Howdy y'all! Another day in the life of a fat Texan who is binge-free and NOT DEPRESSED—yay! That was a short depression and a very weird one. It got so intense so quickly, then blew away like a bad dream after one infusion of muesli. I'm now a little superstitious: yes I'm adding about 40 grams of carbs to my Atkins diet, but it has to be muesli, 'cause nothing else has that muesli magic! =laugh=

I am happy to report that I got a phone call from Belgium today, the upshot of which is that my friend will definitely be coming to visit me in the fall of 2014. I'm thrilled to have my event to lose weight for back in place. It doesn't bother me that it's changed from the spring to the fall, because (A) it gives me a few more months to get smaller, and (B) we are more likely to have kittens by then. Yes, kittens are in my future: I'll tell y'all more about them when my breeder tells me that the kittens' mother is actually pregnant, because that hasn't happened yet. =sigh=

Have a great weekend, everyone! Thanks for all the nice comments about my ignoring the cookies, etc. =smile=

Plucky pear I hate that feeling of wondering what the doc will say next.
I am sure I bored you all with my mystery anaemia? Well a month of iron and my Hb is up but ferratin still v low so no wonder I still feel a tad tired....nothing compared to pre-iron though!!
My doc thinks there may have been a bleed somewhere in my intestine to take it so low and wants me to see a gastroenterologist. Honestly if it's not one thing it's another!
Fi you do sound so much more positive, depression is an awful thing and to try to explain it is almost impossible. For the most part my hubby is pretty good but sometimes he tells me to stop being"silly" when I am very down. OOOOOOOH it annoys me!
I hate to break the news to you ladies on that side of the pond, but every sqaudron of the fat police is camped out in my chicken shed (no wonder we never get any eggs!) waiting for me to find the tin of chocs hubby has hidden away for Christmas (at my request!)
I have a good motivational goal for my weight loss......my daughter plans on getting married in Summer 2015! For my own wedding 3 years ago I was over 26 stone and I hate the photos so I am determined to be a confident sexy mother of the bride........I don't believe I typed those words!!!
Time 4 me......I love Ikea....cheap, cheerful but a nightmare to put together!
Looks like Christmas will be mildish, wetish and very unseasonal
At least heating costs will be down. Thanks for all the praise for my 3 pounds...onwards and ...um...downwards I hope.
Take care

Good Morning!

I am under a blanket in my living room recliner, iPad in hand, coffee at my side and Xmas music in the background. I have eggs on the boil for breakfast and I am leaving here around 11:30 to meet friends for brunch at 12:30. My plan is either hummus with cucumber slices, Lima beans in tomato sauce or chicken souvlaki with Greek salad.

Moominmama I did not quite finish my Christmas shopping but I only nedd a few stocking stuffers and to be honest I have to see how my budget holds up after this weekend. I love online shopping for nieces and nephews and it gets delivered to their house for free.

Fi I am happy to hear your friend is coming to visit and I am sure she will be excited about receiving her package too. I send a gift to my friend in England and I also look forward to receiving her small gift from overseas.

Mountainwalker Those naughty chickens better get to laying soon. I think we should all embrace ourselves as the sexy beings we already are and dance!!

Have a good day all!

Fat chick reporting to her parole officers...
mooninmamma, chocy biscuits sound very tempting. How can you go all day with just an apple? I would be so hangry!!!
Fi, glad to hear you forgot about those cookies at the co-op. I think your muesli is your magic. Whatever works! It is good to have you back and feeling better! Having your friend from Belgium come sounds so exciting. When you said she was coming in the fall the first thing I thought of was it will give you more time to get your weight down.
time4me, happy and safe travels!
Andrea, I feel for you, waiting is so stressful. Glad you have friends, family and coffee to help pass the time. I think your social life sounds like fun!
Betsy, it must have been fun (kinda) to go to the doc and be told good job with your weight and exercise!!! Mind sharing what you will be baking and giving away?
mountainwalker, please send the fat police back. I am having severe self control problems lately! I am jealous that you have your daughters wedding as an event to lose for. (Fi's friend event also.) I do so much better when I have an event to work towards.
Andrea, has a good point. We are the sexy fat chicks!
Maybe we should send some mounties out to check on Jane and Silent?
As for me ... I will try to do better. I will show up daily and not think that food will solve every minor unpleasant thought or perceived problem. I am tired of thinking of food and exercise. I am exhausted from being fat!
I am so doing this!
Have a good day!

Good morning all. It's a nice, quiet morning here with the puppy sound asleep at my feet and enough coffee in me that I'm pleasant to be around.

Andrea -- your meal sounds so good and your social events sound like fun. Plus, your planning ahead means that you can enjoy them without then dreading the great scale face off. Hope the change in the synthroid meds help and boo on your doctor's office for not telling you what's up.

