Funny, the house was a disaster when I didn't care if I was eating 4,000 calories a day and I didn't freak out at it, nor did I get so upset when I thought about all the projects then. So why does it matter now? Something for me to think about I guess.
I just wanted to say that you sound a lot like me! And I think in my case, when I'm really into my slacking and overeating mode, it's like I do it to distract myself from everything else that is going on. And once I start doing better in one area, it calls my attention to other things I've been neglecting.
I have been sitting here and dreading making this post for two days now. But, part of my arsenal to stay on track is checking in - and that is with you guys on 3fc and that is this post.
Back in 2010-2012 I was an avid, daily poster while I was in the midst of my initial weight loss phase (high weight was 332; I lost a grand total of 188 pounds and got a mere 3 pounds from goal weight before it all went to sh!t ). I went through some of my older posts in my blog and it is so depressing to see my entries here and there in the intervening 5 years where I would 'get back on track' or 'try something new this time' and know now that each thing just led to failure as I am back up at 241 pounds.
So, very long story short, I am sick of feeling like garbage and beating myself up over what I ate and the mental gymnastics I have been putting myself through the last few years. I am so done with this and really need to face some harsh realities so that I can move forward: 1) I am a food addict 2) my brain does not allow me to get away with moderation 3) accountability to myself has to take priority over my laziness (i.e., I really do need to measure every single thing )
I have gone back in this thread and see so much of myself in each of you. On the one hand it is nice to know I am not alone; on the other, I feel so terribly for all of us.
Anyway, this post is just to re/introduce myself to all of you. I think I recognize at least one name I am off to make a blog post to get my thoughts down on what new thing I am going to try this time to get back on track. I sound and feel like a broken freakin' record.
Pacifica Bee, that is my story exactly! I've just come back after first a massive loss (95 pounds) and a pretty massive re-gain (48 pounds). The important thing, though, is that we're back!
This is my 4th day of being totally back on track...not one ounce lost...but I'm not letting the scale deter me. When I was younger, I could gain weight easily and also lose it easily. Now I still gain weight easily (a bad day easily sets me back a pound) but it takes forever to lose. Hopefully I can find the right combination of eating and exercise to speed things up a little.
Looking forward to getting to know everyone on the board!
I just wanted to say that you sound a lot like me! And I think in my case, when I'm really into my slacking and overeating mode, it's like I do it to distract myself from everything else that is going on. And once I start doing better in one area, it calls my attention to other things I've been neglecting.
I think it's kind of - in some ways - apathy. I didn't CARE about my weight and didn't CARE about my house and didn't CARE about the projects. During a good portion of the time, all I cared about was dealing with my son...long story there...and frankly, I didn't want to CARE about that! If I could have just gone to sleep and woken up when he was a functioning member of society - well, I'd still be asleep - but I'd have done it!
Now that I care about my OWN life again, as opposed to his, yes, I now care about it all and that's just kind of overwhelming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacifica Bee
Back in 2010-2012 I was an avid, daily poster while I was in the midst of my initial weight loss phase (high weight was 332; I lost a grand total of 188 pounds and got a mere 3 pounds from goal weight before it all went to sh!t ). I went through some of my older posts in my blog and it is so depressing to see my entries here and there in the intervening 5 years where I would 'get back on track' or 'try something new this time' and know now that each thing just led to failure as I am back up at 241 pounds.
Anyway, this post is just to re/introduce myself to all of you. I think I recognize at least one name I am off to make a blog post to get my thoughts down on what new thing I am going to try this time to get back on track. I sound and feel like a broken freakin' record.
Welcome back. I'm just back too for about a month now.
You said you started at 332 and lost 188lbs, so you were down to 144? Now you're 241.
So I think you can look at this two ways.
You can feel badly that you gained 97 lbs.
OR
You can proudly say, you KEPT OFF 91 lbs and you stopped right there and got back on track!
Personally, I think it's GREAT you kept off so much, recognized what was happening before you gained it all back, and got yourself back in the saddle again! Good for you!
