Mandy - I love that flower photo! It brings joy to my heart. Thank you for sharing it. My very non-professional suggestion on the hummingbird photo was to almost crop the feeder out of it so the focus is exclusively on the "action." But most of all, I love that your sharing your talents with us. I also love that you flipped the scale the bird. I have never done that, but it sounds immensely satisfying and highly productive.
Diane - I love that you're making such great memories with your son, and I love that you're fit enough that you're tackling truly challenging hikes. If I remember, Monday is your weigh-in day? Hope the scale brings happiness to you. If not, you and I and Mandy can perhaps coordinate a scale-flipping-off moment. Looks like you're getting close to saying goodbye to the 230s. If you get good scale results today, maybe you can just flip the number off as you say goodbye to it.
I did run on Saturday afternoon, going back to Week 2, Day 3. I really need to move forward again, though, and am going to try again today. I ran outside, though I rarely do, and brought my 12yo daughter with me, so I felt pretty good about that. She complained a little, not because she was having trouble keeping up, but because it was more than she usually does. And we went Pokehunting Saturday morning, so I got in over 20K steps for the day. Not bad.
I will be running today. I will be tackling Week 3, Day 1. I had progressed beyond this twice in the last few months, but I am where I am, and only time and effort will move me past it again.
Food is actually remarkably good. We were doing our weekly grocery shopping trip, and I was doing my customary move of gazing longingly at stuff I rarely eat, even going so far as to sort of caress it when we passed. Weird, right? But then I just got sick of my mooning over stuff that I ultimately don't want. If I wanted it, I could have it. I have enough financial security (FINALLY) to buy a box of (insert fatty, sugar-filled item here) virtually any time I want. But, while I may enjoy the first one, I will then fight with myself to prevent my eating a second, third, and fourth one. And then I might try to pawn it off to my kids, who don't need it either. Or I might eat it anyway, and then feel miserable and unable/unwilling to exercise (or even move off the couch). Maybe this is an epiphany for me? Regardless, I felt pretty good about my food choices this weekend. I am hoping to stay on the straight-and-narrow today, and then hoping for a good weigh-in tomorrow. If I don't get it, I will have my middle finger limbered up and ready.
Mandy: I like the flower photo, too. Very nice! And kudos to making sure the scale knows where it stands in life! I could probably use that gesture!!
Laurie: Sounds like you're making really good choices. Good for you! The running will come back and you'll start making more progress. I can feel it!!
For me, I didn't weigh today. I wasn't great over the weekend with food and I just didn't need that kind of negativity in my life. Today. So, tomorrow I'll get on and see where I am. I wasn't awful over the weekend, but not as good as I should have been. I am planning to go running after work, and I went to spin class this morning, so that's on track. So far, I'm on the right path with food, too. But it is early.
You are all hysterical. I saw some movement on the scale... primarily because I finally saw some movement in the ladies room... if ya know what I mean. So part of me is like - does that count just cause I pooped? Again it is that I believe when the scale goes up that it is all weight yet when it goes down I make all sorts of reasons that it isn't real weight loss. Craziness.
Having a tired week. Not sure if it is the RA or the fibromyalgia flaring up. I just know that I want to sleep.
Diane - Stupid scale. With all its negativity. You may not have used [B]Mandy/B]'s suggested gesture literally, but you did so figuratively. Good for you! And yay for the running and the spinning. A little jealous of how fit you are, but I am determined to follow in your footsteps.
Kat - RA and fibromyalgia. Plus the attendant insomnia. You really are dealing with a lot. And yes. Lower weight because you expelled waste is to be celebrated! No one needs heavy intestines.
Did not run yesterday. Am going to insert running into my schedule this afternoon, then my usual lifting this evening. I try to avoid gym two-fers because it is not particularly sustainable for me. But I need to get back into the running.
The scale finally moved for me. And after a few minutes of elation, I became disappointed that, with my two-week bounce of 1.4 pounds, I'm really just barely under where I started September. Why can't I see this is a recipe for continuous disappointment? I don't want to be stepping on the scale at 145 (my lowest weight in 10 years) and think, "This isn't anywhere close to what I weighed after my first daughter was born." I keep feeling like this weight loss doesn't "count" until I am at least back where I was about two years ago, which won't happen for another 16 pounds.
So, here is today's pledge. I will notice all of the ways that 205 makes my life easier than 263 did. I will work to consciously celebrate this very difficult accomplishment and accept that a 58-pound weight loss is not something to dismiss with a sneer. I would not do that to anyone else. I need to not do it to myself.
