So, I have found myself having to use a lot of mental energy to fight distractions that may impede my weightloss goals. I don't mean distractions of food or drink, but distractions of, well, just people and emotions.
There is a person in my situation who, well, isn't good at masking their preferences. It is sad because they think that they are completely accepting and kind and whatnot, but, in reality, they do these very blatant preference type things. At times it is such a depressing thing because I try to be so very open and happy and positive, and when they won't even greet me in the same manner as they do others (they greet me in a far more distracted way, but greet others in an open arms "I missed you so much my long lost friend!", kind of way) and at times they say things that are inappropriate in that it is so blatant the inequality. It just makes a person feel very downtrodden, like no matter how much I do, or how well I do things, this person (and to be honest, persons) will ignore it or fail to see it because they are focusing on this belief that my fatness makes me a person that should be hidden off somewhere and used as a workhorse, but not as a valuable member. Sigh.
Things like that take me from feeling good and happy, to feeling negative and irritable. Sigh. It makes me almost want to go off of my diet. I feel, even though it is superficial, that until I get to a more acceptable level of obesity, my talents are going to be ignored, and certain people will still talk to me like I am stupid.
I can't understand why someone would feel that my doing well is asking for attention and that they need to make an effort to make weird looks, downplay it, etc, yet, they lavish praises upon another person who has been very open about wanting to aggressively be promoted AND is not very truthful about the things they do.
I am also trying to not let loneliness or romance issues affect my weightloss goals. I am a person that likes to give love and receive it, and right now, it doesn't seem like anyone is interested.
So, trying to deal with emotions and people is sometimes a distraction from my goals of weightloss and I am trying to ignore those distractions or limit their impact on my weightloss goals.
I should be dancing right now because the scale is being kind and I am hovering at the 309lbs mark. Also, I noticed less swelling in my legs, so I think that maybe I retain more water due to diet? In any case, I hope I keep losing weight. I have this fear that I will be stuck at this weight.
Last edited by milliondollarbbw; 03-23-2010 at 12:00 PM.
Million, you have already come a long way and I can relate to your situation. I don't know why people think that overweight people are good for nothing except eating and being lazy! Your size has no bearing on your being able to function as a normal person. I hope that makes sense. It does in my head Anyway, you should try and find a way to use those emotions as fuel for your weight loss. Society is so hung up on looks it's pathetic!!
I can also relate to the loneliness! I never understood it when people would say to me, It will happen when you least expect it but that's truly what happens. I had worked very hard to lose weight and had put all my effort into that and had just about given up on finding a husband (all I seemed to attract were jerks or married men) when he found me! We all deep down want to prove to others that we can lose weight and be "normal" but the important thing is for our health.
Hang in there!! You are doing great and don't let anybody keep you down!! Believe in yourself and you will amaze yourself
I can also relate to the loneliness! I never understood it when people would say to me, It will happen when you least expect it but that's truly what happens. I had worked very hard to lose weight and had put all my effort into that and had just about given up on finding a husband (all I seemed to attract were jerks or married men) when he found me! We all deep down want to prove to others that we can lose weight and be "normal" but the important thing is for our health.
Hang in there!! You are doing great and don't let anybody keep you down!! Believe in yourself and you will amaze yourself
Thank you so much! My sister said the most nicest thing---she said that the only thing in the way of my losing weight is myself. And she is right. I know what I need to do, but haven't been so good about doing it.
Now, I feel like I am easing into my old healthier habits I learned years ago. I need to focus on that aspect and on doing the best I can in the situation I described. I do get very lonely at times, but I think if I just keep on working on myself, maybe the guy of my dreams will come along?
I have my sad times when the negative voice in my head will make me wonder if my ex wasn't attracted to me. I don't think that is the case, but we did have those kinds of romantic issues, so I wonder. I wonder if I just turned him off? I do wonder if some guy out there will see that I am a good woman, find me to be a good friend, and a good partner, AND find me attractive. It seems like the attractive aspect is the hard part. Yes, I do get the "You have such a pretty face, if only you lost the weight" thing quite often. Sigh. I am just going to focus on improving myself and staying focused.
(they greet me in a far more distracted way, but greet others in an open arms "I missed you so much my long lost friend!", kind of way)
I completely understand what you mean. I see that a lot, and it's so hurtful. The way it distracts me is like "If you treat me this way now, I don't want to be close to you when you'll accept me," and it's hard to keep going with that attitude. I always end up telling myself, "Well, it's your fault they do that. It's your fault you're fat, why should they have to deal with you?" and that's not healthy at all.
I have also gotten the "you have such a pretty face" comment more times than I care to remember. I have yet to figure out why people can't just accept me for who I am!!
