Hey everyone... so lunch was a bust because I have NO CHILL when it comes to food.. Another 1000 calories. I think I will skip dinner. I'm full, uncomfortable and 1600 and something calories into the day. Better not to face temptation because I know the above-mentioned facts won't stop me from indulging some more. If I stop now, it could be ok.

Skinnygirl: I'm clinging on too. Good luck with prepping for finals and the exams themselves!

Another quick post for me. It is Saturday, but have been doing a lot of stuff today and now I need to get ready for the company Christmas party.

Toasted: Thank you so much for your posts! It seems like you are definitely keeping this a fun place to come catch up!!!!!

Ok, I'm back again today. A little calmer day in store, even though I have a lot to do. So, I went to the party last night with my daughter. My husband and son were working, so they didn't go. It was a food fest. I over-indulged, and didn't feel well last night. But, that's ok... moving on. However, I saw a picture of myself from last night, standing next to my daughter. My daughter is beautiful, 20 years old, fit, and loves her fashion. Ok, so not a great comparison to me.... 51 years old, trying to get fit but still overweight, and really not into fashion at all. I was a little disappointed in how I looked. I thought I looked better than that, so it did not make me happy. I'm not saying I looked terrible, but I really thought it was better than that picture. Ugh. Now, I also know that had there been pictures from last year's party, I know I look sooooo much better. But, still, just a little disappointing. I guess that it tells me that I'm not yet where I want to be. I have quite a ways to go. And, maybe next year's picture will be what I want it to be.

I am not completely depressed or anything, but it just makes me want to kick this into high gear again. I am so looking forward to getting past the holidays and really getting back in focus, getting back to being more disciplined, keeping up with the workouts and pushing myself harder, and getting back to a better food plan. This past year has been a good year and I need to remember that... and remember how far I've come. But with that, I can see that I CAN do this and I CAN accomplish my goal. No excuses... this time, I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in.

And......no, I don't totally hate the holidays, but I just think the excesses of the season get to me after a while. I'm ready to scale it all back. But, off we go... I'll get the decorations done today. Meh.

Hello again! I made it twice in one week - good for me! Thanks for the welcomes back. I have to say that reading others' challenges helps me keep perspective, too, so maybe I should keep reading even when I don't have much time to post.

Had one of the super-victories yesterday: I am not obese. I am merely overweight. Yay! Next stop, onederland. Maybe next week....? Maybe? Let us hope.

So far I've not only made time to bake some Christmas cookies and toffee, I have managed not to eat them. Thank goodness... although it's hard to tell how things are turning out when you don't taste-test. Doing something fun and creative when I'm as buried in life as I have been is a good thing, and I'm glad that I'm baking even if it feels weird to not even try all the fruits of my labor.

Cheers, ladies, and I hope everyone has one non-food, relaxing, happy-making activity build into their day today.

Oh Diane I'm sorry you are feeling meh! Onwards and upwards and all that lol its so hard not to loose steam, maybe look at some photos of last year to give you some perspective you've come so far! We can do this.

Toasted sounds like you are in my nightmare - I have no off switch when it comes to holiday food. I'm totally okay if I'm just chugging along at home but get totally thrown when I eat out, I'm trying but don't know if I'm quite there yet. So good on you for being mindful!

Calluna wow onederland here you come!!

Well another 2.5 pounds down for me, and a good push this week might just get me to goal by Christmas after all! I saw some lower numbers during the week so feeling positive - I then plan to maintain for a couple of weeks until we get home from holidays on the 17th January. Ive had a few NSV this week well some of them victories some not so much! I noticed when putting makeup on (not something I do much when I'm at home) I have a jawline! The great deboobing of Kelly has begun though - I need new bras! Not fair my body wants to loose it there and not my hips so much also I'm starting to grow out of my clothes to the point they are looking a bit sad, no money for new ones has me on the sewing machine - good old janome. We also walked a track with the kids on sunday that I really struggled to do in July - this time no problems as well as pushing two kids and carrying a bike!

Being in the fast diet I've gone through the calendar and worked out my fasting days ahead of time so I know where I'm at, hopefully if I just do them I can maintain even if I fall off the rails on the other days. Okay rambling now - just trying to convince myself I can do this! !

Oh just looked at my ticker 30 pounds!

