Hey Everyone!!

For most of us on this thread, the battles with depression and weight loss will be life long. Sometimes we need to adjust our meds, our eating programs or our attitudes. Sometimes it feels just about impossible, BUT IT ISN'T!!! To those of you thinking about getting help-DO IT!! The improvement in your life will be unbelieveable. I waited longer than I should have, but getting help (meds and therapy), enabled me to start living one of my dreams!! Not only do I enjoy and appreciate my family more now, but I have been making jewelry for the last three years with a friend. Before treatment I didn't think I was capable of something like that.

We all go through rough times. My depression was relatively under control, until I was put on progesterone, and last week I had a really rough bout. Felt like I was going crazy. I've made an appointment with the doctor, and am going to ask about upping the Paxil in response. I am not thrilled with this development, but I'd rather be healthy than overly proud or worried about the amount of meds I'm taking.

WE ARE ALL WORTH THE EFFORT, AND WE ALL DESERVE HAPPY LIVES!!!!

Hi Dentrassi...

I'm so sorry that you had a bad time last week. You've got the right attitude... don't worry about the meds... if you need them, you need them, and that's all there is to it. It's not worth jepardizing your life, your family's lives, etc just so you can say... "yes, I pulled myself together without the use of drugs".
Imagine if I took away my dad's nitroglycerin and said, "dad, I'm sure that if you have a heart attack you'll be able to handle it on your own."? And if anyone thinks it's not the same thing, just take a look at Andrea Yates. And if you still don't agree, you're in the wrong support forum, because we're here for support, not criticism.

And yes... everyone who needs it... get help! I waited too long, too, and I caused my children psychological grief which I'm having to work through with them.
You're not a failure if you're suffering from mental illness. And heck, this is a fat forum! How are we supposed to lose fat when we're depressed? (and goodness knows we're depressed when we're fat... it's a vicious circle )

Dentrassi, what kind of jewelry do you make?

Ellis

HI ELLIS!!

I make Copper and silver jewelry. I started helping a friend, and then I started designing it too. We make mostly pins, but also some necklaces and earrings. One of our most popular items is a copper "purse" with a silver hand over it, and a heart on the hand. (looks like a hand holding a purse.) It opens, and we put a message inside-a word or short phrase stamped on silver. I love doing this. I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up at the age of 40!! The thing that is funny is, I used to sit around day dreaming about doing something artistic, but didn't think I had the talent!! Luckily I have a VERY supportive boss/friend as well as family. She has REALLY encouraged me!!

I did get the meds upped today. The DR. said that the progesterone would probably make me feel like I did when I was pregnant. NO WONDER I WAS SO EMOTIONAL!!

Hi Dentrassi!

Your jewelry sounds absolutely beautiful! Do you have any pictures of it online?

Hmmm, felt like you were pregnant, huh? What a nightmare. I'm glad you got your meds upped. You're going to feel great soon!

We're taking our daughter to see the doctor again this afternoon. I'm just really hoping that he's not going to brush off the whole episode and say that she'll be fine. I'm sure that we can work through all this (I hope), but I know it's going to be a long struggle.

Gotta go for my bike ride... I'll write again later. Take care sweetie... you're going to be alright.
Ellis

HI ELLIS!!

We don't have a site of our own for the jewelry, but three of our pieces are on www.themaninthemoon.com

Once you get there, look at "Unique Artistic Jewelry". They have 3 of our pieces there, but we make a lot more. They have everything listed under my Boss/Friend's name (Laurie Brown), but i actually make most of the pieces now. The "limited Edition Heart Pin" is actually my design!!! We call it "Mom pin", because the first one was made for my mother's birthday. She was as happy having it named after her as she was getting the original!!

I'm already doing a bit better. I had been avoiding work for a while, as much as i love it. Seems like when i am having a rough time I just want to stay at home. I'm really trying to push myself now. It is like exercise. I KNOW I will feel better once I get there!! (Unless I am having one of those days where i fry everything i try to solder!!!)

Hope everything went okay with your daughter's doctor visit. I know with my son I will think things are getting better and then, BAM!! It is really a rollercoaster. Especially where your kids are concerned. Remember to look at the big picture. There may be a few setbacks, but the important thing is the two steps forward. NOT the one step back!!

Thanks for all your support!!

Dentrassi, I love your jewelry!! I must admit, I was a little apprehensive about asking about it. Some (okay, A LOT) of jewelry I find soooo tacky, but yours is beautiful, funky, and it's got a great sense of design. I've studied art, architecture, and interior design, and I'm pretty fussy about what I like.

So you don't make the jewelry at home? It IS difficult getting out when you're feeling rough. I'm glad you're starting to feel better. Don't neglect yourself! You can't care for your family when you're not well yourself... you are number one right now.