Moominmamma -- Hope you can get the bank to acknowledge that you do exist, that it is Christmas, and that they are making a pot load of money off of every purchase you make. I worked in banking for over 20 years (in the IT group), and consider banks to be one of those necessary evils in life like paying for insurance and getting pap smears, and mammograms. And having fish and chips one time is OK. I finally decided not to take anything off my list of foods that I can eat, but some of them did have to be moved to the only occasionally list. So, hope you were able to enjoy them.

Fi -- Who knew that muesli had magical and healing powers. Just so glad that you're doing so much better. Having your friend confirm that you're going to get a visit is wonderful as well! And kittens! Wow -- I'd say you've had a great week.

MountainWalker -- Great idea to have DH hide the chocolates. Would that work if I hid them from myself? Having a wedding to look forward to is great, and with over a year you will be a confident, sexy mother-of-the-bride. Tell those hens to start laying -- nothing better than fresh eggs.

Ubee -- Yes, you must come here every day or the mounties will come looking for you. You'll get back on track -- just love yourself as much as you love and help everyone else. In terms of my baking, I'll make some fudge for the next door neighbor, some iced sugar cookies for the grands, snickerdoodles for the older nephew, chocolate chip with pecans for the younger nephew, Mexican wedding cakes for the other neighbor, and thumbprint cookies because I put up so much jelly this year that I need to use it up. I'll also make up a batch of chex mix for my niece -- made with butter in your honor!

Time to get it in gear. I've held steady for the last two days -- haven't stuck too closely to plan, so back at it. I'm skipping the gym today, but am going to tackle my floors -- they look horrible with Toby here now, but wouldn't give him up for all the money in the world. Got to manicure my nails, get the wrapping room set up (I realized that in order to wrap the presents, I needed to set up everything in a room that can be closed off at night or else I'll have paper all over the house from a curious paper-eating puppy), and make dog food......will probably wonder why I'm doing that! Have a great day.

Fi - ooo kittens, glad the carbs are helping the moods.

MW- Funny girl , hope your chickens are in a better egg laying mood soon.

Plucky: sounds like you are awoman with a plan you go!

Ubee - Aww lol... no RCMP Needed here just a cough that won't quit so I've been vegging too much! (sleeping 12+hours...)

Time- Hope the rain has subsided

moomin - pain those things are, I have so many passwords its ridiculous!

So yeah no real updates I've been sleeping and watching a plethora of how I met your mother. Battling wierd dreams and oddly still able to eat, when I do get around to making a meal I eat a alot :-(

Was feeling restless last night and jealous of my friends who got to be social, but even though I was feeling "better" I knew going out was innapropriate (i hadn't gone to work) AND not a good idea (note I still slept from 1am to 1pm today without much effort and I'm still coughign so I'm obviously not 'better' just... 'rested' I guess. My scale is at work for our biggest loser so thats driving me a bit batty cuz I can't check to make sure that the massive amount of pasta I had yesterday isn't doing me in. I THINK it should all balane itself out but I've expended next to no calories because I've just been sleeping/laying. I'm going to try and muster up some energy to clean up after myself but we'll see I'll probably end up laying back down on the couch after 5 minutes. I can't wait to feel better! Good to know you gals notice though Its nice to be missed!

I feel like I'm coming down with a cold or something so just a short note tonight. I'm doing great diet-wise, and delighted to be free of emotional/compulsive eating. Comfort and joy, and good health to you all!

Just a quick update.

Just weighed myself and I'm down a lb. (Though I had hoped it would be more like 3-4 so far.. I'm happy with a lb.

Working more hours.. It's hard work.. especially being 340lbs and trying to sweep/mop/ clean the floors and such. My feel are KILLING me.

I know I can come here and talk to you guys about this because you all know what's going on.

Hopefully it gets easier as I loose weight.

On a HAPPIER note I graduate in 140 days. (May 5th). I'm so happy I'll be a Social worker with a BSW.

BTW.. I want to try and be OUTTTT of the 300's by my birthday.. 46lbs in 9 weeks and 5 days.. That's my goal. for now!

Good Morning!

We got a lot of snow last night and I heard the plows out around 2 am and they are back again now. I had a great day yesterday but ended up eating too many curry flavoured cashews last night. They are simply cashews with curry powder but any overeating is emotionally connected, stuffing down feelings, so I have a lot of work to do. Oh well. Today is another day.
I am going out to meet relatives for lunch today and will likely have a small order of lima beans in tomato sauce and 2 skewers of chicken souvlaki asking for as little oil as possible. I will order hummus and tzatziki for the table but ask for sliced cucumbers in addition to the bread.

Yesterday I had a pint of sweetgrass ale and enjoyed it so much. It was very worth the points. I have not had a drink in over 2 months. Man it was good.

