Call the man! Here's what you say, "Hey Hot Guy From the bar! I had a lot of fun hanging out with you the other night. Do you want to do it again?" There, is that so hard? Seriously, he wouldn't have offered up his number if he didn't want you to call. However, saying :Girls don't like it when guys ask for their number" could have been his way of hinting that he really wanted your number but was too shy to ask or was worried about offending you. If you wanted to talk to him again, that would have been a good point to say something like, "Oh, I don't mind as long as I like the person. Would you like my number?" and write it down for him. Having his number is good, though. It means you don't have to sit around wondering if he's going to call - you can take matters into your own hands and call him yourself if you're interested.
I think its fine that a few people disagree with me but I still stick to my original opinion. I agree that it is 2011 and I'm all for being an empowered woman. I don't think there is anything empowering about chasing a guy that doesn't want you. Guys will almost never just tell you "I don't like you." Guys like to chase girls; it freaks them out when a girl comes on too strong. They actually enjoy working for it. I'm not saying "play games" but you wouldn't go on a job interview in jeans and a t shirt, swear like a truck driver and belch. Even if you behaved this way in your personal life, no one says it's a smart idea to "not play games." It's about handling a situation in the most intelligent manner.
I feel like nowadays it's even MORE important to do this. I know many guys who date several women at a time and string them along. Send out the same text to every girl in their phone. Many women have sex with a man after a date or 2. They think the guy really likes them but unknowingly become one of a few girls this guy is doing. Without any commitment he really isn't doing anything wrong. Literally the only way to find out if a guy really likes you or is just a smooth talker who wants sex is to make him work for it. The losers will give up. I'm not comfortable being the girl a guy will receive a text from and show all his guy friends like "She texted me again, this chick wants me bad" and laugh at you or whatever things guys say. I'm just saying this because it seems like the OP really likes this guy and is looking for something serious.
Literally every time I tried to go against this it ended badly. Also I did say I think the OP should call him, just that she should be careful and not make assumptions. I'm not THAT old fashioned, I pay my own way on dates, I do text/contact guys occasionally. I just make sure his actions and what he says add up.
Guys will almost never just tell you "I don't like you." Guys like to chase girls; it freaks them out when a girl comes on too strong. They actually enjoy working for it.
I would hate it if a guy made decisions about me based on some generalized belief about what "women" do or want. In fact, it would piss me off. So, I don't think women should be making those sorts of generalizations either. Men can be shy, vulnerable, worried about offending, afraid of rejections, etc just as much as women can. A guy who pursues a woman (asking her out, calling her, etc) could be interested in something serious, or he could love the chase and be after multiple girls at once and not interested in a relationship. There's no way to know unless you put yourself out there and see what they have to offer.
I could have worded that better. I agree with your senitment of the only way to know is to put yourself out there. Also I never said a guy pursuing you automatically means he's a great guy. There are shy guys but I tend to think that how someone behaves early on is how they will always behave. I personally would hate dating a guy where I felt like I was making the plans all the time and calling him much more than he called me.
I don't claim to be a dating expert, This is just what works for me. I tend to get too emotionally attached too quickly, rationality goes out the window, and I make poor decisions. Knowing myself I need to slow things down and make sure his actions say he really likes me. Some women are naturally aloof and can handle this better. They can date a guy without being driven crazy. They can be more foward without pushing a guy away. Thats just not my personal experience.
Yeah, I see your point there Scarlett - sadly there are a lot of deceitful two-timers out there. It is important not to blindly believe everything someone says, though the "I don't trust anyone" attitude is equally unhealthy. But women are just as bad if not worse than men, or so my experience would suggest
i HAVE to agree with scarlett. if you want to just get sex out of it, then pushing full force, and being that needy girl is what you do. i dont think that making the first move is a bad offense, bc no one likes to make the first move. so i give you props for that. but, if you want it to be possibly long term, i think he needs to be the one pursuing you, not the other way around. i totally agree that guys like the chase a little (its nature!) and a woman should never seem totally available, and easy, and ready to go. he should pursue you.
on that note, i would definately call. you were both intoxicated, who knows what he is like sober. he could be a great guy or a total douche. i would definately call and say, hey, had a nice time the other night, want to get together for a cup of coffee? get together, talk, a little less deep! and then leave it to him to make the next move. no texting, no calling, no telling your friend to ask him if he likes you, lol...just let him make the next move, if he wanted just to get laid, he might not call, if hes intrigued, it might take a few days but **** call. i agree though, try not to get enfatuated/crushing on the guy until you see where it goes. thats just a mistake i always did, i fell head over heels, and it didnt work out, leaving me a little hopeless.
Guys do NOT give their number to girls unless they want a call back. Period.