Kat: Gosh, I know what you mean. It is hard to give ourselves any credit whatsoever, when the scale goes down at all. Good for you though!! Nice to see a loss! And, by the way, if you already read the other thread that we are in together, sorry to have a repeat of my rant below... you can skip it.
Laurie: Look how close you are to onederland! How nice! Keep digging and you'll be there soon. Thanks for the kudos on the fitness, but you might want to take it back after you read below.
So, for me?? Well, I'm frustrated in a big way. When I think that things are going ok, and well, they really aren't. I had been noticing that I've felt pretty stiff lately, and I do feel like I'm losing a little flexibility. Well, today in Body Pump, the instructor stopped me after class and said that she had noticed that my range of motion wasn't as good as it had been. She was concerned that some of the squats and lunges weren't going to help much if I can't get down to where I need to be. Now, I had told her at the beginning of the year that she should feel free to tell me if she noticed that my form was not as good, or if I was doing something wrong, so I asked for it. But, I felt so discouraged leaving the gym today. WTH? Why does it have to always be something like that? You work and work on fitness, and the scale doesn't cooperate, your range of motion isn't as good, you're not going any faster with running... whatever it is. It really gets old.
**** Note: The right way for me to look at it is that since I started hiking at the beginning of summer, I have not been going to Body Flow - the yoga/pilates/tai chi class. Evidently, I need to do more of that, so I'll be replacing my Friday spin class with Body Flow. At least until hiking season ends.
Back to rant.... Hiking has been doing phenomenal things to my legs, and they are looking leaner and stronger. I have loved spending time with my son while hiking, so I wouldn't give it up for the world. So why does letting go of one class suddenly turn my form to a big pile of poop? Because it can never be easy. I refuse to blame it on my age (52) because I see older women doing better.
Just frustrated. I'll be fine later, but not right now. UGH!!!
Diane - Okay. I read your rant, and read what I wrote to you. Let me revise: A little jealous of how fit you are, but I am determined to follow in your footsteps. Oops. Guess I didn't need to revise. I understand your frustration. I empathize with your frustration. But have SO much admiration for your determination. Love that hiking is beautifying your legs even more. Love love love that, despite your frustration, you have set up a plan to make sure you are succeeding. In fact, I have spent a couple of days indulging in some self-pity over overwhelming work/home obligations. You have again inspired me. Today is the day I emerge from the self-pity and formulate a plan. You know you're awesome, right? Even with that lunge form. ;-)
I did not run last night. I didn't even lift, as my meeting went too long. I have meetings scheduled most of the day today, but I have about an hour and a half break late morning that I am going to seize. I need to run. I need to prioritize myself. And I need to break out of this funk.
I might go shopping for clothes too. I have so few in this size. I have clothes I am excited to wear - when I drop another fifteen pounds. I have only one pair of pants that fits without either choking off my circulation or falling off, and I don't particularly like them. I have a better variety of skirts, but I can't wear skirts without shorts underneath because of the "chub rub" chafing. I think I will buy another pair of pants. At a thrift store. I am thinner than I have been for a while. Rather than beat myself up because I still can't wear my "cute clothes," I am going to allow myself to spend a few dollars so I can wear cute clothes in my size before donating them back to the thrift store.
Laurie: Yes, you should definitely go shopping! That will help inspire you, I think. I think it messes with your mind sometimes when you're wearing clothes that you don't particularly like, but can't fit in the smaller ones. And, then some of the bigger ones just don't fit right anymore. Glad you're getting your running in, too! Glad my rant and plan helped you. It is hard, isn't it?
I'm feeling better today. I spent a lot of the day pouting about what the instructor said. I wasn't mad at her at all, because I had asked her to help in that area. But it did hurt my feelings for the day. It was just frustrating because it just shouldn't have to take so much thought and effort ALL.THE.TIME!!! But, it is what it is. I went running last night to give myself time to think about it and work through it all. Amazing how it helped. I had my headphones on and my song came on "This time I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in." This is the one quoted in my signature. I needed to hear that. Ok, so things weren't going as I thought they should. So, what's the answer? It is not an option to quit. The only thing I can do is tweak the program, and see if I can improve. So, Body Flow will be replacing spin class on Friday. We'll see how that works. If that doesn't help, then I'll have to figure out something else. I actually think I might need to do some lifting out of the class, on my own, to work on form. Anyway, that's the plan.
On my computer, I also have a quote on the wallpaper: The fact that you aren't where you want to be, should be enough motivation. Yep.