Ubee I too feel exhausted from being fat, it really is impacting my life these days. So glad we can come and encourage one another here. I struggle with emotional eating everyday.

Betsy When I go out to eat, which is not often these days, I have to plan or food that is really not worth it to me begins to call my name. I have more difficulties at home with eating on plan then I do going out. Funny thing is I saw my Dr. and his wife yesterday. They live in the area where I went for brunch, I said hello and in the back of my mind I was thinking what do you need to see me about????? It can only be either he got the blood results that my thyroid readings are too low and of course he would not know my endocrinologist already phoned me and phoned in a prescription so MOnday will be a waste of time or he has results from my stress test.

silentartic Good job on taking care of yourself and staying in when you are in recovery.

Fi I hope you combat that cold and good job on combatting emotional eating.

imnotperfect24 Congratulations on the pound loss.

I am going to get more coffee and my oatmeal is ready. Have a good day.

Hi ladies,
It's raining here....alot...and it's mild and misty. I can only try to imagine what it must be like for you ladies in realy cold-land.......how on earth do you motivate yourselves to exercise?
I took my scrumptious 8 year old swimming Friday.It was murky and dark and miserable but we made it....and both swam 20 lengths!!!
Then we walked the pup in the rain and loved it.............the other 2 are both in season at the moment so had to stay home, much to their disgust!
Pluckypear I never go out to eat any more, mostly because of money but I also like to know what I am eating!
Imnot perfect well done on your loss, any loss is to be celebrated especially at this time of year....and nearly there........a social worker what a great career path!
Being over 300lbs has a "hard" all of it's own doesn't it? Stairs are my particular bugbear!!
Take it easy ladies

Oooooo I had a really close call last night on the emotional eating front, but I managed to squeak through with my streak intact. What happened was, Bob and I were talking as we were getting ready to go to bed, and something I was saying about how moderate exercise elevates one's mood got Bob all defensive (because his agoraphobia has him housebound these days) and he more or less bit my head off. Normally I would have protested and we'd have had a chance to clear the air, but right after Bob's outburst, he put his head on the pillow and promptly fell asleep! I mean, one second he was making me feel terrible, and the next second he was snoring.

So I went downstairs all in a storm of feeling treated unjustly (which, I should add, Bob rarely does). I was irritable anyway from my incipient virus, so I was really mad. Anger, I have discovered in the past few months, is my biggest trigger for having an episode of emotional/compulsive/binge-type eating. And it's especially dangerous for me to get angry on a Friday or a Saturday night, when our local Starbucks drive-through window is open all night long. Even though it was like 2 o'clock in the morning, I could very easily have popped in my car and gone and binged on those big Starbucks oatmeal raisin cookies I love so much, with a vente-size caramel macchiato to boot! I swear, y'all, my right hand had already picked up the car keys before I caught myself. =whew=

So what I did first was to practice Kathryn Hansen's Brain Over Binge technique of separating yourself from the urge to overeat, where you view the urge as what she calls "neurological junk" from a lower part of your brain that you, the person in charge, choose to ignore—not fight, just ignore. That got my head considerably clearer and allowed me to put the car keys down.

And then I quietly and deliberately fixed myself a small serving (1/2 cup) of muesli. Yes, my magic healing muesli again. This may sound silly, but it was like that little bit of carbs served as an escape valve for my overheated brain. I ate the muesli slowly, concentrating on every bite, then went to bed.

Now I'm not counting that small serving of muesli as emotional eating: rather it was an emergency measure to help prevent emotional eating.

So that's my scary tale of rage running amok... =laugh= Oh, and by the way, this morning the virus seems to be gone!

Good morning ladies. The sun is out, the dog is in the yard playing with his best friend from across the street (he'll be exhausted tonight!), and I have a full day planned.

SilentArctic -- Good to see you post, but sounds as though you've been through the wringer with the crud. You're doing the right thing in getting lots of sleep.

Fi -- Saw your post about coming down with a cold and then the follow-up saying no sign of the virus this morning. Hope that holds! I hope you don't mind, but I did chuckle at your story about your discussion with your husband and how angry it made you. Mainly I chuckled at him being asleep before the discussion could go any further. Glad you've found a miracle food with the Muesli and used it to stop an emotional eating binge. Anger does that to me, too, so I understand!

Andrea -- I would have been tempted to ask the doctor what he wanted to see me about, but know that would have been against protocol to do that. It's interesting to know that it's easier for you to plan on eating out than eating at home. Good luck with the doctor's appointment tomorrow.

