Never Give Up!!!!!!
 

Hey Everyone!!

For most of us on this thread, the battles with depression and weight loss will be life long. Sometimes we need to adjust our meds, our eating programs or our attitudes. Sometimes it feels just about impossible, BUT IT ISN'T!!! To those of you thinking about getting help-DO IT!! The improvement in your life will be unbelieveable. I waited longer than I should have, but getting help (meds and therapy), enabled me to start living one of my dreams!! Not only do I enjoy and appreciate my family more now, but I have been making jewelry for the last three years with a friend. Before treatment I didn't think I was capable of something like that.

We all go through rough times. My depression was relatively under control, until I was put on progesterone, and last week I had a really rough bout. Felt like I was going crazy. I've made an appointment with the doctor, and am going to ask about upping the Paxil in response. I am not thrilled with this development, but I'd rather be healthy than overly proud or worried about the amount of meds I'm taking.

WE ARE ALL WORTH THE EFFORT, AND WE ALL DESERVE HAPPY LIVES!!!!

Hi Dentrassi...

I'm so sorry that you had a bad time last week. You've got the right attitude... don't worry about the meds... if you need them, you need them, and that's all there is to it. It's not worth jepardizing your life, your family's lives, etc just so you can say... "yes, I pulled myself together without the use of drugs".
Imagine if I took away my dad's nitroglycerin and said, "dad, I'm sure that if you have a heart attack you'll be able to handle it on your own."? And if anyone thinks it's not the same thing, just take a look at Andrea Yates. And if you still don't agree, you're in the wrong support forum, because we're here for support, not criticism. ;)

And yes... everyone who needs it... get help! I waited too long, too, and I caused my children psychological grief which I'm having to work through with them.
You're not a failure if you're suffering from mental illness. And heck, this is a fat forum! How are we supposed to lose fat when we're depressed? (and goodness knows we're depressed when we're fat... it's a vicious circle :lol: )

Dentrassi, what kind of jewelry do you make?

Ellis

HI ELLIS!!

I make Copper and silver jewelry. I started helping a friend, and then I started designing it too. We make mostly pins, but also some necklaces and earrings. One of our most popular items is a copper "purse" with a silver hand over it, and a heart on the hand. (looks like a hand holding a purse.) It opens, and we put a message inside-a word or short phrase stamped on silver. I love doing this. I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up at the age of 40!! The thing that is funny is, I used to sit around day dreaming about doing something artistic, but didn't think I had the talent!! Luckily I have a VERY supportive boss/friend as well as family. She has REALLY encouraged me!!

I did get the meds upped today. The DR. said that the progesterone would probably make me feel like I did when I was pregnant. NO WONDER I WAS SO EMOTIONAL!!

Hi Dentrassi!

Your jewelry sounds absolutely beautiful! Do you have any pictures of it online?

Hmmm, felt like you were pregnant, huh? What a nightmare. I'm glad you got your meds upped. You're going to feel great soon!

We're taking our daughter to see the doctor again this afternoon. I'm just really hoping that he's not going to brush off the whole episode and say that she'll be fine. I'm sure that we can work through all this (I hope), but I know it's going to be a long struggle.

Gotta go for my bike ride... I'll write again later. Take care sweetie... you're going to be alright.
Ellis

HI ELLIS!!

We don't have a site of our own for the jewelry, but three of our pieces are on www.themaninthemoon.com

Once you get there, look at "Unique Artistic Jewelry". They have 3 of our pieces there, but we make a lot more. They have everything listed under my Boss/Friend's name (Laurie Brown), but i actually make most of the pieces now. The "limited Edition Heart Pin" is actually my design!!! We call it "Mom pin", because the first one was made for my mother's birthday. She was as happy having it named after her as she was getting the original!!

I'm already doing a bit better. I had been avoiding work for a while, as much as i love it. Seems like when i am having a rough time I just want to stay at home. I'm really trying to push myself now. It is like exercise. I KNOW I will feel better once I get there!! (Unless I am having one of those days where i fry everything i try to solder!!!)

Hope everything went okay with your daughter's doctor visit. I know with my son I will think things are getting better and then, BAM!! It is really a rollercoaster. Especially where your kids are concerned. Remember to look at the big picture. There may be a few setbacks, but the important thing is the two steps forward. NOT the one step back!!

Thanks for all your support!!

Dentrassi, I love your jewelry!! I must admit, I was a little apprehensive about asking about it. Some (okay, A LOT) of jewelry I find soooo tacky, but yours is beautiful, funky, and it's got a great sense of design. I've studied art, architecture, and interior design, and I'm pretty fussy about what I like. :lol:

So you don't make the jewelry at home? It IS difficult getting out when you're feeling rough. I'm glad you're starting to feel better. Don't neglect yourself! You can't care for your family when you're not well yourself... you are number one right now.

Our whole family spent 2 hours with the psychiatrist yesterday. I'm drained. I feel like I've been beaten with a big stick. :( I'm not quite sure what the psychiatrist contributed, but we all did a lot of talking, some crying, and confessing. I had no idea that our family is so disfunctional. :lol: I always thought that we were perfectly balanced, well informed, politically correct, loving... ;)
I'm not sure where we go from here... I'm going to take my daughter to see our family doctor next... then my husband is going to see what resources are available from his work. And of course, you can just imagine what my reading material is right now... "When Children Want to Die", "Children Who are Grieving", .... etc.
And I can already see what you mean about the "rollercoaster". When I'm really tired, I start to relax a little, and then "BAM!!".

And thank you for YOUR support!
Ellis

Thanks for the compliments about the jewelry!!!

I do some work at home, but my boss has the Propane tank at her house, as well as most of the heavy duty equipment (mini hydraulic press and mini drill press), so some of it I have to do there. What is fun for me is getting the colors to come out of the copper. Sometimes when you heat it it is just ugly brown, but if you do it right it is red, or orange, or even blue, green or purple!!! It is almost magical, although some days the copper god frowns on me and everything melts or comes out ugly!!:D

I think all families are dysfunctional. Everybody brings their own issues to the family, and then they all combine to make new issues within the family. Like you, we have tried to be loving, politically aware (and correct), and to raise open children. The problem is they pick up on all the stuff that you AREN'T saying too. (Like I tried to raise the boys with good self-esteem, but they sucked up my low self-esteem through the pores.) And then there is all that outside influence.....

