I will reply to everyone in my next post (I have to go back and remember what everyone said). I saw some regret stuff this morning. Okay here it is. I am still struggling with my self will. I lost it on Saturday, and that's probaly why I was choking on my words yesterday. Talked with my food sponsor, and how about this? I kept my commitments last week. I still have two parts of my step work to do due by Wednesday!!!!!!! But we got to let the moments passed go and hold on to the current one. In that moment we can make loving food choices, reach out for the HP of our understanding, accept that this is our journey and as God's daughters to go humbly and gently. Look at the gratitude we have here. Look at the beautiful women we all are. If anyone can read "Our Stories" and not feel compassion, love, and the heartbeats that lie underneath they do not know the definition of courage.
I am so grateful today to have all of you and this place, and this honesty. Go gently my friends. And remember if you ever need me I am here. Send me a PM and I will call, I will write, I need to get outside of me to heal. This helps me, and if it helps you too, Thank God. WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!
I just realized I closed my first thread almost the exact same way last week. I must really need to keep hearing that
Okay the kids and food thing. What do I think? Well I worry too about my son, more with anorexia than anything else since I am so anti-fat and have been dieting in one way or another his whole life. He thinks whatever I eat is awesome. Oatmeal pancakes, crustless quiche, oatmeal bread, and all my Lean Cuisines disappear when he is around. He has told me. "Mom I love sugar like you do, once I start I don't want to stop." Okay he sees the similarities. He is his own person, all our kids are. Yes we got some guilt from not being as present as we should have been in our food addiction. But this our chance to live the message. There is so much more in this life than food. Where ever our kids are today we have to trust God has a path for them, that is all their own. I try to be honest, and in return my son is honest with me. When he sees me being uncool with food he says so. He is my angel. God has got his back, I know this to the core of me.
Christy- "Cheese makes me happy" Me too! Love her just as she is. I think that is something else with our kids and all people, they want to be heard and loved just as they are. When we look for the compassionate way to deal with others we treat ourselves more kindly. Enjoy this lovely day off before work.
Kat- WOOOOOOHOOOO! We have a sponsor in our mists. Kat is living the program. YGG! We are so grateful to have you!
Vanessa- On the phone! Your awesome, keep reaching out, you are so NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!
Jenelle- I just love you and your honesty. I probably would have reacted to a crying child in the same way. Of course it would have taken everything in me to not throw it back and make fun of her. Oh my family runs strong in me.
How is it going today?
Linoleum- Right on with candles and soft fuzzy blankets to be grateful for. The things that comfort us beyond food, just BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!
Skippy- You don't need to ask for our forgiveness, forgive yourself girl. We love you as you come. Just keep shedding light on your behaviors.
Tracy- Your such a good mom. I think your kiddos are going to be fine. How are you and DH doing?
Michelle- How was your daughters birthday?
Me and my DH. Well finding love and compassion for him feels like a full time job. But at least I see him trying to nuture himself. ODAT!
Hey guys! I hope everyone's Monday went well. I wish I could give you advice Janelle, but honestly I have no words that would shed light to the situation. I also worry if I ever have kids, what their eating habits will be. I'm so strict on myself when it comes to food that I worry that I will be really hard on my children. Kudos that you want them to be healthy, that's great! Maybe you can sit down with them and work out a compromise, or maybe teach them to bake healthy kid stuff they like.
Skippy-Don't be hard on yourself, everyday is a new day my friend.. Your future is bright! Your not alone on this journey!
Chris-Hey! Slowly working my way up the communication ladder! My phone company will faint when they see I actually used my phone!
I hope everyone is doing great and that tommorow is even better than today!
Thinking of all of you
Peace
Vanessa
Thanks for all the kind comments, advice, or even just the "don't know what I'd do, but I feel for ya"s. It really helps just to know that there are people out there who don't think I'm a total freakin' nutcake!
Sleep deprivation is my new permanent state. There's just something about teaching all day that saps the brainpower out of you. Of course, there's always something school-wise that needs to be done when I get home, too. I'm trying to maintain a healthy balance. Part of the problem is that organization is tough for me. I feel like I have to do twice as much work to stay organized. If I let it go even an inch, I spend a week recovering. (Or sometimes, I'm tossing mounds of paper in the trash just because I can't bear to face it all!)
My gratitude list for today:
(1) I'm grateful for my handy husband, who spent his Sunday building me a bank of cubbies for my classroom.
(2) I'm grateful for my dogs, who always greet me with tails a-wagging, no matter what.
