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Old 03-31-2011, 02:35 PM   #1  
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Default Am I crazy for liking a crazy guy?

So........a few months ago I met this guy who I thought was sooo freaking cool. A perfect mix of what I am looking for in a guy (minus his prison record, the fact that he is a compulsive liar, and that he doesn't really like the news or politics or reading).

Anyway.....he came on strong, then turned off just as strong. Everyone who cares for me doesn't like him because he is kind a jerk towards me.

Ok, here is the deal---most guys would say "hey, chick, it isn't working out between us" or "I just don't like you in that way", etc. What he does (I will name him Tall), is that he just does a put down. I say "Hey, babe, long time no hear. How are you?". Tall says 'Leave me the f*** alone!" or something like that, out of the blue. He will never answer why he is suddenly upset at me, and he will just reply with some weird put-down.

Now, rationally, Tall is a guy that I should not even talk to. If he cannot talk to me (and he is almost 10 years older than me) like an adult, then, what is the point in talking? He does do childish put-downs, but they are so sudden and out of the blue, that yeah, I have cried at least like 4 or 5 times over this guy....and we were maybe a couple only for a couple of weeks. Sigh. Yeah, he came on very, very, very strong and I foolishly got all goofy in love.

So, I thought we weren't talking anymore (after he said he didn't want anything to do with me), and then, after a day of being very lonely, he went out with me, paid for some things, and was just generally very nice. I even joked with him that it wasn't so bad hanging out with me as a friend. He said it wasn't.

Now, I am trying to not get all goofy about him. I realize he lies a lot, and I don't know why he spent time with me, or why he is suddenly not cursing me out and that considering everything he has said, the odds of him suddenly really caring about me are very small. But, a small part of me does kind of hope that he becomes nice and does have feelings for me.

I know, I know, that is super silly. Sigh.

Have you ever liked a guy you know you probably shouldn't, but you just had this weird attraction to?

Also, what would make him change? Did he just feel sorry for me?
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:47 PM   #2  
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I'm thinking you're in love with the attention. Can't say I blame you. But he does not sound like good news. Read that back over yourself as if your best girlfriend had written it. Would you give your blessing to a guy that would treat her that way? He sounds a little manic depressive to me, up one minute and down the next, radically. If you want stability, this is not it. You deserve to be treated like a queen, never cursed at!!

Yeah, I've been smitten with guys before I shouldn't have been with and I wish message boards had been around to give me a swift kick in the rear.

Last edited by Eliana; 03-31-2011 at 02:48 PM.
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:49 PM   #3  
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aww that sucks that he treated you that way. i know you like him but IMHO you deserve better. you can't expect people to change, he is who he is, and really you need to take him or leave him that way. personally i'd leave him, but it's your choice.
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:56 PM   #4  
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What would make him change? A lobotomy.

Have I ever liked a guy who I shouldn’t? Of course, we all have at one time or another. I gotta say…this guy you got here is pretty darned smart! He knows that he can put you down and shut you out and that you’ll always come back for more. So what motivation does he have to ever change his ways if all he has to do to woo you back is give you a wink, a smile and buy you something? This man has absolutely no respect for you. I don’t care about his prison record or that he isn’t into politics. And frankly, I don’t even care how he treats you. What I care about is why YOU think it’s ok how he treats you? Does that make sense? Let him go on his merry way and treat someone else like crap. Just as long as it is NOT YOU!

You have yourself some good friends who see it for what it really is. I mean….if this behavior from “Tall” was coming from a girlfriend of yours, would you still want to be friends? I doubt it. So why does this kind of treatment coming from a person with a penis make a difference?

Please, I’ve been there and done that. Toxic relationships were my specialty. And I am not trying to come across as harsh. Consider this a gentle 2x4.

Last edited by ShanIAm; 03-31-2011 at 02:58 PM.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:10 PM   #5  
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Originally Posted by ShanIAm View Post

You have yourself some good friends who see it for what it really is. I mean….if this behavior from “Tall” was coming from a girlfriend of yours, would you still want to be friends? I doubt it. So why does this kind of treatment coming from a person with a penis make a difference?

Please, I’ve been there and done that. Toxic relationships were my specialty. And I am not trying to come across as harsh. Consider this a gentle 2x4.
Rationally I know that I should not have feelings for a guy who has put me down the way he has. I also know that it makes me look pretty bad to keep contacting him or being nice to him when he is a jerk towards me. He has even said as such---that he says whatever to me and I still stick around. That is not cool and I don't want him thinking that, but, based upon this guy's behavior, I think that trying to get him to change is not something I can do. Only something that he can do on his own.

I feel like if I want to keep in contact with him, I will have to make sure to not get romantically involved. I don't deserve to be talked to or treated the way he does. I think part of me thinks that he is really mentally messed up, and doesn't know how to deal with someone that is nice towards him (he has said as such before). I also know it isn't my responsibility to fix him. I also know that I cannot focus on him as a date, and to keep my dating options open, as I deserve someone who really does care for me, and right now, I cannot say that he cares for me.

Part of me has this weird feeling that he has this trippy control over me, and that I could see myself foolishly running down the aisle with this guy if he were to ask me. BUT, I have already warned my friends to come and get me if I were to go completely bats**t crazy and decide to fall in love with the guy.

