Well, as I mentioned, by best friend is suicidal. We live in different cities, so our communications are via email mostly, some phone. Once I got so worried about her I tried to contact her doctor (I knew his name) but he refused to speak to me citing confidentiality. I didn't want him to tell me about her, I wanted to tell HIM about her. And he still wouldn't talk to me. I worry if I tell her family that first they won't do anything (she's tried telling them herself and they stuck their heads in the sand) and second she would not forgive me for saying something and then we wouldn't be friends. I often feel like I'm her only friend she can tell about this, and don't want to leave her with no friend to talk to.

So I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but basically what I try to do is listen and be there for her.

I m glad there's a topic for this. I wanted to talk to someone but I really don't have any friends.

All the friends I met in high school were very superficial and disliked me because I was overweight. I never met anyone that I call a true friend, so I don't even have anyone that I can talk to.

I've thought about it so many times, my life right now is just a mess, I m separated from the one I love and no one around me understands or even try to understand. I don't think anyone really give a **** about me besides my Fiance and my mom. She doesn't really talk to me all that much and she would yell at me when I try to talk to her.

I called in a local support phone line a few months ago, it was a pretty bad experience and pretty much told me to "deal with it", in a bad manner.

Where do you guys go for help?

Ivonnely - I want to find that 'support line' and kick their @ss for giving you such horrible 'help' !!!

I come here (the Monthly Chat) for support. Ive tried to tell my husband, its not a good subject for us (shrug) and have no close friends that I could talk to. so it's all online, but it sure helps

ButterCup/amber - powerful, moving, helpful post!!!!

I was in this position for the majority of 2010, I was so low and actually set a date to commit suicide. I don't know what happened to those feelings, I still think about it, but the thoughts are not nearly as strong. I've never reached out for help, because for me that would be counter-productive for my suicide plans.. I'm not exactly in a good place now, far from it actually, but I know I'm not on the edge any more. I have taken an overdose and self harm frequently, I don't really know how to get out of this.. or if I even want help.. I just feel like I'm not important enough to go and see someone about it, which is fine, I'm sure I'll live.. hah

fuct, Ivonnely & marie81

My Mother had a very serious suicide attempt 6 years ago. What pisses me off is that she knew something was wrong and didn't get help. The problem is that she didn't know what to do. Find a place to start and seek help. People do care.

I had a very hard time reading these post but, I am so happy that there is a forum for this conversation.

The first time I tried to commit suicide I was in the third grade. I tried stabbing myself in the stomach with scissors.

I've tried a few times since then. Early this year I swallowed a bunch of klonopin but just ended up in excruciating pain.

I suffer from bipolar disorder and recently have been having hallucinations. This week I was in the bathroom with three of myself. I convinced myself to give myself a black eye so I grabbed a metal can of hairspray and proceeded to hit myself in the face til it was red and swollen. It's been about four days and my face is still sore. I haven't been taking my medicine for about four months either. I stopped taking it after it kept making me sick. Waiting til I have enough money to see my doctor.

Stellarwbz -- I hope you're getting some sort of help -- if you can't see your doctor, there may be some sort of free health clinic where you might be able to get on the right medication. Your hallucinations sound serious!! Please get help.

I've been going to the county mental health clinic but the process to get in was grueling and they said that I made to much money to get it free. It's almost 100 a visit. My dumb job doesn't offer good health care.

Maybe they will call in a refill for you without having to see a doctor right away. You could schedule your appointment for a few weeks in the future so you can save up for it. Hopefully their policy allows a refill to hold you until your next appointment.

I don't know if you are a member of forums dedicated to bipolar, but they might also be able to offer advice on getting care now instead of later. It's worth a shot!

http://www.psychforums.com/bipolar/
http://www.depressionforums.org/foru...olar-disorder/
http://www.bipolarsupport.org/

I've also been on both ends. IMHO, atleast here in the US, it's very hard to get 'help'. I suffered through depression and anxiety since my teens, but since I'm poor it's hard to get therapy or any help.

Now I'm a bit older I'm actually suspecting maybe I have a thyroid issue or PCOS or something else going on where some blood work and general tests would be nice to make sure there's no underlying issues causing my mental issues. But again, like therapy, medical help doesn't come cheap or free.

It's frustrating to know that I shouldn't really have to suffer, and that my life could have been/could be so much better since there is therapy and medications and tests that could probably get me feeling better, but they aren't within my reach.

Suicide isn't what I really want, although it's passed through my mind a few times, but I really want to just live my life happily. Of course if I cried 'suicide' I'd be taken in for a few days to be mentally evaluated, but I have a feeling since there's no money to be made from me I'd be sent out and people could care less what happened to me. It's depressing that's how the system works here.

I understand on both counts- I'm self-employed and have to pay out of pocket for my insurance (which doesn't cover diddly) and can't get good insurance because of my weight, so I end up paying out of pocket for most of my care.

Definitely explore the possibility of this being thyroid. I have Hashimotos which went undiagnosed for 9 years (despite my pleas with my doctor to test me) and I finally changed doctors and got tested and my depression and anxiety is MUCH better now that I'm on thyroid hormone. In fact, I'm trying to think if I've had a full blown panic attack since I started on medication. I don't think I have.

