change. You make me tired just reading about all your running. Puff pant.... Make you some SB legal snacks for when your friend is here. Dip and vegetables, cheese, peanut butter celery, fruit. You'll be so pleased when Monday rolls around.

Melf- I just got a regular bag of slaw mix. Not a big one. Of course we only have one size here. I just made some slaw from the rest of it. Which I really enjoyed. I have never got to see the Passion play and would love to. A pan of lasagna sounds so good, I may have to make one. I love the leftovers so might do one on Sunday.

BusDeb-I just started back this week so its good to meet someone I haven't. My husband hasn't caught back on to SB yet but he will. He still eats at meals what I do though and it sure does make it nice. No potatoes or candy stuff in the house. Sounds like you've really got your life on track. Congradulations...Hope you keep posting..

Debelli- You started my Friday off on the right foot. With a cute joke. Hope you have a nice week-end.

Guess its time to get off and hit the treadmill so I can make it 5 days in a row.... Will try and pop back on later

Willow- Sorry I didn't see your post. I love subway sandwiches but dang have to get the salad instead!!! Wish they would make a legal bread.

Monet- You can do it girl... No ICING... LOL!!! I'll bet your cake turns out so neat. Wish I could see it.

BUSDEB, WELCOME BACK!

TONI, thanks, I think I'll try to fix that recipe for supper tonight. When I got home last night DH had picked the okra from the garden & fried it down along with some squash, so the veggies are all done. Will just have to warm them up & do a main dish.

Well I'm off to see another trailer this morning & depending on what I see, I will probably go put a down payment on the first one we saw Tues. I talked to that owner again & told her we were interested & she was willing to hold it on my word that I would come today & give her a deposit. They will not be ready to move out of it before the middle of September. DD is due Sept 28th. That will probably not allow her to be moved in before the baby comes, but she can stay with us till we get it moved & set up for her.

I also have to pick up my youngest GS at daycare & bring him to his mom at the Pediatrician's office afterwhile. He had a Q-tip in his ear last night & fell on it. Ear was bleeding. This child has already had tubes in his ears twice & had some damage to one ear drum from the previous tubes with some hearing loss. Sure hope he didn't perferate that ear drum!

Well got to go! Sorry I did not get to read yesterday's posts, so I hope I'm not leaving some questions unanswered.

FF....thought we could all relate to this one

Microsoft vs. GM
================

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for
the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000
miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft,
we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would
have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no
reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road,
close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and
reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but
would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An
Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted
the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio
antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls
would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Friday...yeah....last day of school till Monday. We got some rain last night for the first time in a long time. I was hoping it would wait till after my walk but after a few streaks of lightening we had to give up and go in. We had to settle for 2.5 miles. It was awesome when the storm was blowing in...it was sooooo cool outside.

Ange...yes, I bow hunt. Last year was my first year. I never saw anything but maybe this year. How cool to be moving up where it's colder. I love the winter months. Until they get here of course...LOL I get so cold.

Hey Bus Deb...welcome back!

Libra....hey woman hang in there. Remember the only time you fail is when you stop getting up. Just dust off get back on track and keep on keeping on. I don't think there is one of us that hasn't faces falling off the wagon and at times being run over by it.

Monet....could it be that your cukes are at the end of their season? Mom's started turning yellow and small about 2 or 3 weeks ago and finally quit about a week ago. The sun in August just gets to em here in Texas. Another thing to check for is at the base of the stems....if they are white and kinda split they have a little critter that burrows into them. If so, do not put them in your compost pile and do not plant cucumbers or squash in that spot because the critters are in the soil.

Willow...I hope you've found the board now. I go for the salad instead of the bread at subway.

Toni....that is hot. It's been like that here a lot this summer. Still not as hot as a couple of summers ago. We were up in the 109+ range for almost a month. You are doing great getting back OP. You'll see those scales going down down down. Even better you will be feeling GREAT. ((hugzz))

Thanks Melf for your encouragment. It does get frustrating but I keep thinking any day now it will start coming off again...LOL What a blessing that you are able to help your daughter out and to be there when she has the little one.

Morning Bashful. Hope you have a super day.

Pancho....I like ebay also. I don't buy a lot there but I like to "window" shop.

Teensy....Sounds like you had a blast. I love the lake. We live right down the road but hardly ever get over there with Robert working so much. When we had our boat we got out more.

Fruit....you are doing sooooo good. I wish I could say I've been four days without cheating. I've had a few slip ups this week.

Bob....hope you are having a super day.

Well, I'm not sure but I think I might...key word being might...get my lazy hinney in great and move the fridge and lay some more tiles. I think the kitchen is about half way done. Not a professional job but it beats the way it was.

Have a super day all. I'm sure I'll be sneaking back on in a bit.

Love,
Crystle

I actually have a friday funny today...I forgot to post it. Its Garfield. Hopefully it won't be too big.

