Something I learned this week Michelle about my depression with my father. It is kind of weird but my friend was questioning me about why I was feeling so guilty over the death and I explained that and he asked some more questions - blah - blah and I finally answered........holding onto the guilt makes me feel like he is still alive. That if I let go of the depression it would feel like he really is dead.........at least with the depression I feel something........if I am happy it seems wrong because my dad is dead.
How insane is that? My dad would want me happy.
So, I was going to buy this balloon and go up to my dads gravesite and release it up in the air. Kind of an imagine thing where the depression & guilt are flying away. 4 months is long enough.
Katy - What about the Burger King structure? Excited about the kaiser thing for you.
Cristi- you feeling better? I clean my bedroom every morning before I leave. My mom still comesin and cleans....lol argh.
Hi to everyone else!!!!
I better get to work. I get my own place in a week to manage!! Yeah.
SUSAN...That philosophy makes really good sense. I will be happy when I can also feel that way too. So are you moving into a complex that you will be the manager at? If so, what area? Don't work too hard today. I'm going to run to Kmart and Fred Meyer. Talk to you later.
No, I don't have to live on site anymore Michelle. I get to still commute to the PGE park area after the 5th.
I might move into my own place by 11/15, not sure. My mom wants me to clear up some bills first so she is wanting me to stay longer. Not sure yet...would love to make my own holidays in my own place!
anyway- I ate a reduced fat turkey sandwish from Starbucks. I think 300 calories....I am so hungry now!
SUSAN...If you can tolerate living with your mom longer, that would be a good idea to first be able to get all of your bills caught up, so that's one less worry for you when you are on your own. Is your office by the PGE Park area? That's a very pretty area around there. My younger DD has been staying with her friend every weekend, and going over a couple times during the week, for a long time now, and this was the first week she has not wanted to go over anymore. It's nice to have her home more, and especially on a Friday night. She said things just seem so different since her grandma is gone, and she doesn't like me to be alone when my DH is working his second job. It's gotten better for me during the day time, but nights still get me a little uneasy, and I don't like to be alone now, I just can't explain it. Sunday will be a very hard day when we go to my mom's place and move everything. We have no idea what all we will find there, but I will be so relieved to just have it done. Every time I have to go there, it brings up more feelings. What plans do you have for the weekend? Tomorrow I'm just going to be home and doing some housework. Have a good night!
Michelle--my fil's death hit harder than I thought that it would. Are there any support groups in your area? Our local hospital has several grief support groups.
SuzyQ--I love my mother but I don't think I could live with her again....I think dd's having the same mixed feelings about the possibilty of moving home. I think you should get your bills taken care of first too. One less thing to stress about when you do actually move wouldn't be a bad thing. You can do a tight budget that looks really good on paper but then life happens and you get hit with car problems, medical bills or whatever else. It gets hard with those tight budgets to never have any extra $ to do anything also--speaking from experience.
Cristina--DD will be moving somewhere next weekend.....she didn't get the apartment she was hoping to get. When we looked at it is we $500/month and then he relisted it at $550 and ran it again. A friend of mine said that even though DD called back to say she was still interested even with the extra $ that legally he would have to give it to her at the lower price. It makes me wonder if that is the reason. Who knows? We looked at two more. The first one actually had floors that were so slanted that you felt like you were on something just walking across the room and it was also pretty nasty and not in a real nice part of town though it did have off street parking. The second is in the town I work and a half hour away from where we live. It is an apartment complex that is very nice and she will be in the building that allows pets. It is less than 10 minutes from I-70/I-81 interchange and a straight shot to her job which is also right off I-81. Because the town she live is now is so far away from the interstate she has to take back curvy roads and it takes about 20 minutes to get to work. The straight shot on the interstate will make the drive about 30 minutes and the interstate is plowed in the winter if it snows and the back roads she takes now aren't plowed as often as the interstates and snow emergency routes. The new place is about 10 minutes away from the community college she wants to transfer to. The tuition is almost 3/4 less a semester. Since she changed her major to Accounting I think it won't matter what school she goes to, but what the score will be at the end when she takes the CPA test.
Katy--I know what you mean about gaining and losing the same five pounds--so aggravating!! good luck with the study. I really liked the sweater it's nice and you have have such a nice looking family. The addition is good too!!
Jules - yeah- I hate those 5 lbs! If I can just get past those, I could do anything. I took my ticker off my siggy 'cause I got tired of looking iat it. When I start the study on the 9th, I'll put it back up.
Susan - I love my mom, too, but I know living with her would be a challenge. You've made this long...so maybe a little longer wouldn't be so bad? Hey - Leigh loves BK so if you want to get the girls together there - we would love to! We like to go in the morning when they first open - not as many people there.