Sigh...maybe it is just physical attraction and this weird father figure thing?
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:22 PM   #6  
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It sounds like the typical bad boy attraction. Based on what you've written, there are no redeeming qualities in this person. He may very well have been nice to you that one day just to keep you on the hook, so he can continue to play mind games. It will not get better, it will get worse and you can get really hurt.

Don't let him have that control over you. Walk away and don't look back. Really. He doesn't deserve you or even another minute of your time.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:27 PM   #7  
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I don't know what the attraction is, and I have never gone back to a guy who treated me the way he has. I feel like we have this weird connection, but I can never expect him to really fall in love or anything like that....maybe we are both just bored people?

And he has never asked me for anything, so, I am not sure what the point was to him paying for stuff. He could just be trying to get some, but, I already have told him that isn't going to happen.....

could it just be physical attraction that keeps people knowing each other?

I do know enough to know that I cannot stop looking for love because of him. I am keeping my options open for a guy that will treat me nicely and with respect and actually wants to marry me etc.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:41 PM   #8  
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Alriiight, I'm going to give you my perspective this might not be your situation at alll, but it was mine for sure. When I was in high school and in my first year of college I weighed 345 pounds, and oh my God did I date the biggest jerks out there. And I dated many. But because I wasn't a size four I think I didn't think I could do better. I didn't have the confidence. I allowed those guys to treat me like that and I'm not entirely sure why. But no that I've lost my weight and gotten confidence, I look back on it and I'm like what the heck was I thinking!? I was beautiful, smart, funny, and I did NOT have to settle for that crap. Loser guys who would call me names, then ask me to come over to watch movies the next day. Wow, I'm embarassed to say that I ALWAYS went for it. And now, I'm quite a bit thinner and I'm attracting not only good looking guys, but nice sucessful men who treat me right. Who want to treat me right. But I know now that I could have had that back when I was at my highest weight... If I'd just believed that's what I deserved instead of losers with criminal records who lie. Now, they try to talk to me on facebook- the losers- and I get the skeevies (idk if that's the word but I get grossed out). Its like I want to deny that I was ever stupid enough to go for those loser guys. Blah! Haha but such is life I guess. You live and you learn, but take it from me that you don't need to settle for losers. Don't be like me and settle for whatever reason, be it lack of self confidence or just.. Boredom and love of the attention (I loved the attention too). Idk maybe your situation is nothing like mine but you sound like I was when I dated those idiots..! I told myself I was into the bad boy thing, but noo. There's a difference between a bad boy and a downright loser. Your guy sounds like quiiite the loser. :/
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:53 PM   #9  
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My ex, he was in a gang, emotionally abused me was a complete psycho, fought with me every third day of my work day out of four and broke up with me. Then on my days off we got back together. He was a liar, a snake, a loser, a bum, racked up and put me in debt. Made me feel like ****, yelled at me, belittled me and went completely nuts if I had a simple conversation with a guy. Had me followed around, hacked into my facebook, hacked into my emails. His boys pretended to be some guy I knew from back to so see if I would cheat. and so on...was it worth it in the end. **** no! did I know from the beginnig that I shouldn't be with him, **** yes! Was I smart enough to stay away...nope and it got me in a lot of debt...and a really big life long learning lesson!

So would I advise you to stay? Nope! attention is great but you can get attention from any man that will at least treat you with respect and dignity.
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Old 03-31-2011, 04:00 PM   #10  
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Both you and Sweet have quite the stories. Look up a thread on here entitled "I Left My Husband Tonight". See if you don't see yourself in Megan's struggle.

You are better than that. You don't need to be desparate. You yourself said your friends object. It is not that they want to see you sad and lonely. Quite the opposite.

Please look up that thread. It is a really long one because many of us wanted to support Megan's decision. You'll be going through that, too, if you stay with this guy.
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Old 03-31-2011, 04:40 PM   #11  
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You deserve better than him. Better than me telling you that you need to tell yourself. I deserve so much better than this.
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Old 03-31-2011, 04:55 PM   #12  
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That is a very unhealthy relationship, there is no downside for him and no upside for you. Don't give away your power like that - if you can't dig down deep to find the self esteem necessary to drop this guy, you might want to talk to a professional to help you (caveat - I am a big fan of therapy and don't mean to insult you by suggesting it, it can really help).
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Old 03-31-2011, 05:03 PM   #13  
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Cut off all contact with him- seriously. I don't think you should trust yourself to make smart decisions about him (if you can see yourself running off down the aisle with him- big red flag) This isn't man who can contribute anything meaningful to a relationhsip, nor a friendship. I only see bad things for you if you continue down this road.
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Old 03-31-2011, 07:38 PM   #14  
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i have had this relationship! the only thing that got me out of it was moving away! i don't know what it was but me and J... from the time we were like 12 years old til I moved away at 17... just had this insane connection. This spark! We freaking hated each other, we loved each other, couldn't get enough then couldn't stand each other... we had this physical connection that just made us complete ******s for each other. i have no doubt in my mind that if we had not moved away i would have married him, had four of his greasy babies, then got a divorce.
sometimes you just have to take a step away. i think this is one of those times.
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:03 PM   #15  
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I wouldn't worry about him, his criminal record, his compulsive lying, trying to change him, or the reasons why he is abusive, I would worry more about myself and why I thought so poorly of myself that I would accept this kind of treatment from some jerk you just met a couple months ago. No way.
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