Pacifica Bee and Frances123: Welcome!!! Glad you are joining us!! It is a tough journey, made a little easier by having good people around to help you through the rough times. I know you are both a little disappointed in being back and facing the regain. But let's move forward together!! The past is in the past. You both have lost a lot of weight before, so I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts as we go forward! You've done it, and you can do it again!
Lilion: Oh I definitely can relate to what you have said! You put it very well. I agree with Uber (as I usually do!) and I think taking on one project at a time, seeing a completion before moving on, is a great way to move forward. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
Uber: So happy with your successful week on the scale!! Yay! That's always fun to see. Thanks for the encouragement. I will get it back in the groove.
Laurie: Only four miles running... ha! That's awesome that 4 miles is "only" 4 miles!!! You should be proud!
For me, I'm not back yet. I am struggling, but part of it is that my hip is so sore right now. As my husband reminded me, this happens every so often. It isn't tragic, and I'll rebound. I have to let it heal.... which makes me a little nuts. Not good with injuries at all. But, I'll be fine. Right now I'm shooting for Monday to get back to the gym.
Frances123 and Pacifica Bee. Welcome!!!! Welcome!!!
I remember you guys! If you guys got started in 2010 that was just when everything was going so great for me. You are one hundred percent welcome here and glad to have the company! I guess the thing is that all of us know how to lose weight, and yet all of us have struggled. So we can all relate! One thing I can tell you is to remind yourself every single day that even though you've regained, neither of you are back up to your high weight. I thought that day would NEVER come for me, but 7 years after I lost 110 pounds I stood on the scale and saw my original high number. That was a terrible day, and every single day that you don't weigh your original high weight is a successful day IMHO.
Lillion, Diane, Laurie, Vlada, and anyone else I'm forgetting Hope you're all having a great day!
So, scale bounce back to 272 today-- not surprised as it seemed crazy to drop four pounds in as many days. Totally awesome exercise NSV yesterday! I took a break from C25K to do my old walking routine. Wow! The routine that I actually found difficult a month ago was a BREEZE. I significantly upped my pace and didn't even notice the "hills." I was truly, shockingly out-of-shape when I started, but it never ceases to amaze me how quick we pick up fitness-- it's MUCH quicker than losing weight.
Little update on the WLS front-- I think I may have come up with a temporary solution. Due to my own scheduling concerns, it looks like I'd have to push it back until Sept/October anyway, so I think that is better. In five months, I figure I should be at least halfway to goal, and that will give me enough time to see 1. If I can reverse the prediabetes with diet and exercise and 2. How the weight loss is going.
Popping back in as I seem to have ninja'd both Diane and Lillion
Diane Do you have access to a pool, and have you ever thought of doing water workouts? I'm a pool person and I love swimming, but it is such a great kind of exercise for people who are getting strain injuries. Might not work for you, but you could give it a thought. If you don't like lap swimming, water aerobics is totally low impact.
Lillion Whatever your problem with your son (((hugs))). Kid problems are the absolute hardest. No question.
Thanks Slashnl for the show of support! Frances123, it will be nice to keep tabs on/with someone who is on almost the exact trajectory! Lillion, you are a wise one. I WISH that I could keep my eye on the fact that I didn't gain the other 91 back, and it is something I try to tell myself already, but it just doesn't stick and I end up beating myself up. Oh well, that is why I am back here I guess weee. And ubergirl, you were the name I recognized, too
I've had a perfect week so far, but now the hard part for me starts. I work M-Th super long days so pre-pack and bring my breakfast lunch and dinner with me to my office, and just don't eat anything when I get home. Easy peasy. But now my weekend begins and this is where everything gets messed up. So, I have my plan for meals and am hitting the store on the way home to make sure that i have what I need without having to deviate or do guesswork. And then I guess we will see how thick my resolve is. Luckily I don't have any plans this weekend so should be a good one to not face any temptations (other than what I already have at home and know I should not eat)
Last edited by Pacifica Bee; 04-27-2017 at 05:37 PM.
Holy cow, there's a lot of people on here now. Woohoo! I love it when it gets busy. Downside being I'm exhausted and that's a lot of responding and I'm feeling especially lazy right now.
Welcome to the kind-of-new-not-really people coming back to us!!!!
