I am never content with my body. In the past year I lost about 12 pounds and my bmi is 19 (18.5 and below would be underweight) but I still feel like I want to be thinner. I am not delusional about the way I look. I know I am not fat but I want to look underweight. I like the way stick thin girls look. Its an unhealthy way of thinking but I don't know how to change my view on what I think is attractive.
I think I like having something to work towards and strive for. Counting calories makes me feel more organized and seeing the number decrease on the scale is like a little present. I feel like I am accomplishing something when I lose weight.
One of the worst weight loss habits I have, is being judgemental about people who probably need to lose weight and won't. My conscience kicks in and an argument in my head kicks off in spectactular style, as I think who am I to judge really?? I sound like such a b***h, I've been trying really hard to break this habit.
My second habit is thinking I'm still a UK 16-18 rather than the UK 10-12 I really am.
I also second the weighing thing, its actually fairly counter-productive as I seem to lose more weight when I'm not manically analysing the scale.
Last edited by IsobelRose22; 07-31-2012 at 01:45 PM.
Instead of eating while I waited, I purposely held off so that I could weigh myself first.
I want to see my performance increase but I also want to look better. There are a few guys I've been interested in over the past year who blew me off and I know one did so specifically because of my weight. The others I kind of just figure did so for the same reason because they liked talking to me online...but disappeared after they saw me in person. I want them to see me after I've thinned out and maybe, just maybe, feel a little stupid for ditching me, even as a friend. I'm currently 6 pounds overweight, is that really worth hurting someone over? I'm not even worth being friends with? Yeah, hold that thought...
Wow I thought I was the only one who would wait until I could weigh myself before eating breakfast. As for the second part I remember going through exactly that and feeling like that, until I met my boyfriend that is
I also have an ultimate goal of 160lbs in my head, and irrational as it sounds, I know that I probably won't be satisfied until I get there. I'm now a healthy weight, I've been told I look great, I have met all my other weight loss related goals, clothes look great on me, I'm now wearing things I would never even have gone near before. Yet I know that somehow It won't feel like an achievement until I see that magic number on the scale.
I weigh in the morning, naked, and after the bathroom too. But I also walk almost two miles taking my son to school and then I weigh again to see how much sweat I lost. I bring water with me but I don't drink it because I want a better weigh-in when I get home. It's only once I'm home and I've weighed again that I feel safe enough to have a drink and possibly eat breakfast. But usually I don't eat until lunch because I stay on plan better that way.
- I won't eat until I feel pain in my stomach and queasy, I know it's "real" hunger then.
- I'm secretly happy when I have the runs or am vomitting, because I know I'll weigh less the next day. I will stress that I NEVER once induced either state, but I have a sensitive GI tract so it happens at least once a month.
- I walk around "feeling" my body at home sometimes, trying to find some changes.
- totally addicted to the scale, I weigh myself every time I'm in the bathroom.
- I haven't worn shorts since I was 15, and when I did then I only wore them once because I felt fat in them. I won't stop my weight loss until I feel GOOD in shorts, that's my real goal, not the number.
- I always volunteer to be "on top" when I'm in bed with my fiance because it burns more calories.
- I want to be thinner than my sisters in law and my one hot friend, it helps that they've had babies and I haven't yet.
- I want to be thin to rub it in my dad's face a little, he's always presented himself as the strong healthy man while his wife and daughter and fat weak women, even though he's overweight himself.
- I pee, weigh in, try to pee some more, weigh in, try really hard to poop, weigh in, so on and so forth until I realize I'm out of time and need to leave for work.
- I weigh in as soon as I get home from work.
- My mom had BDD/ED and lifted heavy and ate little. She is 5'3" and 110lbs...she wants to weigh 105 still. I've always wondered if this effected me. My dad is 5'9" and probably 325lbs. They are 100% in love. It's amazing.
- I work in a Children's Hospital and I want to be able to weigh in at work. (scale maxes at 150)
- I have spreadsheets, apps, logs, etc. to track my crazy pants @ss.
- I lost 75lbs without trying and now I can't get this sh*t together for the life of me when I actually am trying.
- I'm scared of being skinny and I have NO idea why. I'm very out going, married and sociable. I never had a problem dating, even when I weighed 325lbs.
- I'm secretly thrilled that my brother is gaining weight while I'm losing it.
- I have a secret stash of money for a boob job/surgery when I hit goal.
This felt good to put out there....
Last edited by SoMuchFattitude; 09-19-2012 at 11:41 AM.
I'm not losing weight for my health- I really don't care about that. I'm losing weight so guys will find me attractive.
I went to Panera Bread a few months ago (early summer maybe?) and sat behind a group of guys (probably high school), listened to them have a conversation about some girl they knew- how she was so hot and they'd kill to have sex with her and etc etc.
