Well I overdid it with food today, enough said. I am committing to more time doing my inner work so I can stop my emotional eating of stuffing down feelings. I believe food for me is an addiction and rather then numb or whatever I am doing with food I need to heal. I am so resistant sometimes.
mountainwalker When it rains here I should have an umbrella but I can never be bothered to carry one so end up soaking wet and cold for hours on end. But right now I it just cold and snowy.
Fi Kudos to you for continuing on binge free.
Betsy I do not find cooking for Toby crazy at all. As a matter of fact for years I had two dogs (both passed away several years ago-they were old) and I evolved from cooking for them using Dr. Pitcairn's book of health and recipes for dogs to using the raw food diet -biologically appropriate raw food-BARF. They thrived on the raw food diet but I had to grind raw liver etc. for them and I was a vegan at the time. yuck. I tried my cats on it but they are more difficult to get onto this type of diet. I buy good food for them but it is expensive being about 3.50 a can of food, there is no grain in the food and it is good quality. If and when I get a dog again I will cook or do the BARF for them again. I just had to find a really good vet who understood and supported my diet for my dogs, my vet was amazing and practiced traditional as well as holistic health for dogs and cats.
time4me2change I am sorry you had such a bad day. If there is anyway you can find someone to talk to I hope you do. I found having a really good therapist/psychiatrist has saved my life.
silentartic I hope you feel well enough to get out to your party and if so have fun.
I am having a cup of chai holiday tea (black) and it is sooooo good. I am pooped and hope to get a good's night sleep tonight.
Timefor me to change, I am so sorry you are feeling so low. I have had episodes of self harm and in my very down moments still feel like it is the only thing that would make me feel better....of course we know that rationally it doesn't but that doesn't stop the thoughts coming and going. Big Welsh Hugs to you my lovely.
Fi WELL DONE on avoiding the 2am binge! Porridge is my superfood, I find it mentally as well as physically nourishing!Isn't it amazing the amount of men who can just roll over and start snoring regardless of their spouse/partner lying awake, an absolute wreck!
Now,umbrellas......the whole "misty, won't make me too wet" rain ...which does of course soak us to the skin over time, I laugh in the face of and frequently only wear a non-waterproof fleece in a sort of meterological denial! Only in "proper" rain will I wear a rain coat and then I don't put the hood up but wear a bandana! No,there is absolutely no logic or sense!
Well, after slowly getting myself back to walking the dog and swimming after my op I had an unmitigated disaster this morning. Going up to feed the chickens ( they are nothing but trouble those feathered beasts!) I slipped and twisted my knee underneath myself and landed with a thump. It is my right knee that I had previously injured in an argument with an Icelandic mountain (that's a whole other story!) and BOY is it painful and swollen now!
I have taken some anti-inflammatories and dug my crutches out of the garage but am soooooo cross with myself. Am determined not to use it as an excuse to pig out though.
Have a lovely day.
Donna
MW - Sorry about the knee, hopefully the difficulty of excercise you can use as motivation to stay on plan with eating, knowing your not going to be able to excercise away any extra calories. Hope it heals up fast though It sucks to be sidelined whether due to illness or injury. I hate feeling 'limited'.
plucky - Aww thanks I'm still coughing away but I should make it to the party even if only briefly.
Lots of work to catch up on I hate december colds, I usually get one that knocks me out hard like these almost every year. I guess I should be more OCD about hand sanitizer and stuff. Dunno.
Location: from Canada currently living in Cairo, Egypt
Posts: 308
S/C/G: 380/ticker/180
Height: 5"9
silentarctic- thank you
Fi- Thank you for your support and empathy. It's nice to actually here from some people who understand what SI is about.... Thank you for the recognition too... it's big that I forgave myself, and totally correct that one slip in 7 years doesn't mean it's all for naught. I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday and I too look forward to getting to know you better in the new year
Pluckypear- thank you for your thoughts. I have spent a total of 7 years in counselling (between the ages of 13 and 24) unfortunately I live in a country that does not really recognize mental illness and therefore treatment of it is extremely limited and not something I can look for here. However, I am continuing the work I learned in my previous sessions.
mountainwalker- thank you. Again it's nice to hear from someone who totally gets it. And I know what you mean, it always seems like a good idea at the time.... except that it's not. Thanks for the hugs!
So I am kind of packed.... in the sense my suitcase is open with a few things in it.... I hate packing... I never really know what to bring when I go home.... oh well, must get it mostly done tonight and then wash the dishes tomorrow night.
