I'm a morning-after-pee-before-eating weigher, too.
I get self-conscious and defensive when people comment on my weight loss or eating habits, asking how I did it, etc.
I STILL find myself eating when I'm not hungry, but I'm getting better at analyzing my feelings before actually eating anything.
I still feel like I'm back at my highest weight when I look in the mirror. I honestly don't see much of a difference anymore.
Biggest one: I have a HUGE fear that I'll suddenly wake up one day back at my largest. It didn't take me a day to lose the weight, so I don't know why I figure I can undo all my progress so suddenly.. but it's still scary to me.
My biggest most terrible fear is falling back into my e.d. again. 2 years ago I was hospitalized for it and had struggled on and off for 10 years and I'm so afraid of slipping and falling into those patterns and thoughts again. I'm TERRIFIED of going back into treatment so I constantly have to monitor myself and have others watch me. It makes me feel like a child and it makes me feel embarrassed and weak. Whew!
I have another one that I sort of realized today. I have reallllly long thick hair, it is almost to my waist. While in my tracker and on here I always put the weight listed on the scale, in my brain I always subtract a pound for my hair. I also "experiment" with my hair, sometimes weighing with it up in a bun, sometimes down like somehow it will make a difference. I have been known to weigh myself and if its higher than I would like I will take my hair down and reweigh myself. Ridiculous I know. (It never makes a difference)
Yerp. She carries her weight so much better than me, though, that it's really just a silly numbers game. Even when our weights were closer she was still two or three pants sizes smaller than me.
This is the worst. Most people my height and weight look a lot "thinner" than I do. I occupy little volume but I'm still really well padded so to speak.
CONFESSION TIME, I'm such a slave to the scale that a couple pounds makes me feel like a total failure at life and embarrassed to wear a swimsuit to the water park tomorrow
These confession threads are AMAZING (I've read all of them, lol). I finally scrapped together the courage to post some of mine.
*I weigh more than my mother and my older sister right now. The reverse used to be true. It's killing me. Especially with my sister... she was heavier than me growing up, but relentlessly mocked me for having an eating disorder at the time. :/ She could be cruel. I don't want them to gain weight or anything... I just feel super aware that I'm the big one now.
*I HATE sanctimonious dieters. They make me physically angry. Nobody needs your judgement, and losing weight doesn't put you above anybody else. I find that whole ~holier than thou~ attitude absolutely disgusting, and I actively hope they will have to eat some humble pie.
* I wish I didn't (or wouldn't in the future) obsess about food so much... even though realize I would think about food all the time no matter what/how much I was eating.
*I purposefully took a job where I could work from home 2 years ago, because I was ashamed of the way I looked.
* Sometimes I think about going on a super low (too low) calorie diet, or even water fasting... although I know that's the perfect recipe to make me binge and gain tons of weight. The fantasy of it is just too alluring.
*People who try to harass me about eating piss me off, too. ("Oh, can't you indulge just this once?") Food police in general can just shut the up as far as I'm concerned.
Confessions time!
1. I still weigh almost 300 lbs in my heart. As a result I do not own a full length mirror.
2. I don't date. I am a serial flirt. I enjoy men. But I literally recoil when people touch me because I'm still uncomfortable with my body, so I don't date.
3. I find it way easier to eat healthy when there are other people around. It keeps me focused on what I'm doing.
4. (the craziest of all!!) When I finished my undergraduate degree, I purchased an expensive watch as a gift to myself. That was 100 lbs ago. The watch goes on and off without undoing the latch. Despite the fact that they will take out the extra links for free, I can't pull the trigger. I'm worried it will jinx me and I will regain the weight. Fully aware that it's irrational.