I think just talking helps. Sometimes things get so crazy that it is hard to just get the basic stuff done, and a lot of important things get swept under the rug. DS #2 had had a few "panic attacks", and I thought he was exaggerating. He can be VERY melodramatic, so what he was describing to me I took with a grain of salt, since I had never seen one. (He has never had one at home.) One of the last ones, a teacher reacted asked if he was asthmatic, and needed his inhaler. That was my first clue that this was serious enough that it concerned those around him. Mind you, the school didn't call!! Thank goodness my son told me about it!!! You just don't want to think that your kids are in that much pain. I winced when I saw your book titles. Mine are things like, "Parenting the Anxious Child".

WOW! You have studied a lot of interesting topics. I studied mostly social sciences (lots of psych-irony!!), solar technology for a few years, and artistic ability I thought was more musical than visual. It is funny that I ended up where i did. I think it was you who said you ended up being a stay at home mother despite yourself. It was like that for me too. My Mom worked, and I always expected to also. Thought I was a traitor to the feminist movement for years!! But you know-we all do what we have to, and despite some problems, I've got two great boys who are sensitive to the needs of those around them. They will make great husbands, just like their Dad!!

This is now becoming WAY too long, so....HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

You're funny, Dentrassi. I know what you mean about "sucking up my low-esteem through their pores". :lol:

We've tried not to raise our son as the "typical male". No toy guns, no violent role play, no stereotyping, etc. But somehow the water pistols slipped into the house. And he's devoted to Star Wars, which means we've got Star Wars Lego people with tiny little guns and light sabres performing miniature acts of violence. And his plastic dinosaurs are forever in the act of eating little plastic people. But he DOES wear pink mittens without a fuss, and he's a very nice boy, so we're not too worried. ;)

You've studied a lot of interesting things yourself! And if I may say so, your English is excellent. ;)

We're having "individual family time" this evening. You know when you have all these great nurturing ideas for "the perfect family", but somehow things slip by the way-side because the day is just not long enough? Well, no more slipping. ;) My husband is spending quality time with our son this evening while my daughter and I work on her/my dollhouse. (One of those projects that sits and collects dust because the day is not long enough.)

Your school experience with DS#2 sounds like a nightmare. :( We expect school professionals to "know all", but they often aren't experienced or educated enough to do what's right for our children.

You're right... we definitely need to do more talking as a family. I always feel like I'm being "heavy" when we discuss important issues, but I have to get over that feeling.

Ah, the feminist movement. ;) I must admit, I hate being the norm... I like to be "different". It makes me a stronger person.
Because staying home with your kids has become so uncommon, I've got to the point where I feel so good about staying home that I'm convinced I'm a better feminist for it. :)
Now, when snotty people ask me what I do for a living; instead of my usual reply (the little white lie... "I'm an architect"), I say, "I'm a kept woman." :lol: It throws them right off. I don't care what they think anymore. They're not really interested in ME, but in the status of my salary.
Do you meet people who think it's "cute/quaint/charming" that you make jewelry? I used to make soap and other natural body products as a small business, and that was the general reaction I got for my efforts. :rolleyes:

Talk as much as you like... no one could possibly be more long-winded than I am. ;)

People's reactions sure are strange. I live in a somewhat conservative area, and some of the other mothers make comments about "awful working Moms, and how we love our kids more". It always throws them when I say "Hey, some people are better Moms BECAUSE they work." I was so glad when my younger son started middle school, because I don't see those people as much any more!! My feeling is that each person has to decide what is best for herself and her family. Other people have looked down on me because I have no income. Yes, many people think it is cute that I "do crafts", and a few now think I am "cool" because of what I do. It is all strange. I am the same person!!!

Hubby is an adjunct lecturer in English. Some of my English is my own, some of it is years of him correcting me!! (He means well.) It was mostly when we were at English functions that I would feel inferior. Some of the Professors just acted like I wasn't worth their time because I wasn't a professional!! Now that I am making jewelry they think I'm an artist and they will talk to me!! Okay, that is not completely fair. I am a lot more outgoing now that I am on meds and feeling better!! I agree about wanting to be different. I am the same way, and have been since i was a kid. When I realized I was going to be short, I thought that it would be okay as long as I was under 5 feet. I didn't want to be average short!!! Just wish I could be average weight though!! :D

I love your response about being a kept woman!!! VERY FUNNY!! I really love incongruity. I told hubby that it would be REALLY funny if one day he were head of an English department somewhere, and I came in for a department party as "BAMBI, AEROBICS BIMBO" but I don't think I'll ever lose THAT much weight!!! :lol:

I know what you mean about feeling like too heavy when you discuss things. Sometimes I feel like I am lecturing too much, and I can see them closing down in front of me!!! It is great that you are spending time with each child too. I try to do that, but sometimes it feels like I'm being pulled in 2 or 3 directions at once. Hubby will be home more this summer, and that should make it easier.

I have to get some work done today, so I'll write more later!!!

Dear Bimbo Bambi, :lol:

I agree with you, Dentrassi. I am so non-judgemental about the choices others make. (I hope :lol: )
Of course, I have my personal opinion, and if anyone asks for it, I'm most willing to give it, but otherwise I keep my comments to myself. Really... who cares if you work or not? Are you happy? Are your kids happy? Are you surviving? What else is there?
Ideally, my husband should have stayed home and I should have been the big bread winner, but... it just didn't work out that way. Just as well considering my mental health, I suppose.
DH is patient, fun, outgoing, ... he's just great with the kids, whereas I selfishly prefer just to be alone most of the time. :lol: But I'm told I'm an excellent mom, despite my faults. ;)

I'm glad for your sake that you didn't shoot up past 4'11". :lol:
Does your husband have a weight problem? Is he supportive? Oh, what a stupid question... I'm talking to Dentrassi, who has a wonderful husband... of course he's supportive!
My husband has a bit of a stomach. He needs to lose about 20 pounds, and he's always struggling with it. (thank goodness... I couldn't stand to have a perennially thin husband, heh heh)

By the way... the quality time with the kids? I neglected to tell you... in case you were thinking it's everyday, it's once a week. :lol: You're right, there is just not enough time for everything! My daughter and I worked on the dollhouse last night, but our time was cut short, so we're going to do a bit more this evening. We were working with contact cement. How do you tell your 12 year old without giving them "ideas" that it's dangerous to sniff glue? :?: Sigh.