Our whole family spent 2 hours with the psychiatrist yesterday. I'm drained. I feel like I've been beaten with a big stick. I'm not quite sure what the psychiatrist contributed, but we all did a lot of talking, some crying, and confessing. I had no idea that our family is so disfunctional. I always thought that we were perfectly balanced, well informed, politically correct, loving...
I'm not sure where we go from here... I'm going to take my daughter to see our family doctor next... then my husband is going to see what resources are available from his work. And of course, you can just imagine what my reading material is right now... "When Children Want to Die", "Children Who are Grieving", .... etc.
And I can already see what you mean about the "rollercoaster". When I'm really tired, I start to relax a little, and then "BAM!!".

And thank you for YOUR support!
Ellis

Thanks for the compliments about the jewelry!!!

I do some work at home, but my boss has the Propane tank at her house, as well as most of the heavy duty equipment (mini hydraulic press and mini drill press), so some of it I have to do there. What is fun for me is getting the colors to come out of the copper. Sometimes when you heat it it is just ugly brown, but if you do it right it is red, or orange, or even blue, green or purple!!! It is almost magical, although some days the copper god frowns on me and everything melts or comes out ugly!!

I think all families are dysfunctional. Everybody brings their own issues to the family, and then they all combine to make new issues within the family. Like you, we have tried to be loving, politically aware (and correct), and to raise open children. The problem is they pick up on all the stuff that you AREN'T saying too. (Like I tried to raise the boys with good self-esteem, but they sucked up my low self-esteem through the pores.) And then there is all that outside influence.....

I think just talking helps. Sometimes things get so crazy that it is hard to just get the basic stuff done, and a lot of important things get swept under the rug. DS #2 had had a few "panic attacks", and I thought he was exaggerating. He can be VERY melodramatic, so what he was describing to me I took with a grain of salt, since I had never seen one. (He has never had one at home.) One of the last ones, a teacher reacted asked if he was asthmatic, and needed his inhaler. That was my first clue that this was serious enough that it concerned those around him. Mind you, the school didn't call!! Thank goodness my son told me about it!!! You just don't want to think that your kids are in that much pain. I winced when I saw your book titles. Mine are things like, "Parenting the Anxious Child".

WOW! You have studied a lot of interesting topics. I studied mostly social sciences (lots of psych-irony!!), solar technology for a few years, and artistic ability I thought was more musical than visual. It is funny that I ended up where i did. I think it was you who said you ended up being a stay at home mother despite yourself. It was like that for me too. My Mom worked, and I always expected to also. Thought I was a traitor to the feminist movement for years!! But you know-we all do what we have to, and despite some problems, I've got two great boys who are sensitive to the needs of those around them. They will make great husbands, just like their Dad!!

This is now becoming WAY too long, so....HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

You're funny, Dentrassi. I know what you mean about "sucking up my low-esteem through their pores".

We've tried not to raise our son as the "typical male". No toy guns, no violent role play, no stereotyping, etc. But somehow the water pistols slipped into the house. And he's devoted to Star Wars, which means we've got Star Wars Lego people with tiny little guns and light sabres performing miniature acts of violence. And his plastic dinosaurs are forever in the act of eating little plastic people. But he DOES wear pink mittens without a fuss, and he's a very nice boy, so we're not too worried.

You've studied a lot of interesting things yourself! And if I may say so, your English is excellent.

We're having "individual family time" this evening. You know when you have all these great nurturing ideas for "the perfect family", but somehow things slip by the way-side because the day is just not long enough? Well, no more slipping. My husband is spending quality time with our son this evening while my daughter and I work on her/my dollhouse. (One of those projects that sits and collects dust because the day is not long enough.)

Your school experience with DS#2 sounds like a nightmare. We expect school professionals to "know all", but they often aren't experienced or educated enough to do what's right for our children.

You're right... we definitely need to do more talking as a family. I always feel like I'm being "heavy" when we discuss important issues, but I have to get over that feeling.

Ah, the feminist movement. I must admit, I hate being the norm... I like to be "different". It makes me a stronger person.
Because staying home with your kids has become so uncommon, I've got to the point where I feel so good about staying home that I'm convinced I'm a better feminist for it.
Now, when snotty people ask me what I do for a living; instead of my usual reply (the little white lie... "I'm an architect"), I say, "I'm a kept woman." It throws them right off. I don't care what they think anymore. They're not really interested in ME, but in the status of my salary.
Do you meet people who think it's "cute/quaint/charming" that you make jewelry? I used to make soap and other natural body products as a small business, and that was the general reaction I got for my efforts.

Talk as much as you like... no one could possibly be more long-winded than I am.

