WTG Bep!!

Though now I'll be hearing Aerosmith singing in my head the rest of the night...."I'm baaacccckk in the saddle again!! I'm baaaccckkk!!!"

Hi SuzyQ, Cristina, Katy, Michelle and Sue!!

{{{{Michelle}}}} call me, we can get together anytime. It continues to be difficult for me and my doctor today suggested grief counseling because I can cry at a drop of a hat when I think of my father. We will both *hang in there* together .

I just wanted to say hello. I have been in to see the doctor and doing test. Took Gaby to the denist today and she wouldn't open her mouth. lol

Toastmasters is what Michelle said it was --- to make it more comfortable talking in front of group. It was suggested to me because I have meetings with the residents and co workers. .....so stressful. The more you do it though the easier it gets....so they say.

Congrats Bep on the 3 pounds. Hi Jules, Cristi, Sue , and Katy!!!

It's very dark and gloomy here today, and I just cannot get this lonely empty feeling out of me. There have been other deaths I have experienced, but this was so sudden with no warning, and there's nothing like a mother. I just feel so down and I told my husband that I don't want the days to end and I don't feel like getting up in the morning, just sad all the time.

Susan -- I will definitely give you a call to get together and talk as soon as my mom's memorial service is over with next week. I think it would do both of us good to have each other to talk to. I'm sorry you're still having a hard time too, and people say that time heals, and I would believe that with other death's I've had to grieve with, but this is so different this time.

Hi Jules, Cristi, Bep, Sassy & Sue, and anyone else I may have missed!

It is your mother,Michelle I think only our own child's death could be worse. It is gloomy today but I see the sun coming out now in the afternoon. I like to walk in the morning Michelle. It clears my head and it is quite outside.

anyway- I feel bloated today. I ate 2 bowls of chili from Wendys, 2 apples and drank a 32 oz water bottle. I need to get started on the Toastmasters thing and I might get my own complex torun next week for 2 months!! Back were I use to live, I love that area of Portland and it will be like going home.

Gaby is going to be Raggedy Ann for Halloween and the older girls unruly teenagers.....lol

later -

SUSAN...I so agree about losing a child and that's something I've always said I couldn't even think of. I remember when we went to Britany Redfield's funeral and it was so hard and sad to see those little caskets, just so wrong! That's good that you get out and walk in the mornings, just be careful. I remember being raggedy ann, years ago, and it was so cute and fun. I miss my girls being little and dressing up, they were so cute! I hope you can get your own place soon so you have your privacy again. The sun was out so pretty, and now it's so dark like night time, and it's raining and thundering.

Dear Diary,
I need a break already, 2 hours into the shift. Buried in evictions, the latest one is some man barging his way into another residents apt demanding a cigarette, dressed in only boxer shorts. I missed it, dang. It deserves a eviction notice (they get a chance to remedy and go on a 6 month probation) because:
1. You can't go into someones apt uninvited
2.You can't bum cigarettes
3. You have to be dressed and not show poor fashion taste.
Though he showed me the boxer shorts and they were pretty snazzy.
I didn't take my med this morning because I couldn't find the bottle. I called my mom and she said "no one took it Susan, I will find it",,,,,I wasn't saying someone took it , I said I couldn't find it - maybe she could look during the day?? Blah - blah.
I think she is testy (and you wonder where I get it from :0) and I need to move pronto! November 16th, I hope.
Gaby woke up with her satin night gown half way down her body. I think she does that because it digs into her shoulder in some weird way. She sat at the kitchen table the other day and slipped it down by her waist. Half nude - cute.
&^%$##- my mother found the bottle of meds! I can't believe her. She said it was in the corner of the room behind a basket. I looked there...........I am pretty sure she took them for herself.....lol - jk....*sigh
Have you ever watched Fargo?? I love the way they talk - ya know? So funny.
Anyway, I woke up at 5 and Gaby woke up at 6:15. I dressed her and she hid when I tried to put her shoes on....I finally chased her down around the recliner and put them on. I said "no slurpee for you!!"......good parenting, huh?? I shouldn't have chased her. I should have made her come to me. Kind of like dating. haha
BTW - I was going to tell the R's that they need to get to me by Friday morning to go over plans for the weekend. I am not going to spend my 2 days off chasing them around or carting them to the mall. We are going to have FUN out in NATURE somewhere damn it!!
I had my venti and have bottle water ready to drink through out the day. *sigh...how boring. I just want to be thin......
Always,
Susan