I use to work on the 12 am - 6 am shift of the suicide prevention hotline. There are always tons of calls.. I know that there is always help - just a phone call away - look in the phone book under suicide prevention hotline.. Many of my "callers" were not really considering suicide, but they were extremely lonely.. loneliness is awful and many overweight people find themselves not able to socialize or comfortable being around others.. I think one of the biggest ways to help our overweight friends is to include them in gatherings, social events, or just visit them.. Remember - "Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem!"

Lisa

I did actually call a crisis hotline last week. Not sure if it's the same as a suicide line. I'm not the type to really want to tell a stranger my problems; but I called thinking maybe I could find some resources for what is going on in my life. The woman talked to me for about 2 minutes; asked if my family had insurance, gave me another number to call; and basically shooed me off. The number was for an insurance agency.

I guess it depends where you call and who you get. Not directing this towards you, but I got the feeling maybe those type of hotlines get so many calls with different problems they have to desensitize themselves a bit.

It's funny how it was called the white elephant because that's truly how some people treat it. I had a lovely stay in the hospital in 2008 only after I struggled for a good year to get help. In my neck of the woods, too many people need psychiatrists and therapists don't give out meds. My therapist didn't take me serious enough when I said "I'm getting overwhelmed and no one is taking me serious." He said what about my kids. I said, "Even without me they will grow up, graduate, get married and live their lives." Only three days later I was too overwhelmed to carry on.

That is the only way I got help, although at that time I didn't care. I was then misdiagnosed in the hospital but the people around me at least knew there really was something wrong. It's very very true that at that dire moment you do no consider others, what's happening at that moment is far too strong to do so. I did scream in my head. Sometimes I felt paralyzed when my husband would talk to me. I wouldn't speak even when he'd yell "what's going on?" But in my head I would be screaming. "HELP."

I don't allow it to be a white elephant anymore. My children are well aware of what I did and why I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. They also know that I may end up in the hospital again. I'm Bipolar and I truly believe I was born without the gene to want to live forever. While everybody is doing things to live longer I do them only to get by. I don't want to live forever. Every morning I wake up I pout just a little. I used to swear I don't think I'll ever have the "want" to live, but as I've told my doctors at least it's not the active "want" to die.

I really believe my eating right, dieting and medications are a big big help. I'm glad now that they know what's wrong with me we can better educate ourselves and our children. There are bad days (I literally can't get out of bed and sometimes don't talk) but for the most part I'm OK. DH has gone to group meeting and has found a nationwide free help program. (NAMI) He now knows how serious things are and that with Bipolar they can change at a drop of the hat. We know that news and crisis on grand scales set me off to dangerous lows...so I don't watch the news. He tells me what he thinks is interesting.

I am a lioness when it comes to my children so I fight for them when the need is here. I still don't look into the future, every day is the day I live, no more. We don't keep anything a secret from family (all DH's mine have all passed away) and we've noticed that all of them have learned a little something for future "episodes". They have really pulled together.

I hope for those of you who are having a hard go of it right now look into help. I know personally how hard it is to get mental help. Nami was created for that reason. Talking about it helps, but only to people who understand, otherwise it's like a brick wall. For Bipolars stopping medication is dangerous, we can't be cured by supplements or exercise (although these are very helpful). We shouldn't allow people to treat us differently because we have mental issues...it's not our faults and we could choose to be "normal" wouldn't we. No one want to feel depressed or desperate. But on the other hand, while we're yelling in our heads, those people who want to help, can't hear that. So we have help ourselves. I know that is easier said than done...I know that now, I knew it then and I know it for the future. One day at a time

As a teen I thought about this often. My childhood had two sides. One side (my Mother) was full of love and anything I needed or wanted I had. The other side (my step-dad) was full of hatred abuse and put downs. I had one parent telling me how smart and pretty I was I would grow up to be anything I wanted. The other told me I'd end up a mans door mat and worth nothing nothing more than a convenient lay. Of course as a child I had no idea what anything he said even meant. My Mother never knew because I didn't know what would happen if I told.

I never really wanted to kill myself. I just hoped it happened naturally. I'd go to bed say my prayers and drift off to heaven and everything would be ok.

Since then I've grown up. Had my 1st child young. Repeated the cycle, allowing a man to rule me and take advantage of me. But, one day it stopped! I woke up and realized my child was worth more than anything on Earth and so was I. I kicked the ******* out moved my older very protective brother in. My life has done nothing but prosper since! Soon after me and my now husband ran into each other at a friends house. Our eyes met and I haven't been able to get rid of him since. We have three children together. He loves my oldest as his own and has raised him as such. He supported me when I went back to school and was the first to tell me how proud he was, my Mother being a close second!

My point is, that we all may have these moments. And they may last a day, week months or more even a life time. But if no one steps in lends a hand and says I love you I want to help! Who knows what kind of a life you could help someone have.

My oldest child and husband saved me and thats a fact! My son from an evil hurtful person. And my husband from a man who thinks women are property and if you knock them up they're yours forever.

I am blessed now, happy, and can't wait to live each day.

PLEASE IF ANYONE KNOWS SOMEONE WHO NEEDS HELP -----HELP THEM!