Thanks, and that sounds like an important way to look at it.

We really like our doctors, but their advice to her has always been 'eat less.'

Concerned hubby-I would wonder what her BMI is-if she is very muscular she could weigh more and look smaller. How are things going? I guess one thing is where are the calories coming from? Is her diet balanced? I would wonder if seeing a nutritionist would be a good start........

Hi Shero--
Her BMI is somewhere around 38. She saw a nutritionist a few years ago. The advice was to eat more protein. Other than that, her diet is pretty good. She does eat too much candy.

Bottom line is she simply cannot sustain a diet of less than 1800-1900 calories. According to some of the pre-op diets, she might have to go on 800-1200/day for a couple weeks prior to surgery. If she could do that, there'd be no need for surgery.

She hasn't been willing to talk about it for a few days now.

CH-I agree. That is why I am not having the surgery. If I was to go on an 800-1200 calorie diet-before the surgery why can't a person do it on their own?

This is part of the problem I have with the surgery.... if a person has to go on an 800-1200 calorie diet pre-surgery, and then post surgery they have a special diet where you can only eat certain amounts of foods at certain intervals etc and do a certain amount of exercise starting out slowly etc.... it seems to me that you are losing the weight is because of the exercise and diet and the surgery is really only replacing willpower? (ie, i should only eat this ____ food because I choose to only eat ____ food versus i should only eat _____ food because the surgery will make me vomit if I try to eat ******** food.....)... so.. if you were to use willpower and determination and follow the same diet/exercise but without the surgery, wouldn't the results be the same???

I don't mean to insult anyone or sound harsh... its a personal decision and maybe there are factors that I am not considering... I know some people have health problems and hormone problems and other problems etc.... but barring physical problems that may need to be fixed or taken into consideration, sometimes people are simply lazy (like me!!) and just eat whatever they want when they want and spend way too much time watching tv or online... A friend of mine wants me to do the surgery with them... that person needs to lose about 60 lbs, has NEVER tried to diet and does not exercise, their weight gain was like mine purely from over eating and laziness, they have no medical conditions that have caused weight gain and no medical conditions that would complicate weight loss... and without even trying to diet or exercise, they are ready to schedule a consult for surgery? and they want me to not bother trying to diet or exercise and just go along with them and both have surgery together?? No way...

You said it so well Little Brown Bike. This is exactly how I feel.

Concerned Hubby,

i just wanted to add something.....I completely understand your wife's attitude of just not wanting to deal with it anymore. And I am one of the few who believes in weight loss surgery. I have a family member who had the gastric bypass and one who has the Lapband. I support both. Neither went into it because they were lazy or didn't want to diet, or have "the willpower" and it certainly is not a cop out. There are people who simply do not understand that wls is a tool, not an easy fix and shame on them for the judgement.

Saying that, the lapband does require a lifestyle change and I hate to say it but if your wife can't stay on a restricted diet then she'll most likely have problems with the band. You have to change your eating habits or it won't work....or you'll get sick....as in throwing up when you eat the wrong things, or really horrible acid reflux.

Candy, chips, all the "bad foods" just slip down the lapband. It is easier to eat "bad" food than it is to eat the right foods with the band. You have to really watch your intake or you get weak and turn to junk food just to get calories and viola! You're back where you started. You have to eat small amounts of meat, certain veggies, can't really eat bread, pasta etc. You also have to go in for "adjustments", to either fill or empty fluid for the band. It requires effort to stay healthy on the band. I can not stress that enough. It is not a fix all. The lapband is a tool. It takes a commitment just like anything else. The one thing I do love about the lapband is that is does make you feel fuller on less for much longer periods of time.

And, not wanting to discuss weight loss or research the lapband is not great either. Again, I completely understand her frustration...more than you'll ever guess....

And why can't she sustain a diet of less than 1800 calories? Why? It's not that hard if you make the correct choices. It really isn't. If she can't modify now, how is she going to make the modifications later??

Again, I am not judging, just confused.

Good luck to her and to you.

Just another thought.....

Not all calories are equal....

1800 calories with high protein and low carbs is much different than 1800 calories of low protein and high carbs. And those carbs do make a difference....a huge difference in weight loss/maintenance.

New here but my advice wouod be to join a site like my fitness pal so she can log her calories and see where to make changes. I'm pretty anti was so take it with a grain of salt. And good luck to her

Thanks Shero...

and I just wanted to add, that I don't think WLS is easy, I think that some people THINK it is easy and THINK that it will be much easier than just diet/exercise like its a magic solution...

Thanks Ex Tex.

My wife has a cousin who did lap band. While we rarely see her, word is that she lost weight then regained weight because she wasn't careful about her eating. That's the rumor. For all we know, there might have been other issues involved.

She's smaller than she was but is still overweight.

As for my wife's difficulty with low calorie eating, to some extent it is a matter of willpower for her, and she recognizes that. It's also that she gets bad headaches, light headed, etc. when she tries to go lo-cal.

And she'll also admit that she's an emotional/stress eater. [when we were dating we had an argument, during which she made and consumed a whole batch of no-bake chocolate brownies.]

She constantly reminds me to encourage her to not eat, but there's a fine line between encouraging and nagging. [LOL, one time she told me to hide a bag of candy, then later called me at work and yelled at me to tell her where it was..and yes, we laughed about it]

Oh, I should add: except for chips and non-chocolate candy, my wife doesn't eat "bad" food. Nothing fried, for example. Most everything is organic, low-fat, nearly vegetarian, heavy on fruits and vegetables, low-fat/skim dairy, etc.

WLS won't solve her willpower problems, only a real interest in losing the weight will help that... and sine she doesnt even seem willing to talk to her husband about it, I wouldn't hold my breath