lol! Do you have kids? You need something to take up more time so you don't have time to be annoyed at other people's clothes!! :p


Seriously though, I'm curious if those of you on this thread that are more concerned with what everyone else is wearing, if you are younger and/ or childless. The older you get, and the more demanding your life is, the less you give a crap what people are wearing! I'm not saying there still isn't judgement, but I know when I go to the store with my kids, I'm so preoccupied with them and getting out of there, I wouldn't notice if someone came in wearing a clown suit, nor would I care. However, if I had some solo time (haha, yeah right!) then my assumpts that I talked about near the beginning of this thread might re-surface....and then I would know I have way too much time on my hands! ;)

I just know when I'm out in public with my kids, can't take my eyes off them long enough to get a good look at anyone! lol but I do remember having more than enough time to look at others and judge them through my teens and early 20s. :dizzy:

Some people can wear leggins and others can't. Nuff said!

re:
 

I think the original point of this thread (and the one in the maintainers area) if I understand correctly is this:

Most of us judge appearances and many of us dislike the fact that we do it. How can we help ourselves not judge others?

As this thread goes on we're even judging the other posters - looking at where they live, how old they are, how much money they have, or whether or not they have kids for example. We use those things to try to pinpoint why someone is judged For example:

Maybe that's true, maybe not. I'm pretty old, have a kid and care about what people wear. The same might not be true for someone else in my exact situation.

I'm trying to find something positive and motivating from this thread and failing, although it is interesting as I enjoy reading about other people's perspective.

Maybe that in itself is a way to help me to stop judging others, reading just how varied everyone's thoughts are.

My mother had four children in a five year span, a husband with special needs, ran an acreage and a business. She always looked amazing. My best friend is childless and single but is working 3 jobs, renovating her house and volunteering. I haven't seen her in weeks because she has zero time. Yet she had time to text me about the guy in a speedo at the car wash.

It's condescending (and I mean this is general because I encounter it everywhere) to assume that A)if you take note of the people around you that you don't have enough to fill your time with, and B) that having children automatically makes your life busier/fuller/more valuable/more hectic than anyone elses (which I don't think you were necessarily saying, but could be inferred and is often outright stated nowadays.) I'm not looking to pick a fight about mommyjacking, but just because I'm single and childless doesn't mean I have nothing to do. (well today I don't, but that's rare).

There is a HUGE difference between being "busy" and being so wrapped up in your own goings on that you don't see anything around you. That's as much of a flaw in my book as looking at everyone that passes and judging everything about them.

I agree this thread has drifted off course. I tried to reiterate my point earlier, but I guess I didn't communicate myself very well.

I didn't write this post to give my opinion on what I thought was acceptable attire when going to the grocery store. My attention was caught by this one overweight woman in particular because she reminded me of myself when I was in a bad place. She was overweight, not put together very well, with junk food in her cart, slinking around the store looking unhappy. At least this is what I perceived because I was reflecting my experiences on to her.

In reality I knew nothing about the woman. Like many have said, she could have just had a really bad night with a sick relative, or maybe she was laid off from work (which happens alot)... whatever happened. I immediately felt bad for judging her. That was the point.

It's a good point. Conversations drift.

The fact that you caught yourself and felt badly speaks well of you.

I think this is true. I haven't met anyone that liked to judge! But then again, that person probably exists somewhere.

Ok it sounds like you are referring to my most recent post. I said I was curious if there is a relation between being older (as it tends to give us more insight) and having kids (as they tend to take up a lot of time, hence forth moms saying they don't have time too look good) and HAVING the time to observe others and judge. My statements is more like the statement that one makes before a study. Its not a judgement. You need to look up the definition of judgement. I am not making an assumption about someone's character or who they are, I am saying that many people claim to have greater insight and less concern for what others think as they age, and that people with children have less time. I am curious if the people on this thread find the same is true for them. I'm not saying young people without kids are @ssholes, for god's sake. :rolleyes:

Well that's great. Maybe it depends on how many kids you have, or how your parents raised you, or how much money you have....I don't know, that's why I was wondering. Just because you are the mom with plenty of time and the older person who still concerns herself with what others are wearing, that doesn't make what I said a judgement. If I said people without kids are self center and shallow (and my goodness they are not, I'm giving an example) THAT's a judgement... again look up the definition.

Well I don't know what thread you're reading, but there have been a lot of insightful and motivating things on this thread. I've requoted a few from other posters just to tell them that I thought so. Maybe you need to re-read this thread after checking the definition of judgement...maybe you are mistaking people's comments as judgement?? idk.

Sorry but your post annoyed me. Because you can't just assume everything you don't agree with or that doesn't fit you is a judgement.

Example: obese people are more likely to be diagnosed with diabetes. If someone said to me "you know obese people are more likely to be diagnosed as having diabetes, or I wonder if your sugar is ok, because of you weight (I'm obese by now, haven't changed my weight ticker in a while) ...anyway if someone said that to me during a conversation about weight and diabetes, they would not be judging my health, they'd be stating a fact and wondering if I was included in that fact. If they were like "here's a sugar free cookie for your diabetic @ss" because they ASSUMED I had diabetes, then yes, they'd be judging my health. Likewise if I said in my post "you must have no kids and be very young because you have too much free time" that would be judging. I don't know her situation, but I am curious about all the poster's situations and if that effects their concern for their own and other people's appearance.

