Weigh-in this morning. I am back down to 190.0. My old nemesis/best friend. It's actually a decent weight for me to be, and I feel so much lighter than I did when I was at 263 back in March or so. But I can't ever put it in the rearview mirror, and I am not even having success at maintaining it. I had gained five pounds at my last weekly weigh-in to go from 187.2 to 192.2.
But . . . I feel like I did well yesterday. I got home from work, was a little peckish, and grabbed a can of cashews. (I know - I keep intending to portion them.) I ate some, then some more, then some more, and knew I needed to be done, as cashews are super calorie-dense. It was so hard, but I put the lid back on, put them away, and did my breathing exercise. I have also started to tell myself that "I don't do drugs" when the cravings get overwhelming. I also try to genuinely enjoy the way I'm feeling when I'm functioning on an appropriate number of calories, consisting of primarily healthy food and contrast it with my pizza-induced heartburn-intense evening of torture.
Today's goals - 1. Continue the relaxation breathing at times of "crisis." 2. Portion out my cashews and prep my pomegranates. I LOVE pomegranates, but they can be so sticky and take so long to prep that I will push them out of the way for something more convenient when I'm looking for a snack. 3. Eat a small snack (maybe 45 calories worth of tuna) before I go home this evening to combat the late eating time on Tuesday.
Thank you for the safe space to sound food-crazy. I don't want to be crazy, and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable that I have such issues with food. But. . . . denying that I have them does not make them go away nor does it lessen their impact. So I appreciate that I have a place where I can work through the crazy in a supportive environment.
Laurie: It sounds like you have a good plan with the breathing exercises. That might really help as you get it more and more figured out. I think 190 is a weight to be proud of. I know it is hard to keep below it, but remind yourself how much better that is than where you initially started. (Do as I say, not as I do)
For me, missing another day at the gym. I did something to my neck/back over the weekend and I am just so stiff and sore in the mornings, I can't see trying to lift anything. Maybe tomorrow.
I am floundering around hoping to get back to normal in a couple weeks after surgery and recovery.
I am pretty excited though, because I found a recipe for a nifty natural over night eye cream! I ordered the stuff and will start making that on Friday.
Halloween has been mostly easy because we got Snickers to give out and I can't eat them because of the chewy crunchy sugary combo killing my mouth.
I hope you all are having a good start to November!
Diane - Injuries are the worst! Hope that you feel better today, and you're able to get back into routine after hunting. For me, even when time off of routine is excellent and boosts my goals, I often struggle to get back into routine. And you're right. 190 is a really good weight for me. Last time, though, I tried to just chill and maintain at 190ish for a while, and it totally backfired. I am not good at maintenance. I know I will need to figure it out, but for now, I am just going to focus on maintaining my loss momentum.
Mandy - So glad you finally have that surgery scheduled. Good call on getting candy that would provide no temptation. My husband bought full-sized candy bars. I could have easily eaten a dozen "fun-sized" candy bars -- more than the amount of calories in a single full-size bar. But I could not bring myself to give in to consciously choosing to consume 220ish calories at one time. Can't wait to get my lip balm and sugar scrub!
I did not prep food last night. No good excuse for it. I had a friend who needed a favor, and didn't get home until almost 9 p.m., but I still could have done it. Still doing the breathing, though, and that's working. Have been trying to late afternoon snack, and that's not really helping. I am less hungry, but I am still super cravey when I get home. Maybe I just need to commit to doing some breathing exercises and working through my desire to eat everything in the house when I get home.
Not to get all political, but the police shootings last night are sitting heavy on my heart today. And then I also read about the women who were released from Boko Haram who have reported being raped and coerced into sex by their rescuers. So much sadness in the world. But I still have a job to do, kids to tend, and I still need to take care of myself. **SIGH** I guess, for today, I am just going to try to make my corner of the world a bit brighter.
Mandy: I'm sure that you'll get through this surgery and then feel so much better, it will be really good again. I'm glad you are having so much fun with your new business, too!
Laurie: Maintenance scares me. Not that I'm close to that yet, but I just can't imagine not having some goal to meet and to be able to back off. I can see how quickly the weight comes on when I'm not at maintenance, so I think it will be tough to keep track of it all.
Still not feeling great in my back, so yet another day of no gym. Makes me feel like poop, but I can't imagine trying to do stuff when I can't turn my head all the way. Oh well, it is getting better.
Arrrgh, just a quick check in. Haven't been succeeding at all. Work is stupid-busy and I got the flu shot and it's making me tired and cranky. I ate Whataburger today and it was delicious and I only feel a little guilty.
Better post tomorrow. Trying super hard to keep coming back. Baby steps. Can't give up when I literally just started again!
