I don't post often here, although I do lurk. But, I just feel the need to vent and talk to "someone". I've been doing good not binging since April. I've lost some weight and kept it off, and have really been trying not to be in denial about my binges. Well, after some sadness I recently experienced, of course I had a weak moment. It was last night and it scared me. I grazed for about two or three hours while I sad in front of the TV. What scared me was at one point, I had a crinkled Hostess Ding Dong wrapper in my hand, and I thought, " I want another one of these".....so, I wandered over to the cabinet, and there was already an empty, crinkled wrapper laying there. So, I had unconciously eaten one without even realizing it! I was on my third one, and hate to admit that I ate it, although I was horrified at what I was doing. I won't detail out the whole binge, but what scared me was how fast I backslid. I should've known better too. As I said before I was feeling very sad, for reasons I won't go into. (too long) But, I should've planned ahead for some activity to keep busy so I wouldn't go on a binge. I was overconfident I guess.

Thank you for letting me come on here and own up to it, and regather my resolve. I've done well today with my eating and am determined to address my unpleasant feelings later by writing. I'm also going to go back to reading my book on compulsive eating. Sorry, the title escapes me, since I'm so brain dead today. I'm tired, and I'm feeling down, so I need to acknowledge how suceptible I am to a binge. I'll feel better when I work through it, but for now, I can't let my guard down. Thanks again. Hope everyone is having a good day!

All weekend I binged. I went to visit my family and there was tons of junk food lying around. The second day I went crazy, ate a bunch of cake and then couldn't stop. Went for ice cream, crackers, cookies, anything I could get my hands on. I went to eat at Swiss Chalet also.

Today I'm back on track. Once I got home I didn;t feel the need to binge and didn't crave anything really. I went for a run lastnight and for a long walk too. I'm not going to dwell on the horrible weekend, but I'll try my best to not let it happen again!

Well, I fell off the wagon yesterday. I was good for over three weeks, but yesterday, for some reason, I couldn't take it.

I'm back to today though!

It was the strangest thing...I was totally conscious of the whole thing, and I didn't feel guilty or anything. I stayed under my calories for the day (amazingly enough!), but the way in which I ate, and the fact that I felt sick afterwards definitely qualifies it as a binge. I tried to fool myself at first, since I didn't go over on calories, but it was all a lie, and I finally admitted it to myself! I thought, "Okay, you can eat this food, and be back on tomorrow, and it's fine."

I almost lost it in the grocery store again today, getting into that bad thinking of "one more day won't hurt", but I stopped myself.

Feels good to confess!

Well, I'm depressed today and naturally trying to comfort myself with junk food. I feel if I write it out, it might help me.

In January, I decided not to pursue another grad degree (just finished my Master's in English) and start teaching instead. So I got a job as an online instructor, which I really love. However, it's part time so I needed to look around for other options as well. I love the online thing, so I started looking at online options. I got two offers - one for another online university (also part-time work) and one for an online tutoring center (also part time). I was excited about the prospect of making some decent money after 5 years of grad teaching salaries and student loans, so I took both of them. Both had a training and they turned out exactly at the same time (this month). I also am teaching from the first place a few courses. So I knew this would be a hectic month.

The online university training is going great and I really enjoy it. However, the online tutoring is different. I quickly discovered it's a totally different way of giving student feedback than I'm used to (a lot more going back to basics). I'm find with that, but the problem is that they are requiring a very short time span to comment on each paper. I'm very meticulous because I feel like I should give a student as much time in my feedback as he/she took to write the paper. So I was finding I was taking three times as long as the acceptable amount of time.

So yesterday I started to do some thinking about whether it was worth the extra cash for me. I would be working a third more hours at this for the same salary I am getting for the online teaching I do. And since I'm not a fast feedback giver, I know I would feel very stressed with trying to complete their work and my students in my courses would get short-changed and suffer.

So I emailed the online tutoring place to let them know I would not be continuing the training. I feel depressed, though, because I feel like I gave up a great job opportunity. It would have been a nice extra income, but I can certainly make do with the two other jobs I have and online teaching is really want I want to do, not tutoring.

I don't even feel guilty this time for eating junk food - I feel like I need it right now!

