((skippy)) -- Are you my sister? LOL I struggle so much with the worthiness thing every day. I am worthy if I help someone out. I'm worthy if my house is clean. I'm worthy if I'm able to please everyone. I'm worthy if I don't burden others with "me". I'm worthy if the kids in my class perform well on the standardized testing. I will be back to post more on this, but now I've got to get ready for Open House. It's going to be a long evening, but I should be in around ten and I'll try to post more then.

Chris -- Love the slogans. The first time I heard "Don't eat no matter what" I was thinking "ummmm....okaaay". I thought I was gonna trade my coe for anorexia. LOL Yep...sometimes I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer!

Back later,
Christy

Hey girls!! I had a bad day yesterday so my Inlaws left this morning, too much tension...
My house looks wonderful though I'm going to try and post pics tonight

I miss you all!!!

Skippy, I agree with Chris. Just be you and we'll love you no matter what.

Chris, love the slogans! Thanks.

Christy, how did the Open House go?

Michelle, sorry about your rough day. Hope today was better!

Went to a f2f meeting this morning (rather big deal for me since I am on vacation and getting up that early on vacation is basically unheard of for me ). Then got a pedicure/manicure with a friend and her baby (yes, we are still trying - first 2 months were a bust because my cycle was a mess due to grief and stress...things are starting to get back on track).

My new sponsee did not work out, unfortunately. She did not want (or was unable to) email me daily - and that is a big thing for me - daily contact. So, I wish her the best. Can't help but be bummed out (hello human nature!) - I was excited to start with a new sponsee. Working with someone else really helps me focus on my own program, too.

But, Thy (HP) will, not mine, be done. So HP has me on a certain path.

Things are going better with DH. Still up and down but the downs are shorter and not as frequent. I am also feeling better and more on track with my program.

Here's a great meditation I got in my email box:

Self-will is exhausting.

Many of us have worked ourselves into a frenzy over something that simply
would not turn out according to our best-laid plans. We can get upset over
anything from a piece of equipment that won't work properly to a
relationship that appears to be drifting or on the rocks. In desperation, we
may try to "fix" the problem with excess food or self-starvation.

Insisting on our will, our way, and our schedule is usually an extremely
frustrating experience. It's like trying to push water uphill: we wear
ourselves out. And we're subject to much fear, since deep down we have a
sinking feeling that insisting on our way may not work.

What a relief it is to take Step Three and accept our Higher Power's will
for our lives. This acceptance applies to the small details of each day as
well as to the big picture. We do our part the best we can, but the outcome
belongs to a Power greater than ourselves. Therein lies serenity.

*

Just for today, I will accept my Higher Power's will and be serene.

Today I am grateful for:
1. My husband who is very supportive
2. My two beautiful daughters
3. My beautiful home
4. baby steps
5. thunderstorms
6. each day god gives me
7. having 2 cars that run

Kat so sorry your new sponsee didn't work out Another will come along, I'm sure you are a wonderful sponser!!

Love to you all
Michelle

Hello girls! How is everyone doing? I'm vegging out in front of my tv watching Headline news, which is one of my fave. channels.. Is that sad? LOL I've been up since 3am, we had a horrible thunderstorm/typhoon that literally shook my apartment! So I got up and watched Headline News(see what I mean? LOL) until about 4, then I left for work. Skippy-I def. hear you on the "worthiness" part.. Gosh, do I ever. If I could ever accept myself as someone who does screw up sometimes, then maybe my life would be a little happier.
Michelle-How are you doing? Are things going better today?
Chris-Hi ya! Still no complaints on the Prozac
Christy-It's ok!!! LOL Maybe you typed my destiny out, ya think??
God Bless, and TGIF...well almost!!
Love
Vanessa

I had a day off today but had to go to a water meeting and pick up some papers at the podiatrist office to take with me to pre-op on the 30th.

Food has not been the best but I have not binged either so I'm happy.

Chris--I like the Go Gently and It's none of my business what other's think about me. So true. Sorry your throat is swollen. Get better soon.

Michelle--Sorry you had a bad day.

Kat--you're verse that states Just for today, I will accept my Higher Power's
will, and be serene. I need that as my daily motto.

Skippy--All of at some time or the other have day's that we don't feel worthy of ourselves. Just remember we care about you.