Yes, professionals think that artists are very risque, and they love talking to us, don't they? :lol:

It's a beautiful day... I'm going to really push myself and hang some laundry on the line. ;)

take care... talk soon... ellis

HI ELLIS!!!

DH is VERY supportive. He does NOT have a weight problem, If anything, he stops eating when he is stressed out. It is a bit FRUSTRATING actually. I have to remind him to eat while trying NOT to eat myself!! I have made soups to fool my stomache (Dense with veggies but low cal and low fat), just to have DH fill up on a small bowl full!!! I tell him he has to eat more, and he says, "I can't, I'm full." That has never stopped me before!!! He is just over 6 feet tall, and weighs 160, which is up from what he used to be!! His idea of a snack is a pint of Ben and Jerry's!!! But if I ask him to keep it out of the house he will, and he doesn't try to sabotage, so I forgive him!!!:lol: :lol:

I tried to get to work yesterday, and ended up spending the day at the car dealership instead. The engine light came on, and I thought I better see to it right away, since I'm driving my Mom to the airport on Monday. (She is going to England to visit her Mom.) The oxygen sensor was shot, and the front brakes nearly shot. It was EXPENSIVE!!! Quite a bummer since DH is only getting one more big check before summer.

Why is it that whenever you try to do something nice or fun it gets cut short? But when you have to do something NASTY it takes forever???

Hope you have a great weekend!!!!

Hi Dentrassi!

Your husband is gaunt!! My gosh...

Your mom is going to visit her mom?! Are you serious?! How old is your grandmother? And your mom?

Sorry to hear about your car. Cut your losses... sell up and move to Canada while our dollar is worthless. :lol:

I missed my bike ride yesterday. DH had to record some drum music for a CD that a friend is working on. But we're planning on biking today. I do believe the sun is coming up/out. Yesterday was positively gloomy.

I can't wait to get back in my garden. I'm still waiting for it to turn from mud brown to green. Where are the leaves?!

"Why is it that whenever you try to do something nice or fun it gets cut short? But when you have to do something NASTY it takes forever???"

Because it helps you to appreciate the little things. Don't add up the bad stuff. It's too heavy. Life is good. Throw the bad stuff over your shoulder and walk away, and put the good stuff in your bag. It's a lighter load. ;)

Everyone is still sleeping. I'm having my coffee and quiet time. It's heavenly. It's only a little thing, but it makes me happy. :)

take care, Dentrassi... talk soon
ellis

Hi Ellis!!

My Mom is 70, and her Mom is 96!! My Dad's Mom made it to 101 1/2!! That is ANOTHER incentive for losing the weight. If I can get myself healthy I stand a good chance of living a LONG life. (Unless I take after the men in the family!!!) My Dad's Mom lost her weight in her 70's. The doctor told her she better get it off and she did. But she was never as heavy as I am. My Mom's Mom was told by HER doctor to stop eating butter about ten years ago. She replied, "I am 85 years old, and if I want butter on my peas I shall have it." The doctor has died since then, but my grandmother is still going strong!! Well...she is actually slowing down quite a bit, but hey!!! 96 ain't bad!!!

Your car advice is priceless!! I really do love Canada. It seems to me that the people and the culture in general are more relaxed and less stressed out. At this point it would be pretty difficult to uproot and move though. DS #1 (15) wants to move to England or Norway when he grows up. Of course I wanted to move to England when I was younger too.

Good for you for getting all that biking in!! DH and I have been trying to get some walking in, but I am not up to much right now. I know if I keep it up I'll be back to full steam though!!

I know what you mean about needing that alone time!! Unfortunately I tend to get it late at night after everyone else is asleep!! It makes it VERY difficult to get up the next morning and function. DH is always trying to get me to wake up early to spend time with him, and it is VERY hard for me. That is another project to work on, because I think it would REALLY help the whole family if I could get up earlier.

Talk to you soon!!!

Hi Dentrassi!

We're all alone here, aren't we? ;)
Wow, longevity is right! That's great! Yes, if you're going to live upwards of 90, you definitely have to get the weight off. That's what I'm thinking, too. My parents are in really good shape at 77, and I don't want to be feeling as bad as I do now for the next 40-some years.
I love your grandmother's response to the doctor re: butter. :lol:

You're so nice about Canada. I love the States, too. I hate to hear people badmouthing their neighbours. Oh, dear... and I've got to lay off on reading the newspapers. It's stressing me terribly. There's some anti-semite stuff happening here that's just sickening me.

I can understand you staying up late to get time to yourself. I used to do that, too. I think that's fine... you really need that time to yourself. Anyhow, if you start getting up at 5:45 AM like me, you'll find yourself going to bed at 9:PM with the kids. :lol: It all evens out.

My mom is dumping on me a little right now, and it's stressing me out. I'm trying to be kind and understanding to everyone, but I don't need my family dumping their tiny little problems on me!!

I biked yesterday. And ate badly. Did you do any exercise? Do we need to encourage/push each other a little more?

talk soon! Ellis

Hi Ellis!!

Sorry to hear that your Mom is dumping on you. That is the last thing you need!!! You have PLENTY to deal with without THAT.

I went for walks on Sat & SUn. They were pretty pathetic walks compared to what I used to do, but at least I moved! Also, my back (which was really hurting when I walked) is starting to tolerate it better, so I should be able to keep increasing the distances. I need to strengthen my ab muscles so my back will do better. After 2 c-sections, my abs (especially lower!!) are a mess.

I think you have been doing a great job with the biking!! You just need to tighten up with the eating, and you'll be doing GREAT!! I need to tighten up on the exercise(oog-that was bad...):D

If you want to be pushed you should post on 40+ moving and losing!! You don't have to be 40 (ages range from 20's to 50's right now)!!!:lol: We don't chat much in there, but WOW!! the diet/exercise support is wonderful. If people think you need your @$$ kicked THEY WILL DO IT!!! (In a nice way of course!!) I really need that right now. I want people to tell me when I'm making excuses. I really want to get healthy!! There are some REALLY motivated women there!!!

