Debbie: I joked about hiring out, as you picked up on. But it is a new day for all of us to take care of what is ours.
I was talking with a friend today about her "exiled" part. I told her that even though the resources were not there when she was young, she can call on new resources and help for a part of self that feels powerless. Many people struggle with many things. A little compassion goes a long way for change. It is an inside job.
Such great progress and consistency Lexxiss and Helping Rachel.
And Hi Newlifestyle! Happy to see you again Very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.
I've done some work in my studio but nothing has progressed here at home It's one or the other for me it seems Never both--or rarely both. I'm really having a tough time getting my footing. I am still super-resistant to following any plan for longer than a day. I'm just not feeling very good or very optimistic, reflected in my weight which will not go below 250 and my home which I am maintaining in this state. I'm not giving up.
Checking in....I'm coloring my hair and should be out the door in 15 min. Oops!
onebyone, sorry to hear you are feeling down. I always try to remember, this too shall pass. What about resuming things very slowly? Just an idea...take it or leave it (as always)
Perhaps a daily 1-2-3
1. Pick one item in your home to put in its regular or new place
2. Pick one item in your home to put in a bag to let go of
3. Pick one item in your home to throw out.
This could take less than 5 minutes and would get you on a plan of daily progress which would add up.
one week-14 items gone and 7 organized
two weeks-28 items gone and 14 organized
My thought...sent with love and support
I gotta get cracking
Today
1. old clutter-put items in thrift box...yesterdays purge still sitting around
2. current clutter-I picked up in kitchen, made bed, folded laundry and opened mail
3. clean-I cleaned upstairs toilet and sink while DH made smoothie
OnebyOne: Sending hugs your way regarding your frustration with home and weight. I am glad you posted and connected. I have ignored most of my clutter for 10+ years, so I do understand the stuckness with making progress.
You are incredibly talented as an artist. I am sure you need lots of supplies to create the different artistic pieces. Can you open up some boxes to see if you can put like items with like items. As you are doing that is there anything in those boxes that you can let go of?
We are here to hear your story and support your experience. Thanks for checking in.
Last edited by helping rachel; 01-12-2013 at 03:11 PM.
Hello,
Thank you for all the kind words, it has been one of those days, the kind where you have two steps forward, three steps back.
I thought I was doing good and then I went to work and proceeded to have a breakdown, my boss asked me how anyone could help and then the tears started and just wouldn't stop, I then went into a fit of laughter, I am sure it was nervousness and the rawness of being human. I have just been putting one foot in front of the other to fake it until I make it...yikes.
I came home and then the coffee maker broke, I was heating pitas in the oven and they burned, I went to get something out of the car and a lady was letting her dogs poop on my sidewalk, when I mentioned I could get her a bag she told me it was my sidewalk and not her problem, I just wanted to scream.
One by One, I am so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. Hugs to you.
Helping Rachel, your office looks great.
Lexxis, How does your hair look? I am going to try the 1,2,3, baby steps until I get there,
I would start with baby steps. Look at some of Lexxiss(Debbie)'s post and see her 1-2-3- Dance. It makes it simple and doable.
You will have discomfort with the process at some point. It is part of the experience so I would ask yourself, "Can you have this feeling of _____________, and still take action toward your value of have a clean, organized home?"
I am realizing in my process, I have enjoyed it and hated it, depending on the day. Good luck if this is your intention for change. Feel free to share your process here.
Last edited by helping rachel; 01-13-2013 at 09:59 AM.
I understand the 2 steps forward, 3 back. I think grief is like a tangled ball of emotions and sometimes I didn't know what was going to come up & out and if I could even regulate them. On a raw day, I might have picked that poop up and flug it back at her. I remember when I lost my Mom --I got a call from my daughter's 1st grade teacher. She told me that my daughter poked another student with her scissors. I went up to school as they wanted me to come get her and the principal asked her what was going on. She didn't break the skin of the boy but told the principal that she felt like she was losing her mind since losing her grandma. She felt that boy just got too close to her and she needed space. Then they told me that she was off track and falling asleep. They were aware that she had lost her beloved grandmother. I realized that we were on a roller coaster ride of emotions until we were able to come to terms with the loss. We implemented some time to journal and make a memory album to keep the connection to my mom.
Anyhow, maybe too much information but I do remember the emotional highs and lows of grieving. If you have a trusted counselor that can hold space for you, I highly recommend it. A grief support group could be helpful to hear others language their grief and process. It is nice to know you are not the only one experiencing this sadness or experience. Just my 2 cents.
Last edited by helping rachel; 01-13-2013 at 10:10 AM.
Tami (helping rachel), Congrats! Your office looks (and feels) spectacular! What an accomplishment to carry through. PS-I acknowledged after looking at your pictures and after processing some things you had said-that my office, too, ends up being a kind of dumping ground and I acknowledge that my office is where I also get lots of things done. I believe it will continue to be a high maintenance room.
both Ann(Newlifestyle) and Julia! Please share your progress..frustrations...anything you wish right here.
Julia, you said, "My house is a horrible mess of stuff, stuff and more stuff. I KNOW I'd feel better about everything if it was orderly." I have a question...do you have too much stuff? Do you have things you no longer want or use? Or, is your horrible mess of stuff, stuff and more stuff all stuff you want to keep and wish it were orderly?
Things to think about....
The reason I ask is that I've been with this process for multiple years now. I came to the Beck forum originally because I saw onebyone's decluttering thread several years ago. I had already decided I wanted to declutter and was often both discouraged and perplexed. In MY process I have found that it is much easier to declutter the items you don't want before you try and organize the things you want to keep. Letting go first frees up space both emotionally and physically and makes the organizing process a bit smaller.
