While grocery shopping the other day, I saw an overweight woman (about my size 350lbs+) looking like she had just rolled out of bed. She was wearing an outfit that looked like pajamas - a gray tunic, with matching gray pants in a cotton/spandex type material. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and she wasn't wearing any make-up. I also couldn't help but notice she had nothing healthy in her shopping cart, just snack cakes, hot dogs, and other processed foods.
I found myself immediately, judging away, thinking "really? You couldn't put more of an effort in to your appearance before you came out in public? Don't fat people have enough negativity to worry about without you being a walking stereotype?"
Needless to say, I felt like a jerk. A hypocrite.
I try to preach fat acceptance to my family and friends. I am trying to be an example of health at every size. I want to break the stereotype that overweight people are lazy and have no will-power. Furthermore I don't want to be judged for my size. My weight does not measure my worth. (Ironically I just wrote a blog post about this)
Yet, here I was looking at this woman, wanting to shake her and say, "Stop it! Don't feed the stereotypes! You're a beautiful woman. Take more pride in your appearance and treat yourself better." Sometimes I need to remind myself that plus size women aren't all in a club with me, even though I secretly feel we must look out for one another. Solidarity and such.
I had to remind myself it's none of my business what this woman wears or eats. How can I expect a thin person to be non-judgmental towards me, when I can't offer the same courtesy to another fat person?
First - kudos to you for the courage to post this. I think that's important.
There's been a really productive exchange in the maintainers' forum on this same topic for the past few days. Check out the brave post by neurodoc and ensuing discussion. (That's not to discourage another discussion from happening in this thread too - I just think you might be really interested in the posts there as well.)
*stands up* My name is Missy and I judge, but not based on size.
I question people's judgement for not going out into public in what I consider an acceptable appearance...how dare they live their lives as they wish! lol
I don't understand how people can go out without taking pride in their appearance, but that is my personal preference. I went out once with my friend and she was wearing slippers. I said "are you actually wearing slippers" she said "yes, and you're lucky I'm not wearing yoga pants." She was right.
Then I remember, they have no effect on my life, and I have none on theirs, so I move on.
I commend your honesty. Thought I would throw in a few points to ponder.
I guess I would "judge" her too...I would judge that she is depressed...but I could be totally wrong, perhaps she is the rare obese woman who is 100% satisfied with herself. I cannot know...without getting to know her.
FYI...I wear yoga pants every. single. day. Because...
a) I work out every day
b) I have two young toddlers (yes, that counts as a valid excuse)
c) They are comfortable
d) They are cheap
e) I used to be too embarrassed to wear them (because they are form-fitting)...and then I decided if I couldn't not give a **** about what people think...I could at least pretend like I don't.
Also...I almost never wear make-up except for special occasions/date nights for fun...and why should I, or anybody for that matter, UNLESS, it makes them happy. My reasoning...
Not everyone can afford that sh1t.
If considered essential, it perpetuates the idea that a woman's worth is external (IMO).
I study chemistry and I don't think I want that sh1t on my face after learning about what's in it. Haha!
I went out once with my friend and she was wearing slippers. I said "are you actually wearing slippers" she said "yes, and you're lucky I'm not wearing yoga pants."
Haha
In highschool I was guilty of sometimes wearing socks with sandals. Birkenstocks nonetheless. It used to drive my friends CRAZY.
I've never judged a "fat" person for their appearance but I will admit I've judged people in general who look like a hot mess when leaving the house. I'm the kind of girl though that watches Mad Men and wished ladies still wore dresses and men still wore suits. I think maybe because I am bigger I've always been meticulous in how I dress. It is a little shallow perhaps, but it makes me feel better about myself.
I catch myself doing that too though, I silently chastise myself and promise to do better next time. I try not to judge other based on physical appearance, but it is hard to do considering the shallow and materialistic culture we were raised in.
Ah, I remember once upon a time, someone chuckled at my sweatpants and tied up hair with no makeup (I was only about 145lbs at the time). You can imagine the look on their face when I smiled back and said "sorry, I didn't bother, I have postnatal depression and I don't care much about anything in life right now".
WOW! Haha. I can laugh now, years later (I did have PND, I had a very ill 1st child and life was miserable for all of us).
I guess the moral of the story was that everyone has a story. Not to say she had the same issue as me, she may just not care about appearances as much, was rushed that day, or perhaps has low self-esteem, I don't know.
Me? I'm a slob. I've never been put together. I don't wear makeup. My socks don't match. My old band tshirts have holes in them as do most of my jeans. I try to put on real pants and not yoga pants to go to the store, but most of the time I don't.
Appearance is just not my prerogative. Do I look nice to go out to dinner, or to work or out with my husband? Yes. Going to the grocery 4 blocks from my house? You're lucky if I remember to put on shoes (god bless living in the land of year round flip flops).
But I treat myself fine. I have pride in myself. I have just never equated my shell (my clothes, my hair, whatever) to my self-esteem. Not that there is anything wrong with that. More power to you if you do your hair, nails, makeup to go out. I respect that ability. I just don't have that drive. I've never been good at it.
It drives my sister bananas. She's always threatening to Stacy and Clinton me.
I am like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde what comes to dressing up. It is either ponytail and sweats or silky tops with smart skirts and golden heels -- I call the latter as my pretty days. As long as pretty days outnumber the sweats days, I feel good
While grocery shopping the other day, I saw an overweight woman (about my size 350lbs+) looking like she had just rolled out of bed. She was wearing an outfit that looked like pajamas - a gray tunic, with matching gray pants in a cotton/spandex type material. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and she wasn't wearing any make-up. I also couldn't help but notice she had nothing healthy in her shopping cart, just snack cakes, hot dogs, and other processed foods.
