I just wanted to share, I still mostly judge people for positive notes! So there are some people out there who are noticing your beauty, not your sweat pants. Oh and I would never judge the stereotypical size 6 blonde for wearing a cute dress and heels to the store, cause I hope to be her! I've wasted too much time in the frumpy plus size sections (until they really started to make cute clothes for big girls!) and when I get to goal, I plan to always dress up. Not for the strangers, but because I CAN and it has nothing to do with being insecure. I love me as a BBW and I'll love me as a skinny gal... just with a new wardrobe.
Some people can be incredibly busy at the store with children and still notice things. (I also have an ASD child who was on oxygen for some time that I'd have to drag into the store with me.)
Despite that, I know I still made judgements about people's appearance. What does that say about me? What does that say about the state of our society when appearance and being overweight stand out that much to us?
I'd hope it doesn't me a bad parent or a bad person. It just makes me human. As I said earlier, I try to catch myself when it happens and remind myself I can't know everything about a person in one fleeting moment in time. As to how to stop those judgements from popping into my head, I don't know.
I think this post is well said and insightful and I agree.
You know, you're probably right. If you are "annoyed" by people wearing sweatpants, PJ pants, yoga pants, and leggings (any more rules?) it probably wouldn't matter how busy you are...you would probably still actually concern yourself and be annoyed at other people's clothing choices.
Sure I have all sorts of other "rules" for what I consider to be dressing appropriately, but I don't think we need to get into that. Yup, I will be annoyed, the same as I will be annoyed by slow drivers, low hanging branches and pot holes.
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Maybe I mistake my busy-ness or my age for the fact that as *I've* gotten older that I've become less concerned with what people are wearing, but seems some people concern themselves with others regardless of age. I used to harshly judge people that dressed up as having no confidence(please refer to one of my earlier replies for details) but as I've gotten older, I've learned to at least not put this on others. It still is a part of the reason *I* don't dress up (because I get uncomfortable feeling like that's the statement I'm making), but I make a point to not assume everyone else that dresses up does so because they lack self confidence. Some people do it out of habit, some do it because they enjoy it, some do it as an expression of how they DO feel good about themselves.
To each their own right? Everyone is going to have a different view on what constitutes being dressed up or dressing like a slob, and in the end it just doesn't matter. You thought people who dress up have no confidence and I have thought people who dress up take pride in themselves. We are both equally wrong, that being said, it doesn't change the things that come to mind when I look at someone
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I DO still judge about other things in life, we all judge something but I'm just not super judgy on appearance. (My big one is education, or lack there of, and to be honest, and I'm working on that) I wrote another reply to another post about my journey with moving away from judgement. (Feel free to fo find it). But its just not in me to care that much about what people are wearing, and I've chalked that up to age and being too busy to care. Maybe its not. Maybe I just really don't get annoyed at what people wear, because I tend to judge people on what they've accomplished or how hard they work in life to better themselves. (Not that this is any better, just different.)
Basically, I'll probably never be too busy to think a not nice thought about someone based on their education (not going into specifics, so I don't upset anyone) but appearance just fell off the list quickly because its not important to me.
Its apparently important to you how people dress. Sounds like you could be the busiest women alive and it would still matter to you. What does that say?
You make it sound like I am continuously checking out every single person in a 5 mile radius! Seriously, my aversion to pjs, yoga pants, leggings in public is just that, my problem. And yeah, if those yoga pants make a camel toe visible or the shirt makes a side boob hang out I might just make a face.
Just like its not your problem that I am offended by what you do or do not wear, its not my problem that you are offended by my taking offence!
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What do we as a society think (judge?) about people who are very concerned with appearance? Does it matter if they are concerned with their own vs concern about other peoples? Does that change how we describe them?
that was a rhetorical question right?
Last edited by Silverfire; 04-18-2013 at 10:17 PM.
I just wanted to share, I still mostly judge people for positive notes! So there are some people out there who are noticing your beauty, not your sweat pants. Oh and I would never judge the stereotypical size 6 blonde for wearing a cute dress and heels to the store, cause I hope to be her! I've wasted too much time in the frumpy plus size sections (until they really started to make cute clothes for big girls!) and when I get to goal, I plan to always dress up. Not for the strangers, but because I CAN and it has nothing to do with being insecure. I love me as a BBW and I'll love me as a skinny gal... just with a new wardrobe.
This is a great point!
I have some very positive judgements I make about people's appearance. About their clothes, their hair, tattoos, that lead me to judge the as friendly, fun to talk to, kind, approachable and down to earth. Its still a judgement, but its a good one!
Took a break, got my work out in, came back calmer . Sorry to disagree so strongly, Glamour--it IS a sore spot for me! Truce?
ETA, here's proof exercise is good for your psyche, hehe.
Yes!! I'm sorry if I over stepped, I really wasn't trying to upset anyone.
I was just saying to my husband, that I'm so lost lately because I'm not running anymore because I'm pregnant. I've reach a point for me where its not comfortable to run. And I am definitely feeling less zen without my running.
