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Old 05-06-2008, 06:47 PM   #16  
The Last 10lbs!
 
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Paint - Mushroom hunting? Sounds like fun! This may sound like a silly question, but you eat the mushrooms you find, right? My mom says our horses are really shedding right now too. We had such a crazy winter. They were shedding pretty badly when I was home in March but apparently it's even worse now. I hope you hit your 30lbs mark this week, but even if you don't, I guess the slower you lose the weight the longer it will stay off, right? I know it might not be much of a comfort to you right now, but in the long run, you might be thankful you're not getting those weight loss miracles you were seeing when you started WW. I know if I have a bad week and still lose I end up in the wrong frame of mind, thinking that I can get away with it. I know you have had an OP week, but even if the reward doesn't come this week, it probably will at your next weigh in. Your body can't hold onto it forever if you're working so hard to make it come off!

ifindhope - I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I have had similar problems with friends who complain about their marks at uni but don't do anything to bring them up and, despite generally having good intentions, do nothing to help themselves. It's really disappointing, but ultimately, you can't help your friend succeed unless she's willing to do the work. It's unfortunate that she is relying so heavily on you though

Chey - Congratulations on your granddaughter! Please let us know how that goes, and your CT scan as well. I hope that stuff does actually taste like berries, especially if you have to drink two whole bottles of it...

Manick - Way to go with being OP, and congrats on the new car! What colour is it? (I know, colour doesn't really matter if it's a good car, but... )

----------

Well, today was the single most gorgeous day I have seen in the past year in England. It was spectacular. And guess who was inside, finishing an essay and reading a stupid book about African Literature? Yep. Me. It sucked. I did go out for dinner and a movie with my friends tonight though, so at least I got to see some of the lovely sunshine before it disappeared. It's supposed to be this nice for the rest of the week, and I am really hoping it is. It is so difficult to do work when spring fever and lovely weather hits, but at least I'll stop getting soaked every time I walk to school!

I keep having the same problem. It is really getting me down lately! I am completely confident about going out to dinner, and pick out a meal from my dining out guide ahead of time or look up nutritional info on the net, but once I get out with my friends, our plans change and we end up somewhere else. Today, for example, we were supposed to go to an Italian restaurant and I was saving points for an 11 point pasta dish. Instead, we went out for greek food, and by my estimate dinner turned into this huge point fiasco. I also planned ahead and brought a bag of Baked Lays for the film but found myself craving something sweet so badly that I got two small scoops of Ben & Jerry's ice cream instead - two small scoops worth ELEVEN points! I always start with the best intentions and plan ahead to use my flex points but then I get out with my friends and everything goes down the tube. Even bringing my own snack didn't help because I didn't eat it! Do you guys have any suggestions for me? It's only day 3 of my week and I have already eaten 5.5 more flex points than my allotted 35. Last week, I ate 8 extra.

I am getting so near my first major goal but it feels so far away because I keep slipping. I know I won't reach it this week because I've been absolutely awful since Sunday and used 40.5 flex points in two days (yesterday I ate my exact 22 points). I feel like I am sabotaging my efforts and I don't know how to stop it! As I said above, I always start off with the very best intentions, plan ahead, do everything I should be doing, and then I wander so far off course. It's ridiculous!

Anyway, sorry for the rant. It was going so well until the weekend. Last week was my best week of WW, loss-wise and in the way that I spread out my flex points. Now I have none left for this week and four whole days to go!! I'm going to have to work really hard not to go over my 22 points!

Last edited by freedomreins; 05-06-2008 at 06:48 PM.
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Old 05-06-2008, 08:42 PM   #17  
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freedomreins - You can do it! I think sometimes we worry so much about getting to the goal that it consumes us. I have to keep reminding myself that it took me 6 years to get to where I am, it is going to take a while to get to where I want to be. If I slip up along the way, so be it. I won't allow that to stop me from what I want, it will just take a little bit longer. Each day is a new day.. each week is a new week. Change it up a little and keep going! Nothing every worth having is easy..