Amanda - The first steps are always the hardest. And you're not quitting. Plus, Whataburger sounds delicious. You're at a job you like, you are easing back into working out and eating the way you prefer, and you're finding ways to cope with serious tragedy. Sounds like you're winning. Slower than you'd like, perhaps, but winning nonetheless.
Diane - Hope the neck/back thing resolves itself soon. Not being able to work out is super, super frustrating. But, as they always say, you can't outwork what happens in the kitchen anyway, so hopefully, you will still be able to move forward with weight loss goals.
The "eat in the afternoon" thing backfired completely. I ate too much, then went for a walk to try to feel less full. When I got home, dinner was ready. It's never ready that soon. So I ate again. And became uncomfortably full again, so I had to go for another walk. I was uncomfortable, and probably ate too many calories, but my FitBit was happy with me. =)
So, this afternoon, I will not eat delicious food. I will eat "sustaining food." In other words, a protein shake. I will consume enough to stop from being ravenous, but not so much that I feel overfull. For some reason, I am able to read my satiety signals better with protein shakes. Sometimes, I'll drink 3/4 of one. Sometimes, I'll drink 1/4 of one. But then I'll stop. Trial and error, right? Days like Tuesday will encourage a scale number below 190.0. But days like yesterday might lead to another difficult-to-recover-from 5-pound gain. Reeling it in today. Again. **sigh**
Dread: I totally agree with Laurie. She said it best!! Just glad to see you post. You'll get there!!!
Laurie: Well, scrap the "eat in the afternoon" plan then. Just have to keep tweaking the program until it fits. You're doing great.
For me, I still have pain, so I'm going to go to a massage therapist. I don't know when, but I think I need something to help get past this. It is getting better, but not completely yet.
Thanks everyone...turns out it's more like fifteen pounds up >.< I'm just feeling really low and it's SO hard to try. I haven't made much progress since my first return post. Getting back to the gym will probably make the biggest difference. I know it will level out my mood as well as help with the physical side of things. I have just been working long hours and not wanting to leave my cat home alone longer than I have to. I guess there are always excuses. I'll get back this Saturday, though.
Bookmark - 15 pounds is still way, way better than 70. Or 20. And you're not making "excuses." You're describing challenges that you have to figure out how to deal with. So - when are you going to the gym? Is it easier to get there in the morning before work? Do you have the kind of job where you can take a "lunch" and slip out to the gym and just eat at your desk? (I am fortunate enough to be able to do that sometimes.) Can you stop on your way home? Can you check in with your cat, give her some love, and then slip out to the gym? Even 20-30 minutes can be enough to have all of the positive results you crave. You have come so very,very far. You know how to do this. And we will help support you as you find that ever-elusive rhythm again.
Diane - A masseuse sounds like a great way to go. Not to make you all paranoid, but if it feels like a "pinched nerve," it might be wise to go to a doctor first. http://ijr.com/2016/11/726051-new-de...stagram-model/ Hope it all works out and you can hit the gym with the same vigor you typically do.
Had a pretty good day, calorie-wise. I had parent-teacher conferences in the afternoon, and wanted to squeeze the gym in before we went to Dr. Strange. (Yes, we skipped our judo/gym Thursdays in favor of the newly-released movie, since my husband's kids won't be back to our house until Wednesday, and the husband is not good at waiting to see Marvel movies.) Maybe the secret is to stay busy?
Looking forward to a weekend where my gym visits are not complete rushed. Did leave my Fitbit at home, so that's a bit of a disappointment.
Bookmark: It is so hard to get back on track! We all totally get that! It is discouraging to regain and it feels like the most natural thing to do is to be down on ourselves. But try to just put that all in the past. Do a little something each day, and try to come up with a game plan. I really feel like the past is past, and we just have to try to do better each day.
Laurie: Glad you had a good time with your husband seeing the new movie. It is ok to have a little fun too!!!
So I had my husband rub my back and neck last night and I took some ibuprofen. Well, this morning, it seemed even worse. I did schedule with the massage therapist. He works in a chiropractor's office, so I think he might be able to see if the massage doesn't work, if I should go that route. I have never been to a chiropractor, just physical therapist. The lessor of all of this for me is to try the massage. I just hate having to go to a doctor of any kind. But if this doesn't work, I'll need to go in. This is just causing me so much disruption. I haven't been able to workout, and it really affects my mood and my ability to stay on track. It is almost like since I'm not working out, does it matter what I eat. Well, yes, it does, but I just can't focus and it is starting to get to me. I know I am up on weight. Ugh.......