I'm totally jealous of other people dieting...not the ones you'd think though. More than I'm jealous of the people who think that they're huge at 120 lbs or the people that are already at goal, I'm completely jealous of the pretty fat girls. Sometimes I get upset looking at pictures of incredibly attractive girls in the 210-250 range because they look better than I ever will at a weight higher than any I've ever seen. It makes me even more ashamed to be fat because I don't have the pretty feminine side to offset my weight that pretty much everyone else on this site seems to have (...then I feel super bad for being jealous because I certainly don't bear any ill will against anyone and completely respect their dedication to getting healthy.)
This is the worst. Most people my height and weight look a lot "thinner" than I do. I occupy little volume but I'm still really well padded so to speak.
CONFESSION TIME, I'm such a slave to the scale that a couple pounds makes me feel like a total failure at life and embarrassed to wear a swimsuit to the water park tomorrow
Girl, I would kill to have your body. Just because you gained a couple of pounds doesn't mean you've ballooned to be a fat person. A bit of tough love perhaps, but you're healthy - be happy with that and confident with where you are.
Some of these confessions are super hard to read because it's such a shame we feel so down on ourselves. I know this is a confession thread and the whole point is to just let it out, but in some cases I can't help but feel a good ol' slap around the face would do the trick to snap us out of it! I know that I've needed to slap myself around the face when I've felt irrational thoughts. I've suffered from anxiety all of my life to the point where it's led me to depression, so I know the dangers of negativity. It can make you feel worthless and empty, and I wish it on no one. Instead I focus on the good in my life, the amazing things I have accomplished in my weight loss journey when I feel a bit frumpy, and try my best to see the good in every single day that I live. I'm sorry for sounding like a hippy, but I just can't bear to waste another day feeling sorry for myself when that's all I did for years.
But to contribute to the thread - my worse weight loss habit is that when I reach a milestone I feel like treating myself with food. I almost feel like I don't have to care because I've reached the milestone, it takes gaining a few pounds to realise that I've been stupid and I should stop being silly and keep going! I've lost 50 lbs in a year and 7 months, I could have done it so much faster if I hadn't stalled so many times! But oh welly, I like to enjoy life too I suppose
Here's a few of mine, might continue the list later when I have more time.
My goal was 160 because I thought that even that would be unachievable and my Ideal Protein coach would laugh really hard at me for expecting to lose 43 lbs in a few months. I really wish I would have trusted myself more and went for 150-145.
I still feel huge. I know I'm not (and I had to struggle not to say "I'm not that much"). I still have and always will have body issues no matter what my weight is. I'm a former "perfect" 120 lbs teenager, but I never accepted myself.
I go to the store, and I'm almost always secretly hoping that people who knew me before I lost weight see me now and notice how much better I look. Inversely, I used to be nervous about going back to the town I grew up in. I didn't want people that used to think I looked good to go "wow what the heck happened to her".
At the same time, I am afraid to attract too much attention from the opposite sex (it has already started) because I really don't know how to handle it. I love it for self-confidence but I HATE to lead them on knowing that probably nothing will ever happen.
I will most likely never wear a bikini. Stretch marks embarass me beyond anything else in the world, and I don't even have that many. I don't know why I have such a phobia of them. No one likes em, but I literally would not let my ex see me naked unless it was at least semi-dark.
I lost weight because my last ex would not have sex with me (not once in 7 months together, and it's not for lack of efforts on my part). I took it all upon myself and told people I wanted to be healthier, because I was too ashamed by my real motivation. The truth is, his psychological issues created the worst insecurity for me, and I was convinced I was hideous and there was no hope for me. On the verge of breakdown and depression, I wanted to lose weight so he would finally want me, and ended up breaking up with him (he was a selfish ******* anyway). After that, I found out he is one of those men that can and will live without sexual contact of any kind. He's married to his drumset.
I am a little jealous of those who look gorgeous with some extra pounds, because I felt really ugly.
I compare myself to every woman I walk by (it's wrong I know!!!).
I don't mind talking about my weight loss to women, but with men I am really embarassed to be forever tagged as a "former fatty" and thus become less attractive to them. I don't know how they perceive a woman who lost weight.
