Good morning ladies~ Well like I said yesterday I made my call to OA and I'm going to my first meeting this Wednesday. I think that took a huge weight off my shoulder. I feel good knowing that I'm taking a step forward instead of backwards for once in my life. I did really well yesterday. I hadn't felt well all weekend, so yesterday was spent getting my house in order. I find when I'm busy I don't binge. I ate really well though, and I did a nice workout. I woke up this morning feeling great, and did a nice stretch video. Today I'm helping at the kids school, so again I'll be busy and then tonight is my gym night. I'm a little nervous to go to my meeting, just not knowing what to expect. I'm bringing my SIL along with me the first night though for support. Hope your all doing well...stay strong ladies!! One day at a time
ClydieCat- For sure I'll let you know how I liked the meeting. Have you ever looked into them. If your interested go to the OA website it's filled with info. Great job on fitting in some exercise...it always makes me think twice about what I eat when I exercise. Like you I have children, so finding time to exercise isn't easy, so when I want to eat garbage it's like throwing my hard work out the window. I also am a very fast eater. I always have been though. I try to slow it down now though...I'm still finished before everyone else though
Cindy- Sorry to hear you've been struggling this month....that sucks! I've been there and it feels like it will never end. Small steps hun, take small steps. I chew a lot of gum when I feel like eating...maybe you could try that? ((((HUGS))))
Heatherangel- Hello That is one good thing I think I'll get out of my meetings, the knowing that I'm not alone.
Birgit- So how did ya do last night? It's always hard when we're home alone. Sorry I wasn't on last night or I would of chatted with ya to keep you occupied.
Dana- Hello...hope you have a great day~
LuckyR-Good for you for starting fresh, and what great motivation to stay on track. You want to be able to wear your new pants now that they fit
Hi Everyone,
I survived my white-knuckle ride last night and successfully came through on the other end. All I ate after I wrote to you all last night was an apple. This morning I woke up refreshed and recommitted. Got on the scale and - ohmigawd - found I'd lost 3#s. Whoo-hoo!
Dana, who the heck knows what really causes these binge-urges. No, I don't think it was the fact that Tom was here for nearly 2 weeks - per se. But it probably had something to do with it. I think I told you that he lives 100 miles from here. He graduated from RPI last May with a degree in architecture. For the past few months he's been deeply involved in a job-search, and he's finding it slim pickin's. There's just not much construction going on out there these days, and partially his age is against him (he's 53). So until his employment situation is nailed down, his and my relationship and our future together, is sort of up in the air. It feels unsettled - and I don't like it. I like all of my ends nicely tied up, know what I mean?
The other thing is that after more than 2 yrs of being with him, I'm still not quite used to how his head works. He is such an engineer-type... It's all about facts and figures, historical records, and numbers for him - emotion rarely enters into the equation for him. He's a "guy" to the 10th power! So now here it was first V-Day, and then my birthday, and I was looking for a bit of... well, romance, I suppose. I really can't define it - but I wasn't getting it from him. It's not that he didn't try, he's just not wired like a "girl." And I, having spent 20 yrs of my life in partnership with a woman, was - in that moment - having trouble adjusting.
But it passed, and this morning I am back to my old self. Thank goodness!
Heather, I am so sorry that you lost the battle last night. But remember, it's only one night - and it's behind you. Today is another day. Don't look back - just keep moving forward. You can do it!
And Lucky, CONGRATS on the pants! That's terrific. I know what you mean about not being quite in binge-mode, but also not doing things "right." It's what I call the slippery slope. Glad you're starting over and recommitting to the healthy side.
Dana, good luck with the stats course. My son is having the same struggles - so just know you're not alone...
Congratulations on getting through last night. I really understand where you're coming from. Not knowing where things are going is a really, really hard thing- probably harder than even knowing that something is ending. I'm going through something very similar with my girlfriend, actually, so I really do sympathize. I can understand where he'd be absolutely frustrated (if I were him, I'd be willing to throw in the towel already- out of college for 3 months without a job was long enough for me, and I didn't have the age discrimination thing going on- that makes it 100 times more frustrating- my dad, having tried to switch jobs more than a few times in the past two years, goes on promising interview after interview, and we think the main reason he's not getting hired is because he "can" retire in like 5 years, even if he won't!) All that work that goes into going back to school as a non traditional student must make it really disheartening for Tom when he still can't find anything. I hope things get better for him. And you! True, he's not wired like a girl, but have you told him you expected a little more? Have you thought about what it is you really wanted and didn't get? You are such a caring, lovely person, and you deserve everything that you want. How old is your son, and where does he live?
Tina, good luck at the OA meeting! Let us know how it goes.
Birgit - way to go on getting through last night! And the 3 lb loss is just icing on the cake! Best wishes to your SO on his job hunt. Transitional periods like that are always the worst, aren't they! I hope that things will work out soon!