Tam

Ok I haven't been here in a long while. But just wanna confess my feelings here. I so just wanna go on a major binge. My g'pa died and tomorrow is the funeral and I feel terrible, not just about the death, but physically feel ill. I know it could also be that I haven't done a thing since I have left work last week (been on bereavement and I don't have to go back to work until Sunday night (7/20) and I've been off since last Wed. night (7/9) )

Also I feel a major separation from my DH. We have been working opposite shifts and soon he will be on my shift, but right now he is covering for my coworker who is off, so now he's actually working what I "normally" work, but I am off on bereavement. So I had to switch my sleep schedule to "days" (I work nights) this week due to the funeral, etc. I just am feeling single. I have been feeling that way for a while. Its not DH's fault, I know its the opposite shifts and all. I guess I'm just feelin' not as connected as we once were.

He is also changing ever since he's been hanging around this guy from work, he is basically turning into that guy and that guy of course is not my dh. I am scared ya'all! What if he wakes up one day and decides that he is tired of me and just leaves? I know I can't think about "what ifs" but I just cannot help it! Can men go through mid-life crisis at age 33????!!!

Anyways. This may not be the right place to be posting all of this and moderators feel free to move it if you wish. But All these emotions really make me want to binge. I am aware of that and I haven't done it and most likely will not do it. But I figured it is healthy to get all the emotions out.......

Thanks for listening. You do not have to reply, honestly. Its just me getting my emotions out.

I'm new to this but here it goes. First off so sorry to here about your grandfather Sassy. I just came here (sounded like the right place to come if you were ashamed of yourself) lol. I really am too. I started the slim-fast plan just yesterday and I'm already having to confess to screwing up?! If someone was physically hurting me I wouldn't take it. If someone was verbally abusing me I sure wouldn't take it but, here I am slowly killing myself and taking precious years away from my life with my boys and family. Why am I constantly giving up and grazing like a big ole hefer?? I know people binge and get off track but why? I'm 34 years old I know when my body is full. I know when to turn off the tv and go play with the kids or go outside and do something. Do I?? No!! I sit on my butt and eat. I'll go to the laundry room hide and eat. Sad huh?? I'm sorry I"m new and this is how I introduce myself to all of you but, I'm so ashamed and I can't admit these things to anybody. You all seem to understand and here I know I'm not alone on this. I was so embarassed to go back to the slim-fast post because they were so kind and helpful to me and I blew it on day one. Please forgive me for going on so long I just had to tell on myself instead of acting like I didn't do a dang thing wrong by eating enough junk for 5 grown men.

My friend recently bought a house, and yesterday she had a house-warming party. Well, this friend ALWAYS has tons of food at her parties, and I have been SO good lately that I thought I was immune to binge-eating now.

I started out with some salad with no dressing, and some fruit. Then I went back for more of the same, and more of the same...soon I was saying "Oh, this vegetarian pasta salad is probably not that bad for me!" and eating heaps of it. Then I said "Oh well, I overdid it, I may as well REALLY overdo it!" And I had cookies, brownies, tons of potato chips, cake...

I don't feel that guilty because it was a special occasion, and I know I am getting right back on track today, but I thought I'd share my massive slip-up with you all. This way, maybe instead of only thinking twice about over-indulging, I'll think thrice, or four times!

Yesterday I had 6 chicken drumsticks and a 6-serving bag of mozzarella cheese, plus a "small" watermelon and some other fruits, for just dinner.
I haven't had peanut butter in a while and now the taste of anything fatty is addictive to me. I can totally eat a big block of cheese on its own right now, or a whole greasy rotisserie chicken. Raw salmon was gross when I first tried it a few years ago, but I had some in sushi recently and it tasted all fatty and delicious. Homer Simpson was right: " Fat = flavor " ...:[

This week has been terrible! I've been up way late every single night (going on maybe 9 hours sleep in three days trying to get some work done). So I've fallen into the cycle of caffine/sugar induced highs followed by crashing lows.

My body feels like the crap I've been eating (too tired to cook real food) and of course I haven't worked out because I'm like a zombie during the day. Anyway I'm highly fustrated, yet the worst part is I am not ready to be finished stuffing myself even though I feel like crap.

