Has anyone else ever heard it called "cheating"? And what is your response to that kind of derision?
I have a real weakness for giving a damn what other people think about me. And if one person tells me I "cheated" because I lost weight by having surgery rather than by strict diet and exercise, I'm afraid I might bust out bawling. I've been fat all my life, and I've never been one who garnered the general approval of the masses. Even family members have been mean. I remember being a teenager, and my uncle cautioning me because my mother's pet conure was out of his cage. "Don't step on him. There's no telling what your massive bulk might do to the poor bird." I quickly pointed out that any human being's bulk is massive compared to the bird's, but the psychological damage had been done. This was an adult family member talking, and I was 100 pounds less at the time than I am now. I've always been fair game for put-downs like that, and "if you don't like it, lose weight."
Now I'm considering going under the knife. My next doctor's appointment, I will ask her to refer me. My insurance will cover it if I have medical problems as a result of my weight, and I do. So I just may lose the weight after all, as some members of our church have done recently. (Same insurance plan, same doctor's office.) But I still face disapproval if they say I "cheated."
Hi LoveBirds! sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking. And i can't think of a better way to answer your Q than to refer you to the thread below.
My mind goes to one edition several years ago of the Jimmy Kimmel show, where he went through a list of celebs who had undergone WLS. Ruben Studdard, Carnie Wilson, etc. He then came to the conclusion, "They cheated! As far as I'm concerned, they're all still fat!" Yeah, he's a comedian, and that was supposed to be a joke, but I haven't watched his show since.
Thank you for the thread. Even before I read where the question was presented, I started to think, "So what if it IS the easy way out?"
And then that's exactly what everyone started saying.
I was married to a man who made me use cloth diapers for the baby, not for ecological reasons but because he didn't want to spend money on disposable diapers or baby wipes. I had to use soap and water with a washcloth, wash the diapers and the washcloths, and hang them out on a line. That's the way they used to do it in like the 1940's maybe, but this was the 1980's. To justify his not wanting to spend money taking care of our children, so he could use it for dope instead, he would accuse me of wanting to take the easy way out. If I so much as mopped under the table without actually *moving* the table, he would call me lazy. He'd totally ream me every time I wanted to do something more efficiently, rather than taking the long way around.
And now, weight loss surgery is called "the easy way out" or "cheating" as if that's a bad thing.
Why is the hard way always thought to be better?
But of course, those who have done the research know that having surgery is not "easy."
Last edited by LovebirdsFlying; 03-29-2010 at 09:44 AM.
Being born with a fast metabolism is cheating. Having skinny parents is the easy way out. There is NOTHING easy about what you and I have gone through. And if you're considering surgery, it doesn't get any easier from here.
Well, I used cloth diapers and loved them, but I used a washing machine .
Anyhow, I haven't had the surgery, but I did a lot of research on it, so I feel qualified to say what I'm about to say: There's nothing easy about WLS. Nothing. I think a lot of people don't understand that WLS involves a much stricter diet than "regular" weight loss. I'm counting calories and I can literally eat anything I want (though not in the quantities I might crave!) and still lose weight. With WLS, there are somethings that you will probably never be able to eat again without your body having a violent reaction to them. Excercise is also critical to WLS success. WLS is a tool to arrive at an end. I think of it like this: obesity is like cancer. Some people are best treated by minor surgery, others by radical surgeries, others by chemo or radiation, others by some combination of them all. Can you imagine someone who had a lumpectomy to treat breast cancer being told she took the easy way out because she didn't have a mastecomy? This is a medical decision that only you can make. It's nobody else's business. Random people don't get a vote. If you decide to have to surgery and are worried about what people will think. . .well, don't tell them. It's none of their business. If they ask how you lost weight, tell them by burning more calories than you eat, which would be completely true.
Whenever someone says that I took "the easy way" by having the surgery I get so unnerved. I will go into a rant about the pain you go through after surgery, the process of having to learn to re-eat with the chance of vomiting or dumping anything that you put in your mouth. I tell them about the multitude of vitamins you need to take, because you're body suffers with malabsorption and how there are so many issues that can come from being un-vitamin'ized and dealing with dehydration (which we do suffer from easily). I talk about the mental "scarring" - for lack of a better word - that we have to deal with and work towards healing, because we go from being ridiculed for being fat to being ridiculed for being smaller, and that doesn't even include the self-inflicted mental "scarring" because we still see ourselves as fat even when we have reached our goals. I truly do assault these people verbally, yet in a somewhat educating way, to let them see just how "easy" our "way out" via surgery was/is.