I found myself immediately, judging away, thinking "really? You couldn't put more of an effort in to your appearance before you came out in public? Don't fat people have enough negativity to worry about without you being a walking stereotype?"
Needless to say, I felt like a jerk. A hypocrite.
I try to preach fat acceptance to my family and friends. I am trying to be an example of health at every size. I want to break the stereotype that overweight people are lazy and have no will-power. Furthermore I don't want to be judged for my size. My weight does not measure my worth. (Ironically I just wrote a blog post about this)
Yet, here I was looking at this woman, wanting to shake her and say, "Stop it! Don't feed the stereotypes! You're a beautiful woman. Take more pride in your appearance and treat yourself better." Sometimes I need to remind myself that plus size women aren't all in a club with me, even though I secretly feel we must look out for one another. Solidarity and such.
I had to remind myself it's none of my business what this woman wears or eats. How can I expect a thin person to be non-judgmental towards me, when I can't offer the same courtesy to another fat person?
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Kind of, yes. I just wrote a looooong post on another thread about judging. One of the things I have struggled with judging is women that OVER DO their appearance. When I see a women at Walmart at like 7 am and she's got the "tan", dyed hair, tons of jewelry, hair sprayed up to the heavens, full face of make-up and some insanely matching dressy emsemble of clothing, my go to judgement is that she is so void of any self worth or confidence that she needs to seek outside validation from strangers she doesn't even know by making sure she looks good for people she doesn't even know at ...walmart?? Really?!?!? (I also assume they are shallow as well)
Her weight doesn't matter, large, small, I think the same thing, although I am working on not doing that. (Interesting though for those of you that judge the casual women that they might be judging you right back!!)
What has helped me move away from that is when I lost all my baby weight after baby #2 (yeah but its back now with this baby!) I started enjoying dressing nice more than I did when I was heavy. Now don't get me wrong, I still spent 90% of my time in t-shirts and I still wear make-up about 5 times a year, if that, but on the occassion I would get dressed up (for me that's something other than a t-shirt, jeans, shoes that aren't sneakers and maybe even do my hair) I would think "omg, I wonder if women are judging me the way I was judging them?!? What if they were looking at me thinking I had no self worth and that I was shallow and cared only what people thought about my appearance, all based on seeing me for 10 seconds in a walmart. .
That has helped me to not judge someone for taking time to get dressed up. I still struggle with it, especially those of you wearing make up daily! I just don't do it because it feels like I have a gunk and slime all over my face to impress...strangers? I just don't think I could even adopt that in my life, but I can accept that other people where make up and not for that reason, but that's how it feels to me.
Please, I'm not trying to upset or offend anyone. I am just trying to give the other side of the coin since the more popular view is judging the girl that doesn't dress up/ wear make up. I'm not hating on anyone!!
You're lucky if I remember to put on shoes (god bless living in the land of year round flip flops).
This made me chuckle .
And that's exactly what I meant about it not having any effect on me. You decided to not wear shoes...I'd wonder why, but you're not trying to shoe-jack me so on I shall move .
Kind of, yes. I just wrote a looooong post on another thread about judging. One of the things I have struggled with judging is women that OVER DO their appearance. When I see a women at Walmart at like 7 am and she's got the "tan", dyed hair, tons of jewelry, hair sprayed up to the heavens, full face of make-up and some insanely matching dressy emsemble of clothing, my go to judgement is that she is so void of any self worth or confidence that she needs to seek outside validation from strangers she doesn't even know by making sure she looks good for people she doesn't even know at ...walmart?? Really?!?!? (I also assume they are shallow as well)
Her weight doesn't matter, large, small, I think the same thing, although I am working on not doing that. (Interesting though for those of you that judge the casual women that they might be judging you right back!!)
What has helped me move away from that is when I lost all my baby weight after baby #2 (yeah but its back now with this baby!) I started enjoying dressing nice more than I did when I was heavy. Now don't get me wrong, I still spent 90% of my time in t-shirts and I still wear make-up about 5 times a year, if that, but on the occassion I would get dressed up (for me that's something other than a t-shirt, jeans, shoes that aren't sneakers and maybe even do my hair) I would think "omg, I wonder if women are judging me the way I was judging them?!? What if they were looking at me thinking I had no self worth and that I was shallow and cared only what people thought about my appearance, all based on seeing me for 10 seconds in a walmart. .
That has helped me to not judge someone for taking time to get dressed up. I still struggle with it, especially those of you wearing make up daily! I just don't do it because it feels like I have a gunk and slime all over my face to impress...strangers? I just don't think I could even adopt that in my life, but I can accept that other people where make up and not for that reason, but that's how it feels to me.
Please, I'm not trying to upset or offend anyone. I am just trying to give the other side of the coin since the more popular view is judging the girl that doesn't dress up/ wear make up. I'm not hating on anyone!!
Ohhhh...the other side of the coin! Thanks for the perspective!
PreciousMissy, I'm always barefoot. My husband made me start keeping car shoes (a pair of slip on keds that must stay in the car upon returning home) because I'll forget and walk out of the house with no shoes.
Judging other plus size women
-- I call the latter as my pretty days. As long as pretty days outnumber the sweats days, I feel good 
