I wonder if your version of "no money" and mine are different? Because for me growing up, no money meant shop lifting food a few times. When you are that poor, you don't have $ to replace the jeans with holes and shirts with stains. I will say around 19 years old was the last time I stole clothes. After that, I started utilizing churches and thrift stores, and I learned to sew to stitch holes, but stains are stains. Because when you are washing clothes with dish soap in a bathtub, its hard to get those stains out! I remember when I was in high school I had one pair of sneakers I wore until the soles literally peeled off....I "borrowed" nail glue and glued the soles back on... I said in one of my responses (don't know if you read them) but I am very picky about being CLEAN, showered, hair clean, shaved (although when I was younger I couldn't always afford razors, but now, always shaved, teeth brushed, face clean, clean clothes, but beyond that I don't care if my clothes have stains or holes, or if my shoes are old and falling apart. I have more than enough money to dress nice, but I just don't see the point in spending the time and money to so people I don't know can make a positive judgment about me when I already feel good about myself without their approval ...anyway I'm thinking you and I have completely different ideas of no money. I have friends now that think of "no money" as can only shop at walmart for clothes...no money means there really is NO shopping, at all, and things you do have eventually get worn and old.
And I think just the opposite. How awful must one feel that they have to get dressed up so complete strangers approve of their appearance? If someone felt good about themselves, why would they need to make themself look good for other people?
I get if you go out on a date, you want to look good for your husband/bf/so. When hubby and I go out, I'll dress nice and do hair and make up, becaus I *do* want him to think I look good. But how low is ones self esteem that they need that positive reinforcement from others about their appearance? Especially strangers?! I will say I do not feel attractive now (pregnant, blah) but when I'm not pregnant, especially when I've lost all the baby weight after my prengnancies, I know I can dress up and look amazing, put on make up and look beautiful...I don't need to do it everyday to know I look good. I don't need Joe Shmoe at the gorcery store to be like "damn she looks good"" to feel good about myself.
People say they get dressed up (hair make up- nice clothes) because they feel good about themselves... but I feel good about myself regardless. Like when I was running (god I can't wait to get back to it after this baby!!) I felt like a freaking queen, not just when I was running but later that day, and where ever I went. If I got up and ran 7 miles that morning, I felt great about myself all day. The people at walmart didn't know I'd run that morning, and I didn't need them to know to make me feel good. I think the same about appearance. If you know you look good, and you feel good about yuorself, then you can go out in stained shirts, PJ bottoms and sandals, with your hair in a bun, because you *know* you're all that and it doesn't matter if the people at walmart don't see that...just like if they didn't see me run that 7 mile loop. I'm still loving who I am!
P.S. I'm really picking on walmart!! Haha, I also sho at target.
I love your attitude!!! I agree with all of this! Except......Pajama pants still annoy the heck out of me.
I wore a dress with tights and heels to go food shopping the other day. I wore this dress for me, because it fit. I wore heels because I can carry myself in them now and the tights complimented the dress and made my legs look long and lean to me. My hair was done up in an updo (nothing fancy but "done") because my face isn't so big anymore I feel nice doing it. I was so overdressed for only going food shopping and it was all for me. I don't care who saw me, what they thought, it had nothing to do with anyone but me. This dress hopefully won't fit in a few weeks or months when I might have an opportunity to wear it somewhere 3FC approved. We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow, I'm wearing my pretty dress when I want to. Even if it's to Walmart or the dollar store. And I will LOVE it.
I wouldn't go as far to say I get offended, but rather experience a second of annoyance.
Pajamas. And not yoga pants, sweat pants, etc. I mean clothes specifically manufactured to be worn to bed.
Clothes that do not fit properly and expose private parts. For example booty shorts with the bottom of your butt cheeks hanging out of them.
Bathing suits if you're nowhere near the vicinity of a beach or pool. Can't you put on a cover up?
Wearing stilettos to places like amusement parks.
I mostly agree with this. I don't care if someones "put together" or not in normal circumstances. I really don't pay much attention unless there's just something odd, out of place or down right inappropriate like those listed above.
One example of this is a girl came into class, art class, in a bikini top. She put on a cover up that didn't really cover anything up. It was really awkward, especially for the older male instructor. I'd have been much happier if she had ripped jeans or shorts and a stained shirt!
I know I can be judgy but I guess I just don't care enough about what's going on with strangers around me to really pay attention unless it's something that's slap-me-in-the-face obvious. I'm somewhere in between, I'm not a slob but I'm not a pearls and dress to the store kinda person either. I just fall comfortably in the middle.
ETA after Elvis' posting : And I don't care if others are pearls and dress people at the store either! Just had to clarify!
Last edited by XLMuffnTop; 04-18-2013 at 11:45 AM.
Oh my gosh you guys, really? I just started feeling comfortable going to the store in a pair of yoga pants and a ponytail. Ya’ll are gonna halt my progress from neurotic to what I perceived as more normal.