Tina - I have thougt a lot about going to OA meetings. I know I should, but I am still too scared right now. I grew up around 12-step programs, & think that it could offer a lot of support to me... I guess I am just to scared to take that step right now (& I don't even know what I'm scared of? I suppose just having to sit in a room of people & admit what I've done ). I think it is WONDERFUL that your sister-in-law is going for support!
djs06 - good luck with the statistics (I hated statistics with a passion in college!!!)!
Heather - You can do it, I know you can.
I had a successful day yesterday, & I am grateful for that! Today is going well so far. I do have a work lunch today, which I am not looking forward to. I was exhuasted this morning (my 6 month old was up nearly every hour & the only way she would sleep is if I was rocking her in the chair, so I didn't get much rest. I'm afraid she is coming down with something ), but I did make myself do a 15 minute exercise video this morning, so I got something in.
I'm hopeful that today will be another successful today, for all of us!
Thanks, Dana. You are very sweet and kind. Yes - I have tried to my best ability to tell Tom what my expectations are, etc. When I'm totally clear on what I want, I can be quite articulate about it. Problem is, I can't completely define it. And then, of course, I can't articulate it. Poor guy - he really, really tries to "get it" and all he wants is to please me. But since I don't know how to be clearer, the result is that I confuse him and he looks at me like I've sprouted a second head. Some of this stuff is really inexplicable, and one just has to intuit it. Some people can, and others can't. Women are much much better at it then men (at least in my experience). But truly, he is SUCH a nice guy! He's incredibly sweet, gentle, kind, warm, loving, sincere, gentle - I could go on and on. The stuff that I DO get FAR outweighs the stuff that I don't. Most of the time I'm quite satisfied and content. But when I'm not, I just want what I want - ya know? And that's when the food calls to me.
And I do understand that you must be dealing with some of the same "uncertainty" stuff yourself. I'm with you, Chica - just know you're not alone! This is a very difficult time for you -- I can feel it.
My son is 25 and is working on a business degree at UMass Boston while also working full-time. I'm very proud of him. He's doing well, but complains that statistics may kill him...
Clydie, I hope that you give some more thought to maybe getting to one of those OA meetings. I'm sending you COURAGE thru the wires!!! When the time is right for you, just know that we will be here to support you . In the meantime, I'm glad you had a good day yesterday and it sounds like you're doing well today despite exhaustion. A 6-month old -- wow, I remember those days! Just repeat to yourself: "This too shall pass... this too shall pass..."
I binged all day yesterday, but today is the beginning of the rest of my life No really, I did a lot of thinking and reading yesterday (while I was eating ). I know that in the past, I have gotten stuck in the usual negative cycles - binge and starve, or all or nothing. Starting today, I'm no longer focusing on a diet as much as healthy eating and exercise. I'm going to use affirmations and replace negative self talk with positive. I'm really determined to avoid binges in the future. I believe that I can do this.
Best wishes to everyone. Have a great (short) week!
Last edited by just_a_dreamy1; 02-19-2008 at 03:56 PM.
Hey everyone
Birgit--Happy belated b-day! Congrats on the 3 pounds too! I have a man's man too but over time he has learned how to be more affectionate and learn what it is that I need. He grew up with a mom with serious issues and a dad that to this day barely claims him but he figured out how to show love despite all of this.
Tina--I am really hesitant about OA meetings. So I give you a big high five for having the courage to attend one. I'm a closed individual by nature so putting my business out there for the world to see is almost impossible for me. It really has nothing to do with what will they think of me bc I could care less about that but has more to do with trust. To say I have trust issues is an understatement. Keep us informed.
Well I've had the best day in weeks. I wouldn't say it was binge free but I'm not feeling sick to my stomach, feeling like I can barely move, or as if I'm ready to explode so it really has been a decent day. We shall see what tomorrow brings.
Hi I'm new to the site.
I just had a huge binge, but I want it to be the last. I am hoping this site will be able to hold me accountable and help me to stop binging. The therapist can't help, my roommates can't help, so I am hoping that people who are dealing with something similar can help. I've never done anything like this, so believe me, I'm a little scared, but I can't live like this anymore. It hurts to be so full and then hate myself. Today, February 19th 2008, I had my last binge.
Golean - WELCOME! I am so glad you found us - and we are NOTHING to be afraid of. Trust me, none of us bite and we have all been exactly where you are right now. You have come to the right place.
Shay, I completely understand about not wanting to put yourself out there at OA meetings, not trusting others at the meeting to keep their mouths shut. I struggle with that too. I live in a very small rural community in VT, and I am a property manager here. When I go to OA meetings, not only am I joined by people who are my neighbors, but some of them are my residents. I worry about what would happen if one of my residents doesn't pay the rent, for example, and I have to get tough with him/her (well, almost always her). Will she then get angry and trash my business all over town??? Over the years, I have come to terms with that. First of all I have learned that the OA rooms really are an alternate universe. What gets said there, stays there. In all the years I have gone to OA meetings I have never had any indication that anything I have said there has gone elsewhere. I really have come to trust the sanctity of confidentiality in the OA rooms.