Michelle -Wow! You sure can tell you have lost weight by looking at your pictures....you look great! keep up the great work. Hope cleaning out your mom's place goes well
Today is another busy one. J has soccer this morning, then a playdate later. He and I are going to volunteer at our church's community table meal this afternoon. It's our first time and we are packing food boxes. The meal is prepared at the end of the month for folks on food stamps because that's when they run out. So they get a meal from us and a food box to tide them over. I'm glad my son is willing to do this with me.
gotta run - have to get these kids fed before soccer
JULES...I don't know about the support groups around here. Right now, I just don't feel that comfortable talking to others that I don't know. Each day has its ups and downs, but I know I WILL pull through this eventually. It hasn't even been two weeks yet, so I know there will be brighter days ahead. This is just going to be a very hard week, because tomorrow we go move everything out of my mom's place, and then Thursday is her memorial service, and there will be her doctor there and people from her assisted living home. Also, my 12 year old niece is getting up to sing one of the songs with the organist and vocalist, so I already know to have some kleenexes with me. I think that's terrible that your DD didn't get the first apartmentment that she liked. I don't understand how he can just go change the price and relist it after he had already shown it to her with the first price! That seems very wrong!
KATY...Thank you so much for the compliment on my picture! I too can see that I don't have a huge double chin anymore, and seeing this makes me want to keep going even more! Have fun today!
HELLO.....Cristina, Susan, Sue and anyone else I may have missed!!!
KATY...are you excited about the program on the 9th? I wish they had something like that here. I too keep losing the same 5 pounds over and over, ugh. And yeah, if I could get passed that I would/could do better. Hope you and J have a nice time volunteering.
SUSAN...I have to agree witht he others about staying with you rmom a little longer. And maybe she can help you through your depression with the loss of your father. I'm sorry you are having a hard time with his loss. I wish there were some magic words or something I could do or say to help out. I've not lost a parent and even though I know losing a loved one is hard I think each loss is different so I can't even relate to the loss of a parent. But I can give you lots of cyber hugs Is Gaby excited about Halloween? I can't believe it is here already.
JULES...that just seems so weird about that guy doing that with the apartment. Not sure why if he knows someone wants it that he would relist and add $50...doesn't make sense at all. But then a lot of things don't make sense. Well, I am hoping she finds the perfect place for her and...it is close to both school and work. Hey, about changing to community college...I am assuming it is the same every where but maybe not. Tell Terri to make sure if she goes to the community college that she can transfer her credits to a University if she goes back to one. DS did his Associates at CC and was told all his credits could/would be transferred. he even checked with the univeristy and whoever told him yes they were wrong. He had to take those credits again. But yeah, I would go to CC too...it is a lot cheaper. I even thought about going to get an associates in something. Not sure what so never did go, lol. Maybe one day.
MICHELLE...I hope you are having a better day today. I will be thinking of you tomorrow as you go through your moms stuff. Maybe that will help you a little...reminiscing. I know you probably don't want to go to a support group because you don't know the people but you guys would all have something in common and I think while you wouldn't know the people because of that bond it would make you feel like you did. I've heard a lot of people do benefit from these groups. I wish I had found one when DH died. I did find lots of help online with the loss of our baby...maybe that would be better...finding a support group online. I never realized how many women went through and go through the loss of a baby and have the same feelings I had. I still frequent a few that I have been with since 2000. And I can really see the difference in the pictures, wow! You've come a long way!
Hi BEP...must be too busy walking those pounds off to check in! Something I need to be doing.
I had to run to the library this morning and the grocery store to pick up a couple of things. Now just hanging around the house today doing some cleaning, christmas cards, scrapbooking and stuffing stockings. Sounds like a lot but I know I won't do it all. That is my list of what to do this weekend and I am hoping to get it all done by tomorrow. Just me and DD home today and she is reading. Anyway...
Hi All!! I hate all this waiting for call backs and in a way wish my DD would just give up on the whole looking for a place. If she is home, her only bills are her cell phone, gas, car insurance and school and those all of those are less than $300 a month. She wouldn't have to keep trying to work full time and go to school and could cut back to a part time job. Since the ex left she has been pushing her self and going full tilt. She is starting to slow down and if she gets a place she wants to be on her own, she is liking the peacefulness of being alone and is started to let herself slow down some. She's 19, so she won't listen to me, she has to do it all the hard way. Well, I guess one way or another it's decision time the end of this week. The only concern I have about her coming home is that her and her Dad tend to put me in the middle. They are both hardheaded and want things their own way and have quick tempers and both complain about the other and want me to take care of the situations between them so they don't have to deal with it. I am the peacemaker trying to smooth both sides but then there are the times they both turn on me and act like they never complain about each other or ask me to work something out with the other that has them upset or mad.
Katy--I think it's good to get your kids involved in volunteer work. As a family we participated in feeding the hungry that a local businessman and a area hotel do every Thanksgiving, they participated in a "soup kitchen" on wheels that fed the homeless in Baltimore and various other projects. My son even went on a mission trip to Mexico when he was 17.