MountainWalker -- Your rain day sounds a lot like the weather here in the Northwest. The "natives" (anyone born in WA state) insist that you can tell the transplants because they use umbrellas. Well, if it's one of the nice misty rains, then I don't use an umbrella, but if it's raining hard enough to see the rain drops, then I use one. Do you also have about 15 different ways of naming rainy weather for your weather report. My favorite here is "sun breaks." Basically means that it's going to be overcast and/or rainy all day, but a cloud may accidentally allow some sun through. Good for you for the swimming and the dog walking -- great ways to get some exercise and spend time with your son.

Where's Ubee and Jane? Hope both are ok.

Been sort of on plan these last few days. Not horribly off, but sneaking way more nuts than I should as a snack. I've got a lot of housework to do today, need to take all of the boxes to the recycling bin, and hopefully will find all of the gift wrapping paper that I bought on sale after Christmas last year. Nothing exciting on the menu front, but I am going to spend part of the day making dog food for Toby. I refuse to use any kind of dog food made in China after all the problems that have occurred, and the good canned food runs over $3/can -- or close to $25/week. So, I've started making enough to last through the week and it ends up costing me about $7 and Toby LOVES it. Plus, I'm definitely not tempted to taste it even though it's a combination of meat, rice, veggies, pumpkin, and a little seasoning. There, now your suspicions have been confirmed -- I'm nuts!

Hey all

Thanks for the comments...it does seem to have stopped raining...

I had a horrendous day today.... I broke a 7 year stretch of not intentionally harming myself because of the last straw of stress/overwhelming incompetence/rough time of year....at work today.

Also spent the evening at a party that only some coworkers were invited to at one of the owners' houses...which just made me feel awkward....

Plus rumour mill says someone else got fired today...

Just seriously one of the worst days I've had in a long while... and yesterday on the way to a course I take, our car hit a dog....

I am so ready to go home to Canada.... I feel so incredibly alone and overwhelmed at the moment...

But I did have a good moment.... I was devastated at breaking my 7 year stretch, and terrified about returning to the dark place I used to live in.... but then I wrote down all of my feelings (writing helps me).... and decided that (like weight loss) this doesn't have to open the door to future and frequent self injury... instead, it was a slip... and tomorrow is another day.... I just get to start a new clock about it...

I am feeling quite positive about it now, and think that this site, all of you people and my weight loss journey have played a part because I have never been so quick to forgive myself for any misstep. I would instead dwell on it until things got worse....

So thank you for being here, reading my posts and responding...thank you for not judging me and letting me be open about things....and thank you for the support and encouragement.... it means a lot.

that being posted, I am checking out for a bit for sure (I tend to not to much online time when I am home with family and friends.... ) So I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season, and I will be back in the new year to share this journey with you all

betsy: that is the truth with pets lol but they are oh so cute, they get trained eventually

Fi: Sorry to hear it cold season, hope you don't get one like me!

imnotperfect - go you and that pound Activity should get a little easier both as you lose weight, and as you get use to that particular activity.

plucky - oye yeah I know I am getting too stir crazy though went to a friends party that is pretty much across the street last night, and going to watch a movie somewhere else. I'm still sleeping lots . TOmorrow is our office christmas party and I don't even have a gift for the gift exchange which I usually particpate in .

MW- Oh I wish I could say I didn't eat out, I want to not want to eat out but sometimes its just easier getting together with friends at a restaurant than cleaning for company etc. I've eaten out a lot less lately, my peeps are feeling less social or have other friends they do that with right now I guess.

time- hang in there sweety, you can get through this!


I'm alive guys still coughing away. Going to attempt a treck across town in a couple minutes we'll see how that goes. Slow and steady I guess. Itching to weigh myself I feel nervous like I feel extra flabby in some ways because of all the inactivity I guess. After next friday my scale will be home and I can weigh as much as I want to. That will be nice. I will probably update a lot over the holidays. I know its wierd because its hard to lose during the holidays but with fewer friends around I'm hoping to drop at least a couple lbs over the holidays. I dream of being below 320 by new years. Not sure that's really practical but it's something that would definitely make me smile.

Melissa— If you should happen to check back in here, I want to reach out to you with my words and say how very much I empathize with you about your recent episode of self-injury (SI). A few decades ago, when I was young, I had a problem with SI myself. It was a very turbulent time for me, emotionally speaking, and I turned to SI as a way of expressing my darkest feelings. So while I don't know what you were going through to reach that dark moment, I know something of how you must feel to have broken your 7-year stretch. But I am relieved to hear that you were able to write down some of your feelings, and that you have forgiven yourself. I have great respect for you, for what you have undertaken to live in Egypt and to work at that school, for how much stress that must entail. You are an impressive woman in the challenges you set for yourself! And I feel you should be congratulated for making it 7 years: that is a big accomplishment, and this one small slip does not change that fact. I wish you the warmest of holidays, hope your time in Canada is healing and renewing, and I look forward to the chance to get to know you better and to interact more on this thread about your journey, come the new year. =warm smile=