Jenni - I feel ya. Day 3 is tough, tough, tough. But, like Diane said, it is temporary. You know that too. Your consistency had paid off before. You will make it pay off again.
Diane - You make me want to try spinning! I generally either run or lift weights, but I do have access to a gym where I can do spinning with an instructor on screen. Maybe I'll give it a shot. And I totally love that you're rocking the spandex! Woot!
The holiday weight seems to be coming off fairly steadily. Quite happy about that. Really glad that I committed to the strictness for these first six days. I am finding that it's easier not to start than to try to stop after a reasonable amount.
My job situation should be resolved today. I am meeting with the head of the agency where I applied at 11 this morning. Either he will offer me that job (and I'll take it), or I will accept the job offer I got on Monday. Two really, really good (and fairly identical) options. I will be glad to have that stress behind me. I turned in my notice yesterday, and the consensus of the people that I worked for was - Not sure what took you so long - you're too good for this kind of work. Hmmm...
I also spoke with my therapist yesterday about my food issues. He is an addiction counselor, and someone on here mentioned that they wanted to seek the advice of an addiction counselor. So, I broached the subject yesterday, and he was incredibly helpful.
I told him that I thought my food issues had started very young. I described my 8th birthday party where I took some frosting from the cake before it was served. My mom became so angry, she took the cake and dumped it on my head, even massaging the cake into my hair. He suggested that maybe I had my causalities reversed. Most children are inclined to steal frosting from a cake. Maybe this was the beginning of the shame I feel associated with food. It was interesting. And I have some hope that my entire life won't be either painfully resisting food that I don't want and need or indulging in that food and dealing with the health and fitness consequences. Interesting.
YES, lol, smug, happy, and positively gleeful does indeed describe the reaction I'm getting to my weight regain from a few friends and acquaintances. Thank you for the feedback carter, LaurieDawn, Slashnl, and MissLoud. Why are people like that! They are all ladies about my age, too (I will be 50 this year.) toastedsmoke, your comment about how your relative felt it was unfair you lost weight successfully hit home. These people have known me almost 10 years, most of that time morbidly obese, and I had never attempted to diet; when I did, I lost over 80 lbs. I think on some level they felt that was total bullcrap lol.
carter, with regard to your redlines question, my soft goal is 190 lbs, my hard goal is 175 lbs, and I hope to never creep back over 200 lbs. I really prefer my face when I'm around 190. It has a bit more padding and looks more youthful. I got to 188 lbs last year and my face started to look drawn with sharp cheekbones and more expression lines showing plus, well, not exactly saggy, but not firm looking - hazards of being middle age with ever decreasing collagen I am curious what I would look like at 175 lbs, but I'm totally okay with being 190 lbs. My weight goals are firmly in the "overweight" not "normal weight" category.
I have not been impressed with myself the last 4 days of dieting. However, I'm not kicking myself, either. Two days I complied with my 1500 cal/day limit, but the last two days I kind of blew it (2300 and 2500.) I'm finding it super hard to adjust to the new level of less food. I'm embarrassed to say, but during this past holiday I would routinely have, like, two desserts after a meal - I baked every other day!! Overall, though, my "blew it" days are a lot less than I have been eating. We shall see how the cards ultimately fall next Monday, my official weigh in day.
My big news is, and feel silly being so excited about this when I read how physically fit y'all are, but I voluntarily got on the treadmill yesterday and walked as fast as humanly possible without breaking into a run for 20 minutes!! I have officially worked out
Hey everyone! So Canada and visiting the hockey hall of fame was AWESOME. I loved it. The ride home ... not so much. The roads were pretty terrible for at least half of the drive. Saw too many accidents
First thing this morning I put myself on the scale and I gained 1 lbs since last weekend booooo but its alright. My choices while out to eat weren't the greatest. It's all good. I'll drop them back on plan I go.
I didn't have a chance to read all the posts while I was gone, but I will! I had to come into work today 12 hours after 10 1/2 hour drive.... tiiiiiiiiired!
Last edited by Skinnygirldreams; 01-08-2015 at 11:59 AM.