Love,
Crystle

Good Friday morning everyone:

I'm wrapping up some purchases on e-bay and keepng an eye on some others. BUT, thought I'd drop in to leave my daily post. I think I will be taking my baby to the doc. today; she was up a lot last night and has some drainage; I want to make sure it hasn't moved into her ears. Here it is the weekend, and she will probably be sick for most/all of it. BUT, the peds. ofc. is only open a few hours for emergencies tomorrow an dclosedon Sunday, so better play it safe and get her in today.

I actually weighed 124 this morning. That is the lowest I've seen since before having kids. I was actually up to 129-130 when I got pregnant with my first daughter 6 years ago. I was 138 when I got pregnant with daughter #2. I am so excited. I know it's only half a pound, but it was nice to see. It's funny too, becasue I ate more starchy carbs yesterday than I normally do; go figure!

bashful: Glad you passed all the required tests; good luck with your internship. The tortillas that I know of are the sprouted grain from Ezekial, or the La Tortialla lo-carb whole wheat. Popcorn is something that I think is being more widely accepted, like carrots. I always thought it was a no-no, but have always eaten it without a problem. I actually shop at lowcarb.com from time to time. I ordered some Hodgkins Mills pancake mix off there, they had it listed in their SugarBusters area, and it was on sale at the time I bought it. I haven't tried it yet. I think there is probably a few recipes on the boards to make your own.

BusDeb: Welcome back, and congrats on the wedding and the 5 lb. loss.

Willow: You have been posting in the wrong area, I think. As long as you post here, you will definately be getting responses. The Subway Whole Wheat is actually enriched and does not have the whole grains in it. As Monet mentioned, you can get the salad, but I don't like it because it is shredded iceberg and doesn't have much flavor, but I guess is better than the alternative. If you plan ahead, you can always bring your own bread or a whole wheat pita. Good luck to you, and ask as many questions as you want. I'm sure no one in this group would be offended by your user name. Heck, we're not that politically correct around here.

Monet: I won another auction this morning -13-piece brand name clothing lot for $23.00; they are in almost brand new condition and will save me buying new for my youngest. Sorry your cucumbers are not doing well!!

Toni: We'll count you in for weigh-in-Monday; remember that anytime you think of "cheating" over the weekend. We will hold you accountable My hubby likes his meat and salad too; he's from Iowa. BUT, if he goes to the gym or works late, what's a girl to do????

Melf: Hope your DD finds a trailer that she is happy with. I also hope your GS is O.K.; sounds like a very scary ordeal to go through. These kids have no fear of anything; mine make me a nervous wreck half the time.

Well, better get going and call the peds. office to see if they can charge me $15 to put a little scope in daughter's ear and take a peek. I'll probably be sitting in lines to get gas today, as well.

Take care!!!

Good morning everyone and TIGIF!! Thank you so much for the encouragement. I had a pity party last night and today I'm back OP. Have any of you every watched the Extreme Makeovers on ABC? I watched last night and I've decided to do one for myself without the plastic surgery. I've set wt loss goals for a pedicure, joining an exercise club and teeth whitening so far.

I'm in the process of sorting through stuff from my almost 36 years of marriage that is still in my ex husband's house. We were separated for three years prior to the divorce in June. We're still friendly and he's told me I can leave my stuff there as long as I want to, but I need to put closure to this situation. I'm looking forward to having this finished.

I have to say after seeing what the sugar in the cookies I ate on Wed and Thur did to me, I'll think twice before I do that again! It's amazing how it affected my mood.

Have a great weekend everyone. I really appreciate your encouragement.

Marilyn

ICING REPORT: Well, I did not make it. I felt bad having to come confess, but here I am. I cut the cake into the shape I needed, and it looked kind of dry, so I decided to take a small taste to make sure it was ok. (like that was going to help!) Well, several tastes later, one with icing, I put the rest in a zip lock bag, and put it away. I feel kind of blah, and I am going to blame it on the sugar. I have not cleaned up the stuff yet, I hightailed it out of there as soon as the cake was done, hoping to head off anymore overwhelming temptation. I took a 30 minute nap, talked to my son on AIM, and now I am going to deliver the cake and pick up my daughter. Maybe with someone else around, I can clean up the tips and bags and bowls without sticking my finger in the icing...

The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.

welll.................... I had a huge post.... and lost it.... cause I tried to post a pic of dd as well and it was toooo big... so, when I corrected and tried to go back and re- attach...... all was gone...

so, sorry but don't have time... to re-do....
except for....
BOB - sorry you have the TROTS...
MONET.. It was just a few licks.... SURE WISH I HAD A FEW OF THOSE LICKS RIGHT ABOUT NOW.... SOUNDS YUMMMMMMY.
So, was it dry?????
COUNTRY - That is so awsome that you bow hunt.... I hope to get into it soon!!! :0
PONCHO - Count me in for Monday....!

Take care all... will check in later...

ange.