-I used to obsess over thinspo and my perfect goal weight in my head was 118, because it's just underweight for my height(according to the BMI chart), though in reality I'd probably look really underweight around 125. I tried to reach this weight by starving and throwing up but it never worked because I'd always give up and spend a few weeks binging. Then I'd try again.
-I sometimes imagine running into old flames and having lost a significant amount of weight, or being at goal. I imagine how they'd react and it's always ridiculous. I am certainly not just trying to lose for that, but it's a stupid fantasy I still hold on to.
-I sometimes get this feeling like dying would be so much easier than continuing on like this, but it's not strong and I always work through it, though that thought sometimes rears it's ugly head.
-My biggest fear is that, even after all this time and all these attempts and continued attempts, the next 30 years are going to fly by and I'm going to be 50 and find myself still overweight. Not that you shouldn't turn your life around just because you're older but I definitely would like to see my goal weight before I'm 30. Ideally I'd like to weigh 150 by the time I graduate in four years. I just worry that life is going to fly by and I'll just be sitting here, fat, on the sidelines wishing I knew what to do.
-I've had to have my gallbladder removed as a result of extreme under eating
-Last weekend I binged on McDonald's and frozen yogurt only to purge it because I simply couldn't deal with the guilt
-I went to the gym for three hours and only at 500 calories last weekend just so i could drink a ton of vodka when I went out at night
-I re-started my weight loss journey 5 weeks ago and have not stepped on a scale in 5 weeks because i am TERRIFIED of the numbers (even though I've definitely lost weight and toned up)
-I judge people at the gym as selfish motivation for myself
-I work in a restaurant (also a student) and enjoy serving disgustingly fattening food to people and watching them eat it. Of course I know the calorie content of almost everything on the menu -_-
Mozzy, I do something similar with people around me. I used to try to get my boyfriend to eat more and gain weight so i wouldn't feel as big. I feel super selfish in retrospect!
This is awful but I used to be jealous of my mom because she got really really ill and lost 70 pounds without trying I would rather have been ill than give up junk.
I also want to be the skinny friend and have the vanity issues.
I always under estimate exercise burn and over estimate food calories "sometimes severely"
I've purged and not eaten period at times though not since I decided this was about being healthy not just skinny.
I worry about developing an eating disorder, and I'm terrified of losing and then regaining like petrified.
Sometimes I feel I'd rather be fat then look saggy.
I have only weighed myself once because I'm afraid of the numbers.
I'm starting to think that what I see in the mirror is more divergent from reality than I used to think. I've read a lot about this problem in various threads and nodded along, but secretly been glad that I only deal with that a "little bit." Well, I'm not so sure now and I'm not really sure how to deal with it. Mirrors and pictures just confuse me more and I don't feel I have anyone to ask to get an honest opinion.
I guess I just feel weird, since I don't know if my head is on straight about this or not.
I confess I secretly blame my mother and her 5'4 weight 100 lbs eating whatever she wants with no diet for not teaching me proper nutrition and exercise at a young age.
I confess I tell ppl I don't want kids because I'm not Interested in them, but really it's because I'm scared ill never lose the weight and balloon to worse than my hw of 198.
-I constantly think about my weight, food, and calories. All day, every day. I know the calorie content of almost everything.
-I am convinced that the reason I have never had a boyfriend is because I am a size 14 at 5'9" and lunge around like a grotesque lumberjack. It mystifies me when I see girls who are size 20+ with significant others. I don't know what's more terrifying: the idea that I'm right and that weight is my issue, or the idea that I have a massive personality defect and my weight has squat to do with it.
-When I was 15 or so I fancied myself "Pro Ana" but never used the term. I wrecked my metabolism eating 500 calories a day and getting from 170 to 140 in two months. I gained all the weight back and then some.
-I wish I could be as skinny as when I thought I was fat.
I weigh things like cottage cheese and almond butter down to the gram using an electronic food scale. Because I don't trust the accuracy of cups and measuring spoons. Then I enter the calorie count in grams into Fitday. It's SO ridiculous but I can't kick the habit.