Have actually lost a couple more pounds recently.... just shy of the 20lb mark... excited about that and feeling motivated for the holiday season.
This will be my for real last check in for a few days at least, I leave for the hotel tomorrow at 5 pm and will have to wash dishes first.
So all the best to you and yours and I will talk to you in the new year at the latest. Thank you again for all the support you have given
Good morning ladies. Sounds like everyone has been facing quite a few challenges -- but successfully dealing with them! While I hate that there have been so many bumps in the road, it is so encouraging to read that everyone is determined to try to not use them as excuses to go overboard with the eating. Not sure that is something that would have happened as recently as last year.
Time4Me -- I realize you might not even see this until you're back, but maybe you'll do a quick online while you're home. First, ditto on Fi's comments. I've never gone through that, but admire the courage it takes to face it and deal with it. And, I hope that you have a wonderful, wonderful visit and get emotionally recharged from being surrounded with loving family.
SilentArctic -- Sounds like you're beginning the slow recovery from the crud. Maybe you had bronchitis? Sounds a lot more lingering than a cold. Good for you working on losing weight over the holidays -- that's a great goal.
Andrea -- Glad to know that cooking for my puppy is something that others have done. I'm experimenting right now, but just know that he loves it, and I'm able to make sure that there aren't a lot of poisons in it.
Donna -- Love, love, love your logic on the rain. I actually love getting soaked with a misty rain as long as I know I'm coming home to a hot shower. So sorry about twisting your knee -- sounds so painful, and there's nothing like a knee injury to let us know how much we use our legs. Hope that the swelling starts going down and that there's no permanent damage.
I got my floors cleaned up yesterday, and after checking with the family have decided to forego baking cookies. Everyone still wants some chex mix, but that's it. So, that will be one less temptation in the house. I went back through my journal this morning and realized that since July I've been at around this weight stuck in a seemingly endless gain/lose/gain/lose/gain/lose cycle. So while mentally I feel that I've been dieting for the last 5 months, the reality says that I've been doing a lot of cheating. So, I'm resolving to break this pattern and get my mind truly back in the game. In addition to being shocked that I'm writing in a chat room after being sure I could do this by myself, I'm also surprised that I write pretty much every day in a journal. Nothing long, but it's a good way for me to track where I am. So, SilentArctic, I'm with you -- let's lose some weight before year end!
Ubee and Jane......hope everything is ok with both of you!
Good afternoon!
Betsy, I am so glad many miles seperate us or I would be sitting at your table with my coffee. I would be in charge of quality control for everything you baked! (Maybe not Toby's food.) It sounds like Toby's food is very healthy for him. Good doggie mama! You sure sound chipper lately. We need more of that so it can rub off on me. Just read further about your family telling you just chex mix. I think not having to bake is a blessing in disguise. I'd still come for coffee and chex mix!
Silent, I hope you are feeling better. Did you make some chicken soup?
Notperfect, physical work will get so much easier when you lose weight. However, it will not get enjoyable!
Andrea, thanks for admitting that you struggle with emotional eating everyday. It is such a demon...
Donna, nice to hear you are enjoying the time spent with your family. Too often we forget to focus on what is important in life. Sorry about your knee. Hurting my knee was a big motivator to get my weight off. Knowing my weight would someday make me immobile scared the jeepers out of me! Try to use it as motivation.
Fi, good job not letting Bob's head bitting turn into a cookie bitting excuse! Plus I thought I was the only one who could be in the middle of a little temper rant and the touch the pillow and go into a coma!
time4me, sending you a hug and happy travels.
I am having a bitter sweet time lately. I think it may be a positive thing. I am trying to figure things out with food and of course it ends up being about emotions. Things seem to be jumping out at me that normally I would not have been truely aware of and just shoved down with food. It is kinda like being in a fog and seeing daylight once in a while.
I'm still here and still going to do this with you gals!
Betsy, same pounds for me since the beginning of summer. Maintainer in training is my positive spin on it!
Have a great evening, and thanks for being here! I really need you.
Location: from Houston, TX—now in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
Well, I'm discovering that I still have some learning to do about this whole muesli-for-depression thing. Last night, at 4 AM, I had another little episode of being angry (never mind what it was about), so once again, I had a measured serving of muesli to help myself deal with it. So far, so good. Then, come noon, after sleeping way late, I had the bright idea (right...) of skipping my noon serving of muesli, because, I figured, I'd already had my "potion" for the day. Sure enough, as the afternoon progressed, I got more & more down, until, about 4:30 PM, I was in genuine depression pain. All of a sudden (duh!), it occurred to me that there was a reason why I'd chosen noon as the time to eat my daily muesli: because of my diurnal pattern of feeling worse in the afternoons. So I got up and ate another 1/2 cup serving, and sure enough, about an hour later, the depression had gone away. I'm not going to make that mistake again!