Michelle How are you today?? It is kind of sunny over here in my neck of Portland. Thinking of you

SUSAN...I thought I was doing pretty good until I was driving to the grocery store and my mom's favorite song came on the radio, and I couldn't stop crying. I had a long talk with the cashier, because the store I went to is the one that my mom has gone to for years, even when I was in school and I used to go grocery shopping with her. The cashier had just seen her in there on her scooter the week before she died. She said that she just looked so tired and worn out lately, and was so sorry for our loss. I know I have to believe that she's in a lot better place now and in no more pain and suffering like she was. It's just so hard to accept it right now and I keep saying WHY!!! Today when my DD gets out of school, we have to go down to the funeral home to pick up my mom's death certificate and memorial folders. It had been pretty sunny here, but now it's gotten cloudy again. Do you take meds to help you with depression from your dad's death, because people keep saying that I really need to go to the doctor because I cry so much and I'm so sad, but it's only been a week and I keep saying I need time to grieve. What do you think? I'm glad your mom found your meds, and I do hope you can get your own place soon. What happened with your other place and do the other girls not live with you anymore? You are such a good mom and just keep holding your head up high!!!

Hi Michelle
The older girls haven't lived with me in a while. Not since I had to live on site for my job 3 years ago. They were in school in the SW area and I had to move to the NW area. By the time I could live off site (a year ago) they were comfortable living with dad. I decided to move because of the commute. I have cut it in half living at my moms. I just need my own place now!!! lol
I don't think you have to go on meds after just a week Michelle. I think picking a book up on grieving would help you with the stages. It is so personal and everyone has a right to their own pace.

I haven't been on in ages....and I've missed so much! Thank you for not forgetting me. I've caught up on this thread and so many have said hi to me when I haven't been around...well. I'm touched. I will do my best to check in more often. I have finally uploaded some more pix of the home and fam...the remodel continues apace. We need to get the bath done, then there's the flooring, inspections and hopefully DONE.

http://new.photos.yahoo.com/rosiekate37/albums/

let me know if you can't see them - yahoo just changed their photo pages, so I hope the pics are still public - they should be.

Michelle - I am so sorry for the loss of your mother - I know you have a had a tough time. Please know you are in my prayers and I hope that the memorial service went well ( or will go well - I can't remember if it was today
or not)

Cristina - I thought about you when I painted my house green - I like the interior green you have used. I couldn't get a green to work on my interior, so I used it on the outside! Have you heard from Josh - I hope he's doing alright so far away.

Susan - So great to see you back here! How's Toastmaster's going? Did you find a new apartment? I'm so glad you don't have that yucky commute anymore. I was accepted into INsight. I find out my diet in the next week or so and the groups start on November 9. I can't wait. I am so tired of gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. This should give me the kick in the butt I need.

I would love to get together at PB and Ellie's. I was just there with the kids and had a Chicken Caesar wrap that was very healthy I can't go there with my DS, tho'. He has a peanut allergy and they let kids play with peanut butter playdough. Now to me that sounds so cool, but if it ended on a table and that table didn't get cleaned properly, my kid would be toast. We were there at a really slow time and checked things out thoroughly - but he was pretty twitchy.

Bep - glad you're back...and losing! WTG!

Jules - I liked that cushion pattern. I've toyed with the idea of knitting pillows and cushions but have not done it yet. I have so much yarn piling up around here. I am trying to knit my DH a sweater as a surprise for christmas.
http://www.interweave.com/knit/Inter...ssues/F_05.asp
If you scroll down the page, it's the "Braided Blues Pullover" on the right. I am knitting it up in a navy blue wool.


Forgive me if I left anyone out..like I said - I will try to check in more now. I guess I just let it drop there for awhile.


Oh - my baby is turning 5 on Halloween - I can't believe it....that was a FAST 5 years!

SUSAN...I didn't want to even think I needed to go on meds yet, but some people have suggested it to me, because almost every time someone asks me about my mom or mentions her, I start crying. I can't help that I miss her so much, and I'm having a lot of guilt feelings right now, because of the past few months I had backed off some and didn't see her as much, and it hurts me now so much! I would give anything to go back and do things a little differently, but now it's final. I didn't ever know that you lived on site for your job, but I do hope that you and Gaby can get your own place again soon. Do you have a certain book to suggest for grieving? I really thank you for your support and kindness.