Hello to all my regulars!!!!
I'm gonna have to catch up later tonight or tomorrow. Work was crazy, worked out like crazy, had a big dinner of fish and a pile of veggies. I'm full and very, very tired. Hope everyone is doing well!
I take a day off from posting and reading and - look - we get TWO new-to-our-thread people! Were y'all just waiting until it looked like I had finally, finally left?
Pacifica Bee - I remember that feeling so well! I have that feeling now when I've been off course a few days or don't want to take responsibility for choices that I have made or want to make. I am amazed and humbled that you managed to keep off 91 pounds for so long! I also completely relate to your "harsh realities." I, too, am a food addict. I spend so much time waiting for the next time I can eat, it makes me crazy. And that's when I am on plan. I have tried moderation time and time and time again. I am still trying to find a formula for that. And it is really tough for me to prioritize measuring, etc. over the other things I could do with that time. But we will find a way to make this work long-term, right? Alcoholics and heroin addicts learn to live with their addictions. We can, too. So glad you're here!
Frances123 - Welcome back to 3FC! You, too, have had long-term success with keeping off a substantial amount of weight. My math skills are being challenged today, but it looks like you have kept off about 37 pounds? That's fantastic! So glad that you've gotten four days of being totally on track. Hopefully, the scale catches up soon, but establishing the habits is EVERYTHING. So glad you're here too!
Lilion - I sense a bit of perfectionism in you? At least that's what I think when I read about your "need to fix everything in my life right now" posts. Like Uber, I totally relate to your posts. As a (fellow?) perfectionist, I tend to think that everything should be better than it is, and it is my fault if it isn't. But there's just not enough time for me to make everything perfect. And I'm not much for half-as$ing things, so I want to throw myself into work or throw myself into my relationship or throw myself into weight loss or throw myself into running or . . . I am trying to move forward one thing at a time. I also am getting quite good at willing myself not to care whether I have stacks of things that need to be addressed. If I try to address it all at once, I go into a tailspin of depression and don't get anything done at all because it's too overwhelming. That works sometimes. And sometimes, it doesn't. I know you'll figure out the formula, though. Frankly, at least at this point, I'd rather tell people who come to my house, "Yup. It's always a mess." than have to start buying bigger sizes because I am allowing myself to gain weight rapidly again.
Diane - Oof with the sore hip! Added on top of a time when you're not as on-track as you'd like to be. Wish your injuries would just go away and stay away. Hope that work, at least, is a little more forgiving now. I second Uber's suggestion, if it's feasible for you. Low-impact water exercise might be a way to keep active while your hip heals.
Uber - So thrilled that you saw a great scale drop, even if part of it went away. Even more thrilled that you are breezing through your old walking routine. I love, love, love that you're conquering C25K, and I love that you're seeing all these dividends. Glad that you've come up with a plan to sort through the issues surrounding WLS. And thank you for expending the energy to post. Even when work is making me crazy, reading through your posts makes everything a little bit easier.
Amanda - Fish and veggies is a perfect dinner! I love when I can feel full but not feel guilty because I've made the right nutrition choices.
Vladadog - I trust you're working away in the background, staying on plan and focused on goal.
Carter - Can't wait to hear about how your meetings went with the CEO and hearing about how you've stayed on plan (or are getting back on plan) since your last post.
I am still struggling a bit to get back on track, but I am doing much better. However, my focus today is on eating carbs and carbs and carbs! I have avoided eating running-specific foods, as I know a lot of people either stall or go backwards in weight loss when they're training for a race. But, tomorrow is my half-marathon, and I am loving being able to eat cereal without guilt and in moderation. Or, at least, I have eaten in moderation. I just had to hide the cereal to stop myself from trying to eat it and having to tell myself that eating carbs in moderation does not mean eating an entire box of cereal before 10 a.m.