I am trying to not get into a rut with what I am eating, because I know that will cause slippage.. lol. Maybe some new recipes will help? I purchased a WW cookbook at the book store that has points in it, and I must say - much of what is in there looks mighty tasty!
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Old 05-06-2008, 09:01 PM   #18  
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Suite: this week I plan on eating 10 flex points and 2 servings of sugar/dessert. I already ate the 2 servings though! I guess that's what happens when I repress myself of sugar for a while! But I figured I would eat them earlier in the week since my weigh in is at the end of the week...and by the end of today, I will have already eaten 5/10 flex points. Good job on the exercising! I really want to get a bike...I graduate on the 24th so I am hoping my family will give me money so I can go buy one!

Freedom: Great job on getting ahead of schedule of your essays! Every year, I say that I am going to do that, and every year I procrastinate! I have 5 papers to write that are due next week, and I haven't started on any of them! Needless to say I am stressed!

Shannon: I smirked about your cake comment because I always say stuff like that! Like I will tell my roommate "If I wasn't eating healthy, I would eat like 5 of those donuts!"

InStitches: Yes I am curious about your core plan! Let us know!

Paintfancy: Have you been on a plateau? If so, maybe you can try cutting back some of your flex points? It's just an idea. I was on a plateau for 3 months, not a single pound lost, and then I cut down to 10 flex points for the whole week and lost 3.8 pounds! Which is a miracle because no matter what I did before that, I wasn't losing. I also had to re-evaluate what I was eating because I found that I was eating a lot of junk like cookies and ice cream. Anyways, it's just a thought if you want to bust through now. Maybe you could do that for one week and then go back to regular? Just a though


~~ Well as for me, I am SUPER stressed right now!!! We are suppossed to be moving at the end of this month and we have only looked at one place which we didn't like. On top of that, I never had a car and we always use my roommate's car. But he just sold it 2 weeks ago and his parents keep saying they will get him a new one, but it's been 2 weeks already and still no car . It's really stressful because there are no bus lines near our house, the nearest one is over a mile away. So it has been difficult to get around and on top of that we have all these appointments to go see apartments and no car. on top of THAT, I have 5 papers due by next week and haven't started any of them. I also have my whole entire family coming for my graduation on the 24th, including my crazy mother who I DO NOT get along with (who by the way is staying IN MY HOUSE, IN MY ROOM for 5 days). My mother will be here until the 27th and we have to be out of the house by the 30th, or we have to pay next month's rent and 100 extra dollars. On top of THAT I haven't spent any quality time with my boyfriend in two weeks and he's trippin and I am so crabby with him from being so stressed out that I feel bad. and on top of ALL of that, I feel really bad for my cat because my roommate and I are too stressed/busy to play with him so all he does is sleep all day or whine. And our apartment is a MESS! Like a BIG MESS! Our carpet is so gross, it hasn't been vacuumed in like a month. Neither one of us wants to do it.

<end vent>


whew! As far as weight loss, I am going to eat 10 flex points this week and 2 servings of dessert. That's pretty much it for me, I guess I should go get started on my paper!
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Old 05-06-2008, 09:19 PM   #19  
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Freedom- I don't eat the mushrooms I find anymore. I use to though. Everyone fries them here and that's the only way I like them. That butter and flour sure does make them taste good. DH loves them though and I love to hike with my dogs, so I look for them for him. I was back out there again tonite. I didn't get skunked, but I only got one. I think I'm done looking. Too much work when I could be home riding, walking or biking at night at home.

You are so close to your goal! Keep your eye on the prize and you'll be able to do it! It's a lot harder with all of that temptation though. I do understand that.

I think it's awesome that you're in England! Do you feel comfortable telling us where? (I'm directionally challenged and just want to find it on a map.) Now I can say I have an internet buddy in England. How cool is that?!

Vday- not really a plateau, but it's coming off too slowly (IMHO) and two weeks in the past month I went up slightly. Okay, so maybe that is a plateau??? I don't use very many FPs in a week - maybe between 1-10 is all, but I use almost 3-4 APs per day- on the days I work out of course. Sorry about all of the stressors in your life. You're doing great sticking with the plan with all of that looming over your head.

Chey- I forgot to mention "Congrats" earlier on the new grandbaby. That cookbook sounds like a good one. Maybe I should think about that. So far I haven't gotten bored too badly, but It's only been 4 months.
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Old 05-06-2008, 10:40 PM   #20  
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Paintfancy - have you tried gilling the mushrooms? We don't go mushroom hunting (Elmer Fudd just flashed through my brain.. ), but I did purchase some nice portebellos at the store. I sprayed them with EVOO and sprinkled them with garlic powder and they grilled up really nice. I put mine in a whole wheat pita with other grilled veggies (peppers, onions) added lettuce and they were delicious!