I know what you mean about the papers. I can only tolerate so much of it, and then I have to turn it off. I can feel myself slipping mood wise. It is hard watching what is going on in the world and feeling like there is nothing you can do. Also, I REALLY have to keep things away from DS#2. On Sept. 11 he was home sick and ran to the window looking for planes. He was afraid one would crash into the house. LUCKILY he happened to have a therapy appointment set up that day!! The problem is, he is so bright that he came up ON HIS OWN with scenarios like crashing planes into nuclear power plants.
I managed to get him to stop worrying about it, so I don't want him hearing on the news that they have been put on high alert for that very reason!!!:(

I think when people see 2 posters they think it is private. I know on alternachicks I wasn't sure if I should post or not. Glad I did!!!

Hi Dentrassi!

Good for you walking this weekend! I know... it's so hard to get going.
Are you serious!? Two c-sections? Me too!! You should see my lower stomach. It looks like a wet paper bag. Blah. I can't stand to look at myself.
My first baby was an emergency c-section. It was very frightening. And yes, I admit... I had a choice for the second birth and I CHICKENED OUT! Please hold the criticism, everyone. I've already had to listen to plenty.
The next person to tell me that I should have gone "natural" for the second delivery is going to get a sock in the eye. ;)

Well, my parents now know the full story about my daughter. It sort of got dragged out of me, and I'm glad of it now. Hopefully I won't have to be a "dumpster" anymore. :( Although this morning, my mother said to me, "I hope you're not going to tell anyone else about this, dear." One little sentence, and she ruined my entire day. I should have told her that she's the last one to know. :lol: I've already told all of my good nurturing friends about it (including you, Dentrassi... thank you)... I need the support, right?

I'm going to check out the 40+. Thank you! I; too, need a kick in the butt right now.

Oh, poor little DS#2! :( How trying for you having to protect him from our messy world. It's difficult enough for US to have to listen to it all. As if he doesn't have enough to worry about... it's heartbreaking.
Does he still go for therapy? If so, how often does he go? We're looking for another psychiatrist for our daughter. The first one is leaving for another job, and frankly, I thought he was a fool.
I keep thinking that this problem is going to go away (wishful thinking, no doubt), but yesterday my daughter had a "rough" evening. I suppose that's sort of a good thing... it's keeping us on our toes.

I'm sorry... I've dumped on you today. :^: I'm glad you joined us in Alternachicks, too. And of course, anyone is more than welcome to join Dentrassi and I here. :)

take care, and talk to you soon! Get out there and walk!
ellis

ps I just walked with a friend for an hour and I'm going biking tonight! (and yes, I'm starving :lol: )

HI ELLIS!!

It really annoys me when people tell you what you should or shouldn't do!! I tried to go natural with #2, but couldn't. I had twice the normal amniotic fluid, and when contractions started they were completely ineffectual because of how stretched out my uterus was. Imagine it-I'm 4' 11", and very short waisted. #2 was 9lb. 1/2 oz, and I had 8 liters of amniotic fluid in there. Needless to say, EVERYTHING stuck out at the front. My belly button even blew!! (It USED to be an inny!!) People were saying I should make a prop with a wheel on the bottom to prop my stomache up with!!:lol: :lol: I had people telling me I should have gone natural too. Sometimes it just doesn't work!! I also had people telling me the boys wouldn't spit up so much if I would breastfeed instead of using formula. Only problem was...I WAS BREASTFEEDING!!!!! Moral of the story is we have to do what is best for ourselves and our loved ones.

I'm glad you told your Mom. Hopefully she will be helpful about it. I would have found her commentary annoying too!!

DS#2 goes once a month. It is not really enough, but it is what my medical program covers. The person he sees is GREAT, though, and for a while he set up a group for kids who were having the same problems at school. THAT he could go to once a week (for 8 weeks). He is telling us more when things bother him, and that really helps. It is hard to get anywhere when he just acts out because he had a bad day at school.

I'm sorry you had a rough night with your daughter. I understand completely. You don't want to see your kids hurt that much. It is very painful. As I told you before, it has been very up and down here, and unfortunately you will probably have to face that too. At least she let you see that she was having a rough time rather than pushing it down.

You are NOT dumping on me!!! I'm glad that we have been able to share our experiences here. It helps to see I'm not alone, and we can give each other ideas and encouragement.

Got out and walked today, but it felt difficult in this humidity.:dizzy:
You did great!! a walk AND bike riding. My walks are wimpy right now, but I know if I keep it up they will get longer and faster. I was THIRSTY when I got back!!:dizzy:

Hi
 

Hi Ellis,

Listen, don't let what other people say bother you. I also had a C section.....let me tell you, I had a rough time in the hospital. The doctor from day one of my pregnancy said how do you want to have the baby...I said C....Me personally didn't want to have to go thru the labor pains lol, and if people don't like it TOUGH TITTY SAID THE KITTY BUT THE MILK'S STILL GOOD !!!!!

Anyway, twards the end my blood pressure started to get a little high, so they decided to induce me......okay fine !! now mind you my doctor had every intentions of me having that baby natural. So I said to her from the beginning.....lets just do a C...don't make me go thru unnecessary agony. Well 3 days of them trying to induce me didn't work.......FINALLY they said okay we will do a C section.....HORRAY !!!!!!!. They tried to give me an epidoral....HAAAAAAAA big joke, I told them I had a spinal disease and they wouldn't be able to do it but NO they had to poke me in the back 10 times.. I kept saying knock me the frig out...Finally they did.....well my daughter was 3 weeks early and 9 lbs. Phewww.

Bottom line !!!!!!!!! you do what is good for YOU and I hate to say it this way but **** everyone else. Nobody is in your shoes. You did good !!!

Okay enough of this.
Have a wonderful day !!!!!!!!
Love Leens :dizzy:

Hi Den and Leens!