Toasted - I feel so bad that you have to deal with this too, but it makes me feel so much less horrible about things when you acknowledge it loud and proud. I, too, have NO CHILL when it comes to food. I keep thinking it will change. I keep thinking that I have it conquered, as demonstrated by the fact that I have lost 50 freaking pounds. (I have likely gained some of it back, but for now, I'm not dwelling on that.) I feel like a sober alcoholic. I also fully stocked the house for my kids, and have been finding myself sneaking food. For example, I made hot wings for the household the other night, and had a bag of left-overs. Twice, I heard my husband come in the door, and quickly and quietly put the bag back into the fridge so he wouldn't catch me eating them. I have enormous shame over food, so it's incredibly therapeutic to hear you say it so matter-of-factly. I am going to do it. I HAVE NO CHILL OVER FOOD! I just don't. That doesn't make me evil or wrong. The husband doesn't read fiction books because he feels like he's incapable of imagining the settings. I love fiction books, and can devour 300-400 pages in a day because I read so quickly. I accept that this fact does not make me a better person than my husband. Why can't I accept the fact that my lack of chill over food is not a negative attribute, but rather, an inconvenient one? I love, love, love you, Toasted. I see your hard work, your humor, your compassion, your incredibleness, and have empathy for the fact that you struggle with food consumption. I am going to try to have that attitude toward myself as well.

Jenni - You are an incredible stepmother. Hopefully, the stepdaughter will sort herself out and appreciate that at some point. In the interim, I just hope she moves out and makes your life easier. =)

Caluna - Excited to see you here! Onederland is yours!

Okay. I have a hearing in a few minutes. Thought I could finish before that, but I guess I'm wrong. Will try to get it finished tonight. Regardless, I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Hey guys.

I haven't been around in almost 2 weeks, so I wanted to drop in and let you know how things are going here. On the diet front, generally, not good. But otherwise, things are pretty great.

I finally got over the sickness for the most part. Still really tired and occasionally coughing, but I can at least function again. That took a while to happen.

Then 2 phone calls from mom completely ruined my mood and my desire to do much of anything, and I don't think she even realized how much she affected me with her comments. The first phone call she was telling me about a charity thing her and my father did as Mr and Mrs Claus and how she got caught smoking a couple times, but never by kids, and I told her if she didn't smoke she wouldn't get caught... she said they were quitting on the first (I don't believe them), and I told her she wouldn't have to quit if she hadn't started up again (they quit back in 1991, and then took it up again 20 years later, beats me). She said she gets to rebel like everyone else... So I asked her "how did I rebel?" she said "any way you could!" I said "oh really? When did I go out drinking? Smoking? Drugs? Problems with the police? Boys? To this day I still have not smoked a single cigarette, tried a single illegal drug, had a single run in with the police or even a speeding ticket, and I rarely drink"... her response to that is what really bothered me. She told me "Yeah, well... some of us just like to have more fun than others."... Implying that because I don't drink much, smoke, do drugs or break the law I'm not having fun.

Two days later she called to talk to me about Christmas plans. She said "The day after Christmas we'll try to be out to your place about noon, and then leave before it gets dark"... Meaning, they are going to come spend all of 4 hours with me, and not even for a meal. I suggested they come out on the evening of Christmas, and stay that night... then leave the next day. You know, give me a full day? And she hemmed and hawed and basically I came to the conclusion that she didn't want to stay here because she can't smoke inside my house, and wanted to stay with my aunt, where she can.

She basically made me feel like cigarettes are more important to her than I am. I didn't say anything to her about that but let her know I wasn't happy with the situation, told her that if she was only going to come out here to spend less time with me than it would take to get here and back, she might as well just skip it save the time and gas, and I'd see her later in the week for my grandmother's birthday. She could check the "visit with daughter" chore off her list without wasting her time. She said she wasn't going to speak with me while I had such a bad attitude, so I said "fine" and hung up the phone.

I haven't stopped eating since. :-\

In other news, the elliptical is here and the delivery guy and my husband managed to get it down the outside stairs and into the basement and we'll be taking the time to put it together when my husband has his week of vacation the week after Christmas.

Also, today is a cheesy anniversary that my husband and I celebrate... It's the 6th anniversary of our first date! So we'll be doing something fun for that. I'm thinking of finding a couple copy cat recipes and seeing if I can remake our first date dinner.

Hope you all are having a good December, and I'll be around... some time eventually.