We drove the course yesterday. It is a long, long, long course -- 13.1 miles long! And it will be cold and rainy. I got increasingly nervous as we drove. Since then, however, I am feeling confident. It won't be fast, and I will be miserable for at least part of the way, but I know I can do this. My training the last month or so has not been stellar, but I have been training for eight months. I can do this. For today, I am just going to take some long walks to stay loose without exhausting myself. After tomorrow, y'all won't have to hear any more about my half-marathon training. Just about the travails of a tummy tuck. =)
Thanks for the very warm welcome! I am happy to report that after 4 days on track, I'm down .8! Hey, if I can lose a pound a week, steadily, I'll be at GOAL in less than a year! Woo hoo!
Ubergirl, congrats on your NSV! Those really keep me going, too!
LaurieDawn, good luck on your run!!!
PacificBee, I know what you mean about the weekends. They're just harder than the week. For me, I exercise all week but take the weekends off, so I'm usually hungrier. You're right, planning ahead definitely helps. I usually give myself more calories on the weekend because then I'm less likely to overeat because I feel restricted. Having a plan is half the battle...good luck!
Laurie: Good luck and let us know how it goes!! Very proud of you!
Dread: I get the exhausted part! Tough to be creative in responses when you feel that way!
Pacifica Bee: Yep, weekends are rough! I struggle with them too. Hang tough!
Uber: Good ideas, but I am not a swimmer. I could do the water aerobics, but not really something I like. I haven't had a swimming suit in years!!
Scary thought.
For me, not much to say. Very busy at work, so I'm keeping it short. Have a good weekend!
Diane I hear you. Some people can't enough of the pool, others not. I had a run of hip problems several years ago. In my case it was bursitis and what helped was a softer mattress-- or rather a firm mattress with a softer top. I know lots of things can make hips hurt--not just bursitis. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon! I feel how much that is frustrating you right now.
Frances Hooray for the .8. You are on your way!
Laurie I will be thinking of you tomorrow. A half marathon! What a giant achievement!!! Would have ever thought you would be doing that now when you were up at 275?
Amanda Fish and veggies is one of my staple meals! I like to eat meals that really make me feel full and I'm a huge fish lover! Sounds like you've been super busy at work, but a good kind of busy.
PacificaBee, Vlada, Lillion Hope you guys have an awesome weekend!
Doing ok over here. No big weight issues but a great day for my kids. Went to see a cute school play that my son was in and then found out that my daughter won not one but two big academic awards at college. She was SUPER excited and I was proud!
Uber - Such impressive accomplishments for your son and daughter! Congratulations! And not having any "big issues" to report about your weight? That, to me, is the ultimate goal -- to be able to stay on track but not to have it be a headline in my life. Your "just make smarter choices and live my life with some great fitness goals built into it" strategy is fantastic, and it seems to be working.
Diane - Hope the weekend was good for your hip, and that you're back in top form. Also hope that work slows down a bit for you at some point. You are always the rock in your office, it seems. As in this group.
Frances - 0.8 in four days is a really good rate of loss! So glad you're back, and that you're finding your groove, and that you're pushing forward. Let me say again - we're super glad to have you with us.
Busy day at work, but it's starting to become manageable again. Finally got back on the scale this morning. 161.8. Not as much damage as I had feared. I ran my half-marathon on Saturday. I was painfully slow, and I am trying to tell my always-critical brain to back off of me. It took me 2 hours and 48 minutes to finish, so my pace was about 4.7 mph. I intentionally paced myself more slowly than usual for the first part of the race, so I was at about a 5.1 mph pace for the first six miles. So the rest must have been brutally slow, though it didn't feel as slow as it was. And my body hurt badly when I finally crossed the finish line. I feel like I could have done so much better. But I am desperately trying to shut up that part of my brain. It wasn't that long ago when I struggled to run for a full minute, and slow as it was, I ran for almost three hours on Saturday. It is an accomplishment. **sigh** And I fear it's this attitude that will make maintaining difficult.
But -- onward and upward, right? Surgery is scheduled in nine days. I am going to try to eat well so that I don't have that carb swell still going on when I go into surgery. Gonna try to work hard and prep everything so I can be ready to take a few days off. I can do this.
It's May! Today is cold and rainy here, but the rest of the week is supposed to be beautiful. I intend to enjoy the weather and maybe do a couple of "casual" five-mile runs. Cuz, hooker in my head, I can do that now. So shut up already about the half-marathon, which is an accomplishment, no matter how slowly I ran.