People like that peeve me off.
You're doing this for you. You cannot help that your metabolism and genetics sabotaged your weight over the years. You cannot help that any and every diet tried did not work. You cannot help that 6 hours of exercise a day in the gym didn't make a single pound budge. However, it is YOUR body that you can take control of, have the surgery, feel great and become healthy.
I honestly don't care if people think I took the easy way to lose weight, in a way it is true, i've never been ale to lose weight like this in my life. Some things are harder, like all the vitamins and the reactions to some food. I wouldnt trade that for all the diets in the world, because it is easier to not be tempted by things when such a small amount is satisfying. who cares what other people think, i'm sure there are folks who take short cuts in all manner of things in thier lives, and no one judges them for it. why should you feel judged for doing something that will prolong your life? alot of things in life other people feel they have the right to judge, but really all that matters is how you feel about it.
Being born with a fast metabolism is cheating. Having skinny parents is the easy way out. There is NOTHING easy about what you and I have gone through. And if you're considering surgery, it doesn't get any easier from here.
That's a new way to look at it.
My grandchildren's father is one of those. He can eat whatever he wants, in copious amounts, and never gain weight. The downside, he says, is that people assume he's addicted to meth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jiffypop
lovebirds, honey. you're not still married to cloth-diaper wacko, are you??? i hope???
sometimes the tapes we play in our head need to be erased - this sounds like one of them!!!
No, I'm not. He left me for another woman in 1989, kindest thing he ever did for me.
I would just be really careful who I told. Confide only in trusted friends, just like you would for any other surgery of a personal nature. Your decision is a personal one, and the general public (and your casual acquantances and most family members) don't necessarily have the right to know that you're having surgery unless you tell them.
I've often thought of having surgery to fix my floppy, droopy breasts. It's different than your surgery, obviously, because I would totally be doing it for vanity's sake. But if/when I do it, I will be very, very careful who I tell because I don't need people giving me crap over what is a very personal decision.
So.....that's my advice. Tell only people that you trust, and for the rest, I like eclipse's advice: when people ask how you lost weight, tell them the truth--you changed your eating and you're now burning more calories than you're taking in.
I thought about this before my surgery. It was not an easy decision to make but I knew it would save my life. I have heard it called "cheating" or "taking the easy route" but anyone who does it knows this is not cheating. I am a teacher. I give my students every tool I can find to help them but it is up to them to do the work. Surgery is a tool. It is not an easy fix. I didn't tell anyone but my parents and two best friends about my surgery. Eventually people found out but on my terms and my time. And the majority of them were super supportive. There were a few who were not but I expected that and they didn't hurt me at all. My weight loss and improving health are proof of that! I wish you luck on your decision!
I am 5 weeks out. It is a tool. An amazing, awesome tool.
I've talked to many people about it and I tell them that weight loss is not physical, it is mental. Food is the only addiction you can't walk away from. So, if you need an extensive, in-depth tool like surgery, do it. It took a couple months of therapy before I was truly ready for the surgery. Now, I'm loving life!!!
Honestly, i cannot understand who in the world would consider radical surgery on their body to be the *easy way out*. Surgery is no easy thing.
I think people who say that sort of stuff believe that fat people need to be punished, that they "dug their own hole" and now we have to climb our way out. And they delight in that, because, sad as it is, most people *hate* fat folks.
Then also consider... what's wrong with taking a way that will give you less grief (due to diet failure, regain)? For people of a certain size, no amount of dieting and exercise will probably help. Our metabolism is shot. Why waste what few precious years we have in this world on making ourselves miserable by repeatedly failing diets and exercises?
If you had any other disease besides obesity, and the medical community offered you two possible solutions, one with a less than 5% chance of success (diet and exercise alone) and one with a 55-85% chance of success (WLS, depending on the procedure you choose), which way would you lean? Would you allow other people to make you feel inferior for then taking "the easy way out" of that disease because you selected a statistically more successful route?
Considering the surgery
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He left me for another woman in 1989, kindest thing he ever did for me.