I have admitted again to myself that I do have an eating disorder. And will start working on the 12 steps in the morning. I have given my disorder to my HP.

Skippy - I'm not able to respond as I'd like right now, but I can empathize with much of what you wrote. I wanted to send you a hug and kiss right away!! I'll be back tomorrow.

Nighty night, girls. Hope you feel better tomorrow, Chris!

"It's none of my business what others think of me" is wonderful for me, especially. Thanks, Chris!!

Skippy - I find that when other things in my life are good, that's when my eating is bad - it's as though I have to sabotage my happiness. Pretty obnoxious habit. And I'm so unhappy with how I look in my clothes that instead, I have the urge to buy lots of shoes and handbags.

Kat, HP knew what she was doing by messing up your cycle. I'm sure conceiving would be bittersweet right now - you'll get there, but you certainly have enough on your plate right now. And I hope you find a new sponsee!

Michelle, Vanessa, Christy, Jennelle, Linoleum, Kim - Hi to all! CJ, your attitude is admirable. I need me some o dat.

As for me, DD is still being a pill and refusing to nap. I can't figure it out, she seems so tired. I'm going to do yoga this am while DS yells at me and then take them out for a bit. I promise I won't buy any shoes.

Have a good day, ladies.

I really wish I could express how much all of your replies have meant to me. It's such a comfort to know that there are other people who understand how I am feeling and not that I want any of you to be going through it, but it's less lonely knowing that others "are" going through it and we can relate to each other. I feel blessed to be able to talk to you all. Thanks for listening to me, and I'm sorry that it always seems like I need to be listened to. Hopefully one day I can lend "my" ear more than having to borrow "your" ears. I am SO glad I found this place with you guys here!

I look forward to the day where I have much of this negativity I feel about myself behind me, and I'm going to try and believe it "will" happen. (today I'll feel like that anyway, lol) I look forward to the day where I don't hide from people I used to know because of my weight. I look forward to the day where I am not ashamed for my husband's co-workers to see what his wife looks like. I look forward to the day I can walk through the Mall without worrying what people think about me. I am going to believe these things will happen.I look forward to the day where I don't get disgusted when I see myself in pictures or the mirror. I really want to lose weight and feel better about myself, but I want to like myself whether I do or don't, and feel that I still deserve to like myself regardless.

I feel better now. Again. Thanks you guys! oxoxooxoxoxooxo


Much Love, skippy

Yesterday was a very service based day for me. Help others and you get back what you give about 100 fold. It also gets me outside of the "poor Chris" party my brain likes to have sometimes. With that said I highly reccomend reaching out for someone that could be you. If you can see their disease and have compassion and love for them, you can treat yourself in the same gentle way when things get rough.

Skippy- Life is a 24 hour program, today is all we get and surrender ot to the HP of your understanding and you will be amazed at what gets done.

Tracy- I got to take my kiddo school shopping couldn't I go to the dentist or something Go gently.

CJ- So what do you have to do to prepare for foot surgery? And how much time will you have off?

Vanessa- But you said it! you realize that if you can take you as you come, screw ups, and all WITHOUT the JUDGEMENT, how much more kind can you be to yourself?

Michelle- The blessing is at least the in-laws knew to leave So let's see the house.

Kat- NEEDED THAT MEDITATION! SELF WILL IS SO EXHAUSTING! Chris power has never worked before and it won't work now. Sorry your sponsee didn't work out. When its meant to be its up to HP

Christy- You are just so beautifully you. How are the back to school stressors? And where is Jenelle?

Sandi, Linoleum, and any lurkers, new posters here

Chris

I am goofing off all day today. Just going to vedge and play computer games. But I also plan to get in a workout, too.

Skippy: We ALL need to be listened to, that's why we are here. We all may be individuals but the fact is, with all our differences, we COEs are all the same in the end. Keep coming back!

Michelle, thanks, means a lot!

Vanessa: No, I don't think you're crazy for watching Headlines News. Wish more people would keep themselves informed on what was going on in our world.

Tracy: Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking that a pregnancy would be nice news right then, since we were grieving - but HP knows better than me.

Chris: Good for you for doing service! I all ready have another prospect for a sponsee and my sponsor may know someone local who needs a food sponsor.

I hope everyone has a blessed day!