Three more days until my surgery! I am nervous because I've never been put under general anesthesia before, but I am very much looking forward to getting this painful tooth out of my face (along with the wisdom teeth that are causing other problems). I am hopeful that I will be recovered in time for Thanksgiving goodies. I am super grateful to the person that is being kind enough to drive me to the dentist office an hour away, wait around an hour or so for the procedure to take place, then drive me the hour home. I am giving her $20 in a thank you card, plus a little gift baggie with a sugar scrub, some lip balm, and some eye cream (UPS brought me the last thing I need to make this today! Yay!).
I haven't weighed in a while. I am afraid to, I admit. Stuff I can actually eat isn't the healthiest, and I've been stressing so I've been eating a lot more than I should. I wish I could channel my stress into something productive! I was getting good at channeling it into exercise, and I'm looking forward to getting there again. And as soon as my mouth and jaw are healed up from the surgery, I am having broccoli and cheese. I have been craving it!
Thank you little baby Jesus, the weekend is here and I can finally sleep the week off. My schedule moved around a lot the last few days and constantly adjusting my sleep schedule really takes a toll on me after about 3-4 days. Today is my day to relax and tomorrow we're off to the gym in the morning and then Dr Strange in the afternoon. So exciting, I know lol.
Laurie and Diane: It doesn't feel like a win! It feels like just barely hanging on. :/ But I suppose managing to hang on (especially right now) is sort of its own kind of win. The hardest part is the exhaustion. I'm just so *tired* all the time now and I think it's a combination of the depression and being so out of shape and eating badly. I keep feeling like if I can just get some sort of momentum going, things will start falling into place like dominoes.
Bookmark: I'm so sorry to hear about your cat's leg! Thankfully it has such a great parent to take care of it. I'm right there with you on trying to get back on track. It's just so *hard* to get the rhythm going again.
Laurie: I firmly believe that staying busy is totally the key, considering I eat WAAAYYYY more when I'm bored and use food as a way to fill time. I'm going to that movie tomorrow! Super excited.
Diane: It's okay to "whine!" You're in pain and that brings out the worst feelings in everyone. Do you know what you might have done to your back to make it hurt this way? Hopefully the professional massage does your body good!
I know it's relatively minor, but I also know that this is how it starts and the feeling out of control is far worse than the actual gain. I leave for work by 8am and live in a dark northern town, and am NOT a morning person, so gyming before work doesn't happen. I also can't do lunch, as I usually have students needing things or making up time, and wouldn't have time to shower and get back. The best time is right after school, if I don't have any meetings. I like to do my day teaching, then gym, then go home and do my paperwork in the comfort of my own home...but so far this year I have a lot of difficult students and meetings almost every day. I could still go, but then have guilt leaving my cat for too long. I could go home and feed him and then go out though. Generally that doesn't work too well. Meetings should be wrapping up before too long though, and weekends are fine........
I didn't go today, though. Stayed mostly in bed, eating junk food and writing reports. >.< Goal for tomorrow is to get to the gym, even if it's only for half an hour.
Bookmark - I am excited to see how to the weekend went! Hope you made it to the gym. It sounds like life is super crazy. I agree with you on the mornings - I am in awe of Diane's morning work-out schedule. If getting to the gym doesn't work right now on most days, maybe some exercise at home might help? When I am feeling especially down and unwilling to work out, I can sometimes talk myself into doing a yoga video I find online. It can really help calm my mind, and I feel like I'm making progress. Although - I have to admit - it sounds kinda nice to stay in bed, eat some junk food, and get some work done. =)
Amanda - Hope you had a great gym / Dr. Strange combo date! I enjoyed that movie. I also like to make gym dates sometimes. I never tend to work out as hard when I am with someone else, and it can be a hassle to schedule, but it's also my ace in the hole when I am finding it difficult prioritizing the gym.
Mandy - You're killing me with the tooth pain issues. It has to be rough. A word of caution about general anesthesia - it can stay in your system for some time. I know when I had my latest surgery, I was sleeping a ton for several days. Felt like I couldn't stay awake. Maybe have someone on call in case you need some help with the baby? It may not be an issue at all, of course. BTW - I have not yet tried the sugar scrub (tonight -- I can't wait!), but the lip balm is awesome.
Diane - I am so hopeful that the massage does the trick. Your husband sounds so sweet to try and help last night. Please - whine away. This is the space to do it! (At least, based on my constant whining whininess.) When a health issue disrupts your whole life, it would be hard not to whine about it.
I feel like I'm finding my rhythm again. Not perfect, but I never am. Looking forward to running tonight. Probably missing the gym tomorrow because of other obligations. Feeling a bit stressed with work, but nothing completely atypical. Weigh-in tomorrow. Clothes are getting baggy again, so hoping for good scale results. But, really, I prefer the good clothes results, and those are coming.