People's reactions sure are strange. I live in a somewhat conservative area, and some of the other mothers make comments about "awful working Moms, and how we love our kids more". It always throws them when I say "Hey, some people are better Moms BECAUSE they work." I was so glad when my younger son started middle school, because I don't see those people as much any more!! My feeling is that each person has to decide what is best for herself and her family. Other people have looked down on me because I have no income. Yes, many people think it is cute that I "do crafts", and a few now think I am "cool" because of what I do. It is all strange. I am the same person!!!

Hubby is an adjunct lecturer in English. Some of my English is my own, some of it is years of him correcting me!! (He means well.) It was mostly when we were at English functions that I would feel inferior. Some of the Professors just acted like I wasn't worth their time because I wasn't a professional!! Now that I am making jewelry they think I'm an artist and they will talk to me!! Okay, that is not completely fair. I am a lot more outgoing now that I am on meds and feeling better!! I agree about wanting to be different. I am the same way, and have been since i was a kid. When I realized I was going to be short, I thought that it would be okay as long as I was under 5 feet. I didn't want to be average short!!! Just wish I could be average weight though!!

I love your response about being a kept woman!!! VERY FUNNY!! I really love incongruity. I told hubby that it would be REALLY funny if one day he were head of an English department somewhere, and I came in for a department party as "BAMBI, AEROBICS BIMBO" but I don't think I'll ever lose THAT much weight!!!

I know what you mean about feeling like too heavy when you discuss things. Sometimes I feel like I am lecturing too much, and I can see them closing down in front of me!!! It is great that you are spending time with each child too. I try to do that, but sometimes it feels like I'm being pulled in 2 or 3 directions at once. Hubby will be home more this summer, and that should make it easier.

I have to get some work done today, so I'll write more later!!!

Dear Bimbo Bambi,

I agree with you, Dentrassi. I am so non-judgemental about the choices others make. (I hope )
Of course, I have my personal opinion, and if anyone asks for it, I'm most willing to give it, but otherwise I keep my comments to myself. Really... who cares if you work or not? Are you happy? Are your kids happy? Are you surviving? What else is there?
Ideally, my husband should have stayed home and I should have been the big bread winner, but... it just didn't work out that way. Just as well considering my mental health, I suppose.
DH is patient, fun, outgoing, ... he's just great with the kids, whereas I selfishly prefer just to be alone most of the time. But I'm told I'm an excellent mom, despite my faults.

I'm glad for your sake that you didn't shoot up past 4'11".
Does your husband have a weight problem? Is he supportive? Oh, what a stupid question... I'm talking to Dentrassi, who has a wonderful husband... of course he's supportive!
My husband has a bit of a stomach. He needs to lose about 20 pounds, and he's always struggling with it. (thank goodness... I couldn't stand to have a perennially thin husband, heh heh)

By the way... the quality time with the kids? I neglected to tell you... in case you were thinking it's everyday, it's once a week. You're right, there is just not enough time for everything! My daughter and I worked on the dollhouse last night, but our time was cut short, so we're going to do a bit more this evening. We were working with contact cement. How do you tell your 12 year old without giving them "ideas" that it's dangerous to sniff glue? Sigh.

Yes, professionals think that artists are very risque, and they love talking to us, don't they?

It's a beautiful day... I'm going to really push myself and hang some laundry on the line.

take care... talk soon... ellis

HI ELLIS!!!

DH is VERY supportive. He does NOT have a weight problem, If anything, he stops eating when he is stressed out. It is a bit FRUSTRATING actually. I have to remind him to eat while trying NOT to eat myself!! I have made soups to fool my stomache (Dense with veggies but low cal and low fat), just to have DH fill up on a small bowl full!!! I tell him he has to eat more, and he says, "I can't, I'm full." That has never stopped me before!!! He is just over 6 feet tall, and weighs 160, which is up from what he used to be!! His idea of a snack is a pint of Ben and Jerry's!!! But if I ask him to keep it out of the house he will, and he doesn't try to sabotage, so I forgive him!!!

I tried to get to work yesterday, and ended up spending the day at the car dealership instead. The engine light came on, and I thought I better see to it right away, since I'm driving my Mom to the airport on Monday. (She is going to England to visit her Mom.) The oxygen sensor was shot, and the front brakes nearly shot. It was EXPENSIVE!!! Quite a bummer since DH is only getting one more big check before summer.

Why is it that whenever you try to do something nice or fun it gets cut short? But when you have to do something NASTY it takes forever???

Hope you have a great weekend!!!!

Hi Dentrassi!

Your husband is gaunt!! My gosh...

Your mom is going to visit her mom?! Are you serious?! How old is your grandmother? And your mom?

Sorry to hear about your car. Cut your losses... sell up and move to Canada while our dollar is worthless.

I missed my bike ride yesterday. DH had to record some drum music for a CD that a friend is working on. But we're planning on biking today. I do believe the sun is coming up/out. Yesterday was positively gloomy.

I can't wait to get back in my garden. I'm still waiting for it to turn from mud brown to green. Where are the leaves?!