Guys who are just being nice ask the girl for her number then never call.
However, I agree to go into this cautiously optimistic. You put a lot out on the table which can go well if you have a true connection or scare a guy away (she just met me, is she like this with every guy?)
I'd give it a week then send a text- "Hey, happy friday! This is Jane we met at Bar X a couple weeks ago my girls and I are headed to bar x around 10 tonight if you want a re-match at pool/darts/beer pong. Loser buys first round? "
It does sound like he was into you and it's worth calling him. Once. That way, he has your number, knows you're interested, and you can both take it from there. It's a good way of knowing how much effort he's willing to put forth if you guys end up dating, and you're letting him know that you're assertive and interested, which are two positives!
And if you do end up meeting up, I'd suggest no bars for the first few dates. Something low key, like coffee, lunch, whatever.
I have a friend who always seems to be in a similar situation (not exactly, but somewhat close) and her mistake is that she always calls more than once and then just looks like a stalker. At some point she loses her dignity and then just doesn't know how to act, and it's sad because she's so totally not like that in other situations at all. I'm no advocate of playing games or "hard to get" or anything, but I think it's easy enough to get across that you're interested with one phone call.
Anyway, good luck! I was going to comment on the whole "thrill of the chase" thing, but I don't have much experience dating men. Although I don't know how much of a gender thing it is, men are notorious for it for whatever reason, but I think women can like the "chase" too (or maybe the equivalent is the "I can change him" phenomenon, which is maybe a different thing altogether, but somehow related). My girlfriend definitely had the "chase" thing with me and apparently I provided a challenge without even realizing it. Who knew?
Women shouldn't give out their number too quickly. Lord knows where it will end up. I think he was quite smart about it. He doesn't have to call and go through family members as you told him you lived at home.
I'd say give him a call and see if he is interested in doing something low key like meeting for coffee.
I'm not the best one to be giving "dating" advice as I've just had my 40th wedding anniversary but I say he's cutting through a lot of crap by doing it this way. Quite thoughtful actually to let the girl make the decision in the cool light of day.
Of course the test is if it was his real number.
ok, the question is did he even gave you his real number? what if he gave you some random number?
so that's why you have to call him and check it out! if it's the right number you're lucky and probably he really liked you and you should give it a try, if not it's his loss! i say call him or at least text him. good luck!
I would call him and see whats up. I agree with several of the ladies if he answers and wants to hang out, thats great. If he doesnt don't let it bother you. I don't think its bad to have a guy give you their number. When I was in college if by chance someone asked for my number Id ask for theirs instead. I learned my lesson, I was a little intoxicated at a club gave my number out then the guy called me. At first it was nice but then he kept calling and calling and the more we talked I wondered if I was interested in him. I worked midnights at that time and did not answer one night when he called so he decided to give my number to another guy I did not know and had him call me to see if id pick up. I got the creepy vibe and changed my number! All in all, just be careful some of these guys hand out their numbers for booty calls but some are ligit just keep your guard up
It's a little weird that he said he didn't want to ask for your number, but he also brought it up in the first place, right? It's not like you offered your number and he said no. He also could have said nothing at all at the end of the night, just "bye," if he didn't want to see you again. My guess is he wants to see you again but didn't want to be the one to call and potentially get rejected.
Agree with the comments above, call call call... but also just have your wits about you, then enjoy if it goes well, think, if not just think, lucky escape done and dusted and chapter closed
However, I agree to go into this cautiously optimistic. You put a lot out on the table which can go well if you have a true connection or scare a guy away (she just met me, is she like this with every guy?)
True! I can't really remember who mentioned it first ... but we both did!
I did end up texting him. He texted back right away and said he wondered if I was going to text him!? ... we texted back and forth for a little bit and agreed we should hang out sober sometime ... but he never actually ASKED me to go somewhere haha ... almost like he wanted me to pick/decide everything is how I took it or he didn't really want to ... and either way I find that sort of annoying lol. So we never did make any plans and I haven't texted him again.
So we'll see if I hear from him.
I'm not too worried about it for those of you who think I'm all head over heels already I'm not! I just thought he was extremely good looking lol! Oh and he kissed me! So technically he made the first "move" ... I just started conversation .. I don't count that as a "move" lol.
But we'll see.
Seriously, he wouldn't have offered up his number if he didn't want you to call. However, saying :Girls don't like it when guys ask for their number" could have been his way of hinting that he really wanted your number but was too shy to ask or was worried about offending you. If you wanted to talk to him again, that would have been a good point to say something like, "Oh, I don't mind as long as I like the person. Would you like my number?" and write it down for him. Having his number is good, though. It means you don't have to sit around wondering if he's going to call - you can take matters into your own hands and call him yourself if you're interested.