Hey everyone! Okay so the retreat is over, thank the LORD!!!!!! My lack of chill continued all weekend till Monday breakfast and people, it wasn't pretty. I'm sooo glad to be back in my "real life." Ha, to think I thought my struggles with that extra slice of bacon or whether or not to have the extra Quest bar were epic! What is a 160-calorie protein bar between friends when one is putting away 1500 calories in a single meal??? I can't do buffets responsibly. It's either I recognize that and understand that exposure will lead to deviations from my plan and therefore limit those exposures OR I keep banging my head on the wall and disappointing myself when my pretense that I'm actually going to eat a green salad and some grilled chicken at a buffet, falls flat! I'm a little disappointed in myself but only because I set myself up to be disappointed. Life happens, it's the picking up of oneself that matters. But let's be honest, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that the retreat was only a weekend, and vacations aren't everyday, and my meals aren't all, all-you-can-eat... otherwise...

Diane: Sometimes photos can be disappointing and a let down especially when we're feeling really good about our progress. I think it's awesome you're letting a disappointing photo spur you on and motivate you. I'd have been like crying into my cocoa puffs and needing you all to remind me to take a look at my highest weight pictures and THEN compare the progress but you're rocking it out and being your own motivation which spells success! How go the workouts? Please keep checking in with them! Funny story, but I use you as inspiration every single day. I'm always like: "I bet Slasni went to Body Pump today" when I'm lazing in bed, and it motivates me to get up because I get all, "if she can with a bad cold..."

calluna: Yassssssss!!!! Get it!!! "Overweight" is awesome in EVERY WAY especially compared to obese, so WELCOME to the overweight club and yay for booking your ticket on the Onederland Express, see you in onederland soon!!!

Kelly: Yay 2.5 lbs down! That's awesome. I'm also going on holiday till mid-January so that's going to be interesting, even though I have all sorts of work out plans. Yay jawline but ohhh the epic de-boobing, that happened to me too! And girl, 30 lbs down, you CAN do ANYTHING!!!!! Go Kelly Go!!!!

Laurie: OMG THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for saying such wonderful things about me. You've made my month!!!! I'm serious! Here back at work, I've been sitting feeling like I've undone all the good work of the past few months of hard work and in just 1 weekend (yes a tad melodramatic, I know) and feeling disappointed that all my best laid plans of picking the "lite" buffet options didn't come to fruition, and THEN I come on here to check in and read what you wrote! THANK YOU, it's so sweet of you to write that and I'm so glad you identify and I'm not the crazy who after all these years working on this journey still hasn't been fixed. I love this board so much because sometimes in the greater space (of the world, not necessarily just 3FC), it can feel like you're either perfect and disciplined or you'll never succeed but i guess there's space for even us folks with NO CHILL to get our life and figure out a way to live with our limitations and keep it moving. I'm sorry you're struggling too right now and having a full house with kids makes it hard to escape temptation. I don't have any bright ideas on how to deal because it's hard, I know you had a more chillaxed plan for this holiday season but you're also not a calorie counter for good reasons but maybe you could just do a couple of days to see where you are really with things. It mayn't be as bad as all that. I'm a secret eater too (when I feel people might be thinking "haven't you had enough!") and often the hiding makes it sordid and makes it seem like I've eaten the house when really, I had the extra calorie wiggle room and could have just had a little leftover something openly. I'm thinking of you and hoping it all comes together for you soon!

Mandy: I'm called boring a lot mostly because I don't have a tawdry past to hide (yet! knock on wood). I should practically run for office because there aren't really any closet skeletons except that one picture somewhere of me when I was 16 holding an unlit cigarette for "art." #GirlGoneWild I know. But I think there's no shame in not having a vice-filled past. The world hasn't gone that crazy. #GoodGirlsRock Yes there's something to be said for the life experience that comes from having been a rebel BUT there's also a lot to be said for choosing not to learn things the hard way if you don't have to so girl please, #NoShameInYourGame I'm always being startled by "Parents Aren't Perfect" moments and I think as much love and admiration as there is, it's just life that you're not always going to agree or think the same or believe the same. Try not to feel like your mom is choosing cigarettes over you, she's probably just respecting your boundaries about smoking whilst also recognizing that she's not strong enough (yet) to quit smoking cold turkey for 24hrs. It can be like that with addictions: love isn't enough to make someone quit even when all rational thought seems like it should be. In any case, don't let other people's issues derail you or throw you off your game. Yay elliiptical and the cute 6th 1st date-niversary! What was on the menu?


Okay everyone, I've got to get back to work. The retreat was great, exhausting, but great. Well apart from the eating AND exercise, but I've spoken about that extensively. Getting home yesterday, all the overfeeding sort of triggered a binge (on Kashi granola bars and cashew nuts of all things!), which was kind of unfortunate. That said, that was yesterday. Today is today and I'm back. I woke up, worked out, came to work and so far so good with today's fast. I've got my dinner planned and I'm having tea and water all day today, so I'm feeling good and like if I can keep it together for JUST today, who's to say I can't repeat it tomorrow. But one day at a time. I'm not worrying about tomorrow, it will take care of itself. Sufficient unto the day...