Vday - that sounds like a good plan! I decided to allow myself some 'treat' as well so I wouldn't be inclined to indulge when I shouldn't. I would love to have a bike too... we live in the country on a gravel road, so biking where we live isn't productive. I have thought I could load the bike up in the car and drive into town and bike.. lol

I would be soooooooooo stressed if I were in your shoes! You are doing awesome not letting that deter from your goal and being in charge with planning!
___________________________

Speaking of EVOO.... I purchased a mister the other day at the store (after looking for one in 3 others) and I love it! I have EVOO in it and I spray the veggies that I grill and used it the other day to coat some ground turkey with spices... It is really handy. I am thinking of getting another one to put my vinegar in to spray my raw veggies.
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:00 PM   #21  
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Vday:It sucks that you're super stressed! I'm the poster child for stress though so I totally understand...but the fact that you've only used 10 of your flex points is comendable! I have faith that you guys will figure something out. I know that it is hard, believe me. But I'm sure something will work itself out!! You're in my thoughts.

Chey: New recipes sound like an excellent idea to prevent getting in a rut!

freedomreins: I know it can be hard when plans change and when we're out with friends (even when you do have good intentions), we tend to make lax decisions, especially if the friend or friends, isn't on plan like we are. But I'm sure you can do this. You have a goal in mind! I know you can do it.

Paintfancy: You're so close! Others can see it too. I think it's amazing that you've gotten as far as you have and I applaud you not giving up although things are slowing down. Good luck with your weigh in!

Manick: Congradulations on the car!!

Shannon: Something is always better than nothing!

ifindhope: Love the avatar!! Good luck with the friend. That sounds awfully frustrating.

Jaime: Yay on the exercising!!! You make me want to go bike riding. I was thinking the other day that it had been so long since I had been bike riding, I would like to take it up again. But I'm too afraid to bike ride in my neighborhood. Maybe when I moved back in with my parents I can do it again

Faerie: Your choice sounds simply beautiful!!! WE MUST SEEEEEEEEEE PICCTUREES


*******
So BF came back around. He was having what I like to call "babymamadrama." She says that he's hoarding money from her when they haven't even made it to court to decide child support. He is giving her money for their son though, and when he doesn't get off work late he goes and sees his son. She started throwing the fact that their son misses him in his face and said that he "wasn't a man" because he "wasn't living up to his responsibilties." Whatever. He does what he can until the divorce is final. I told him next time he decides he wants to go on a hiatus and ignore everyone's phone calls at least let me know so I don't worry my pants off about him.

The pain has moved from my stomach to my back area, so I'm really really really leaning towards nerve problems. I don't know what I'm going to do, because right now...money is really tight. That's why I'm wanting to move in with my mom. It's all I can do right now to keep my head together. That is still my goal for the summer, get healthy!! Speaking of, I'm also starting to contribute some of these "aches and pains" to my weight. This is the highest my weight has ever been, and I honestly think that the biggest majority of this may be stemming from it...as I get older, my weight is taking it's toll even though I'm relatively young.

We shall see! I'm weighing myself in the gym tonight and taking a relatively slow walk...or I might just do the bike. I don't want to hurt myself even more.

Good luck to everyone!

Last edited by THE Heather; 05-06-2008 at 11:02 PM.
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:41 PM   #22  
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Freedom - i hear you. i wish i could offer some excellent advice but i too feel that it's so difficult to do all this planning and then totally blow it when plans change or i'm just like eff it and want something else when out with friends. i'd say the best thing is that you know those mistakes, and maybe next time save EXTRA points when going out with friends. maybe do a little self - talk too when you're thinking you'd rather have something else, think about your goal. i think ww makes good room for those "life" things that happen and you're still doing so so so well look how close to your goal you are!! just remember it will take time. i wish i could offer better advice, i honestly have the same downfalls haha.
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Old 05-07-2008, 08:06 AM   #23  
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Hey gals. Admittedly, I've been avoiding coming on 3FC and posting because I've been doing horribly since the beginning of the week But I'm forcing myself to post so that I'll start posting more again and hopefully get myself back OP! One thing I've been saying for weeks that I need to do and haven't been is going to meetings. I have been reading all your posts, but I don't have time for individual replies. Hope everyone is well!