Paradise, I also feel that if someone can't accept me fat but can accept me thin, I have no need for people like that! Friendship and relationships shouldn't be based on your size! It might be your fault for letting your weight get out of control but it's not your fault that they do that! No one should have to "deal" with you! If they can't accept you for you then you don't need them!! Life is full of enough negativity by itself without the addition of negative people.
Try and surround yourself with positive thinking, positive things, and most of all positive people! I have found that it is very hard to convert a negative person and the more you are around them, the more they drag you down so your best bet will be to distance yourself from those kinds of people as much as you can!
We have to stay focused and remember why we are on this journey!! I am looking forward to continuing this journey to a place I have never been and discovering a part of myself I have never met before!!
I am taking all of your advice and trying to not let my focus on being healthy be affected by people. It does seem like weird stuff with my ex and people in another situation are really trying to upset me.
Today, a person in a place of power, who I feel does judge my weight and often talks to me slowly like I am stupid, made a request for me to not do something. Well, in the situation I followed the normal steps and didn't do anything wrong. Everything I did was appropriate. However, she said it like my touching the issue is going to make an error. What is irritating is that there is another person similar to her, who has been even more dismissive towards me, always tells me the same thing as well. No matter what it is, she makes a big deal of telling me not to touch anything. they act like I am freaking stupid and going to make a mistake. that really upsets me. Other than making me close to tears now out of frustration, I just feel like in order to stop this abuse I have got to get smaller. In this economy and with my bills, I just cant go anywhere else. Also, I do like place, just not the people that judge me. i have a degree just like they do, so why treat me like an imbecile. It is so bad at times that I wish I could just stop eating. I know that isn't healthy. I totally know that. I also know that I have a very good appetite, so I do wish I could just not have it for a few weeks, but with my metabolism I probably wouldn't lose weight anyway. Sigh. I just feel like they will start treating me better when I get to a lower weight. And after seeing pics of my face and how puffy and swollen I look, it does look like my weight is out of control.
I am just focusing on today and eating healthy and trying to do tasks and everything that needs to be done so my focus isnt on these kinds of people.
In business, I have found that woman are touchy about control issues. It may not have much to do with your size as how aggressive you come across to compensate for your size. I've been there, done that.
I was lucky enough to change jobs and I took a different approach. I was laid back and I would volunteer for everything that was thrown out; usually stuff no one wanted to touch. I did my job and did everything well. I earned respect slowly. Just to let you know, the weight bias was still there. One woman that was hired at the same time I was is now a director and making lots more money than me when I am the one with more experience.
In business, I have found that woman are touchy about control issues. It may not have much to do with your size as how aggressive you come across to compensate for your size. I've been there, done that.
I was lucky enough to change jobs and I took a different approach. I was laid back and I would volunteer for everything that was thrown out; usually stuff no one wanted to touch. I did my job and did everything well. I earned respect slowly. Just to let you know, the weight bias was still there. One woman that was hired at the same time I was is now a director and making lots more money than me when I am the one with more experience.
Hugs to you,
Ratkity
thank you. I don't try and be aggressive, and I do try and do whatever is asked of me. I have heard from certain people that they project those kinds of qualities on me, even when I am not really displaying them. I think it is because of my size---i.e, if a guy says something, he is assertive, if I say it, then I am overbearing.
thank you. I don't try and be aggressive, and I do try and do whatever is asked of me. I have heard from certain people that they project those kinds of qualities on me, even when I am not really displaying them. I think it is because of my size---i.e, if a guy says something, he is assertive, if I say it, then I am overbearing.
You know...it may not have anything at all to do with your size.
I agree that it could be not related to my size. But, when I see that others are doing the exact same thing that I am doing, but being treated differently, and I have more experience, then, well, I am not sure why they feel as they do. When you couple it with the weird stares at my plate at food functions, etc., then I don't know. I have experienced this before, the same treatment, and when I lost weight then the treatment changed drastically. So, that is what I am wondering.
Million-to be fair, don't we change when we take the weight off? We are more outgoing, tend to carry less jealousy/anger in our hearts, interact with people differently. Maybe you are treated differently because you act differently.
Just a thought
Very true. I think that right now I am pretty upset, so I may be coming across wrong on this site. I think I am just hurt and frustrated because I try to be so positive and light and happy and encouraging and, when I see that I am talked to differently, when others get promotions though they don't seem to have the same dedication or experience, and when I constantly have people talking to me like I am ignorant, then, well, it just makes me feel like doing good isn't enough for some people. Also, I have heard from some comments made about image and promotion.
Fighting Distractions
It makes me almost want to go off of my diet. I feel, even though it is superficial, that until I get to a more acceptable level of obesity, my talents are going to be ignored, and certain people will still talk to me like I am stupid. 