I usually feel sad when I see someone like this. That may sound really condescending, as I don’t know their life, but let me explain myself a little here. As I’ve mentioned on this board before, I live in one of the poorer counties in Appalachia. Going into Walmart is often rather depressing. It’s a long line of stories. Pajama pants and a shirt? Who cares? I remember seeing a young woman walking around, in winter, with a pair of pants on that might as well not have been pants the holes were so large and shoes that the toes had been torn out of. I have a girl in one my classes who is a fairly large girl, and she never has shirts that fit over her stomach. She has gained quite a bit of weight recently, and knowing her home situation, I wonder if she doesn’t have the money for some new shirts. My sister has some shirts she has shrunk out of, and I’ve thought about asking the girl multiple times if she wanted them, but knowing how prideful she is, I feel like it would offend her. I’m thinking of just bringing them in and openly asking if any of my students would like to look through them.
I don’t mean to be mean about anyone who has expressed judgment here, but comments I have heard from friends often leave me wondering if their comments have something related to a rising disgust in my area for “the poor." I put the "the poor" in quotes because they are often treated as one large, moving mass when discussed in these scenarios. I actually got into a huge fight with one of my boyfriend's friends because he talked about how disgusted and annoyed he was having to wade through “those people” at the Walmart, going quite into detail about how they all had the same look. Yeah, my boyfriend doesn't really talk to him much anymore, except due to the fact that they work together. I feel websites like People of Walmart perpetuate these feelings. Most people presented on that site appear to be poor, and we sit and judge them from our upper class post with all its norms and mores. Children that grow up poor often grow up in a culture that was not the middle class culture I grew up in, as I have witnessed from my own family members that have grown up poor as well as my students. I’ve noticed no one judges the skinny woman in a pair of yoga pants from Athleta and a Northface jacket the way they judge a larger woman in a pair of yoga pants from Walmart and a jacket that’s two sizes too big that was a hand-me-down.
I’m not saying I’m impervious to any of these snap judgments, but when you teach, you have to leave judgments at the door. It's been a very good lesson.
I am way more likely to automatically judge a woman dressed to the nines who is smoking hot to be a ***** or shallow. I feel so badly for doing it, but I can’t stop myself. I like wearing a little make-up, and I blow dry my hair and wear comfortable, pretty things. I think, for me, feeling “put together” makes me feel like I’ve got armor on in the world. I don’t know how to explain it, except that I feel somewhat vulnerable on my not put together days. There’s a point that a woman hits, however, that my mind is suddenly like, “Yeah, I bet she’s really high maintenance.” That’s really so not nice of me.
Last edited by Song of Surly; 04-18-2013 at 01:41 PM.
The moral of the story, for me, is WHO CARES WHAT SOME STRANGER THINKS!?
If I'm dressed like a hobo and someone thinks I'm a slob who is lazy and has no pride, that's their problem.
If I'm dressed up and made up like I'm going to the governor's ball and someone thinks I'm shallow and have nothing to offer the world except my looks, #1 thanks you #2 their problem.
I think threads like this are interesting to see how different people perceive the world and those around them. If it wasn't for this thread I'd never have know several of the perspectives people have on something as simple as yoga pants! But I'd have been just find not knowing, and I'll continue to be fine knowing.
On a semi-related note, I was on another forum last week and there was a thread about how yoga pants are $lutty. I was astonished! But there were MANY pages of this thread and people (mainly men), who agreed. So now when I wear yoga pants, I do so knowing some people will think I've given up on life, some will think I'm a $lut, some will think I'm lazy, some will be like d@mn I wonder where she got her sweet yoga pants, and MOST won't even notice my existence.
As egotistical as I've become, in reality I know that probably very few people notice me or pay me any mind really.
I wore a dress with tights and heels to go food shopping the other day. I wore this dress for me, because it fit. I wore heels because I can carry myself in them now and the tights complimented the dress and made my legs look long and lean to me. My hair was done up in an updo (nothing fancy but "done") because my face isn't so big anymore I feel nice doing it. I was so overdressed for only going food shopping and it was all for me. I don't care who saw me, what they thought, it had nothing to do with anyone but me. This dress hopefully won't fit in a few weeks or months when I might have an opportunity to wear it somewhere 3FC approved. We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow, I'm wearing my pretty dress when I want to. Even if it's to Walmart or the dollar store. And I will LOVE it.
I frequently go to the store on the way home from work so I'm sure I often look overdressed (not super formal work environment, but nicer than business casual). I also live in yoga pants/leggings, flip flops, and baby doll t-shirts on my days off (and sometimes short athletic shorts if it's warm). I have dance class on both of my days off so it just makes more sense to only dirty one outfit. When I'm coming from work, I have appropriate make-up on. On my days off, I have eyeliner and lip gloss only usually. So I guess I annoy everyone at one point or another
I know that I judge people, both those that are overweight and those that are very put together. I think it sometimes makes us feel better to see someone who we perceive as heavier/less attractive than we are, and putting down someone we perceive as thinner/more attractive helps with feelings of jealousy.
Last edited by stella1609; 04-18-2013 at 12:19 PM.