"Why is it that whenever you try to do something nice or fun it gets cut short? But when you have to do something NASTY it takes forever???"

Because it helps you to appreciate the little things. Don't add up the bad stuff. It's too heavy. Life is good. Throw the bad stuff over your shoulder and walk away, and put the good stuff in your bag. It's a lighter load.

Everyone is still sleeping. I'm having my coffee and quiet time. It's heavenly. It's only a little thing, but it makes me happy.

take care, Dentrassi... talk soon
ellis

Hi Ellis!!

My Mom is 70, and her Mom is 96!! My Dad's Mom made it to 101 1/2!! That is ANOTHER incentive for losing the weight. If I can get myself healthy I stand a good chance of living a LONG life. (Unless I take after the men in the family!!!) My Dad's Mom lost her weight in her 70's. The doctor told her she better get it off and she did. But she was never as heavy as I am. My Mom's Mom was told by HER doctor to stop eating butter about ten years ago. She replied, "I am 85 years old, and if I want butter on my peas I shall have it." The doctor has died since then, but my grandmother is still going strong!! Well...she is actually slowing down quite a bit, but hey!!! 96 ain't bad!!!

Your car advice is priceless!! I really do love Canada. It seems to me that the people and the culture in general are more relaxed and less stressed out. At this point it would be pretty difficult to uproot and move though. DS #1 (15) wants to move to England or Norway when he grows up. Of course I wanted to move to England when I was younger too.

Good for you for getting all that biking in!! DH and I have been trying to get some walking in, but I am not up to much right now. I know if I keep it up I'll be back to full steam though!!

I know what you mean about needing that alone time!! Unfortunately I tend to get it late at night after everyone else is asleep!! It makes it VERY difficult to get up the next morning and function. DH is always trying to get me to wake up early to spend time with him, and it is VERY hard for me. That is another project to work on, because I think it would REALLY help the whole family if I could get up earlier.

Talk to you soon!!!

Hi Dentrassi!

We're all alone here, aren't we?
Wow, longevity is right! That's great! Yes, if you're going to live upwards of 90, you definitely have to get the weight off. That's what I'm thinking, too. My parents are in really good shape at 77, and I don't want to be feeling as bad as I do now for the next 40-some years.
I love your grandmother's response to the doctor re: butter.

You're so nice about Canada. I love the States, too. I hate to hear people badmouthing their neighbours. Oh, dear... and I've got to lay off on reading the newspapers. It's stressing me terribly. There's some anti-semite stuff happening here that's just sickening me.

I can understand you staying up late to get time to yourself. I used to do that, too. I think that's fine... you really need that time to yourself. Anyhow, if you start getting up at 5:45 AM like me, you'll find yourself going to bed at 9:PM with the kids. It all evens out.

My mom is dumping on me a little right now, and it's stressing me out. I'm trying to be kind and understanding to everyone, but I don't need my family dumping their tiny little problems on me!!

I biked yesterday. And ate badly. Did you do any exercise? Do we need to encourage/push each other a little more?

talk soon! Ellis

Hi Ellis!!

Sorry to hear that your Mom is dumping on you. That is the last thing you need!!! You have PLENTY to deal with without THAT.

I went for walks on Sat & SUn. They were pretty pathetic walks compared to what I used to do, but at least I moved! Also, my back (which was really hurting when I walked) is starting to tolerate it better, so I should be able to keep increasing the distances. I need to strengthen my ab muscles so my back will do better. After 2 c-sections, my abs (especially lower!!) are a mess.

I think you have been doing a great job with the biking!! You just need to tighten up with the eating, and you'll be doing GREAT!! I need to tighten up on the exercise(oog-that was bad...)

If you want to be pushed you should post on 40+ moving and losing!! You don't have to be 40 (ages range from 20's to 50's right now)!!! We don't chat much in there, but WOW!! the diet/exercise support is wonderful. If people think you need your @$$ kicked THEY WILL DO IT!!! (In a nice way of course!!) I really need that right now. I want people to tell me when I'm making excuses. I really want to get healthy!! There are some REALLY motivated women there!!!

I know what you mean about the papers. I can only tolerate so much of it, and then I have to turn it off. I can feel myself slipping mood wise. It is hard watching what is going on in the world and feeling like there is nothing you can do. Also, I REALLY have to keep things away from DS#2. On Sept. 11 he was home sick and ran to the window looking for planes. He was afraid one would crash into the house. LUCKILY he happened to have a therapy appointment set up that day!! The problem is, he is so bright that he came up ON HIS OWN with scenarios like crashing planes into nuclear power plants.
I managed to get him to stop worrying about it, so I don't want him hearing on the news that they have been put on high alert for that very reason!!!

I think when people see 2 posters they think it is private. I know on alternachicks I wasn't sure if I should post or not. Glad I did!!!