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Old 05-07-2008, 08:33 AM   #24  
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Good Morning Everyone!


Suite – I’m so excited about your biking. It’s awesome that you live close enough to be able to exercise on the way to & home from work! Don’t worry now about the weekend. What’s done is done, and one weekend will not undo all that you have done so far. That friend still seems a little toxic when it comes to food, though. (I know you realize this.) Honestly, it still looks like she thinks of you as her “food buddy”.

Shannon – WTG on avoiding all those snacks & cake at the party And I’m sure you still had a blast without food being the focus.

Kim – I know what you mean about it being difficult to determine points for certain activities. The whole point is to move more… but sometimes moving more means that my meandering about doesn’t have a specific points value. A little frustrating.

Tarah – Wedding = October 18th this year. About those times when food is offered for you. You don’t ever have to eat it. You can say whatever you want. You can even take it for “later”. You can say you’re just not hungry right this moment. You can say you’re trying to cut down on your salt (the salt in salami & cheese…). Doesn’t matter. You always control what goes into your mouth, no matter who is offering the food. And then that friend… Okay. Here’s my story. I joined WW with my roommate. I’ve been FAR more committed than she has. In fact, she quit. She’ll occasionally bring it up, and talk about how she wants to make better choices more often. I do NOT offer advice unless specifically asked. I realized a long time ago that as much as she complains, if she really wanted it, she’d do it. I quietly make my choices, sometimes she comments, sometimes she goes to the vending machine & gets a candy bar after lunch. Nonovmybizness. Yes, I notice. But, she’ll reap what she sows. Not me. I offer the same advice to you about this friend. Listen, if she asks, mention something small that you’ve noticed. If she just complains… shrug. She’ll follow the plan if she chooses to.

JoDolce - There will be pictures galore when there’s good things to show! I think you’ll all be sick of pictures by the end of October

Institches – All the best with Core this week!! Keep us updated

Heather – I’m glad the boy got in touch with you again. I hope this is the only time he disappears. It’s not cool if it keeps happening! I’m sorry you’re still in pain. Take it easy with the exercise.

Manick – Congrats on the car! Glad you’ve been all OP this week! Thanks for those sweet words ^^

Free – I’ve had the same problem when plans change at the last minute. Something that helps me is to say in my head “This doesn’t change anything about my plan. I will take my time, choose something I know to be healthy & move on.” It means I’m often a pain at restaurants… taking forever, asking for substitutions and special orders… but I’m paying for my food. So they have to do it! But, it’s okay about eating over. Just keep looking forward. It takes a lot of practice & patience to eat out in a healthy way. And we all have slip-ups.

Chey – So proud of you for throwing those chips out. Get rid of the temptations! Right on! And yay for being grandparents! I think it’s sweet they’re leaving the name a surprise ^^ (Or maybe they just don’t know yet, lol) Best of luck with the medical procedure!

Vday - So stressful! Try not to take it out on the boyfriend. You guys are going to need to work together through this stress. Make time with him, even like 15 minutes. And during that time, DON’T talk about the stresses. Just enjoy his company. Gosh… mothers. They’re a breed aren’t they? So many conflicting emotions about them. Does she really have to stay so long? Especially with you guys moving and all that’s going on! You deserve a medal for eating OP going through so much right now. That’s probably the hardest part isn’t it? (I say from experience.) It is HARD to eat right and proper when a bunch of crap is going on!

Oh goodness I hope that’s everyone!

if I missed anyone.

---

Just changed a bunch of addresses last night. Almost done with that stuff. Going to be renting a truck for the weekend of the 24th and doing the big move then. I’m feeling better about moving. More stuff coming into place.

So next on the list is India stuff peppered with wedding issues

Just keep moving along. And hey, that’s life, right? If it weren’t for all the stuff we go through, life would be pretty boring. That’d be the worst! There are days that I’m thankful I have so much to do. It means I have a life. I’m getting itchy to go out walking on a nice trail, though.