Leens, you're a dear to leap in and be supportive. I just love this site. :) Thank you.
What horror stories we all have. :eek:
I only dilated 1.5 cm after 9 hours of hard labour. The cord was wrapped around my daughter's neck, she was in fetal distress, and my blood pressure was right up there. Very messy. I was so relieved to have that C-section! She was little... 5 pounds 14 oz.
My doctor felt that there was a good possibility that my second delivery would be similar trauma-wise. I was really frightened the first time... I'm so glad I opted for the c-section for the 2nd delivery. I was shaking during the entire operation. My son weighed 9 pounds. When I waddled into the operating room the second time, the "cutting crew" said, "There's no way she'd have this one naturally." Phew! Made the right choice!
And while I was in there, I had my tubes tied... convinced that one more pregnancy would be the cause of my death. :lol:

Oh, Dentrassi... all that fluid.!! My belly button blew, too. I couldn't believe it... I used to look at pregnant women with their belly buttons sticking out and think, "Oh, that is SO DISGUSTING! That will NEVER happen to me!" :lol: Mine's gone back in, but it's no longer a thing of beauty.
And I know what you mean about the prop. Gaining 80 pounds for my second pregnancy... I could barely walk in the last month. Oh, I can almost feel it now. And something weird happened as a result... it's not a pinched nerve, but I can't remember the correct name. I get this sharp pain in my butt, and then my left leg seizes up. Terribly embarrassing when I'm out in public. I know it'll be better once I get some weight off.

Did you like breastfeeding? I LOVED IT! I nursed my daughter for a year, and my son for two years. (he was my last baby, and I was so guilt-ridden for not wanting him...)

Good walking! Are you drinking lots of water? I find I'm really dehydrated in the mornings, and have to have a couple of glasses as soon as I get up.

Hmmm, I know what you mean... I can't tell if my daughter is simply cranky because she has to go to school (natural reaction) or if it's something rooted deeper. I'm trying to get her to understand that I can't read her mind, and that she has to express herself more. I used to think people could read MY MIND and know when I was feeling bad. :rolleyes:

Get out there and walk! Leens, I can't remember what you're doing... are you walking, too?

talk care... talk soon
ellis

ps Leens... I could be wrong, but I suspect that we share the same first name. ;)

Hi Again,

Well I'm not really on any kind of diet, just watching my carbs and trying to make good choices.

I use to weigh 300 lbs.......I lost 150 lbs about 14 years ago and then in the past 4 years, I've managed to gain 70 back :ink: . My older sister died suddenly and I got very depressed, I just recently been put on Zoloft. I feel better but my hunger is still there, so I'm trying to control it and get back into the groove of losing weight. Right now I'm not doing any exercise but with the warm weather, I plan on putting my daughter in the carriage and going for walks.

What plans are you on ?

Do we share the same name? Mine is Eileen (Leens) actually on this site I am called Leenie but for some reason I couldn't post with that name..I think I registered and forgot the password :shrug:

TTYL, Love Leens :rolleyes:

Hi Leens!! Hi Ellis!!

I didn't get my exercise in today. Work, music lessons, dinner, then I fell asleep on the couch!!

Leens-Too bad that you gained weight back, but at least you stopped before you gained it all back. Every time I have lost weight I have regained all of it plus more. That is part of the reason I'm trying to approach things differently this time. Slow and steady, and searching for something that I can stick to for life. OF COURSE something like your sister's death would knock you for a loop. It would anyone. I had problems with blood pressure during my first pregnancy. Same deal, they tried to induce, it didn't work.

Ellis-YES!! I liked breastfeeding! I breastfed both of them for about a year. Seemed like they weaned themselves as I added in solids. #1 wanted a "comfort feeding" for quite a while, but #2 quit cold turkey!! So suddenly, in fact, that there was some discomfort while the milk dried up. #2 was a stinker. In the middle of a feeding if he heard a noise he would whip his head around, taking my nipple with him!! OUCH!!!! Both of mine were big. I don't think I could have delivered naturally even without the problems!! I'm sorry about the nerve thing. That sounds horrible.

Talk to you both later!!

Hi Den, hi Leens!

Leens, I'm so sorry about your sister. Sisters can be pretty darned special... I don't know what I'd do if I lost mine. I know you'll never get over losing her, but are you able to start "dealing" with it, or is still incapacitating you? Often the people around us don't realize that we're still hurting... even after a year or so.

How old is your daughter? What a life, eh? ... riding in a carriage!
Wouldn't it be lovely if someone pushed US around? (okay, maybe not... could be a wheelchair :( )

I did WW several years ago and did really well until I had our second child. I started WW again before Christmas and lost 8 pounds, but I had a depressing winter, slept a lot, gained it back (plus more I think), and have quit for now. I'm exercising again... some walking and biking. And I'm eating like a pig. Every morning I start off well, but by mid-afternoon I'm back in full swing... eating like there's no tomorrow. :shrug: Hopefully the exercising will kick in soon and I'll start feeling more like cutting back on the food.

Dentrassi, we've got some new neighbours, and they're real "granola" types in their 50's with 3 teens. I was really surprised when the mother said to me, "I can't believe these people that breastfeed their children for 3 months or longer!" :lol: She was a little embarrassed when I relayed to her the length of time that I did it. People are funny.
Oh, #2 whipping his head around like that! Ouch!! I recall #1 doing that. I was sure they were going to be ripped right off. My #2 breastfed every hour for the first few months. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, and I cried and cried. My husband just about went out of his mind trying to convince me to get some formula, BUT I REMAINED FIRM. I was not going to deprive my poor unwanted child!! :lol: It seems to have worked, too. He has no clue that I didn't want him... he's completely in love with me and me with him. :)

It's hot again. :( My arms... you should see my arms... they are huge, white, jiggly, dimply... I'm wearing a black t-shirt and a big loose thing that's supposed to disguise the fat, but is merely making me look HUGE!
If only you two didn't live so far away... my closest friend is model thin, and I HATE being seen in public with her!

Leens, how the weather in NJ? Den, are you still hot there?

take care... talk soon...
ellis

Hi Girls,

Yes its very hot today. Ellis I understand about the big black shirts and trying to hide yourself...the other day I wore a dress to work and my Mother told me I looked huge in it. I said MOM I AM HUGE....I mean there's only so much you can hide or can't hide lol.