Michelle--I hope your having a better day....
Cristina--The community college credits would transfer to the college, but there is a area Business college that their credits don't. I am thinking like her that the only thing that really matters is the CPA test at the end. I think it's great what you are doing for the troops. A young guy here at work just enlisted and is going over. His last day was Thursday. Talked to Jason and he said he got to see Ireland on the way back from Iraq. He doesn't talk about Iraq alot but then he is very quiet anyway and doesn't like to talk about himself. DS doesn't have Tony's address yet.
SuzyQ--hope the teenagers didn't give you too much grief at the mall. When do you take Gaby trick or treating?
Hi there! Sorry I haven't been by. I am down 1 lb this week. It would have been more if I hadn't pigged out at a buffet this past weekend and if I had behaved myself at a couple get-togethers over the weekend. Oh well...I will take the 1 lb!
Just popping in to say hi and hope everyone had a great Halloween! We sure did.....I'll need today to recover - bleh It was my DD's birthday and I ate waaay too much..so today is back to normal, thank goodness.
Katy...I forgot it was Leigh's BD yesterday, duh! Sounds like she/you guys had a Happy one!
Bep...WTG on the pound! Hey, a pound is a pound less and I think you did good considering eating out.
Jules...you sound like me...I try to be the peacemaker, doesn't always work but I try. So did DD get moved? I can relate to her also wanting to be in her own place.
Halloween was okay. DH and I ran to SAMS to pick up a few things, mainly water. I was really low, think I only had 6 bottle left. It is the cheapest there and you get more. Did n't have many trick-or-treaters for some reason. Had maybe 40 if that. I was a little disappointed. I enjoy seeing the kids, the little guys. Seems we had more older kids this year, between about 10-13...they came in groups of 4 or 5. Then a few little guys.
A quick hi!
I found out my diet assignment today - it's the DASH diet http://dashdiet.org/
Pretty basic stuff, and it will work well at home as DH is trying apply many of these dietary recommendations to keep his cholestrol lowered. He's had quite a bit of success and wants to keep the momentuim going. I'll have to tell you all about that later when I have some more time. But for now, this is what I'll be doing for the 30-month study I was just accepted into.
DD didn't get the little apartment she saw first, she did get unto the apartment in the complex but then decided to ask if she could not take it but try again later. Her budget looked good on paper but then we all know that life happens. She ended up moving in with her friend Kia and the girl's boyfriend. They are both nice and Kia is as obsesive compulsive about cleanliness as Teri. The boyfriend is the peacemaker and really sweet--both girls can get dramatic and hard-headed. I took more boxes over and everything is packed. We moved a bunch of stuff over last night and have the truck today to finish up.We won't be able to clean as well as we wanted to since the old roomate turned the water off on the 31st when she knew dd would be there finishing up through the 3rd. I think she is ticked because she wanted dd to move in the three bedroom apt shared by her & her bf and the bf's sister and her bf to share the expensive rent you pay in a college town. DD says she did go to look at it but the place was so messy she was afraid to sit down.
Well, i'l be back for individuals later...maybe tomorrow!!
JULES...glad Teri found a place and hope she likes it! How are you doing missy?
KATY...I am going to have to take a look at the site and see what it's all about. I didn't realize you had to sign up for 30 months. But hey, it's always nice getting outside help. I totally wish they had something like that here. I would jump at the chance to do it!
SUSAN...hope all is well with you and Miss Gaby.
MICHELLE...same, hope all is well with you and yours. I know today is a hard day so I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts.
BEP...are you staying away from those buffets? Those are terrible aren't they? I mean they are good to go to and eat but bad on the ole diet.
Busy day today. Thursday is my shopping day and I usually do most of my errands this day also. Now just waiting for Vince to get home to take a shower. We are headed to Olive Garden for dinner and then to Target to get some Christmas lights. I am excited about the holidays but I know as they near it will be a sad time for me. But, I am trying to stay busy to keep my mind of Josh being deployed. He'll be home soon enough for some much needed R&R. Anywho...hear Vince unlocking the door so better get going.
Hope all is well with you and yours in your little corner of the world. Take care ladies...chat with ya later.
Is your office by the PGE Park area? That's a very pretty area around there. My younger DD has been staying with her friend every weekend, and going over a couple times during the week, for a long time now, and this was the first week she has not wanted to go over anymore. It's nice to have her home more, and especially on a Friday night. She said things just seem so different since her grandma is gone, and she doesn't like me to be alone when my DH is working his second job. It's gotten better for me during the day time, but nights still get me a little uneasy, and I don't like to be alone now, I just can't explain it. Sunday will be a very hard day when we go to my mom's place and move everything. We have no idea what all we will find there, but I will be so relieved to just have it done. Every time I have to go there, it brings up more feelings. What plans do you have for the weekend? Tomorrow I'm just going to be home and doing some housework. Have a good night!
That seems very wrong!