I am dead certain NO ONE has ever had such a conversation about me. I know that personality is more important and blah blah blah, but for once I don't want to be appreciated for my intellect! I want to be appreciated for a smoking hot body and a nice ***!
This thread has made me so sad. So many beautiful wonderful women here that feel so down on themselves. I admit, I often feel exactly the same but seeing how many other women of every shape and size feel the same way puts it into perspective. If I feel the urge to tell everyone they're beautiful and are loved why can't I do that to myself when I feel the same? Need to start doing that.
My confessions:
- I budgeted for birtday cake last weekend by being extremely stingy with my calories and the type of food I was eating so I could enjoy a slice of cake I had spent a WEEK working on for my mother's 60th birthday. I ended up having 1 1/2 slices and it's a week later, I have exercised to exhaustion every single day this week and STILL feel guilty.
- I usually only eat half a plate of food and make my husband eat the rest because I secretly want him to gain a bit of weight so I can be lighter than him. Even though we're doing this together and I adore him and want him to be healthy, I feel petty that he's lighter than me.
- I confess that the major trigger that made me want to lose weight the first time (this is my 2nd attempt) was watching Phantom of the Opera. I realized after watching that movie that "adventures" don't happen to fat people (or that's what I convinced myself). I wanted to be able to swept off my feet and travel and have my life be a musical (complete with full orchestra and singing) and I figured...you don't see the fat girl doing that (unless it's Hairspray...).
- I'm starting to get irrationally angry when I work out and exercise and I can't figure out why. I think it has to do with my mood and depression issues. I'm up and down so much now that my body has no clue what hormone to send to my brain. Right now it's settled into getting pissed off when I workout and depressed when I eat and happy when I drive (which is bizarre because I commute at least 2 1/2 hours 5/days a week).
I keep saying I'm trying to lose weight because I want to be healthy. I mean sure I want to be healthy but really the driving force is...I want to have a boyfriend I've been on the MV Never Been Kissed and MV NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) cruise ship for far too long. I'm turning 28 soon and dammit I want a boyfriend
"For my ideal girl, I think personality matters more than looks"
...personality my fat behind If personality matters most then you won't be dating that model with an IQ lower than a fern (the fern will probably take offence being compared to her tbh) and as funny as my potted cactus plant. *pounds fist on table* *sobs*
1) I have an addiction to weighing myself. It's not as bad as some people's whom I seen - it's more of a "I won't weigh myself daily, I won't weigh myself daily...oh, hi there scale" kind of thing.
2) I'm constantly worried about being OP. Okay, I know this isn't really a bad thing, but even when it's a meal or a snack that I allotted the "cheat" for, I still debate about it, and if I eat/drink it, I get mad at myself about it.
3) I don't find myself pretty because I'm fat. Yeah, I'm sure this one is normal. I've been told things like how I have a cute face, but that usually throws the assumption that everything else about me is ugly. So I have a low self-esteem stemmed from this, and I kind of feel like I need to be thin to raise my self-esteem, which in turn would radiate confidence and make me attractive to men.
4) I have nightmares of falling off plan. Yep, nowadays it's like once a week. I dream of having sugar binges, making shakes with regular ice cream and white chocolate chips. I have dreams where I eat bread, pasta, etc...I'm on a low-carb diet. I can't decide if it's because I'm afraid of doing so while awake, or if it's because I secretly miss those things. Though I'm leaning more on the lines of I'm afraid I'll eat such things - I don't miss most of my carbs one bit!
5) When I don't exercise for one day - despite doing so daily for a week, I get mad at myself. Okay, nothing wrong with being hard on yourself, but really? To get upset over 1 day of missing, when in reality it means 6/7 days of being on track? I really need some friends (okay, that I kind of lack too) that can keep me positive.
I keep saying I'm trying to lose weight because I want to be healthy. I mean sure I want to be healthy but really the driving force is...I want to have a boyfriend I've been on the MV Never Been Kissed and MV NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) cruise ship for far too long. I'm turning 28 soon and dammit I want a boyfriend
"For my ideal girl, I think personality matters more than looks"
...personality my fat behind If personality matters most then you won't be dating that model with an IQ lower than a fern (the fern will probably take offence being compared to her tbh) and as funny as my potted cactus plant. *pounds fist on table* *sobs*
Your confession is so eerily like mine... like mirror image, I'm 27.
I have the same scale obsession like most of you and it scares me. I'm doing Weight Watchers, write every bite in my food journal, and even if I budget points for a splurged meal I regret it and beat myself up over it. Like buyers remorse but worse.
I've been on the MV Never Been Kissed and MV NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) cruise ship for far too long. I'm turning 28 soon and dammit I want a boyfriend 
If personality matters most then you won't be dating that model with an IQ lower than a fern (the fern will probably take offence being compared to her tbh) and as funny as my potted cactus plant. *pounds fist on table* *sobs*