My daughter will be 8 months on Monday the 22nd. Like every parent, she's the light of my life. Grandma watches her so I can work :( but I'm really happy I have her rather than a stranger. I would die giving her to someone I know wouldn't take as good of care of her as my Mom does.

You know people have to much to say. Breastfeeding is natural and beautiful......shoot what did they do before formula and bottles...if a woman couldn't breastfeed they found one that could. Usually a neighbor or relative. Sheeeeeeeeeh. The only thing I found hard was I was watching a TV show and the mother was breastfeeding her 5 year old....now thats a bit much for me...(my opinion).

Boy am I lazy today, I have lots of stuff to do here at work but love chatting with you guys. Better Run !!

TTYL, Love Leens :dizzy:

HIYA!!!

I understand trying to cover up the fat. I do it too!!! Don't want ANYTHING body skimming-hate the way it looks!!

Yes, it is still hot here. Supposedly we are getting thunderstorms tonight, and tomorrow the high will be 74. I hope so!! We set a record a few days ago (86!!). I like it COOL, it is just easier to move around and I'm less crabby.

Leens- we have a weird 22 thing going on in my family!! Both of my kids, my sister, my sister in law, my mother in law, 3 out of 5 of my cousins' kids, and I were all born on the 22nd of some month or another!! DH was born on the 24th, which I consider perverse!!!

Ellis-My Mom breastfed too, so she didn't criticize. She DID say, though, that the kids probably spat up so much because my milk was richer and creamier!!! (Thanks for the support Mom, but breast milk is breast milk!!!)

GOOD NIGHT!!!:D

hey girls,

We had rain last night, and it's cooler today! I was awakened at 1:30 this mornng to the nearby sound of hammering. Convinced it was my daughter doing herself some "damage", I leapt out of bed. It was our neighbour who's been reroofing our rear attic room. He was up on the roof hammering down a tarp to keep the rain out. :rolleyes: Curses. Will I never get a good nights sleep?

I remember reading about a women who always wore tight, form-fitting clothes around the house. She was so disgusted with herself everytime she'd catch a glimpse of herself in a mirror, that she lost weight relatively quickly. I thought about trying it, but there's always someone coming in and out of the house or some stranger banging on the door.

Leens, how nice having your mother stay with your daughter. She's the next best thing to you. :)
Nice comment from your mom... I know THAT one! :mad:
I often think it would be better; instead of taking individual measurements of hips, waste, etc, to wrap the tape measure right around our entire body at the chest/mid-arm area. Including the fat arms. After all, I think THAT'S the worst thing... the amount of space our entire body is taking up. When I catch a glimpse of myself from behind, I realize that I look like Frankenstein or a football player. SOLID.

Dentrassi, could you get congress or whoever to change your entire system to metric? :lol: We've got a high of 25 today, and a low of 0. And tomorrow, a high of 10 and low of 0. I'm quite excited. I HATE THE HEAT!!
What are you getting DH for his birthday? My DH's birthday is close to Christmas, and he rarely gets a birthday gift. This year, I surprised him with a new drum set. It put us in the poor-house for months (okay, we're ALWAYS in the poor-house :lol: ), but it was worth it... he's been wanting a new one for years. For the next 10 years, he'll be getting nothing. ;)

have a wonderful day... I hope you're both mentally; if not physically, fit. ;)

ellis

Well its Friday..Yahooooooooo !

Ellis, mentally and/or physically fit...ummmmm nope neither :lol:
I really do look like this -> :dizzy: lol

I have a ton of work to do, been slacking off all week since the boss isn't here, now push comes to shove and I gotta get going here lol.

Both of you have a WONDERFUL weekend, and I'll check back on Monday.....boss will be back then :cry:


Love, Leens - > :dizzy:

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

I bought him a book about George Harrison, and an Eeyore!! He loves Eeyore, so whenever i find a good one (ie not happy!!) I get it for him. One year i got him an Eeyore backpack on e-Bay. Imagine a 6 ft tall man with Dark hair down to his shoulder blades, and a goatee, passing papers back to his students out of an Eeyore backpack!!! That's my sweetie!!

It has started to cool off here, but tomorrow is supposed to be a lot cooler-YEA!!!!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!!

p.s.-we should go metric, we are probably the only country that hasn't!!!

Oh, my... it's Sunday already.
Hello Dentrassi and Leens!

I'm feeling rather crappy this weekend, and haven't been on the computer much. My 6 year-old is driving me right up the wall! He's just being his usual charming, outgoing, exacting self. I guess I'm a little (lot) stressed trying to nurture my daughter. I think I need a really long nap. And perhaps a weeks holiday in bed with a stack of books. :lol: And some chips. And some chocolate bars.

Leens, I hope you get all of your work done. I almost envy you your job. :)

Den, I love your gift choices... Eeyore... he's lovely. :) I used to have a large Eeyore that my grandmother brought me from England. It had a zippered bottom to store pyjamas in.

I hate getting rid of my childhood teddies and things. I've got a lot of them tucked away, and I still have a doll that I've had since I was 2. She's in very rough shape, and before Christmas I had a big clean-up, and decided it was time for "Susie" to GO. sob. I put her into a plastic bag... tried not to think about it... and 5 minutes later, I thought, "My God, Susie can't breath in that plastic bag!" Needless to say, I've still got Susie. :rolleyes: They'll just have to bury me with her. :lol:

My goodness, Dentrassi... your husband is tall! Comparatively. How long have you been married?
Leens, how are you finding the Zoloft? I have a couple of friends who've tried it, and they immediately became dizzy, ill, etc. But I've heard it works really well for others...

It's soooo beautiful out! Quite cool and very sunny.
have a lovely day, girls... ellis

HI ELLIS AND LEENS!!

Ellis-I'm sorry you are feeling bad. I know it is sometimes hard to deal with the kids. Sometimes I feel like I just can't listen to any more!!! Sometimes it feels like you only have so much to give, and when you are through with the one who is having troubles, you feel like, "I'm DONE, It is PAST closing time, come back TOMORROW!!" The problem is, you can't really say that to your kids!! Then, (if you are anything like me) you feel guilty, which just makes it worse. Can you take time out for a long hot bath with those nice soaps of yours? AND a book, maybe? Hubby and I have been married for 20 years (21 in August)!! I look at "kids" in their early twenties and think they are too young to make those kinds of decisions, but we did!! I never thought I'd get married that young (if at all), but just met the right person and the rest was history!! DH was looking over my shoulder and says, "yaw-hunh." Which I HOPE is his way of agreeing!!! My parents still have my "killy-kat" at their house, believe it or not!! We have all of DH's stuffed animals here though. He is a VERY sentimental person. Probably more than me!!!

