My husband has just informed me that we can't afford the hospital stay.

We do have coverage, but our policy leaves us to pay $200 a day for hospitalization of any kind. It would be quite inexpensive overall, I think, but after a discussion, it turns out he meant we can't afford it *right now.* As in, maybe delay it as much as a year. That, I can live with.

The reason it hit a nerve with me was the overall pattern. I come from a background of child abuse and neglect. During our discussion, I showed hubby a scar on my hand from a childhood injury. My brother had been chasing me, and I ran into my bedroom and slammed the door. There was a mirror hung on the door. It shattered and sliced my hand open. (I suppose that was the start of the seven years bad luck.)

My mother tried first aid at home, but bandages were woefully inadequate for a cut that obviously needed stitches. The next day when it still hadn't stopped bleeding, she finally took me to a doctor, who merely glanced at the gash and said, "Oh, yeah, that's going to HAVE to have stitches." And this isn't the only incident. She never did want to take me to the doctor if she could avoid it. Didn't want to spend the money. "Let's load up the grocery cart with beer and cigarettes, and then tell our kids we can't afford medical care." As another example, I'd been needing glasses since I was about 5 or 6 years old, but I was 14 before I got them. My parents thought I was only trying to get attention when I told them I couldn't see. It took a note from school to get them to finally take me to an optometrist and get me glasses.

I saw my husband's objection as part of an overall pattern. Money is always more important than my medical needs. He understands why I saw it that way. But then, we did just have to spend over $300 on my new glasses, and that's *with* insurance that covered all but $30 of the exam and allowed $150 toward the glasses. It was the lenses that got us. My eyesight is pretty bad, and I needed progressive lenses. That costs more than either single-vision or the lined-bifocal type. And those glasses are the reason we're a little strapped right now, so I'm not actually being neglected. Not anymore.

About a year ago, I stopped taking my insulin for a month. I had run out of needles, and with everything else going on, I didn't want to ask for the money to get more. I think I've just internalized that pattern now. My medical needs come last; they always have. But it isn't that way anymore. I am no longer in that situation. Except at night when I go to sleep, and dream that I'm still a kid living with my family of origin.

Sorry for the ramble. I have to get everything out in the open.

honey - this is NOT a good pattern - and you're seeing it. if you have a laparascopic procedure, it's doubtful that you'll stay more than 2 days. 400. you'll EASILY save that in food in the first couple of months!!!!

having to delay this for a year or so - it doesn't feel right.

going without your insulin - OMG!!!! you put yourself at such a high risk doing that!!!!

please take care of yourself - it's not easy. but you absolutely deserve to be happy!!!

Lovebirds, you should come up with a target number and work towards saving up to that number. Eat in, put the money you would have spent towards eating out in that "jar" (keep track). Do little changes and keep track of your savings, and then whenever you can afford it, in theory...

At least you have something to work towards, right? Good luck, Lovebirds.

We do still owe some medical bills hubby wants to catch up on. Thanks for the info about the length of hospital stay. The cap on our coverage is $900. I think hubby was automatically picturing having to pay $900 for me being in the hospital, but if I'm only there for two nights it would be $400.

It occurs to me that if I continue losing weight and/or my A1C continues going down, I might not even qualify for surgery, so this whole thing would be academic.

Is it true that once you are diagnosed as being diabetic that you are always considered diabetic? When I was 306 lbs I was diagnosed as diabetic,I was never on any meds I just watched what I ate. I lost around 98 lbs and it seemed to me to be gone as my blood work was ok after that. I actually got off BP meds and was doing pretty good. I stayed around 218 for around 4 or 5 years then I lost my mom and a year and 1/2 later I lost my older brother and things seemed to kind of spiral. I gained around 45 lbs and still haven't gotten back into my old mindset to lose it. I am considering talking to my doctor about WS. I know my DH doesn't understand that its more than just deciding your going to lose and do it. He's never bugged me about my weight but I know he is concerned for my health. Sorry for the long post, just wanted to explain my situation. thanks in advance....I forgot to add that I am back on BP meds.

Jillybean, There is a higher than 5% success rate for dieters. The statistics you quoted were from the 1980s. I am on the National Weight Loss Registery that tracks people's success rates. Keeping up healthy eating and exercise is the way to succeed. If you are talking about failure, what about those who have surgery and gain it all back?

10% of initial body weight, and keeping it off for at least a year.

That means that, from my highest of 283, I need only lose 28.3 pounds and keep it off for a year, to be considered successful. 283 - 28 = 255, and that's just a shade under what I weigh right now. I'm already almost a "success" by that statistic.

50% of my excess? Well, I'm not sure how much of me is "excess," but say my goal is 160. The high of 283 - 160 = 123 of excess, so losing 61.5 would be considered successful. 283 - 61 = 221. I don't consider that too satisfying either.

A bit disheartened. So let's recalculate from my present weight, where I've been stuck a couple of months now.

10% of my present 260 would pull 26 pounds off of me, leaving me at 234. Stay there for a year, and I'm a "success." Assuming 100 pounds of excess, losing 50 pounds by WLS would make me "successful" at 210.

It's going to be hard to consider myself a "success" if I'm still over 200. Let's raise my goal a bit, since I was considering 180 as a goal instead. The measure of success by diet and exercise wouldn't change, but let's look at the best calculations for WLS. Say my goal is 180 and we start from my present 260. This makes 260 - 180 = 80 pounds of excess, so losing 40 would make me "successful." Now I'll end up one of the success stories at 220, which is the same as starting me from my high and making my goal 160. No statistical difference at all.

This is a lot to think about.

I'm learning so much from you, Jillybean. (Not to discount the others who have posted here. Many thanks to you all.)

OK, so to have a BMI where the charts want it, I would have to be less than 150 which is right on the edge of "healthy" and "overweight." 160 is still on the lower end of "overweight," and 180 borders "obese." (My current BMI puts me in "extremely obese" by three notches. )

I'd be perfectly thrilled to reach 180, although even at 160 and less (as a teenager) I felt just as fat at those weights as I actually am now. I may never be able to look in a mirror or at a photo of myself, and see an accurate image. I may need to rely on charts and tables to tell me the whole story.

So let's do the math:

Current weight of 260, minus 150 to put me at a reasonably healthy BMI. That leaves 110 pounds of excess. If I lose half of that, I'll lose 55 pounds and end up at 205. Maybe more, maybe less. Calculated from the top weight of (rounded off for easy subtraction) 280, minus 150 for the goal BMI, and that's 130 pounds excess. Half of that would be 65 pounds, or 215, actually 10 pounds more than if we calculated it from my current weight.

Still no more than a 55% chance of ever getting below 200. This is a bit discouraging.

lovebirds - please don't get too bogged down in the statistics. your commitment and individual circumstances are what matter. that 55% figure include EVERYONE, including that person at my support group a few years ago who stopped by dunkin donuts the DAY he returned to work after his surgery and ate two donuts [and was proud of himself!].

WLS doesn't wipe away the need to work on weight loss, it just makes things work for us.

it's really hard to predict what a single person's outcome will be based on the statistics from thousands of people. so, just focus on YOUR life, and you'll give yourself the best possible chance of living a healthy lifestyle [one measure of success], and losing weight [another measure], and reducing your risk of heart attacks, strokes, and other illnesses [another measure].