KATY...I'm so happy to see you back. Thank you for your kind words also. The memorial service is one week from tomorrow, and we buried her last Thursday. I looked at all of your pictures and they are so nice! Your family is so nice looking, and the house looks so nice, just great! That's neat that you get to do the weight loss study. I can't wait to see how everything goes and see you make your goal!

HELLO...Is anyone home today? It's so cold here this morning, but atleast it's sunny out, helps the mood. I hope all of you are having a good day!!!

Hello ladies...

Sorry I've not been here in a while...been in and still in a mood.

MICHELLE...I know it's hard for you but please try to not do the guilt trip. I know it's easier said than done because it is a stage of grief and I guess something you should deal with/go through...I guess. I know I sure did for quite some time. About taking meds...I wouldn't go that route unless you absolutely feel you need it. To me, you are just prolonging the grieving process. But that is JMHO and me. And it's new...it's just been a week. Surely no one can expect you to move on and be over it and if they do they must have not ever lost a loved one. Try reading some books like Susan mentioned...also, you can find all kinds of stuff online as well. Hugs to you.

KATY...good to see you posting! And the pictures are GREAT! You guys have come a long way with the house and it looks like it's almost done! Yay! Bet you can't wait for it to finally be finished. And...I love the green! I took a gander at the sweater as well...jeez, you are so good with the knitting. I love that sweater! And wow! can't believe little miss Leigh is going to be 5! They grow too fast don't they?

BEP... on the loss! You are doing great!

SUSAN...hoping you get your own place soon. And yay for the commute being cut in half. They say commuters cut their life span by so many years or something like that. Just think how much time a person spends in traffic and what you could do with all that extra time. When we were in CA DH's commute was 1 1/2-2 hours in the evening, an hour in the morning. If there was an accident on the freeway, well...might as well just forget it. As always, little miss Gaby is the cutest!

HI YA JULES!has DD heard anything about the apartment? Or is she moving home for a while? Hoping all is well with you and yours.

Nothing much going on with me...been in a mood for some reason and haven't felt much like posting, or doing much of anything. I have been keeping the house clean though. That's really about it. Today was grocery shopping day...I always dread it too. Plus the weather is dreary...anywho...take care ladies.

Hugs

CRISTINA...I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself with guilt, but it's something I'll have to work through, and hope it passes with time. I know I did so many good things for my mom, but I do get so upset with myself when I think of times that I could have been way more patient with her, and also been around for her more these past few months. I do try and think of all the good times we had and all of the times that I did help her out. My DH and DD are constantly getting on me for this, and reminding me over and over. I'll probably drive everyone crazy during my grieving time, but I know eventually there has to be brighter days ahead. Today was another sad day because a very good friend of ours lost her husband to a long horrible battle with cancer. We used to go over to their house for BBQs and we had so much fun, and he was always laughing and joking around. Our friend is now left with their two sons that are in high school. I hope you are feeling better and not feeling so down. I have many of those days, constantly.

Good Morning, Gals!

Michelle - Hope today is a little better. I remember your posts awhile back about some of the boundaries you had to set with your mom and I recall them as being completely appropriate. I know the grief is so hard, but I think your strategy of focusing on all the good tings you loved about your mom is going to pull you through this.

Cristina - hope your weather is better and you feel a little less dreary. My day yesterday was kind of like that, too. I was cleaning house most of the day - probably had something to do with it.

Well, here I am - supposed to be at step class, but here instead! I decided to talk a walk while DD is at preschool. She's at a new preschool that is by a park with a great trail. The weather should be good, so off I go. I am listening to Legend of Sleepy Hollow on my ipod - perfect fall listening, imo.

BTW - I have found free downloads of audiobooks at Librivox ( I think it's a dot org) If any of you like to listen to books, it's worth a look. These are books that are in the public domain and are read by volunteers. I've listened to Pride and Prejudice as well and it had an excellent reader.

Other than the walk, I'll work on knitting projects. My son's school carnival is tonight, so we'll go to that. I am going to work on portion control today, 'cause I haven't done that at all this week Thank goodness for workouts or I'd be gaining!

Hi to Susan, Bep, Jules, Sue and everyone else!