2000 calories over-limit for today and yesterday. I'm so bloated. The binging is also taking up a lot of my time ... preparing the food, eating it, thinking about what to eat next. I have a lot of work to get done which i'm anxious about so the compulsive eating is really just a way to procrastinate. The upside is that I've eaten most of the food and thrown the rest out so there's not much in the house to binge on. Clean slate tomorrow. I'm not bringing any more bingeable foods into the house for next week.

The week went so well until the weekend. Icecream, chocolate and crisps all went in the mouth and I used the rain as an excuse of not being able to go for a run. And now I am feeling sick blech.

Well, this is my first post on this board ever, but I really need to. Maybe it'll stop me from doing it again. I've gone through a lot of cycles where I will restrict and then binge, but I've been doing better with keeping my calories at a healthy level. Until this weekend. I ate far too little Friday and Saturday and didn't eat until 4pm today, which ended up spiraling into a huge binge lasting all day. Started with some butter toffee popcorn, cinnamon poptarts, two pieces of toast with butter and brown sugar, a couple tablespoons of almond butter, a pint of B&J and some doritos later...I just feel sick and like I shouldn't eat at all tomorrow. But I KNOW that if I do, it's just going to set off the circle again! So I'm going to sit here now and plan out my food for tomorrow and make sure it's a plan where I'm not going to be hungry all day. Wish me luck!

My binging started last year, my freshman year of college. My roommate often slept in her boyfriend's room which left me a lot of opportunity to eat and eat at night. This weekend, my roommate is at home with her parents, so there was nothing stopping me from just sitting here and binging. I had the chance to go out with a friend, but I said I had to stay in and do work when the truth was that I felt so gross and full that I didn't want to have to get ready, which would involve looking in a mirror and trying on clothes. I hate that this gets in the way of living a normal life. Ugh.

I am de-lurking to get my binge of my chest (or stomach??). Revising for an exam so I ate: 2 family bags of crisps, a package of breakaway chocolate & 2 sandwhiches of ham, crisps and mayo. Done. I feel Sick and awful - brilliant for revising

We went out for dinner on Saturday and I had an appetizer of 4 buffalo wings, half a bowl of chicken tortilla soup, fried chicken stuffed with cheddar and broccoli, and 1/4 of a giant brownie sundae. I also snacked on chocolate covered pretzels all weekend and had a box of sno-caps last night. I've been almost perfect for the last two weeks and this weekend was just a nightmare, food-wise. Today I started fresh with good choices. Those damn weekends really do me in!

Yesterday, after rationing out a sensible dinner, the *I want something else to eat* bug bit me, and I ended up eating 1/3 jar of PB, bread, apple butter, more of what we had for supper (egg noodles, turkey meatballs and spaghetti sauce) and a pkg of chocolate mint 90 calorie rice cakes. I finally came to my senses after consuming 1114 more calories than my plan allows. But, it was better than the 3000+ binge I had the last time!

Sigh...but, since I cannot change the past, I can only change the future, I walked for 2 hours today (burned over 500 calories) and I intend to do the same tomorrow and Wednesday in the hopes of redeeming myself before weigh in on Wednesday evening.

If not, at least I have done something good for my body!

I wish I could figure out a way to stop myself before I get started.

Sigh...today is day 1 (again) of a binge free life!

MariSue

Yeah, I sort of slipped up this weekend by snacking a lot.
I had tiramisu at lunch with coworkers on Friday, but ran that night.
I had potato salad on Saturday, among other little snacks...and a tofutti cutie from Trader Joes Saturday night

Yesterday I went overboard, and today also. Finally caved in and had those peanut butter sandwiches I wanted ... like 10 of them, today. There weren't great, but pretty good. Hopefully now that the cravings have subsided, I can get back on track again.

Yesterday...1/4 144 g bag of dark chocolate peanut m&m's, 1 144 g bag dark chocolate m&m's, and about 1/4 500 g jar of organic peanut butter with sea salt. My stomach feels like there is cement in it

I hate feeling scared of this food obsession. I am going to focus on today. I'm going to treat my body right today

An update on this post - I ended up walking another 40 minutes at the mall with a fellow TOPS member on Monday, stayed OP.

Tuesday - stayed OP, walked 90 minutes.

Did not have the nerve to weigh myself at home on my scale. Will face the music tonight at weigh in...everyone keep your fingers crossed for me that I managed some damage control and will either stay the same as last week, or manage a miracle and lose a bit

Great that you turned things around Marisue! Keep it up!

Wish I could say the same about my eating this week, the "peanut butter" continues, haha.

I, too, have this love affair with peanut butter. For the life of me can't figure out why!

Last night at weigh in - was down 1.5 pounds

So what do I do? We go out for supper and I choose a grilled chicken BBQ wrap and a bowl of chili. Feel pretty good about myself for that. Come home and decide I want to get some ice cream and then I'll stop.

YEAH RIGHT Instead the aforementioned PB with Ritz and a regular PB sandwich, 2 bagels, pancakes, I think there was something else too, but can't remember.

Today I was doing pretty good - until the friend I was supposed to go visit this afternoon called and said she needed to reschedule. For some stupid reason that sent me into another spiral - and **ashamed** ate a bunch of junk - and then made myself sick to get rid of it all. I have been trying hard to combat that side of it also, and have been pretty successful...and today, for some stupid reason, something just snapped with me. It's ridiculous now that I think back on it all - especially wanting to cause physical harm to myself not once, but twice, because things didn't go as I planned??? The overeating does not help me, nor does the vomiting. In fact, if I were reading this from someone else, it would be alarming! I realize that, yet feel powerless.

I am not going to keep doing this to myself. I deserve better. I'm going to give myself better, from this moment on.

MariSue

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marisue
I know we all say this all the f-ing time but new day mama, new day...

I ate cake and ice cream and burger and potato salad and chips at a birthday party yesterday. and ya know what? It was delicious. every bite. I haven't had a piece of cake or anything sweet for that matter for 2 months. So I am taking that cake, enjoying it, not thinking badly of it, and not doing it again for another 2 months. Thats my new take on cake, like it? (and this cake wasn't a lie..)

Zephyr and Kriket84,

I struggled through Thursday, Friday, Saturday with eating way too much, but finally, on Sunday, I finally decided enough was enough!

Since then, I have been on plan and making sure to exercise and drink my water. Exercise, ironically, is not a problem for me because I like how I feel when it's over with

I made the brave step and weight myself Sunday morning, after eating A LOT of food Saturday. I knew most of it would be bloat, etc. And I was right! Because today the scale was back down 4.5 pounds!

That puts me 17.5 pounds to get back to my goal weight. I can do it! It's really not all that far!

Thanks for the encouragement!