(3) I'm grateful for people who've been where I am and have done what I've done and can listen to me without judgement.
(4) I'm grateful for whatever got into Brandon today and made him decide to behave himself throughout the entire class period.
(5) I'm grateful for my warm snuggly bed!
I'm working to much overtime and don't have enough time to get things done that I want to. I've been to tired to even think about preparing food or exercising. So this will be short and sweet.
Everyone have a good day.
hey girls a quick driveby post from me I don't have much time since my inlaws are visiting.
Chris thanks for much for the chit chat I loved it!! Taylors birthday went very well and I'll post pics when I get more time but its now 1 am and I'm exhausted!! Thanks again sweetie!!
Hi girls, hi girls. Chris, Skippy, honeys - we loves yas. It is a new day.
I'm feeling better than normal because I got a nap yesterday, then stayed up late to exercise after the kids went to bed. No rugrat interruptions!! It was awesome. And Sarah "tinkled" on her potty last night!!! YEAAA!!!
Today, we're going to my mom's to swim after Matt's monthly "headcheck" with his surgeon. Which means I get my brain to myself for an hour in the car each way. It's the little things!
Gratitude list:
1. My mom's pool
2. Matt's wonderful doctors
3. My soft new nightshirt - even though it spent most of the night up around my chest so Matt could breastfeed
4. Prozac
5. Clean laundry.
I'm making this the best day I can. Thank you HP!!
Tracy you should see me smiling this morning, your beautiful girl CJ so busy and Michelle running on empty, even Jenelle is tired from the beginnings of the school year. Energy depleteing it may feel like a time to yeild to our default setting, but as Tracy pointed out maybe we yeild to the day that our HP is giving us. Melt into it as we would a lover's arms. This is surrender, this is the thing I have been forgetting. When I let go of my wants, and just am.
"When one is not driven by craving and is not under the sway of the world, one can operate under different laws, taking directions from the inside"-Ravi Ravindra
Its time to quit fighting with me, its time to start to be. Thats where I am today.
Gratitude List
1. All of you, you let me see the world through your eyes
2. A good nights rest
3. Honest communication
4. Candles, warm blankets, flushy toliets, all the conviences in life that bring me comfort
5. Another day to try, try again
Well, I woke up and said to myself, ok, let's try this again today. I had another sugar binge last night (on the rest of the cake that was left, and doughnut holes) and made me feel literally sick. I was so angry at myself, kept asking myself , why? What is my problem? So I got desperate, and as embarrassing and nervous as it made me, I went to my first online OA meeting last night. (first ever, haven't been to one in person either) I asked myself during the meeting , do I really need to be here? Is this really for me? But then I thought, well is anything else working? What do I have to lose but to try? So I'm going to try anyway, and do some extra praying and extra leaning on God in seeking the wisdom that I need to snap out of this, and stop letting all these sweets have so much power over me. It's time to let go. Let go and let God.
Hopefully I will feel some new motivation from going to the online meetings.
I've heard the mention of sponsors. Is it possible to have an online sponsor? Or is that just something you do in person?
There is OA by mail and on-line sponsorship. In fact me and my food sponsor live close and I see here every other Saturday, but daily we do e-mail. Give it 5 or 6 meetings to decide Skip, and if you can go to a F2F meeting. It makes people real!
Hey all! Another tired teacher checking in. No students until next Tuesday, but all of the meetings are a real brain drain. Who am I kidding? I love it all!
Computer is acting freaky so I'll have to make this quick. Thinking of all of you and doing pretty well here. Food is good; exercise is nonexistent; mood is improving and I haven't had any side effects from the meds yet. Yay!
I'll try to check back in later tonight for a longer visit.
Weekly Thread: August 16-23 ODAT
I still have two parts of my step work to do 
due by Wednesday!!!!!!! But we got to let the moments passed go and hold on to the current one. In that moment we can make loving food choices, reach out for the HP of our understanding, accept that this is our journey and as God's daughters to go humbly and gently. Look at the gratitude we have here. Look at the beautiful women we all are. If anyone can read "Our Stories" and not feel compassion, love, and the heartbeats that lie underneath they do not know the definition of courage. 
How was your daughters birthday? 
It's the little things!
Ego and Beyond
CJ so busy and Michelle running on empty, even Jenelle is tired from the beginnings of the school year. Energy depleteing it may feel like a time to yeild to our default setting, but as Tracy pointed out maybe we yeild to the day that our HP is giving us. Melt into it as we would a lover's arms. This is surrender, this is the thing I have been forgetting. When I let go of my wants, and just am.