Leens-Hope things aren't too painful with the boss back!!!

I'll check in tomorrow....

Good Monday Morning All,

I can tell this is going to be a rough week. Its raining like crazy out, I get the baby all ready, do everything I need to do this morning, drive the baby to my mom's and I forget to put my coat on :dizzy: <-- or what? So I borrowed my mom's jacket which is of course to small but at least it covers my arms haaaaaaaaaaa !! not a pretty picture :p

Ellis, sorry to hear your weekend wasn't up to snuf. Hope your week is better and your feeling better. My boss is pretty nice but you know its much better when they aren't here :s: . The Zoloft is really making a difference (I think). I've had no side effects at all, which I'm really greatful for. In the beginning it made me a little bit jittery but that went away. The first few day's I was on it I was talking 90 mph :joker: I'm much better now.

Dentrassi, WOW 20+ years - YOU GO GIRL! its so nice to see marriages that last long and even longer...Like Life Time '''''' I've been married for 12+ years, and I love :love: my hubby more today than yesterday and I have one 8 month old daughter and a great doggie. I couldn't be more Blessed, and I'm so greatful for everything I have. Today, people don't marry for the long term, its very sad but I tell you I wouldn't want to be single today, there is just to much out there....to crazy for this home body.

Okay Ladies, have a wonderful day and enjoy.

TTYL, Love, Leens :wave:

GOOD MORNING!!!

Leens-I feel the same way about my hubby, I just appreciate and love him more all the time!! And sometimes I still get goosebumps just looking at him!!!! Our boys are 15 and 12, so we are past the baby stage, but those are great times!! It is amazing how fast they have grown up. It feels like they were little just yesterday!!! Teens can be difficult, but there are nice things about this stage too. I'm proud of the people that they are growing up to be!!! I'm kind of a homebody too. Sometimes a little too much. When my depression manifests itself I don't like to leave the house!!!

Ellis-Hope that things start to get better for you!! I know they will, but THE SOONER THE BETTER!!!!!

I'll try to check in later!!

Hi Dentrassi and Leens! Thank you for your kind words... you are two of the most nurturing people I know. :)

Den, you've got it right about the kids... anyone else I might tell to bugger off, but the guilt... :( I've been trying to keep my six-year old away from the tv lately. When our daughter was little, we only allowed her to watch one rented movie per week and no TV. Somehow, with the second child, this ideal just didn't continue. :lol: I let him watch a little more than I should today, but I figured it was either that or my sanity. :rolleyes:

Are YOU able to have a long bath with a book? I used to try it... I'd get all my special bath stuff together plus my book etc... then, just as I'd start to relax in the tub: a) someone would bang on the door, b) I'd hear a scream coming from the first floor (while I'm on the third), c) someone would start choking outside the bathroom door, or d) someone would start throwing up outside the bathroom door.
Now, I'm in and out of that bath so fast... :mad: Oh, and I've tried having a bath when everyone is out of the house, but either the phone rings (a sure indicator that someone is dead) or I think someone is breaking in...

21 years! That's wonderful! And Leens, 12 years... good for you! We'll have been married 14 years on August 6th. And yes, it's better now than it's ever been for me, too.
I don't think that most people have EVER married "for the long run". The marriages that "seemed" to last were often unions from ****. I think that the three of us are simply blessed. (and perhaps we work a little harder at it, too. ;) )
I always think that, even if I lost my husband tomorrow (by natural death or by murder if he ever cheats on me :lol: ), I'll still be grateful for the time I've had with him. He's been so good for me, and I hope I've been good for him.

Leens, I'm so glad that the Zoloft is working for you. And I know exactly what you looked like in your mom's jacket. :lol: I've been there, too. In fact, most of my own coats no longer fasten in the front... I'm just too fat.

Oh, listen girls... it's snowing. I mean, if that's not enough to put you right over the edge, I don't know what is. :lol:

I've got to run and stir my dinner... it's one of the most disgusting concoctions I've ever seen. I may throw it out and fire up the BBQ.

I hope you're both well... as well as can be expected :) LIFE IS GOOD!!
take care... ellis

HI ELLIS AND LEENS (AND ANYONE ELSE WHO CARES TO JOIN US!!!)

Ellis-Okay, I admit, it is easier to get those long baths with older kids. 6 year olds are more demanding!! Would your hubby be willing to deal with anything that comes up so you can take that soak? Sometimes I have to run interference when hubby is correcting papers, but sometimes I'll ask him to do the same so that I can rest, read, bathe, etc. MY main problem these days is trying to make sure there is enough hot water left after the 15 year old is through!!! He is becoming a clean freak!!! I shouldn't complain though, beats the days when he didn't want to get wet!!!

Re hubby-I told him if I died first, he should try to find someone else, but that if he did it TOO fast, I'd haunt him!!!!!!!!!! :lol: (NO GIRLFRIENDS AT MY FUNERAL!!!!!!!!!!):devil: I also gave him some really lewd instructions about how to deal with my remains, but I don't want to get kicked off here!!

Leens-I've been kind of scatter brained sometimes lately too!! Now that I am a "senior member" I was thinking of changing that to say, "SENIOR MOMENT", but I'm afraid someone will take it the wrong way!!!

Hi Girlies,

At work and the boss is here so I have no time to play :mad:

I just wanted to pop in and say HI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll catch up tomorrow when she's gone :s:

Love, Leens :dizzy:

Hi Den and Leens

Den, why don't you call yourself, "Large Member"... oh geez, that's not what I meant... I didn't mean "fat", I meant... you know... a large MEMBER. How rude of me.
Yes, my husband and I do "trade offs" for time away from the kids, too. He's VERY good to me. I think that the problem with baths is, I start to fall asleep, and all I really want to do is get into bed with my book and fall asleep. :)

Leens, may we ask what you do? I mean work-wise. Obviously with your boss breathing down your neck, you're not working for the government. In THIS government town, the gov employees do ummm, dick all. :mad:
How's your little darling?