Laurie...thank you! And hopefully today is better! Thinking of you as the decision of the job comes down. And for spin....I LOVED it wish I had a place here...advice: Get the padded shorts before you start....LOL
Carter....I got above 250 and that is when I said enough is enough....I would love to get below 200...that number has a lot of significance for me because years upon years I can't get below it and I would love to be around 150-160....feels like a long road! But all and all I am almost 40 pounds down. That's nothing to shake off!
Toasted....I forgot to comment but thank you so much...I so missed your inspiring posts!
Diane...I am still living through your spin...I have thought about getting a spin bike...I so miss spin! The only gym that offers it here costs so much a month
Skinny...glad you got home safe and sound!!!!!
Hey to everyone else! Just glad to be getting back into things and putting the holidays behind me! So I am thinking of trying the couch 2 5k again ...I stopped because I was still over 230 and getting passed week 3 or 4 was impossible!
Does anyone have suggestions on how to find the right calorie range???? I wanted to do a calorie cycle thing but I am having a hard time at what calories I should be at.
Hi all! Went to body pump this morning, and I think I worked out some of the soreness, anyway. It was a good class. We did this crazy thing for the ab workout which was way too tough, but quite a challenge. I'd have to keep practicing to get to where I can really do it. Spin class tomorrow.
Food was better yesterday. I didn't feel so deprived. I think the portion size was better and I felt happier about it. It's tough to get away from the over-indulgence of Christmas. TooWicky, I was way into my desserts over the holidays.....
Jenni: I got my calorie range from myfitnesspal.com. You have to go through a full set up, but then you'd have the number. If you don't want to use it after getting the calorie count, you could just abandon it.
Carter: There are still a couple of redline numbers that mean something to me. The next closest one is 212. That's how much I weighed when I got married, so it is a special goal. And then, of course, I'd really like to be below 200. Lower than that is a mystery because I haven't been there for so long. Looking forward to seeing if my current goal of 180 would be good enough, or if I'd want to go lower. I think I'll want to go lower. As for an upper range, that's hard to say too. Right now, I never want to go above 240 again. But I know that when I make it under 200, I really don't ever want to see a 2 in front of my weight again.
Jenni you could try the calculator on myfitnesspal, I generally try and stay under 1700 on non fast days but fast days are under 500.
Skinnygirl wow thats a long trip, I live in such a teeny tiny country lol!
Laurie how awesome it would be to have two offers on the table! And boogie onederland too whoop whoop!!!
Carter the numbers game - I've got my goal as 165 but as I haven't been there in 16 years I have no clue really! I've lost and regained the same 20 pounds for the last 10 years so anything under what I am now is a revelation! I managed to loose 60 pounds about 10 years ago and I felt amazing! But money stress had me piling it back on again. My first real magic line is 219 which is 99kg I think seeing double figures on the scale will be mind blowing (much like onderland) more than anything I'm just so pleased my mindset has changed. I have some dates im working towards - normally I would have numbers that I would like to be at, but this time I just plan to stay on plan and the numbers will be what they will be (trying to tell my mum that Iis like banging my head against a brick wall she seems to think thats now trying hard enough, oh but I could write a book on that )
Right I really need to get packing see you ladies in a week or so!
I feel a little guilty for raising the issue of numbers yesterday because I am usually so vehemently against numeric goals. I suppose it's an acknowledgement that even for someone who tries not to think in terms of numeric goals the allure and satisfaction of the numbers cannot be denied.
And I say that this morning, when an inexplicable bounce (the kind that happens all the time) has pushed me back above 180 after I finally crept down into the 170s yesterday.
Miss Loud, I can only imagine what that two-digit milestone would feel like - even though I did cross it myself at some point, I never measured in kg. I look forward to that with you. We will have a party for you! (Oh I did measure in kg once, on my first trip to India I stayed in a few nice hotels that had scales in the bathrooms. I happened to be close to my lowest weight on that trip.)
slashnl, I do enjoy your workout reports. Keep up the great work, as you are inspiring to several of us! It's interesting how particular numbers get invested with meaning - 212 might not be a particular milestone for just anyone, but for you, it's your weight on a milestone of a day, so it takes on significance.
jenjenangel027, 40 pounds down is a terrific achievement, fantastic. I know what you mean about seeing a certain number and thinking "enough is enough". I think for me, the key to maintenance will be setting that number fairly low and sticking to it.