As I read through all of our posts - the common thread we all share right now is that we are frustrated with our progress.
I was having one of my self talks on my hour and a half commute this morning and as I was driving I was like “Okay – you’re at this weight now and it's pissing you off. So why weren't you pissed off when you weighed 270? Or 300?” I replied to myself "Because I wasn't working at this! I was just eating! I wasn’t making all this effort to be so poorly rewarded!” So myself responded back with "Okay, so you can go back to that and just eat... and know that you will easily go back past 300 pounds... or you can look at this a different way." I grimaced and sighed and thought "F you self!"
And after a minute or 2 (and passing several annoying drivers) it kind of hit me. My weight loss is like me sitting in traffic every day. I can get angry at it, but it doesn't change the traffic. Road rage, while so easy to give in to, is unproductive and dangerous. As is diet rage. I can weave in and out of traffic and think I am making more progress - but when I get to work, it's still the same time.
So... I finally looked at myself and reluctantly said "Okay - how do I go about this differently." Myself grinned at me and said "Look - just like you got to the point with traffic - you have to get there with dieting." I stared quizzically at myself, thinking I am just crazy. "What in the world do you mean?" Myself chuckled and kindly replied "It isn't how far you have left to go, but how far you have come. Each day you drive and you look at the clock and you’re like Oh, I reached this landmark at this time. Good going. Or, damn everything is moving slow today but you know it will open up after you hit this point.” Again, I looked at myself and just shook my head thinking you are just certifiable.
Then myself gave me a little smack in the head and pushed the thought into my brain “You always get to work, right? No matter how long it takes, you get there. And on the days there is no traffic you thank the traffic gods or whatever public holiday there was that made your ride easier.” I thought about that for a few minutes. And I realized – okay this really is about how far I have come. Yes, I know my end point… and I will get there but look at how far I have come.
I started to mentally list all the things that I can do now that I couldn’t not, or would not, at my peak and restart weights. I started thinking about how much easier my body can move, how much better I am sleeping, that I’m not hiding (as much) from the world. So maybe we all need to focus on how far we have come.
We focus so much on the scale, but our lives have already changed in so many other ways, and we don’t seem to notice those changes.
What are things that you can do now – or are different for you now – than before you started your weight loss journey?
So much positive self-talk yesterday! I love, love, love this board on days like today.
Diane - I get so jealous of people that this seems "easy" for. They are definitely out there. But then I look at people trying to give up smoking. I never get tempted by cigarettes. Or people who are trying to cut back on drinking. I don't really like the taste of any kind of booze, and don't particularly enjoy how it makes me feel. So, I pass on alcohol most of the time, and never find it challenging to not drink. I made it through college without ever really struggling much with a majority of the material, even while watching people beat their heads against the wall. There are so many things that are easy for me that are a struggle for other people. So why do I think I need to be exempt from my own personal challenges? This is hard. And, though I love the "honeymoon periods" for eating and the gym habits I have developed that make it easier to do what I need to do for weight management, I have a "struggle" moment virtually every day. It's only when I am stronger that those moments pass more easily without my making mistakes. But people give up smoking. And drinking. And less academically-gifted people do well in school. We can do this. We can do hard. Especially when we are doing it together. Thank you for being my co-conspirator and my inspiration.
Kat - What an incredible post! I love that you're talking to yourself, and accusing yourself of being crazy -- not for the two-sided conversation with yourself, but for what one of these two sides is saying. Can I just emphasize how glad I am you have joined our group? I LOVED your traffic parallel. It's the same when I write briefs. It always takes longer than I anticipate, and I almost always get sick of doing it far before it's done. But I know I have to stick with it to the end. Quitting before it's done is not an option, because I need my job to support myself and my family, and because I love the feeling of accomplishment when it's done. I can definitely stick with this to the end. Because being 278 pounds again is not an option.
Things I can do now -
* Race my kids into the grocery store
* Shave my legs without running out of breath
* Do our weekly dance lessons with the kids and simply enjoy the activity, as it no longer qualifies as strenuous
* Less likely to succumb to the food demon - by which I mean - less likely to eat so much I lose all ability to function and lie there miserable and cursing my addiction
* More likely to be able to find decent clothes in my size. Every fat girl does not like to dress like Lulu from Dukes of Hazards in floral-printed mumus.
* Much easier to look professional in a suit
* Less likely to buy the garbage snack foods and more likely to stock my house with healthy foods, benefiting my husband and children as well
* Less likely to contract serious health issues in the future
* On balance, I save money on food. My food can be more expensive, especially when I'm using protein shakes. But I eat far less of it, and I am not as likely to buy impulse foods.