Morning to all
Chris--As far as I know right now I will have to have blood work done and fill out paper work for the out patient surgery.The doc is going to do some extensive work on my foot so he says 8 weeks. I'm a workaholic too. The heels spurs have done some damage before I knew what the problem was--He'll be repairing some tendon's also and hopefully I will not have to have those shots with those 3 inch long needles--- Can I say that hurts- And since I have a bunion that has been giving me problems also he'll do that repair.

treasaigh--If you are talking about the upcoming foot surgery--I'm just happy that I'll finally get some relief from the pain.

Hi to all the rest. Have a good day.

Chris - Here I am! I was so beat last night...I sat at the computer and just sort of stared at the screen. All the words were locked up tight in my head, so I went and vegged out in front of the couch. Watched Olympic gymnastics and swimming. Listened to my daughter debate the hotness factor of all of them and holler at Aaron Peirsol (like he could hear her ) to pull his drawers up 'cause everyone can see his butt crack.

School today was like negotiating peace in the Middle East! I'm a firm believer that kids learn to be responsible for themselves if they're given the chance to be responsible. So, I mediated a 5th grade class meeting this morning to talk about some disrespect of others that's become evident over the past few days. (We have one rule in our classroom: Respect.) The meeting ran very smoothly, but the kids were kind of shocked that they actually got to come up with their own "golden rule compact." And then there was Dewayne, ADD/ADHD from the word go and very high maintenance. It's not his fault, though - it's an organic thing, not an openly defiant thing - so I had to get with him to outline some acceptable behaviors. (And you have to be very specific: "It's okay to wiggle your pencil quietly. It's not okay to poke Kiefer in the back with your pencil.") And then Carneisha, who "hates reading" but couldn't tell me why. I finally got it out of her that I don't have enough of a Junie B. Jones selection. And Michael, who wanted to stop reading a book when he only had 20 pages left. Man, I'm about wore out!

But, not too wore out for a gratitude list:
(1) I'm thankful for the patience God has bestowed upon me.
(2) I'm thankful for the lovely set of cubbies my husband built for my classroom last weekend.
(3) I'm thankful for the local junior college's computer lab, because they're letting me do a class project there in November.
(4) I'm thankful for boiling-hot showers.
(5) I'm thankful for copiers that don't jam every ten seconds.

Wow, Jennelle, you're an awesome teacher. And I agree with your daughter on Aaron's shorts.

I went to bed entirely too late last night. Got into a movie on TNT and couldn't leave it until I found out what the heck was going on. Hey Christy, I also watched a little of Nip/Tuck. Oh my goodness! The docs were smoking pot and having a three-way with a prostitute. What an introduction!

I don't really have much to say. Lots of drama in my head, but real life is okay.

Chris, how are you, sweetie?

Physically I am a little bloated this morning, TOM is around, and he always likes to make me feel bloated and fat

Emotionally, I am a little unsure. I am avoiding my finances. I have alot of love for people this morning. Quiet compassion.

Spiritually, I reached out for HP as soon as I woke up. There is so much to surrender in my life right now, if I cannot believe with all of me that he is handling this today, I will be cruel to myself with food. I have no willpower, I only have surrender. My biggest thing to surrender today is wanting. It's wanting that makes me miserable. This moment is as it should be.

Tracy- Apparently I am not old enough yet to watch Nip/Tuck How are you today? Big plans for the day?

Jenelle- Maybe you missed your calling as a diplomat? Your awesome. What is the Junie B. Jones selection? God I am old. When I was a kid it was like Judy Blume, Sweet Valley High, and OMG I loved those awful Caitlain (sp?) books. I also liked anything with ghosts and that scarred me (sorry RL Stine, your no Stephen King) I picked up my first King book when I was 12 and fell totally in love.

My therapist gace me a book for my birthday. Its a kids book called "You are Special" by Max Lucado. If any of you get a chance pick it up, if you don't cry. OM Goodness it is sweet.

CJ- 8 weeks to nurture yourself. Let's look on the bright side. Is anyone going to be able to come and be with you?

Kat- Vegging is a beautiful thing. I always thing of Alanis "Thank you" where she says, "Quit equating death with stopping" (or something close to that) sometimes we just got to stop. Have a blessed day right back at you!

Hi Skippy, Christy, Vanessa, Linoleum, Michelle, Sandi. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

Grateful for
1. All of you
2. My family
3. My bed
4. Saturdays
5. LOVE = GOD


Chris