I also noticed, in looking back over my daily mood tracking, that the sugar-containing muesli I had initially discovered was so helpful, was subtly, but more, effective than the non-sugar-added kind I've been eating in recent days. (Both kinds are Familia brand: mostly rolled oats, with just a few bits of dried fruit in them.) I don't really want to have the sugar-added kind available to me, since I tend to overeat it, wheareas I don't do that with the non-sugar kind. So tomorrow, I'm going to go get myself some raisins, so I can add a handful of those to my noon serving every day, and get more of an insulin pulse that way. If you're restricting your carbs, it's the insulin that supposedly helps one's mood (at least according to current theories), much more than the carbs per se.
Meanwhile, I have the issue of what would be the best way to deal with my anger episodes. I can get angry any time of day or night, depending on when there's a trigger for it. I think what I'm going to do is go back to an old dieting standby from the days when I lost 107 lb. on Jenny Craig: dates. I think a few dates, which I have no history of over-consuming, would be a more effective "emergency" sweet to have on hand for when I get angry, and that way I wouldn't have the muesli I need on a daily basis mixed up in my mind with what I need occasionally for when I get angry. Plus, a few dates are lower in calories than a serving of muesli, which I'm having with cream (because cream has almost no carbs).
I'll let you know how that goes. By the way, for those of you who are experimenting with letting your feelings hang out instead of stuffing them away with food, I highly recommend keeping a journal or some kind of tracking of your mood states, with notes on what foods you're craving or what foods you eat in response to those moods, and how those foods are or are not helpful. According to a book I've been reading—Robert E. Thayer's Calm Energy: How People Regulate Mood with Food and Exercise—the most common states people "medicate" with food are anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger, and depression. (I listed them in order of a mnemonic I made up: AL(L) BAD.)
There's lots of good stuff in Thayer's book, almost all from studies of human beings (not rats). One study I found especially interesting. We've all heard that moderate exercise elevates mood, right? Well they did surveys of people signing up for new gym memberships, asking them what were their reasons for joining the gym. It turns out that the people who had never had a gym membership before listed weight loss as their #1 reason, whereas people who had previous experience with using a gym listed mood regulation ("makes me feel better, improves my moods") as their #1 reason. Both groups also listed things like body shaping, fitness, overall health. Both groups included all sizes & shapes of people. Isn't that interesting, that the ones who had already tried out exercise were so much more aware of how it improved their moods?
betsy - I figure I can declutter/workout at the same time my house is sort of a disaster zone. I get one of these nasty colds per year I'm use to it by now, went to work for the day and made it to the party but felt kinda dizzy during some of the games from the exertion so had to sit back and watch a time or two.
Ubee- I had chicken soup at a friends? Does that count? I didn't even feel like cooking soup . Part of that is because I just didn't ahve the energy to clean my kitchen :-| I need to get up on that and keep it up. That would be nice... I dream of having a house clean enough that I won't freak out if people stop by. It is a DISTANT dream. I am a complete clutterbug. It's something along with weight loss that I've struggled to get a handle on my entire life.
Fi - Re excercise that totally makes sense. It doesn't really do very much for me weight loss wise, but I feel better emotionally when I get into a routine of doing it. At least mostly , I'm not really a gym girl I prefer classes, the social aspect really motivates me. I like being 'expected' to be somewhere, and encouraging myself and others. It doesn't matter how big I am I enjoy the dancy feel of the step aerobics classes I take too. I'm not so into things like straight up interval training.
MW- Thanks. I know but I get discouraged when it’s only 1lb and I was expecting it to be a bit more. Its cool though I am happy!
Silentarctic- Yeah. I cant wait to get used to it. LOL
Ok. So here i am again. Another lb lost. Yay! slowly but surly I guess that's how it's going to go.
Work is kicking my butt. That mopping is a killer. Then all the other cleaning one has to do to shut down a restaurant for the night. lol Tonight I totally kept myself from binging.. It's a good feeling that I have that extra bit of control over myself. My big test will be on Saturday my family has a Christmas cookie/candy bake and I'll have to stop myself from sampling everything!!! lol hopefully I'll be able to control myself.