I think what we can take away from this is at the end of the day, we all have our own issues that present us to the public in a different way. And judgement stems from insecurity nine times out of ten.
I think what we can take away from this is at the end of the day, we all have our own issues that present us to the public in a different way. And judgement stems from insecurity nine times out of ten.
Agreed!
...And I also think I'm going to go buy a pair of yoga pants because they sound really comfortable.
I think what we can take away from this is at the end of the day, we all have our own issues that present us to the public in a different way. And judgement stems from insecurity nine times out of ten.
Something else I've learned - I would be truly terrible at picking out people in a line-up, for example. Even with this thread in mind, I came home from the store last night unable to describe any person that was in the store. I can however relate several conversation snippets I overheard.
So maybe part of what's behind how bothered you are by others dress depends on how you think/learn. I'm def. more of an auditory learner and not at all a visual learner. When I study, I have to read my notes out loud. Just looking at and reading them doesn't work.
It looks to me like the people who are so proud of wearing pj's and lounge clothing out in public have a whole bunch of excuses.... too many kids, no money, no time, all kinds of ailments etc. Seriously, all the time you take in writing about how many other things you have to worry about, and the number of posts put out by glamourgirl alone, that could have been time well spent in finding a decent pair of pants to wear. Just saying.
Nobody has the market cornered on "tough life" and "important things to do." The conversation has been steered from judging about appearance to judging about lifestyle choices. I live quite a busy a life. I am a mother although why that is relevant to anyone I'll never understand. To take my post completely out of context and make me feel bad about how little money you had didn't shame me in the least, your upbringing wasn't more important than mine just because you claim you had less money than me.
I think what we can take away from this is at the end of the day, we all have our own issues that present us to the public in a different way. And judgement stems from insecurity nine times out of ten.
I agree with this, any times that I do notice someone (in a good way or a "bad" way, I'm comparing them to myself to see if *I* measure up).
The comments about busy-ness and children here are a bit eye-raising too. Due to some circumstances in my life, at this time I do not have children or a job. I could go on and on about the judgment I get from people in my family and friends. They think I have all the time in the world (which in a sense I do, I can't deny that) but it doesn't make me available for them and their needs 24/7 without some planning. AND...I can assure you my abundance of time doesn't cause me to spend more time in Walmart or anywhere else checking out underdressed or overdressed or whatever observation I might make. I'm at the store to get my errands and shopping done just like the rest of you. And what I wouldn't give to have my own child in a cart to keep an eye on. But just because I don't, it doesn't mean I'm on a judgment patrol for clothes, cleanliness, whatever.
Some posts on this thread have made a few people comment about feeling bad or insecure knowing others are watching and judging on a constant basis. That makes me really sad. We are here to support each other, not make others feel worse.
I can look at something ,someone and or myself ....and realize That is not a good look...Note to self ditch the look not soo flattering.
We all make judgements .... I agree the fact that I am a Mom ,have a Job ,the background I came from , or my age ....does not have a bearing on whether someone judges or not ! We all do ! Own it ! Having fleeting thoughts are not evil ...saying something to inflict pain or to be cruel is!
But if you go out in public a Hot Mess ....expect someone to notice ...it's human nature ...for your eye to focus on something out of the Norm!
if I went out in Public In a Bikini....People would gawk and stare! Pale white skin.. Droopy dog Breast ..sagging butt...and a Kangaroo pouch! If I was walking down the street I would not be surprised if car collisions occurred at the spectacle I was making of myself! Something's are better left covered up!
Roo2
Um, no. My excuses are about why I don't notice other people at the store. I'm wearing today what I virtually live in - jeans (bought in Feb so no holes or stains), a j crew tee, "old" running shoes that look almost new but have to many miles on them for running use, and my road id bracelet. I don't even own leggings or sweat pants or yoga pants.
As for my ponytail and and no makeup - I just don't care. Today I'll be learning about South American crops, taking a field trip to a waste water treatment plant, isolating some fungus DNA, and spending hours in the library. Looking pretty isn't a priority in my life right now. If it bothers you to see my jeans, then close your eyes if your ever on the age campus here.
I don't get the hate on yoga pants. I'm wearing mine right now and I've received nothing but compliments on these pants plus they are comfortable as heck. Now these aren't the super tight yoga pants- they're a looser straight legged version, and I have loved them from the first day I had them. They're my favorite walking pants and up until reading this thread it never occurred to me that someone was looking at me and thinking I needed to go put some "real pants" on.
I need to stop reading these threads. They make me insecure.
^^^^I second this.....Dee I wear the exact same kind of pants you describe here most days. I never gave it a second thought either till reading this thread and also found myself feeling insecure reading all the comments. But you know what, who cares what people think, I'm still sporting my favorite yoga pants!
You make it sound like I am continuously checking out every single person in a 5 mile radius! Seriously, my aversion to pjs, yoga pants, leggings in public is just that, my problem. And yeah, if those yoga pants make a camel toe visible or the shirt makes a side boob hang out I might just make a face. 