I used to have such extreme food avoidance issues that I made "pancakes" from a recipe I found on a bodybuilding site with: protein powder, oatmeal, cottage cheese, and a banana. I couldn't bare the thought of eating a real pancake. LOL. I also used to weigh my spinach in ounces. SPINACH. Thankfully, I don't do either of those things anymore.
This thread makes me feel happy and normal as opposed to weird. Lol. Weight loss and body issues seem to be a mind f!ck for everyone.
I blame my family for my weight and that I feel the need to eat everything on my plate. Growing up, I was served 4 meals a day. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and "Snack." Snack consisted of a full plate heaping with chips, cheese, pepperoni, olives, etc. Also, the first thing anyone in my family does is offer food and they'll be offended if you don't eat. And its usually the most fattening food possible. My family also forced me to eat everything on my plate or I wasn't allowed to get up from the table.
My family never made me eat healthy foods growing up. I've always been a little heavier than everyone else. When I was old enough to realize that I was eating the wrong foods, the damage had already been done and its a struggle to just maintain my weight, let alone lose it.
A tiny bit of a necro here, but this thread made me feel so much less alone in my strange habits that I just had to post!
I also weight myself every morning, before eating or drinking anything and after using the bathroom.
When I get food to-go at restaurants, I usually order two meals; one for that night, and one for the next day's dinner. Even though I order very healthy food, I always feel the need to mention an imaginary roommate as I pay, so they won't think I'm going to sit down and eat both meals at once myself. I also always ask for two pairs of plastic cutlery.
I can't eat in public without explaining to my friends that the reason I'm so hungry/eating so much is because I haven't eaten yet that day (I do intermittent fasting). I'm afraid they imagine that I eat three gigantic meals a day!
My college campus is incredibly fit, and there are very few overweight or obese people here. When I first got here, I started counting how many other fat people there were, to help myself feel less alone. It took five months to find 20 other people.
When I make new friends, I try to mention something about being heavy in passing (usually as a joke) so they don't think I'm unaware of my weight, and also so no one can use it to hurt me. By making fun of myself before anyone else can make fun of me, I'm trying to preemptively make other people's mean words powerless against me (even though no one has insulted me because of my weight in years and years, since high school).
Now that I've lost almost 30 lbs, I'm much more aware of my body, and much more self-conscious. I never hated the way I looked before, but the more I lose, the more unhappy I become with my appearance. I really hope that trend reverses eventually - it's hard feeling so badly about one's self!
Wow, I never realized how strange some of the mental gymnastics I play with myself were until I started typing... Interesting! Hopefully as I work towards my goal I'll be able to move past the need for some of these behaviors.
I weigh things like cottage cheese and almond butter down to the gram using an electronic food scale. Because I don't trust the accuracy of cups and measuring spoons. Then I enter the calorie count in grams into Fitday. It's SO ridiculous but I can't kick the habit.
I used to have such extreme food avoidance issues that I made "pancakes" from a recipe I found on a bodybuilding site with: protein powder, oatmeal, cottage cheese, and a banana. I couldn't bare the thought of eating a real pancake. LOL. I also used to weigh my spinach in ounces. SPINACH. Thankfully, I don't do either of those things anymore.
This thread makes me feel happy and normal as opposed to weird. Lol. Weight loss and body issues seem to be a mind f!ck for everyone.
LOL, I don't see anything wrong with that! I weigh everything because I'm a calorie counter, and that's how I know how many calories are in things. I also make alternative recipes because I think they can taste just as delicous as the 'original' and offer much more in terms of nutrition.
When I work out and think of all the men who have spurned me in the past for my skinny friends I make plans on revisiting the area just to make them feel like crap. I then push myself that much harder at the gym. >.<
Another driving factor for wanting to lose weight is to walk into the store where I know my ex-boyfriend's wife is working at whom he cheated on me with just to make her feel as worthless as I did. I currently avoid that store.