That's it for now.. It's after 3am and i'm exhausted.. Nighty night all!
Good morning!
Fi, glad you are figuring out what works for you. I could so binge on dates! As for the listed moods we medicate with food...yup! I like crunchy for anger and boredom. Chewy foods for anxiety, loneliness and depression get creamy.
I like the study about exercise. Silent made a good point about going to classes for the social aspect. I am thinking about taking some exercise classes. They are for middle aged and mature women. I'm excited because I just found out about them and I didn't think our little town offered anything. I know by paying I will want to get the most bang for my buck.
notperfect, I hate cleaning floors!!! My heart goes out to you. One pound is great! It is like a tennis ball size of gross yellow fat leaving your body.
Silent, I was/am a clutterbug. With the help of flylady and many good books I have made amazing progress. When I read the book Shed I wanted to clean out my house. She wrote not to be surprised if I lost weight. I rolled my eyes, laughed out loud, you name it. Guess what, the more crap I tossed from my house the less crap I was willing to put in my body. While reading my book I lost most of my weight to date. I know for me there is a huge connection between clutter and weight. I highly recommend the book.
Going backk to bed. Good night/morning!
Fi, that book sounds fascinating. It is good to have as much information as possible when fighting the battle!
What on earth is chex???
Well my knee is better today, though the bend is limited still. I have avoided the big pit of self pity by watching reruns of Obese a Year to Save my Life and Heavy on Youtube!
I reread the journal I kept when I lost alot of weight( with the help of 3fc) last year and it was helpful to see what worked last time. When (not if!) I reach my goal I may publish!
Fi I am with you on dried fruits as an avoidance of refined sugars. I keep dried appricots for the same reason. Just a couple nibbled really slowly make a world of difference!
I am hoping to go for a gentle swim tomorrow , knee dependent. Take care ladies and stay warm! God bless
Location: from Houston, TX—now in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
Some folks on another thread were commiserating about how frustrating time-of-the-month (TOM) is, because of the weight you gain. So I replied as follows...
________________________________
You guys think TOM sucks, just wait until you get past menopause. The post-menopausal body has a low metabolism and all sorts of other unpleasant proclivities. I miss having estrogen coursing through my veins.
Oh well. No one ever said losing weight was easy, not at any age. I recently saw a so-called "inspirational" quote that I think sums it up very well:
Being fat is hard.
Losing weight is hard.
Maintaining your weight is hard.
So pick your hard.
=laugh=
________________________________
Sorry I haven't responded to y'all individually in a while, but I'm really busy with work—not work that pays anything, just the work I do for fun. Because most of what I do is nonverbal (i.e., art), I think about you while I'm working: Ubee, Betsy, Andrea, Donna, Jane, Melissa, silentarctic, imnotperfect24, watchoutforthatcar. (I hope I didn't leave anyone out.) Y'all are a great crew to hang out with. I hope all of you are having some magical holiday moments so far, and will continue to have many more of them over the next few weeks. =smile=
Just wanted to pop in to say good morning to everyone before I run out the door (don't I wish that could be taken literally!). Sounds like Fi is finding the mix of fixing-what-ails-you very nicely; Ubee, coffee with you would be wonderful; MW -- chex is a cereal (made in rice, wheat, and corn) and chex mix is one of those recipes that has been around forever and it's made at this time of year. Had the cereal, nuts, pretzels, and whatever else suits your fancy in it and is then coated with a seasoned butter mixture and slow baked in the oven. It's delicious and is so popular that one of the chip companies actually produces it as a snack food (which isn't as good as home made). Arctic, glad you're feeling better (slowly).
Big event last night. I went to a meeting, left Toby at home by himself in the family room, and he made it without a mess. And today, he's signaled twice that he wanted out. We are making progress!
Hi everyone!
Donna, thanks for letting me know about new shows to inspire me on you tube. Sometimes I watch Extreme Weightloss. I don't agree with some of it but it motivates me.
Fi, I too think of everyone as I go about my day. I am so glad you are feeling better and being a busy bee!
Betsy, our little Toby is growing up so fast. Will Santa be bringing him a gift?
Jane, how are you?
Well I am back on here again to try and get a grip. I think I am doing the brain game of "I will restart in the new year." I need to stop this. It is a lifestyle change. I can not go back to how I ate when I hit a certain number. This is about getting healthy!
Today at the store I went on an elliptical for a few minutes and almost died. I am so out of shape. I have to get in shape before I go to my exercise classes!
How is everyone doing?
But right now I it just cold and snowy. 