WHOOHOO I had my first perfect (food-wise) weekend in literally YEARS! I feel so good about that, like a passed a hurdle that just lets me know I can do it if I want to do it. And I do! thanks to everyone for their warm encouragement!! Of course, the scale is being a giant piece of crap =\ Last week I had a mega-woosh on Thursday (down to 236.6 from being 241.9 the day before) and this morning and all weekend its been back up at 239.7. My only guess is that I didn't drink enough water. I usually practically drown myself as I am chugging water all day at my desk. When I am home, I just sort of forget to drink.
LaurieDawn, I think I found a solution to my addiction. Let me know if you want to hear more about it - I can tell you this weekend let me know I am on the right track. And that is awesome about your marathon, slow or not! When I was at my lowest weight, I was running a 5k daily and I miss it so much. I developed pretty bad planar fascitiis in both feet which is about the same point that I started re-gaining. I probably will never get to that point again, but I do look forward to the day I get to start training myself back up for hiking. I want to get to under 200 before I start that though. Grats to your daughter Uber!
I hope everyone had a great weekend and is looking forward to a good week. Happy Monday!
Laurie Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow! I am SO EXCITED for you! That is a giant accomplishment, and an excellent pace for someone who lost 100 lbs to get to that place! Now, I'm excited for your surgery! You are doing so many wonderful things for yourself!
Pacifica I'm SO happy that you were able to score a perfect weekend! The most mysterious aspect of weight loss, for me, is that sometimes it is so hard to summon the courage to start, but it feels SO AWESOME when you do!
Diane Hope your hip is feeling better and your work life stays manageable.
Amanda, Frances, Vlada Hope you guys had a great weekend!
I had the HORROR of stepping on the scale this morning and seeing it was up 4 pounds. What? I've been 271 for the last week. Jeez. I know it's just some kind of bloat, but still. That being said, I'm not sure I had the best weekend. I ended up not exercising either Sat or Sun, more by disorganization. I must choose a specific time to exercise, as changing my exercise time from day to day ends up with me skipping it. I'm on for a C25K run today. Foodwise. The good news. No bingeing. Zero, since late January. However, I think I am slacking a little bit by slightly expanding how much I'm eating. On Saturday, I was just crazy hungry, so hungry that I got a headache before lunch. Ate a decent lunch, and then was super hungry at dinner again, but still had an overall good day. But yesterday, I decided to eat breakfast to avoid the super-hungry, headache situation, then I ate a little more than usual at lunch, and then for some reason, I decided to eat a lot extra for dinner-- now granted, that EXTRA was homemade bean soup, so pretty low in calories, but I think I may need to be a little bit more careful. Right now, I'm not logging, and I'm losing steadily, but I am concerned that if I get too loose, I'll stop losing. But I keep telling myself NOT TO FREAK OUT. Frankly, just the 26 lbs I've lost has already made a big difference in my life: 1) all of the clothes that normally fit, fit again. 2) I was so big that I had some close calls with the airplane seatbelt, which won't be a problem at my current weight. 3) I feel a lot healthier-- my body starts to really feel like it's breaking down when I approach 300 lbs, which has only happened twice in my life. So, in my case, far better to eat a little too much bean soup and not lose any weight for a while than to do the behaviors that time and again throughout my life have ultimately moved the needle toward returning to bingeing. Right? I always think that there are only two gears in my body: loss and gain, like forward and reverse, but I always forget about idle, and why shouldn't I idle at 271 for a while? This is the first time I've ever managed to stick with my program for an extended period WITHOUT obsessing and tracking and logging, etc. Because I have this giant overarching concern about my health that is managing to keep me on track. So that is Uber's thoughts for the day!
). I went through some of my older posts in my blog and it is so depressing to see my entries here and there in the intervening 5 years where I would 'get back on track' or 'try something new this time' and know now that each thing just led to failure as I am back up at 241 pounds.
) 
I am off to make a blog post to get my thoughts down on what new thing I am going to try this time to get back on track. I sound and feel like a broken freakin' record.