Here's wishing everyone an awesome and healthy Tuesday!

I wasn't going to post today. I wasn't even going to come here. Then, I decided that I would check in. That much, I could do. Then, I came and read Mandy's and Toasted's posts, and I am feeling much better. Not exactly on, but at least the road is in sight.

Mandy - This is what I got from your post. Addictions are incredibly powerful. Even though I know that the way I've been eating makes me less healthy and makes me have less energy, and thus less ability to really enjoy my kids, I have been doing it anyway. Even though I know my tendency to eat junk increases the likelihood of my kids eating junk, I have been doing it anyway. Even though I know I am caught in the throes of addiction and I am not doing this intentionally to hurt them, it may feel like intentional hurt to them. I sometimes choose food over family, even when I don't really want the food. Addiction is really, really hard. But you know what? She loves you. More than she loves the cigarettes. But I am really sorry nonetheless. Christmas is such a stressful time. And I really need to get a handle on this addiction thing of mine before it hurts my kids more than it already has. =/

Toasted - Yay for being back in routine! And for acknowledging that when it's you versus the buffet, the buffet will always win (or win enough times that it's worth avoiding the fight). Uber started a thread a while back about the grocery store being a trigger for her, and she received all of these "You have to learn to deal with it" responses. You know what? We just don't. We have to fight through things like not wanting to get up in the morning because we have to get to work on time, and cleaning up vomit because someone got sick, and forcing myself to write a super-boring brief on a relatively unimportant case. I do stuff all the time that is hard! I don't have to learn to manage a buffet if avoiding the buffet is a perfectly acceptable choice! And all the things I said about you were true, BTW. You are absolutely the best.

Diane - Yay for you for having a daughter who is healthy and fashion-conscious! And yay for you for moving forward in your own quest to become healthier. (And I don't use "healthy" as a euphemism for thin.) Two incredible accomplishments that you deserve to celebrate all captured in one picture. Cuz you're awesome too.

Kelly - 30 pounds! Such a great milestone. And you're still rocking that plan. It is really good for me to come here and see what's possible.

Missing some of our threadmates! So glad Mandy has resurfaced, and got that elliptical rocking! Hope Martini and Uber and LotusMama and LisaMarie and Carter and the others make their ways back here, whether to report success or setback.

Really stressful days at work both today and tomorrow, but then the end of the week should be relatively chill.

Hey Everyone! I haven't had a lot of time to post lately, with finals and all. Finals went pretty great over all. I ended up with B's ranging between 85%-89% as the final grade for all 3 of my classes. I'll take it, on to A's next semester!
I'm only down .3 pounds this week, but it IS still a loss during that busy week. Onward and upward (or downward as it should be lol).
I still have christmas shopping to do! I'm such a procratinator!
On the plus side, my mother in law wanted a tredmill for christmas, so my husband and I went in on one with his sister for her, and it was such a great deal that we actually bought one for us! I'm pretty excited about it!

Just a quick check in - not going so crash hot here, on plan but the scale isn't budging not good coming in to christmas holidays. I really don't want to get into the 'whats the point' headspace. It seems a pretty normal thing for my body to do every 5kg it to plateau for a week or 2 but it really is bad timing! I have been exercising more so maybe its that. Why can't weightloss be simple?

Great to see you round Mandy, sorry you are having problems with your mum. They really do have the ability to drive you man with off hand comments no one else can get away with - if it makes you feel better, I was at soccer with my oldest and my mum arrived she said 'oh I didn't think you were here yet, I didn't recognise you - I can normally see your fat bum a mile away' ummm Thanks? I did laugh to myself no one else could get away with saying that too me. No shes moaning because shes put on 1kg, I know shes just trying to help, solidarity and all, but really get a hobby lady lol.

Right off to the park with the kidlets. Will stay on plan, one day at a time right. (Are you listening scale gods)

Toasted and Laurie - Thanks for your responses, but you both seemed to assume they couldn't smoke here *at all* when what I meant was they can't smoke INSIDE... I have tables, chairs, and ashtrays out on both front and back porches, they just don't want to go outside in the winter in Indiana to light up. They want to stay warm and toasty inside my aunt's house, 3 hours away... and they don't want to drive in the dark.

So I guess it's not so much that their addiction is more important to them than I am, it's the thought of staying warm while indulging said addiction that drives them. Apparently my desire to host a holiday family dinner (something I've been talking about for months) means less to them than staying warm while poisoning their lungs. I feel like they are being incredibly selfish and mom tried to make me feel bad for trying to get them to stay longer.