As for calorie cycling, there are online calculators that can give you calorie-cycling plans you can adapt - I've used this one before (after you get your calorie numbers click "7-day cycle" to see a cycling plan). I did cycling for a while but found it a little too fussy. It was okay when I was going out to dinner on the same night every week; I could adjust my cycle so that day was my high-cal day. But, I find I sometimes get days when I am genuinely hungry, and it was annoying if the hungry day didn't line up with the cycling day. Instead, nowadays, I am for a certain target range every day (say, +/- 100 from whatever MFP or the calculator thinks I should aim for) and on a genuinely hungry day, I'll allow myself an extra 1-200 calories worth of high-protein snack. Good luck with whatever you try!
Skinnygirldreams Glad you had a good time. 1 pound gained on a vacation is not so bad - heck I "gained" two pounds since yesterday for no reason at all. Don't fret and keep at it.
TooWicky, no kicking self, absolutely not permitted here. Great job on the exercise - how did it feel after?
LaurieDawn, what an experience to get that sudden insight from your therapist. What do you think about it today? I'm so glad he told you that most children are tempted to steal frosting. So many of us get inculcated with the idea that we are abnormal, when really so many others also share our feelings, fantasies, fears, experiences. Talking about things - any things, not just weight loss things - is such a helpful way to get those "secrets" in the open so we can stop feeling like we're sick freaks for having them and realize no, it's actually pretty normal.
Okay all, see you later. I'm taking another post-deadline day off today and I'm getting a long-overdue haircut and having lunch with a friend before getting back to my writing.
Just doing a quick check-in today. So much to sort through. But I did read everyone's posts, and it looks like people's questions are being answered, so skipping personals other than to say - YAY for the activity again!
Redline numbers - 190 is one for me because, in my mind, it's when I'm "normal." I hit it in November (actually 189), then bounced back to 205 before reigning it in again after Christmas. 199 really screwed with my mind in December 2012. I thought I could hit 199 by New Year's 2013, and didn't, and just sort of gave up until finally having some longer-term success beginning in July 2014. And 159. I think at that point, I'm really going to resist trying to go lower until my body acclimates to it.
I decided on a job! I need to wrap things up here, and it may take up to a month (boo! hiss! I want to start earning the bigger paycheck!), but I will be working for a longtime friend and mentor in a job that has a certain level of prestige. Nothing like what I'm doing here.
And just starting to wrap my head around the whole food addiction issue has been freaking amazing. It's still processing, but I have stopped some of the negative self-talk. I call myself crazy, and realize that "normal" people don't act like I do around food, but so much of it is medical and chemical. It's helping with the constant feeling of shame I have about my eating.
Last edited by LaurieDawn; 01-09-2015 at 10:16 AM.
Hi all! Made it to spin class this morning. I wasn't impressed with the substitute instructor, but I got a good workout. She was insanely bossy and I don't like that. I have to admit that I learned a couple of new things from her, but she was borderline offensive. I'll be glad when the regular instructor gets back, he's so much better. But I'm glad to have made 5 really good days of workout so far this week. I'm going back to Body Flow tomorrow, with a little run/walking before it starts, so we'll see how that goes. It's been too long, so I have to work on getting the strength and flexibility back... again. Ha!
Took a peak at the scale this morning. Down a little bit, but not very much. We'll see what it looks like on Monday for the official day. I'm not sure if the intense workout schedule this week might be making me retain a little water. But, not too worried about it yet. I can't say that I've been perfectly on plan with food this week either, so I have to work on that yet! Get over the cravings and entitlement issues left over from Christmas!
That's about it for today. Have a good weekend everyone!
Hope everyone is off enjoying their weekends. I am a little sorry that my two days off are gone and I'm down to regular weekend now - Monday will start looming soon.
Not much to report except that I am back up to 182 this morning for no good reason except fluctuations happen and I am annoyed. Alas, as one of my professors in grad school used to say, "moving forward ever onward."
I appear to be down about a pound from Monday, my official weigh-in day. My daily calorie counts have been above goal the last 4 days >< but are decreasing every day. Will power is a struggle. I definitely feel better, though, since I have been eating significantly healthier as well as drinking more water this past week. I had some bonus motivation happen: my daughter told me she was sooo glad to see me eating more healthily, because it made her sad inside to see me eating all the junk during the holidays :*( (I'm paraphrasing.) She's 12. I want to set a good example for how regains will happen in life, and you just address it, and move on.