Random thought: You know what weight loss phrase I’ve never agreed with? “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” I think it’s because I can name about 50 things that do. It’s just one motivational phrase that I personally can’t get on the bandwagon about. It comes to mind because it happens to be my leader’s favorite! Every time she says it I’m always thinking “Cannoli. Cannoli tastes better than anything in this world.” >_<

Anyways, hope you all are fabulous today!
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Old 05-07-2008, 08:34 AM   #25  
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Mod - You can do it! You can get back OP. I've been hoping everything has been alright for you.
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Old 05-07-2008, 09:01 AM   #26  
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Faerie: so fun!! i love october! best month of the year. i definitely hear you on i control what goes in my body. and most of the time i DO even when people are making snide comments (yeah she said NO to one of those DELICIOUS cookies, i know isn't she crazy, BLAH BLAH BLAH) but it's the times when someone has specifically gone out and bought my something (like that situation) that i feel like ugh. i did the best i could. i took it, said thank you, ate it "later" in the car in front of my friend (who's mom it was) and didn't feel bad about picking out the cheese and half the bread. and i know this doesn't happen often. and i know i just need to come up with a believable excuse next time, no thanks i'm just not hungry. i'm sure these things will be fine, thank you! also, about the friend. i have definitely started to just quietly do well while letting her do what she does. but then she'll complain (AND COMPLAIN) to me that i'm losing weight and she's not and she has NO IDEA what she is doing wrong. so i don't know. then she got off it. but now she's back on and every 5 minutes asking me "how many points is this, oh whatever i'd rather just eat 5 points more than be hungry, blah blah" you get the jist. i do just nod most of the time. sometimes i answer questions obv when she asks. but its the complaining when she doesn't lose weight (though look at everything she could change) that gets to me. i know she'll do it when she wants to.. but i think in the end it comes down to the fact that she really just doesn't have the insight to see what she's doing wrong and change it at all. she wants to but the prob is she THINKS she is. oh well, nothing I can change i guess. eventually she'll figure it out. and i def will try to take your advice and just quietly do my part and nod to her complaints. HAHA. i think her figuring out things for herself will help her in the end as well.. .instead of constantly asking me. not teaching her anything but to rely on me as her points counter/nutritionist. haha.

THANKS for the advice ! it was good to see others point of view.
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Old 05-07-2008, 09:04 AM   #27  
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p.s. Faerie you have almost lost 100 pounds!!!!! that is amazing!
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Old 05-07-2008, 09:13 AM   #28  
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p.s. i was finally truthful to myself and changed my tracker. only a pound more than it was at forever.. so it's ok! i wanna see it go DOWN again and no more lying to myself haha. it will it will do you really have to go and basically make a new tracker every time to change your weight in it??? just wondering if there was an easier way. seemed silly.

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Old 05-07-2008, 09:36 AM   #29  
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WHOA it's been a long time since I've been in the chat thread! Prepare yourselves.....

free - hey, great job getting that first paper done ahead of schedule That's far better than I can say for anything I ever had to do! When does your term end over there? It's gotta be soon, right?? I know what you mean about intentions when you go out... Tell me about it. I don't know that I have many suggestions other than when you're out and you're craving something sweet, see if you can't just steal a bite of something from a friend instead of getting your own. Usually that's enough to satisfy your craving. Otherwise it's just learning to make do where ever you go... easier said than done, I know. I'm no good at it either.

Shannon - way to go on the cake/chip/junk avoidance!

Kim - I agree about the 4 APs per day thing - I'm not so great at consistent exercise but when I do exercise, I tend to do a lot of it. (Like once I start I don't want to stop.) And I don't know how other people can just not eat their APs, when I exercise I get hungry! So I'm with you there. But I guess they have that rule for a reason, so we just have to accept it for what it is.

Tarah - I love your new photo, what were you all fancied up for? And as for the cake, you know, we can't live 100% of the time by "diet" rules. It sounds like that cake had far more significance than a normal cake, and you shouldn't feel bad about eating it. Which it sounds like you don't. So that's good. But yeah, I know what you mean about eating things when people give them to you. You know what I've been doing? "Oh, thanks so much! You know, I'm not hungry just yet but I'll definitely keep it for later. That was so thoughtful of you." Then you can decide what to do with it when the person's not around. It makes the person feel appreciated and gives you a way out. And as for your friend on WW, I had a roommate in college who was just like that. She would eat salad all day and then at night eat bags of potato chips and wonder why her weight wasn't going down. She fizzled out in the end, unfortunately, but there's not a lot we can do.