* Able to walk briskly and climb stairs with business associates without struggling to not breathe hard
* Able to fit on all the rides at the amusement park without the worker having to push hard on the safety mechanism to get it to lock. Her: "Do you want me to do this? It might be uncomfortable?" Me: "Push as hard as you need. The walk of shame necessary from not fitting is much more uncomfortable." (I only say this in my mind.)
Okay. Done for now. But I will be working on the list in my head all day. Thank you for that, Kat
Run was good yesterday. Not great. It's raining out today, so I may not be able to walk outside, so I may substitute another run for lack of walking. Maybe. Food seems to be pretty good as well. I found this "frozen dessert treat" called Arctic Zero. I didn't like it at first, but now I love it. It's odd. Sort of tastes like nothing. But really quite satisfying to be able to eat something ice cream-like without getting full or worrying about calories. I am also really loving Halo Top Ice Cream. It's a little more filling, and tastes like actual high-end ice cream. They are both expensive, but for an occasional treat, they're perfect for me.
Kat: Well said, and I agree with all that you said! Everyone has their battles. Ours just happens to be weight! Thanks for the post and the good thoughts!!
Laurie: Well done, listing all that you can do now that you couldn't do before. Very good post!
For me, my post is not going to be as long. I had a meeting this morning, and I'm behind on getting stuff done. But, I'm with you guys! It just is going to take however long it is going to take. That's the way it is. I'll just keep going along and trying to improve! I'll be going to body flow tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.
I have been fighting with TOM from h*ll the last few days. I'm starting to feel less like I've been hit by a truck, and more like myself again. Good lord the cramps, cravings, and exhaustion with this cycle have been the worst ever. I have not exercised. I have been lucky to get out of bed and feed my family. I am going to send my uterus to anger management therapy or something. AWFUL.
But other than that, things have been good... (Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?)
Very short post today for me. Like Diane, work obligations are waiting.
Rough afternoon / evening for me foodwise. Wanted to eat EVERYTHING, and was in pain when I ate too much. Did walk to aid digestion, so that was helpful. Still working on triggers and how to fight them with my therapist. Have achieved much in that area. Still have much work to do.
And today is a new day. I am nursing a food hangover, so trying to get in lots of water. Will try to go running this afternoon. I hate that I still struggle so much. I am grateful that I have good habits that help me in the struggle.
Mandy: Sorry you had to go through all of that! No fun!!!!
Laurie: Must have been a day for overeating yesterday. I did the same thing. I am trying hard to be better today. Just keep trying, I guess!
I went to Body Flow this morning. It was really pretty good. Not that I love doing it, but yes, I can feel the difference. It seems to have loosened some of the stiffness. I don't think it is an overnight fix, but I can see that this is a good plan to add this into my workouts. Don't know why I pouted about it for so long.
Anyway, big hike planned for tomorrow. It might be the last time we get to go on a bigger hike before hunting season, so I'm looking forward to it. Have a good weekend!
TOM is gone, and I had a 2 pound drop on the scale this morning, from yesterday morning.
So that was a nice little bonus.
Tonight, I have to brave a buffet. Lord, I'm gonna need some serious will power. This place has great food, and it's something we've planned on doing for months now (part of an annual gathering my husband attends). Me and the minion are going so we can show him off, as some of our friends I only see during this event (because of distance) have requested his presence. SO, because seeing friends that I only get to see once a year is about a bajillion times more important than seeing a really good number on the scale tomorrow, I'm going, and I'm going to have fun... instead of hiding at home to avoid the food. Wish me luck!
Mandy: Hope the buffet went well. I really struggle with buffets, so I hope you have more luck than I would. Good for you with the loss! You're heading down to that next mini goal!
For me, I got on the scale, but just long enough to see that I wasn't heading toward a good number, so I jumped back off. I might look at it tomorrow. Weekends continue to kill me. I didn't get to hike because of the rain. So, not a great workout weekend. I feel like some of it is that I am somewhat on hold since vacation/hunting is coming. I'm really looking forward to going and I am having trouble focusing too much on anything else. I'll try to keep it in check, but may just coast for now. The good thing is that I usually have a loss during hunting. But, I also know that after being at my lowest weight after hunting, I think I relaxed a little too much and then put on weight. Still working on taking it back off. So, I need to really focus when I get back and not let that happen again. So hard with holidays coming right behind.