I wore a dress with tights and heels to go food shopping the other day. I wore this dress for me, because it fit. I wore heels because I can carry myself in them now and the tights complimented the dress and made my legs look long and lean to me. My hair was done up in an updo (nothing fancy but "done") because my face isn't so big anymore I feel nice doing it. I was so overdressed for only going food shopping and it was all for me. I don't care who saw me, what they thought, it had nothing to do with anyone but me. This dress hopefully won't fit in a few weeks or months when I might have an opportunity to wear it somewhere 3FC approved. We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow, I'm wearing my pretty dress when I want to. Even if it's to Walmart or the dollar store. And I will LOVE it.
I do get this too though. Right before I got prego butt again, I finally got a small tight butt from losing weight and running. There were times I'd dress in more form fitting things (not dresses, last one I wore was my wedding! lol) but a little nicer, and it was totally for me because I loved my butt! Haha! Even if I was home though, I'd put on these pants just cause I loved how they fit. So I get doing it for yourself. But at the same time I coud go to the mall in sweats and an over sized t shirt and not give a crap what people thought.... I still didnt wear make up though!
I wore a dress with tights and heels to go food shopping the other day. I wore this dress for me, because it fit. I wore heels because I can carry myself in them now and the tights complimented the dress and made my legs look long and lean to me. My hair was done up in an updo (nothing fancy but "done") because my face isn't so big anymore I feel nice doing it. I was so overdressed for only going food shopping and it was all for me. I don't care who saw me, what they thought, it had nothing to do with anyone but me. This dress hopefully won't fit in a few weeks or months when I might have an opportunity to wear it somewhere 3FC approved. We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow, I'm wearing my pretty dress when I want to. Even if it's to Walmart or the dollar store. And I will LOVE it.
I usually feel sad when I see someone like this. That may sound really condescending, as I don’t know their life, but let me explain myself a little here. As I’ve mentioned on this board before, I live in one of the poorer counties in Appalachia. Going into Walmart is often rather depressing. It’s a long line of stories. Pajama pants and a shirt? Who cares? I remember seeing a young woman walking around, in winter, with a pair of pants on that might as well not have been pants the holes were so large and shoes that the toes had been torn out of. I have a girl in one my classes who is a fairly large girl, and she never has shirts that fit over her stomach. She has gained quite a bit of weight recently, and knowing her home situation, I wonder if she doesn’t have the money for some new shirts. My sister has some shirts she has shrunk out of, and I’ve thought about asking the girl multiple times if she wanted them, but knowing how prideful she is, I feel like it would offend her. I’m thinking of just bringing them in and openly asking if any of my students would like to look through them.
I don’t mean to be mean about anyone who has expressed judgment here, but comments I have heard from friends often leave me wondering if their comments have something related to a rising disgust in my area for “the poor." I put the "the poor" in quotes because they are often treated as one large, moving mass when discussed in these scenarios. I actually got into a huge fight with one of my boyfriends’ friends because he talked about how disgusted and annoyed he was having to wade through “those people” at the Walmart, going quite into detail about how they all had the same look. Yeah, my boyfriend doesn't really talk to him much anymore, except due to the fact that they work together. I feel websites like People of Walmart perpetuate these feelings. Most people presented on that site appear to be poor, and we sit and judge them from our upper class post with all its norms and mores. Children that grow up poor often grow up in a culture that was not the middle class culture I grew up in, as I have witnessed from my own family members that have grown up poor as well as my students. I’ve noticed no one judges the skinny woman in a pair of yoga pants from Athleta and a Northface jacket the way they judge a larger woman in a pair of yoga pants from Walmart and a jacket that’s two sizes too big that was a hand-me-down.
.
I 100% get this. I don't know if you'd read all the replies, but in one of mine I explained this about myself. I grew up very very poor. I actually spent 1/2 of 5th grade in a shelter. And the summer after 8th grade in a motel after our apartment was condemned and the health dept made us all leave. I have lived a life where you wear the clothes you have, and this stays with me to this day. My husband too. You just can't undo that kind of upbringing. It comes out in other areas of my life as well. But as I've gotten older and moved into the upper middle class, (thank you college and hard work) hubby and I are shocked at the way people think who grew up "rich"...and what we call rich seems to be normal for others. If you can buy food when you need it, and clothes when your old ones are ripped, you are RICH!! But I just can't believe the world middle class people live in wher ehy just waste money on clothes because they want them...If you have a pair of jeans, and they are still intact, why would you buy more? DH and I wear our clothes until they literally fall apart. Until they rip beyond repair. I'm rambling now,..
But yeah, I am amazed at the jugdement that goes on, towards poor people and their appearance. Boggles my mind.
I assume my assumptions and judgments are off kilter but I do have a residual distrust of "cheerleader types" and "bros" left over from like, middle and high school.
I assume my assumptions and judgments are off kilter but I do have a residual distrust of "cheerleader types" and "bros" left over from like, middle and high school.
I had this in my early 20s, It took some years between me and high school, but it wore off.
: And I don't care if others are pearls and dress people at the store either! Just had to clarify!