LaurieDawn, I'm amazed about your therapist's frosting revelation. It got me thinking about what influence my own mom had on my eating. She and I had very little in common when it came to physical appearance (I took after my Dad.) Because of the physical size difference, we never had a situation where I would ever be able to emulate her as trying to look like her. My mom was always a petite person (5'3", 110 lbs.) I was a hardcore athlete in competitive swimming. This sport in particular requires massive calorie consumption; many swimmers are just always, always hungry, lol. I don't recall my mom ever complaining about what or how much I was eating. However, when I quit swimming during college, I BLEW UP, because I was eating the same amount of calories. I can remember, very clearly, my mother ordering me to get on the scale and weigh myself when I came home to visit. She was a very domineering parent. This was the first time in my entire life I ever told my mom, "No" to anything, ever. This was the very moment I started becoming my own independent person, imo. I am sure on some level whenever I reach for too much food, there is a part of me that feels the celebration of breaking free to become my own person, as silly as that sounds. Incredible how a brief moment in time can influence us for years and years.
Slashnl, sorry about your drill sergeant spin instructor
carter, after my workout (no plural there, lol) I actually felt great! I tried to jog a little bit, but, honestly, it was too hard for me to do. My appetite was somewhat suppressed, in that I thoroughly enjoyed my healthy lunch without craving extended salty snacks. I just flat out hate working out. I am okay with physical exercise if I get it at my job, but voluntary workouts I almost loathe. I have had pretty physical jobs in the past (baggage handler, storeroom, auto plant) which kept me at a healthy weight, but I haven't had a job that strenuous in over a decade, coincidentally when I crept up into Obese lvl II and III! It's hard to get motivated to exercise intentionally.
TooWicky - I have, on some level, actually avoided unpackaging all the "this is why I am fat" baggage that I know I have. I was always a relatively "normal" weight until I had a stillborn baby, but after that, I spent 5 years with a tremendous amount of guilt that I finally addressed in therapy. I then lost almost 100 pounds (which I gained back plus). Subsequent to that, I have instead just focused on doing the behavior and letting the feelings (hopefully) follow. But I have definitely had food issues for as long as I remember, so even when I was a fairly normal weight, I was constantly gaining and re-losing the same 20 pounds (and my "normal" was about 160-170, so technically still overweight). When I received the news confirming that my baby had died (I was still pregnant - he died in utero), I was devestated, but I also thought, "On the upside, I can get back to focusing on my weight loss efforts." I felt guilty about having that thought for years. My thoughts were irrational and a way of punishing myself for something that wasn't my fault (the cord was too long and had wrapped itself around the baby's throat), but they were tenacious. I totally get that you see eating as a way to assert your independence against a tyrannical parent. It's hard, but I am hopeful that I can work through my negative, harmful food associations, and I know you can too.
As for exercise -- you hate all intentional exercise? That would be tough. You can do the weight loss thing without exercise, as you know. But maybe if it becomes part of your routine on the same level as brushing your teeth and going to work, you will have tried so many different types of exercise that you will find something that you love.
Carter - Yay for making deadlines and earning short respites from the salt mines. And eek! That scale bounce, especially the unearned ones. But we all recognize it as part of the process. Still doesn't make me happy when it happens to me, as it did today.
Diane - You are a rock star with the work-outs! You have actually inspired me to look for some compression pants, though I don't even really know what those are. I was running yesterday, and though I wear clothing that fits fairly well (or did when I purchased it - it's actually getting loose now), I have this uncomfortable thigh jiggling when I run. Thanks for sharing your clothing story. I think it's going to improve my running.
Jenni - Padded shorts it is! Thanks for the tip. Hope your job search is going well. As for calorie cycling, I don't really do it, but I'm glad that instead of sticking with something that didn't quite work the way you needed it to or just quitting entirely, you are exploring different plans. That's how we're going to win this battle long-term.
Kelli - Have a fantastic trip! Part of me is super jealous about your excursions.
Skinnygirldreams - WTG on only gaining a pound! Sounds like you had a fantastic time, though you are paying it for it now by having to put your nose to an excessively sharp grindstone. For me, routine is much more conducive to good eating and exercise choices. I love to get back to it, actually.