But secondly, and probably far more importantly, I have learned that when I am private and closed about my "business," that is exactly what causes me to binge. This disease is one that can thrive only under cover of darkness. If/when I decide to open up, allow light in, be profoundly honest with others (and really myself) - only then can I feel the cloak of this disease lifting. I have discovered for myself that I cannot control how others respond to what I share at OA meetings - all I can control is whether or not I am willing to be honest. If I'm not willing to be honest with myself (and others) then I can't expect things to change, and I can't expect to be healed.
Shay, in rereading the above, I realize that it may sound a bit like a lecture - I don't mean it to be! I'm only sharing what works for me. I wish you lots of luck, and I know you will find the path that works for you because I see that you keep on working on it.
I was at the supermarket yesterday and in the flower aisle. I was just at the point where I was ready to pick out a bunch of spring tulips, when I remembered my commitment to buy flowers only when I've been binge-free for a week. And well... following last Saturday's candy dinner, we can't really say that, can we . So I put the flowers back. Coming home, the empty flower-less spot is a daily reminder this week that things didn't quite go according to plan, and incentive to do better. I'm really, really looking forward to another bunch of flowers next week.
Hello ladies! Well today is the day...I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be for my first meeting. Hopefully this bravery will stick with me I've last couple of days have been really good for me. I made the gym yesterday for a nice 1 hour walk on the treadmill and my eating was in check! It feels so good to have OP days. I wish when I went to binge I could remember the feeling of being OP, but that obviously never happens. So today I'm just cleaning around the house a bit and finishing taking down my Valentine decorations. I can't believe I have to think about decorating for Easter already. If I didn't have 3 kids who love decorations I'd say forget it this year That is about all for me though today. I'm having a really good week so far. I'll let you guys know how my meeting went tomorrow.
Birgit-Congrats on the 3 lbs loss!!! That is wonderful I think your buying flowers after a binge free week is the coolest idea. I'm going to steal that if ya don't mind? I love flowers and they always make the house feel so cheery. What a great motivatior also. Keep up the good work.
Dana- I'll let ya know how the meeting goes for sure. Hope your having a great day.
ClybieCat- It's taken me years to finally admit out loud that I have a problem. I always knew in my heart I did, but I didn't want anyone else to know. I'm just sick of trying to fix something that I can't fix alone. I need help and there is no shame in needing help I've finally realized.
Penelope- Here's to a new beginning girl That's a fantastic attitude
Shay- Ahhh trust issues....I've got so many it's not even funny. Most of them I'm sure stem from childhood and my father. We've kinda talked a little about that over in TBL forum though. I'm ready to start making my life better though. This just seemed like the first step for me.
Goleanmachine- I hear ya on hating yourself after a binge. I look in the mirror and just think how awful I look, how much willpower I lack, I'm a loser, yada, yada, yada.....I'm sick of feeling that way. Everyone slips up and for me it's time I start realizing that and cutting myself a little slack. You can do this and if ya slip just stand right back up...
Birgit--It didn't sound like a lecture to me. I appreciate all of the feedback and input I get. I'm not especially worried about people spreading my personal information or how they will respond to what I say. I know I can only control my own behavior. To be honest going to an OA meeting means several things to me that I just need to come to terms with. If I went I would be admitting I need help. That I can't do this on my own. That I just can't figure it out. That is hard for me to admit. It makes me feel vulnerable and I don't like feeling that way. Also that means I will be trusting the process of OA and what if it doesn't work? I always joke that I am self aware. Well that's not a great thing to be if you do nothing about what you know.
Welcome, golean! I've not been here very long, but have come to really see the value in this site. We all truly understand the pain & hatred that come along with this.
Birgit - another inspiring post That vase will be full in no time, I'm certain!
Tina - good luck at the meeting today. I've been thinking of OA a lot over the past couple of days, so thank you for planting the seed in my head! And WTG on the eating & exercising the past couple of days!
likenoother - I'm glad yesterday was a good day for you & I am hoping today is even better!
Yesterday was not a success for me, unfortunately. Today WILL be, though. I already have my exercise in & eating is in check.
I was right about my daughter coming down with something. I had to take her to urgent care last night & found out she does have a double ear infection. No wonder she has been so fussy! She is on antibiotics & ear drops, though, so hopefully she gets better soon!
). I think it is WONDERFUL that your sister-in-law is going for support!
You can do it, I know you can. 
ladies.
). I know that in the past, I have gotten stuck in the usual negative cycles - binge and starve, or all or nothing. Starting today, I'm no longer focusing on a diet as much as healthy eating and exercise. I'm going to use affirmations and replace negative self talk with positive. I'm really determined to avoid binges in the future. I believe that I can do this.
. So I put the flowers back. Coming home, the empty flower-less spot is a daily reminder this week that things didn't quite go according to plan, and incentive to do better. I'm really, really looking forward to another bunch of flowers next week.