The 1-2-3 which Tami (helping rachel) mentioned was not entirely my creation. The website, Flylady, helped get me started in that direction. She has daily/weekly tasks/chores but I have found it's much easier to work with the support system I have here.
My 1-2-3 is an everyday thing. It helps me establish routine. Whether dieting or decluttering I believe that routine is very helpful.
My 1-2-3 daily is:
1. deal with some old clutter (pitch/thrift/recycle
2. deal with my current clutter (mail/laundry/stuff I leave out instead of putting away)
3. I clean something.
Today:
1. old clutter-find 5 items to pitch or recycle and continue on my old photo project
2. current clutter-picked up around house, took down christmas tree and put it all away in basement
3. clean-I cleaned both down my basement stairs and in the space underneath them before I restored the christmas tree.
My suggestion for getting started with a routine was a simple 1-2-3
1. Pick one item in your home to put in its regular or new place
2. Pick one item in your home to put in a bag to let go of
3. Pick one item in your home to throw out.
This could take less than 5 minutes and would get you on a plan of daily progress which would add up.
one week-14 items gone and 7 organized
two weeks-28 items gone and 14 organized
Anyway, I love hearing from everyone. I'm off to walmart to scan photos will check in later.
Hi All,
Debbie Thanks for the questions you asked Julia, it made me say, hmmm, I need to decide if I am just holding on to stuff for the sake of holding on to it, or what need it fills for me. Thank you for being so supportive.
Thanks for the 1,2,3, those can be a start to my baby steps,
1) folded laundry sitting in a basket from a week ago
2) emptied dishwasher and washed all current dishes
3) took a bag to the Salvation Army.
Julia, please feel free to stalk me...lol, I am glad you are here, it is nice to have people on his journey with me. I think I am so used to do so many things on my own it is nice to have company.
Tami, Thank you for sharing with me. You may only think it is two cents but it is priceless info for me so thank you for sharing. I need to accept help from others, funny how I only realized that recently. I do appreciate your words.
OnebyOne, thanks for your honesty, I hope you can take little steps to get back on track. I know that when feeling overwhelmed, I just shut down and feel like I am not worth it anyway so why bother, as I read all these posts I now know that I will get by with help from all of you. I hope one day I can help you as you have helped me with your honest words.
Thank you to all of you, you are all very important in my journey. I hope one day I am of sound mind and I can help others. Sorry if I am being sappy, I just appreciate you all so very much.
Take Care
Ann
Last edited by Newlifestyle; 01-13-2013 at 05:21 PM.
It makes me smile to see another take the step forward. Especially during a difficult time. How did those baby steps feel? Manageable? I am constantly amazed at the transformation in my home which (mostly) has been accomplished taking those same baby steps day in and day out. P.S. Nice credit thinking about the questions I posted for Julia. One thing I have definitely found is that I worked better starting out with less emotional items and yet now the more emotional ones are much easier to let go of if they fit into the category of "just holding onto it for the sake of holding on to it."
Well today my "old clutter" project became cleaning out my files of the old clutter of 2012 *credit* and making new files for 2013. I took a little extra time and made a new file for the pup and his medications. Tomorrow morning I will sort through several other old files...shred/organize and take all the stuff to the master file in the basement.
A small project which I can easily complete before work.
If you are willing to add more to your group, I would love to join. I was originally looking at Beck and saw this thread. It seems my success at dieting and clutter control go hand in hand. This seems like a great place for support and guidance.
I really struggle with clutter. I am not the most organized person in the world. And my husband is a pack rat. Any removal of anything from the house has to be done behind his back. It makes the whole process more challenging than it already is.
Michele! You can jump in and start wherever you feel lead. We are here to listen to your process and give support along the way. It is nice to have others working toward the same goal. Feel free to ask questions or share insights.
Way to go Ann. Every movement helps to keep things clean and in order. I am glad you could let go of a box to Salvation Army. One less box of "Stuff" to clean or organize. Continue to separate your treasures from the "stuff".
Debbie, thank you so much. I needed a starting point and I can do 1-2-3. I look at the big picture and don't even know where to start. But does doing one thing a day work with everyday clutter? OK, I'm not going to question right now. I can see that taking care of everyday clutter one piece a day would beget taking care of more of the clutter (if that makes any sense). I'm seeing my everyday clutter for example: empty soda cans on all the end tables, sunday paper on the coffee table, dirty dishes on the coffee table, shoes left in the middle of the floor. If I only do one thing a day, it isn't going to be much cleaner. One thing thrown away though, I can see that working. I have a question...do you have too much stuff? Do you have things you no longer want or use? Or, is your horrible mess of stuff, stuff and more stuff all stuff you want to keep and wish it were orderly?
Answer: I have too much stuff I don't want or need. Duplicates cause I can't find the original. Stuff that could be useful for someone, just not me. Plus the stuff I want and need and can't find because of the other crap.
Anyway, thank you for the starting point. I LIKE IT! I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to do it. No excuses, no rationalizing, no resistance. Simple stuff first, emotional stuff later.
Thank you. I'll start tonight, I'm sure I can find 5 minutes. (maybe more!)
Tami/helping rachel: I've written your statement down on a card. I imagine the most common feeling of resistance is going to be I don't feel like it. Guess what, the other side of the card says? You can spare 5 minutes to do this.
OK, I'll get started and report back tommorrow
Hi Ann, yes it's nice to have the company. Thanks for being here.
Hi Michelle, we can do it together!
Off now 1-2-3
Julia
things moving not always as planned
What about resuming things very slowly? Just an idea...take it or leave it (as always)
both Ann(Newlifestyle) and Julia! Please share your progress..frustrations...anything you wish right here.
Michele! You can jump in and start wherever you feel lead. We are here to listen to your process and give support along the way. It is nice to have others working toward the same goal. Feel free to ask questions or share insights. 