This weekend is choc full of BBQ, lunch dates and a trip to a county fair and I don't want to miss the good food that goes with all that, so even though I'm fustrated and feel yucky I don't even want to stop yet.

THAT"S JUST CRAZY!

Well, I have made it eight days without bingeing and being on my diet (just started). Today someone at work called me over to their desk and they had a rice crispy treat and a danish sitting one on top of another. Suddenly I was thinking, hey I can go down to the cafe and buy a rice crispy treat... Then I decided no... the cafe is evil!

Then I thought, "hey I have a dollar at my desk, I could go to the vending machine." ARGH! I haven't binged yet, but I feel as if any moment I am going to. I am trying to steer clear of my favorite binge foods right now.

I hope I don't have to battle this tomorrow!

When my kids went to my mom's for a week, I took the opportunity to quit smoking cigarettes. I have now been eighteen days smoke free. I knew that I would be hungrier than usual, so I prepared by getting some sugar free chewing gum and sugar free hard candies. It worked pretty well. I ate a little more than normal, which I fully expected, and planned for. Then my mother brings the kids back with three HUGE bags of candy. I could have killed her. She knows how hard I have been working to lose this weight, she knows I just quit smoking, and she knows I am a serious sugar addict. Why would she do this to me? I guess it was because she had bought it for the kids while they were at her house, but she is diabetic, and also a serious sugar addict. Apparently she can't just throw the junk away, so she brings it to me. And I eat it, and eat it, and eat it, and eat it, and give the kids just a little, and eat some more, until four days later, I finally threw it all away. But the damage is done. Combine that with the most serious case of PMS depression I have had in years, and I am raiding my cupboards and fridge for sugar and carbs. I am out of control. I am hoping that it will all normalize in the next few days when my hormones balance out a bit, but I need to reign it in NOW, and I don't really know how.

I ate all day today, fruits, fried soybean flour, roasted flax seed...because there was nothing else to eat, because I ate it all the day before. I'm so bloated I can't even work out even though I want to. The fact that I have nothing else left to eat next week except beans makes me feel a bit less guilty.

We went to a friend's house for dinner, and I ended up eating a giant BUBBA burger -- god help me -- which pretty much settles my calorie count for the day but it was just the beginning. They are very healthy eaters (Bubba burgers being an exception), so even the dessert they served was this lovely fruit salad with maybe a 1/4 cup of ice cream on top. Which was great! Until I went into the kitchen and realized my kids hadn't eaten all of their's, so I polished those bowls off in secret, standing over the sink in someone else's kitchen, hoping no one walked in & found me. Then we came home around 11. I ate a GIANT bowl of leftover mashed potatoes with butter, then a bowl of corn flakes with sugar on top. I managed to drag myself out of the kitchen at that point but it was too late. I ended up 876 calories over for the day. And I felt bad, I slept poorly, ugh. Why do I do this to myself???

I'm reading a book called Random Family right now (it's not related to health or weight loss at all) -- one of the first sentences I read said "success was less about climbing than about not falling down." Yeah. That resonates.

Let me introduce myself. I'm "Mistee". I just joined recently, and thought it would keep me accountable.

I am an avid exerciser, and very healthy eater...until midnight. I throw all common-sense out of the window and eat all kinds of protein bars, icecream sandwiches, crackers with peanut butter, icecream and anything else that sounds good.

Why do I do this when I know it is keeping me at 157 pounds, and I want to be 135? My stomach is sticking straight out like I'm pregnant, and I'm getting a double-chin. I don't even look like I work out! I'm so frustrated.

What can I possibly do to quit this cycle? Is this technically an eating-disorder?

AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!
Mistee

I can't seem to get back on track. Sunday or what I'm calling "bloody sunday" the alcohol binge left me feeling like poo on monday. On monday I weighed myself an I was up 2.5 lbs from friday. Not happy. Then I tried to eat healthy and low cal, made it to dinner when my grandmother called and told me to come over for soup. She also had fry bread, which started the whole binge. In the end yesterday I ended up eating smoked oysters, cheese, crackers, a tomato, salad with dressing, more salad wth dressing, two fry breads, a bowl of corned beef stew, two ice cream sandwiches, a grilled nectarine, and a packet of pocky, two coffees with cream, three glasses of wine and a vodka tonic.