Den, we want to know what your husband's going to do with your remains. You can't leave us hanging like that!!
I've got explicit instructions, too, but they're not "dirty". :lol: I'm to be buried with all of my favourite books plus a large bag of Doritoes and a bag of Bridge Mixture. And a dictionary, just in case.

Listen, I'm having night sweats... does that mean I'm starting menopause?

My husband and I have got an appointment this evening with a new potential councellor for our daughter. I've got to go and make myself look like a "normal person". Is there such a thing?
:(

Take care, girls... talk soon...ellis

Ellis- HOW RUDE!!!! :D :lol: :D Hubby doesn't want me to tell, and since today is his birthday, I won't. It kind of upset him actually. I have a very sick sense of humor, and am probably the only person who has TRULY ever grossed him out. (Except when he is eating. He has a very delicate stomach!! I can eat through ANYTHING!!!)

Night sweats may mean menopause, but according to my doctor you can have up to 10 years of "symptoms" before your period actually stops.

I don't believe that there is such a thing as a normal person!!! At least I've never met any!!! Okay, maybe one or two, but they were BORING!!!!! Hope the new counselor works out. Your love and support of your daughter (and the rest of your family) is the important thing, and I know that will be obvious!!!

Leens-Hope you get to post tomorrow!!! We want to hear all the news!!!

Good Morning Kids !!

The boss lady is gone for most of the am yeahhhhhhhhh!!!! Ellis I work for a HUGE pharmaceutical company in New York State. I work in Research & Development.... where they create/ find/ discover new compounds (medications) .....I keep telling them to use me as a guinea pig and find a fat reducing pill :lol: but they wont :mad: .... Its a stressful job but its a good job and I'm happy here its just they are always bring food and its sooooo tough to resist :(

We are picking up our new car tonight, its a loooooong story but I wanted either a toyota or honda (for reliable reasons and I travel far to work) but men can be @ss's, so I gave in and we got a Chrysler town & country....dont' get me wrong its a beautiful car its just that I've had a chrysler and it was a big piece of poop, fell apart every time I started it..........okay enuf said.

What do you two ladies do ? and what are your real names if you don't mind me asking. Mines Eileen.

I'll be chatting with you's later, have a GREAT DAY !!!
Love, Leens

Den, YOU have a sick sense of humor.........girl you sound just like me, life is to short not to laugh and be silly....thats my motto.

Love, Leens

good morning girls!

You know, I'm convinced that there's some weirdo out there who will "find me" if I reveal my name. I'll tell you what... I'll email you my name. ;)
Your job sounds great, Leens. It's nice to be doing something that you enjoy. Listen, if they find a diet pill, Den and I want some free samples. :lol:
What do I do? I stay at home with my lovely children. :) I studied architecture and design, but that was LONG ago. I also had my own small business making herbal soaps, etc. Now, I am simply a lady of leisure (yeah, right!), and finally have enough self-confidence to feel good about staying home. (go figure) I suppose in a few years I'll go back to school, but right now my husband and I are perfectly content with our lifestyle. (poor, but happy)
Also, we have a separate apartment in our big city house... my sister rents it from us now, but she's moving soon to her own house. I'm going to do some renovations on it, double the rent, and become.... a landlady! :)

A "town and country"?!?! Wow! Is it second hand or new? Very fancy. I just want a BMW. Is it too much to ask?
At least you'll be "safe" in your big car. When we lived in the country, my husband used to drive an hour to work and back every day. I was convinced he was going to be killed on the highway in our little Suzuki... I hated it.

Den, how's YOUR car hunting going?
10 years before my period stops!! Are you serious?!?! Curses. My mother had my sister at the age of 41. She never had another period afterwards. I'm hoping I'll go the same way. I was looking at the symptoms of menopause on the internet. As I already suffer from chronic depression, I've pretty much got all the symptoms. :rolleyes:

So, the new counceller was much better than the first. Although he was rather weird, too. Are they all like that? I think he'd been injured in Vietnam. He moved very gingerly and talked very slowly. He does have a game plan for us though... something decidedly lacking in the session with the psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are fairly useless, aren't they.?
And you're right, I've met a few "normal" people, too... they are incredibly boring. :) We are most definitely NOT normal!

Wish your husband happy birthday from us fatties. I hope you're feeling better today, Den. Don't bash yourself... you're only human. Take some time for yourself and relax. Nothing is so important that you need get ill over it.

talk to you later, girls... ellis

HI!!! Finally getting on here!! I've been running around all day, and decided SCREW THE DISHES, I'm gonna post first!!!

Leens-I make silver and copper jewelry. I can set my own hours (I work with a friend), which is great in terms of picking up the kids after school etc. Only problem-sometimes when the depression sets in it is hard for me to leave the house, and there is only so much I can do here. The propane torch and other equipment is all over at my friend's house. We have had a lot of orders lately, and I am BEHIND!!! Now that Hubby is finishing up Winter term, he will be able to run errands more and I will work more. As a matter of fact, I will be the main earner for the family until end of August. AND THAT IS PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!! At least our medical is paid up until then, so it may be rice and beans, but we'll be healthy!!! I stayed home with the kids for a long time too. I didn't start doing the jewelry until I turned 40!!!

Ellis-Are they all that way? You know how crazed I am. Before they retired my Dad was a psychologist and my Mom was a Social Worker!!!! When I was thinking of going into mental health for a career, my father said, "You have to be crazy to go into mental health.":lol: :lol: So judge for yourself:dizzy: :dizzy:

I think 10 years is more like the maximum. You probably should judge more by the women in your family. Problem is, which one(s)?

I agree with you about psychiatrists. I have to see one to get the meds, but it is pretty much like, "Shut up, give me the script and let me go talk to my therapist." I REALLY hope that this new person works out. If your DD feels she has someone to talk to besides the family that is one extra safety net!!! I am SO glad that my DS feels so safe with his therapist!!!

OH!! My name is Billie Jean.....NOT!!!! okay, it is Karen. One of the most BORING names there is!!!!