hey people! Boy, it was a rough week-I hardly logged on to the internet at all, which means...I pretty much didn't do at least 50% of the food tracking I was supposed to. Still, I feel ok. I mean, I am more mindful regardless, so I don't think I blew it.
But I had some stressful times when I felt my self-esteem dip, and I didn't CARE whether I tracked my food or even really what I was eating. Not good. I think, for me, high levels of self-esteem and care are required to maintain a healthy weight. If I start to think negatively, I throw in the towel, so to speak, and say...why does this even matter?? I am working for nothing.
I had a big fight with my fiance. I have constant deadlines and stress at work, but with my bahamas cruise coming up next week, I feel more pressure than usual to get all my work off my desk and finished before I leave for a week.
And that brings me to my next topic--I am cruising to the bahamas next week, beginning April 18 and ending the following saturday. I already had one person gape at me when I said I didn't think the buffet style eating would be a problem for me since I have grown used to small portions. But really, I think it's true! I think the coolest thing about the buffets is that I can choose from a lot of different foods. I just don't want to eat til I hurt anymore--so why would I worry that I will....they look at me like I am a heroin addict going on a tour of Afghanistan. "But what about your DIET????" They say, looking horrified. And I reply, "What diet?"
I am not on a diet.
I'm not. Not anymore. I never was. I have always, from the start, though I made some mistakes, considered my eating habits simply that--habits that are part of my lifestyle as a whole. Does my lifestyle include monitoring my portions and making sure I eat in a relatively healthful way? Of course. Does that mean I am on a diet? no, NO. No.
My co-worker is on a diet. The Atkins diet--and whatever you say about it, I don't care. She is not very faithful to it, regardless. She spouts Atkins wisdom all day--especially when she sees me eating carbs...but for all her obsession with "Diet," be it what it may--she has lost and gained back the same twelve pounds for the last two years we have been working together. She will always be on a diet. I feel terrible for her when I think about it.
Anyway, rant over. I am not knocking Atkins in any way whatsoever. I think it works for some people--definitely not for me. But "diets" don't "work" for anyone. Changing thinking--that's what works. Caring what goes in your mouth and caring how much your body moves--forever--
that works.
I guess I am pep-talking myself...sorry! It's just, if I think I am on a diet, I'll think there's an end point...a point where I can eat things that are terrible for me and lay around all day with no consequences. I'll think that since I have reached my goal weights a few times now that I can "go back" to not giving a rat's patoot what I do with my body--cause that's what skinny people seem to do. I'll think I can go on a cruise and not use the gym, and eat fried ice cream at every meal. But I
don't think that. And that's my point.
Still, encourage me to do the right thing, please, lol! Anybody been on a cruise have any tips?? not just about food.
Thanks.
oh, and to tack on to the current convo---after 75 lbs, I only went down from a 40 C to a 38C. I can sometimes wear a 36, but Vicky Secret pros always measure me right at 38. It's maddening! But I guess I just have big bones. Really! lol
I guess I should say BFF to be current, eh? 