Those are the ones that come to me for now. I definitely have more, but they'll have to wait. Hope my deep and dark secrets help someone realize they are not alone
- I also weigh myself every morning and usually end up in a bad mood first thing if I've gained. Last week when I looked at the week I had lost 2.2 lbs since the week before, but I had one day that I gained and that is what I started to focus on instead of the 2.2 I lost. I had to have a huge pep talk with myself to snap out of it. But I know I'll end up back there again since I still feel the need to weigh myself every single day right after I go to the bathroom.
- My husband has been losing weight at the same time as me. Right now, we're only a few lbs off from each other. For awhile, I was a higher weight than he was because he lost a lot of weight fast and now I'm finally lower than him. I'm determined to stay lower than him, especially since he's a foot taller than me. Recently, I realized that when he's creeping up on me in weight, I start cooking his favorite foods in hope that he'll eat more than I do and he'll stay the same for a little bit while I keep losing. I didn't even realize I was doing it!
- I find myself scrutinizing when girls who have great bodies dress badly, especially at work when we have to dress nicely. I think of all the things I would wear if I had their body and feel like they are wasting it with what they are wearing. Considering I have no fashion sense right now because I can never find anything that fits correctly, I really have no room to judge. But somehow, I still think it to myself every single time.
This is the worst. Most people my height and weight look a lot "thinner" than I do. I occupy little volume but I'm still really well padded so to speak.
CONFESSION TIME, I'm such a slave to the scale that a couple pounds makes me feel like a total failure at life and embarrassed to wear a swimsuit to the water park tomorrow
I feel this way too. So many people on this site even who are my height and weight (and even those who are heavier) look so much less rounded than I feel I look. I think I'm lacking a lot of muscle though.
My biggest most terrible fear is falling back into my e.d. again. 2 years ago I was hospitalized for it and had struggled on and off for 10 years and I'm so afraid of slipping and falling into those patterns and thoughts again. I'm TERRIFIED of going back into treatment so I constantly have to monitor myself and have others watch me. It makes me feel like a child and it makes me feel embarrassed and weak. Whew!
Former ED here as well, While I'm not worried about falling into old habits because i enjoy eating healthy for once in my life, my body perception is still off and I give myself peptalks when looking in the mirror.. Even though I am losing, i still feel very big, which seems to be common with other people lose weight.. ED or not.
I know what you feel about being watched though.. takes your independence away.
-Whenever I went to the store to buy clothes I would pick smaller sizes and never be able to fit in those clothes so I have a TON of clothes that are too small (for now) and I just tell myself that I will lose the weight anyways so I might as well buy it...
- I do NOT like overweight guys, which is why it is hard finding someone I like given my current weight.
...wow, I really do have a lot to say, LOL
I do that too.. except I kept all my "skinny clothes" prior to gaining weight.. and refused to buy new clothes at a higher weight. My sister would be like don't you think its time to buy a pair of pants.. and i'd be like no! because i'll be xx thinner by the next month! (course i was wrong ) Took me a long time to accept myself enough to be able to enjoy any/every weight with the right clothing.
I have a ridiculous confession. I read at a really fast speed and can't afford to constantly buy new books and the library has been hard to get to in the heat. I got an Kobo eReader for my bday and they have a bunch of free books. Unfortunately most of them are romance novels, but I get an insane need to read and have gone through probably almost 100 books in the past 6 months.
Now the confession time; reading all those books where the female lead is undoubtedly thin/fit just suddenly made me decide that I was going to be thin/fit too. There are other motivations for losing weight for me of course, but the spark that started it was reading way too many free romance novels lol.
I find that whole ~holier than thou~ attitude absolutely disgusting, and I actively hope they will have to eat some humble pie.
up as far as I'm concerned.
) Took me a long time to accept myself enough to be able to enjoy any/every weight with the right clothing.