Whatevs. Once I have kids, the no smoking at all rule will go into effect. I hate it, it smells awful, it triggers my allergies big time, and my kid will not be around it as much as I can keep it away from them. If my parents want to spend time with their grandchildren, they'll quit. Just like they did when I was a kid. I'm adamant about this. And if their cigarettes are more important to them than me, hubby, and our kiddos, then so be it. I'm not going to feel bad about making this ultimatum in the future. They've already been informed, and hubby and I are trying for kids.

They can choose. Us, or cigarettes. They can't have both at the same time. The end.

And now that I sound like a total b*tch on wheels, well, I can tell you that I'm actually in a pretty good mood, just really set on that. Tonight, I'm going to finish the quilt I'm making for my nephew (my bff's little boy), and I have a card in the mail to them with $100 in it, so she and her boyfriend can split it 50/50 and actually get each other something for Christmas. Or spend 25 on each other, and use the rest for a date night... I want them to be able to have a Christmas for themselves, and I know all of their money is going to replacing everything that was lost in the fire, and to stuff for the baby.

Also, yesterday, I joked with my husband that I was feeling miserable because TOM and that he should get me something small and cheap to cheer me up while he was out... and he brought home a new laser pointer for the cats. It sounds weird, but the one we had for them died and I love playing with them with it and I've been a little sad about not having it, so he knew exactly what to get, and since they cost less than $5, it was just the right thing.

We also had a really good "state of the union" chat... something we half joke about, but do around our 2 anniversaries since they are about 6 months apart (Dec 15, May 21) just to make sure we are still on the same page for things we want out of our relationship, how we want to spend and save money, etc. The lines of communication between us are always pretty well open and it's not really an issue for us, but we like to make sure that neither of us had missed anything. That's our healthy relationship "secret"... semi-annual 'state of the union' chats. So we had the baby talk this time and we're both pretty excited about that adventure, and are now officially trying to get pregnant.

It should be a lot easier now, since my cycle is running like clock work. I haven't had a regular period without the aid of birth control pills since I was a teenager, and according to my various trackers, looks like ovulation is when my hubby will be on vacation from work. Talk about perfect timing!

I'm enjoying my food freedom for now, and I know I'll have a bit of a regain (looking at about 5 pounds right now), but I also know after 2 months of not following any particular plan, one I get back on track, it will start coming off quick and easy again. SO, I'm looking forward to that, too.

2015 will be great.

Hi all! Still busy at work, so this is quick! But Toasted said she likes when I report in on my workouts, and since that is still going well.....

Went to spin today and it was tough!!! But, such a good workout. I was at Body Pump yesterday and I'll go again tomorrow. Which is good, because I have to work out some soreness!

food.... not going as well, but trying to keep somewhat in check. I've put on some weight, but I know I can work on it again soon. I'll be back to super disciplined soon. And, funny thing is... I can't wait! Holidays are fine, but I'm ready for normalcy!

I'm alive....just over this whole holiday thing. Food has been SO hard. I told myself I wouldn't do this I wouldn't let the holidays ruin it for me I feel like I let myself down or stomped on a promise I made to myself. I can just move on from here. I do know when the 1st starts I am hitting it hard. Anyways I hope you are all well!!!

My MIL is coming and we are having Christmas here and my mom has been using me in her office for help so I feel like I have been on wheels in ever which way!

Anyways I hope everyone is really doing okay and all the holiday plans are coming together!

Hello folks. I'm glad to see the regainers' thread I started a while back is still going. I had to take a break from 3FC for a while - sometimes I need to do that, because while the support here is great, a lot of the posts are very heartbreaking, especially from new folks, and I feel I need to be in a mentally strong place myself to read them with compassion. Does that make sense?

Anyway I am back, still battling the partial regain, but at this particular moment in a place of reasonable control and confidence that I'll do better at beating it this time.

I have been trying to keep in mind that as bad as this regain has been, as much as the extra 25-30 pounds has hurt my knees and slowed me down and made me feel uncomfortable in my clothes, I'm still more than 90 pounds trimmer than I was at my fattest. I'm still "trim-carter," even though I feel like "fat-carter" - actual fat-carter was a whole lot bigger and felt a whole lot worse.

It's a reason why keeping those old pictures around is not a useless thing.

Anyway I'll try to check in regularly. Good luck and good strength, folks.

PS: LaurieDawn, thanks so much for the shoutout. I'm very touched.