Yesterday, I got to the gym and received a text from my daughter saying she needed to borrow my car for something immediately. I got in about 10 minutes of interval running and let her drive me back to work. I was out of sorts about missing my work-out, but things happen. Every other Friday night is movie night, and my husband had rented 5 movies and made copious amounts of fried foods. Okay. I can do this in a reasonable fashion. Which I could, and I did. (Yay!) Then out came the desserts. He had taken every child's suggestion and purchased ALL OF THEM. What? Three different kinds of cookies, brownies, and ice cream with a ton o' sundae toppings. And evenings are my worst time for resisting temptation.
So you know what I did when he broke those out at 11:30 p.m.? Got my butt to the gym. I was actually only going to run a mile, as cardio tends to inoculate me against sugar for at least an hour or two. I ran 3.5 miles (and by run - I mean intervals, so there was lots of walking), with a peak interval time of 7.7 mph for 1 minute - super fast in my world. And I felt fantastic. I came home, put away the remnants of dessert (so I wouldn't have to look at it and would have to take the extra step of getting it from the cupboard), watched part of the next movie, then went to bed. Victory! And my scale was up this morning. =)
Then this morning, I needed something from the cupboard where the cookies were stored. And I really wanted a cookie (which, if recent past is an indicator, would have turned into 5 or 6, at least). But you know what, Carter? I thought of you. I said to myself, "You actually do have enough financial security that you can purchase these $2.50 cookies virtually any time you want. This will not be your last opportunity to eat them. Let it pass." And I have. I don't want them badly enough that I would venture out to get them, so in my estimation, I don't want them badly enough to justify eating them.
Super long post, and a super busy day still looming. Have a fantastic weekend, everyone!
Last edited by LaurieDawn; 01-10-2015 at 12:39 PM.
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for always welcoming back when I've gone MIA. I'm so happy to see so many of you still going strong. I'm really happy to hear about your job situation being so close to a final resolution, by the way, Laurie!
I had fully intended to get on more but, to my delight, I found myself spending quite a bit of time with Josh this last week. It was very, very nice.
That being said, Thursday, he went with me to look into getting a place of my own. Turns out my ex wasn't entirely honest - surprise, surprise - about a few things and I'm pretty much gonna have to file bankruptcy or find a really, really good co-signer and look for a place that will over look a major ding on my credit. Like HUGE major. So those are my options.
Josh took it surprisingly well - after we left I gave him some ballpark numbers. No judgement what-so-ever. I think he could tell how worked up I was about the situation though. I know he could. After we left, I don't remember what I was saying, I think I said something about how calm he was, but he informed me that I was shaking while we were in there. I think that's the first time he's ever actually seen me rattled at all.
So, there's that. Also, been maintaining 188 lbs for about four days now. No spikes over 190 at all. This is HUGE. I sat in the 190 range for a while but kept experiencing spikes to 193-195.
Yesterdays Cals: 2273 Today's Weigh in:205.8
Hi All. I have not been getting on here and reading up as often as I planned when I first popped my head in. I thought I'd have more time in the evening to check in, anyways I think I may end up being an infrequent poster. Sorry I don't have much in personal messages to all you motivational chickies, but I really appreciate being able to read about your struggles and triumphs and it helps me to keep on track. So I guess I'm saying that it seems my schedule lets me be a frequent lurker and infrequent poster.
I've had a bit of a miss stepping couple of days. I've noticed a few of my bad habits rearing their ugly heads and I also have seen the result on the scale. Last night I snacked after dinner, and this morning I was up a whole lb from the day before. Doing so was probably a big contributor to my re-gain plus over the past couple of years. AND I didn't enter the snacking into my calories last night. A minor victory is that this morning I entered all of it. The times I have done calorie counting in the past I would often ignore such evening and start over the next day. I am still starting fresh today with determination to have the next week solidly on goal, but I also forced myself to face the numbers.
I'm happy that I'm still a bit down overall, and I see that this is going to be a long process. But I am in it for the long haul!
I am curious what I would look like at 175 lbs, but I'm totally okay with being 190 lbs. My weight goals are firmly in the "overweight" not "normal weight" category.
) 
It's interesting how particular numbers get invested with meaning - 212 might not be a particular milestone for just anyone, but for you, it's your weight on a milestone of a day, so it takes on significance.
Great job on the exercise - how did it feel after?