I also pictured grumpy cat saying your post, especially that last part I quoted you on about you failing to find anything positive in this thread. Don't get me wrong, I like grumpy cat, he's cute. But I just picture him being all grumpy and saying he couldn't find anything positive in a thread that was FULL of positive thoughts from other people.

I'm not hating on grumpy cat!! :) I love reposting his stuff on facebook!

If you really can't find anything positive, there's something you can take away from this thread. :)

I was picking kids as a time absorber because I have kids, and they are what eats up most of my time.
I was not stating people with out kids have nothing to do, but I do notice that people without kids can be particularly sensitive to that. Like they think we (moms) think that so they just jump to the defense. I did say "as we get older" life gets busier. I exampled my life, i.e. kids, but I left the question general enough, that life getting busier could mean a demanding career or volunteer work, more traveling...

In my life experience, the more time people have on their hands, the more time they have to judge others/ be concerned with other people/ care what other people are doing.
You're are talking about how much time your mom has and whether she looked amazing. I have found plenty of women with little time make time to do themselves up. Just like when I'm not pregnany I make time to run 5 mile 4-5x a week. Priorities. However I have yet to meet anyone that is busy that makes time to judge others. Their life/ thoughts/ days/ plans are do busy that when they go to walmart they are thinking of the other 1000 things they have to do/get etc...not who's too lazy to change out of sweatpants.
Catch what I mean?

ITA!

I'm sorry, but I am immediately offended by the assumption that motherhood takes up all your time in a way nothing else does. I have chosen not to have children, and my life is quite busy. I work about 60 hours a week and have hobbies as well that occupy my time. Perhaps those of us without children are quick to be defensive because we are SICK of being treated like we have nothing but free time to laze about because we don't have children.

It seems very obvious from this thread that ALL women struggle with this internal dialogue--even those who say they don't seem to be judging those who do.

Ugh....Captain of the Cheerleading Squad here. I lived my whole early existence as the "charmed one" that NEVER had girlfriends, gained weight with babies, and now I am back to basically where I was before.

And....women still hate me. Joy! I don't wear gym clothing except to the gym and I have never owned sweats, because I just don't like how the cuff is tight in your ankle. I always wear "actual pants" to leave my house.

I don't let my assets hang out, unless I am on a date with hubby. I dress conservatively, but nicely, within a budget. I take very good care of my clothing so it lasts longer. I dye my hair, pluck my eyebrows, etc.

But ya know what? I also raise chickens and breed dogs. I live in the country and wear boots for everything outside. I split wood, haul water and feed, and pretty much take care of everything. Today while picking weeds, my son and I dug up slugs and worms, then I helped him climb a tree to check out a bird's nest.

I really LIKE to be "pretty" when I leave the house. I also really like to be "comfy" at the gym and "durable" with outside work. I like to be "sexy" in the bedroom, but that's another topic...lol.

I don't feel offended by what other women wear, but I sure as sh!t get looks and snide remarks. I come off as unapproachable, despite my smile and silly banter. I am intimidating, as if somehow my appearance is subconsciously making the other person feel inadequate. And that is the crux....why oh why do we relate PERSONALITY to clothing/looks?

I don't get it, but from this perspective, it sucks, and a lot of the comments on here have just confirmed what I have dealt with my whole life.

I don't think its that childless people have more free time. I have plenty of childless friends that are just as busy or busier than me. However, I do assume that shopping is easier for my childless friends. They aren't breaking up fights, picking up dropped stuff, taking potty breaks, explaining that I already said no to candy 3 times so stop asking, negotiating the taking turns for pushing the cart, etc. Add in a special needs kid, and the other shoppers at Kroger could be naked & I'm not sure I'd notice.

P.s I have two boys, ages 5 and 7, and at no point during my infertility treatments, pregnancy or afterwards, did I fail to dress myself in a way I felt was appropriate.

Mothering is great and all, but it isn't all-consuming every second. Off and on during the day (and sometimes night)? Yes. But I find it awfully hard to believe that anyone, parent or not, is so busy that they just DON'T HAVE TIME to be judgemental. ;)


I personally try to schedule in my judgement time.

I am young and childless. I have plenty of things to take up my time. But I am not so absorbed in my own world that I am oblivious to what is going on around me... I think that could be said for most people, maybe even some who have kids. Does being busy or having children mean that you are no longer aware of your surroundings? Maybe I am just not busy enough...

:lol:

Here's a judgement for some of you.

I had postnatal depression (not getting into the kid's argument, this is just a fact). There were many days, weeks, months, while dealing with my sick baby, that I felt I had no energy to doll up (and by that, I mean anything without sick on it because he would vomit up to 72 ounces of milk a day).

Did people chuckle at me? Thanks a lot. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm also saying that maybe I'm a little sad that people were laughing at me when I was so depressed I thought of abandoning my family. That was 3 years ago, but it still hurts.

When I go out shopping now, I look great, and on a budget too with yet another baby in tow. I'm still the same person, I'm just not depressed anymore. If my clothes are my REFLECTION of me then maybe some of you should have more compassion for that sloppy mother who is rushing to grab some food and then cry in the car on the way home because she feels she can't escape her life??? You have NO clue what her deal is, if she was just busy, or if she doesn't care, or if she hates her life.

How would some of you feel if people assumed that you were overweight simply because you have no self respect, no pride in your appearance? Because you all know darn well that LOTS of people absolutely believe that about overweight people. Would you genuinely not wish that perhaps they had more sympathy or understanding???

To me, this is really a pot calling the kettle black.