JoDolce:

Chey - if your son is training to be a chef, maybe he can bring good food home next time? Good for you throwing out those Doritos. You are a far stronger woman than I. CONGRATS on the new grandbaby! If it's not too weird I'd love to see photos. I get baby pains in a MAJOR way. And DH wants kids soon. It's all I can do to hold off til my weight's in better order.... As for the EVOO mister, I reallly want one. I keep persuading myself I don't need it when I see one. But it's so much easier to get veg coverage with a mister! And I could get more oil in using it than with using Pam. And it's better for the environment because there's no pressurized canister to deal with I have EVOO mister envy

Manick - way to be OP! I have bad associations with Outbacks, only because I was stupid enough to hit one in a parking lot at Christmas and she was a total [insert favorite word] about it. I'll try to revise my definition of people in Outbacks now

Institches - Let us know how things go!

vday - wow, that's a lot to handle! I sure hope you find a place soon, and that your transportation issues get better. Though think of how that extra walking is good for you As for your cat, I'm pretty sure cats like sleeping all day

Heather - Glad to hear your BF came back He definitely shoulda told you what was going on though. babymamadrama sounds complicated! Your health can be a great motivational tool, use it to your advantage!

modkitten - I know what you mean, I tend to disappear when things aren't going so well. GO TO A MEETING.

Faerie - A couple of meetings ago we were talking about how some relationships in your life just fade out as you make healthy eating choices, because sometimes your entire friendship just revolves around food. Going out to eat, cooking together, snacking, getting coffee, etc. And my friend's one of those people. You're right, I'm definitely a food buddy to her. And it's dumb, I totally use her as an enabler, feeding my bad habits. I'm not strong enough to just say no in some situations, unfortunately. But you know, grad is in a week and a half, and then she'll be out of the picture. Sad that that's what it will take. And I can't wait to see photos, if you're comfortable sharing them! I'll try to be patient OH and I 100% agree about the "nothing tastes as good...." phrase. It's always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I think because "being thin" just isn't my motivation, though it works for other people. I guess get the inspiration from where ever you can, but I'm definitely with you on this one.

sonja - Helllloooooo! Where ever you are, I hope you're doing okay!

---

Whew! Note to self: don't let the chat get so far along before returning!

I think I've been kind of away for the past couple days because I haven't been entirely OP and I'm still having residual weekend guilt. I also feel really bloaty and gross because DH brought home some Fiber One bars... and they taste good, but they wreak havoc on my insides. So I'm just generally not feelin' it this week. I'm trying to just get over how I ate over the weekend, but it does bother me... that I'm still capable of eating so poorly without a second thought. that I don't seem to have the will to stop myself even when I realize I need to stop. It's scary territory, and I was hoping that it would get easier to avoid it as time goes on, but I guess it's too early.

I've signed on to do some extra work for my company because we have a backlog of projects in our pipeline, so that'll be nice - extra cash! Now that I don't have school I don't know what to do with myself anyway, might as well be makin' money.

So I'm definitely going to Canada (Toronto/Ottawa) the first week of July. It'll be nice to see all my old high school & college friends. It'd be nicer to be somewhat smaller when I go, but it's only a month and a half from now and I can only realistically hope to lose another 5lbs by then. So sloooow. So it goes, not like these people ever knew me at any weight other than about what I am now, I should be thankful I've gotten back down to the 190's. Ah, anyway, weight is totally a non-issue in my friendships with these people, I don't know why I'm even worrying about it. I hope we get to go camping, but we as a group are notoriously unorganized and I'm not sure we'll be able to coordinate anything other than sitting around someone's apartment.... maybe I'm still excited though, I haven't seen my friends since my wedding last year!

What else... oh, biking is still going great. I get home a good half hour earlier by bike than I would otherwise. (Because otherwise involves either waiting for my bus that comes once an hour, or walking 10 minutes to my car, then driving in traffic.) It's tough to go up those hills but SO worth it

Well, off to work for me. Have a good day everyone.
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Old 05-07-2008, 09:37 AM   #30  
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oh and tarah - I know if you get a tickerfactory ticker you can just change the numbers when you edit your signature. If you use the 3FC tickers yes, you have to go make a whole new ticker every time you want to change it!
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