I'm super thin 5,11 and 143lbs and no I don't have the same problem as you in gaining weight but people always say look how thin you are or call you names to your face I guess it's just socially acceptable to do that to thin people.
I know it's not to do it to overweight people so that has to be a real hard thing to take and such a bad thing for a person to say.
Everyone has their problems I'm sure they do to.
Don't worry about maybe use it as motivation in the gym think how good it will be next time you see that person and your just that much smaller.
I hate to lay the blame on men, but I do think this is a common thing of guys to say something like this (especially openly, in front of people). They think if they are close to to you, they can be honest and admit readily to what they see as a flaw. Also, I think guys think it is motivating to say something negative about what they see as something you can change. Thinning hair they can't change, so they'd see that differently. To some of them, it's maybe the same as commenting negatively on their cologne or something. Also, if you are "friends" than maybe he is seeing you as one of the guys, and men often have habits of making fun of each other and using negative comments (possibly because they are too afraid to appear sensitive or too nice around one another) and maybe this was just rubbing off in his conversation.
About the poster who mentioned people asking about you being tired, I can totally empathize. People are always asking me things like, "Are you feeling okay?" "Are you sick?" "Are you all right?" When I'm just about work doing my normal duties. Apparently I look 'sick' all the time. I can only attribute it to my pale skin and possibly my clothing hair being not as fastidiously well kept as some of the women there, but it is a bit unnerving and I wish people would keep comments like that to themselves. If they thought I was being overworked that might be one thing, but I don't like when people voice judgements off 10 seconds of examining my physical appearance.
My favorite was at the gym. I walked by a young woman who was on one of the weight machines, she was with her friend. She looked at me and said "You're fat!", and she and her friend started laughing. I looked at her and said "That would be why I'm here, I guess you're Mensa membership got cancelled". Her reply was "what's Mensa?" As I walked away I said "there's your first clue, sweetie". The look on her face was priceless because she KNEW I had one-upped her, but you could tell that she wasn't quite sure how.
Some people really are idiots, and a lot of people who comment about weight have their own issues and overweight people are the last group that it is okay to pick on without the "politically correct" police going for your jugular.
I had an epiphany this week. I had joined two online dating sites, deciding that I would get back into the dating world again. I have had a number of men write to me and tell me that I had no right to be there because I'm fat. NICE!!! Guys writing to tell me that I'm ugly and that I'm hideous. I know that I don't need that kind of crap right now. What I need is to feel better about myself and quit looking for validation from others. I can't expect total strangers to make me feel like a valuable person. I have stopped even going to the dating sites and I am working on loving me instead of waiting for someone else to do it. I won't even bother with men until, in my head, I feel like I deserve someone who will treat me with the respect I deserve.
I thought I'd share a comment my dh said this weekend that got him slapped. We were walking and talking about a neighbor of ours who has lost a lot of weight recently, he's older and now he looks so much older then he did when he was overweight. I made the mistake of asking my husband if I looked older since I lost 40 pounds. Casually he says, "yeah, you do look a little haggard." I turned towards him and slapped him on the arm. He's like, "what'd I say?" I said, "think about it. Is haggard the word your trying to say?" And he said, "well since you seem upset about it, probably not. I just meant your face in longer, not so round anymore, less full."
What happened on Friday? Did you guys meet up?
Eldubu-that's so mean! You should write back with a spiffy comeback to those jerks-which I'm fresh of out myself. Maybe someone else will have something, I really like the Mensa comment.
Sarah (whose learned to ask questions because usually my dh doesn't understand that the way he's says somethings is wrong)
My sister has always been really skinny, but she went to Prague for a study abroad thing-- and spent a month enjoying local beer, sausages and everything swimming in cream. She came back, had put on enough to finally look healthy, and the first thing my dad says is, "Wow, it looks you kind of lost control!" Even before he said "hi"! Men really don't get it at all.
I think we are all putting a little too much of this on MEN. I know plenty of women that have spent a large portion of thier lives with thier foot in thier mouths. My grandmother for one, her favorite phrase is "honey are you sure you want to eat that?" Even if it is healthy-ish foods. She said it to me one day eating an apple!
Yes, I admit that I've occasionally suffered from foot-in-mouth disease. After I realize what I said, or that I said what I was thinking out loud I'm usually totally mortified that I said it. Thank goodness I've learned to keep my stupid mouth shut.
Yes, I've been guilty of the following comments when I was considerably younger that I swear I will not repeat again:
"you look really tired."
"When's your baby due?"
"My sister had a miscarriage at 3 months"-to the pregnant woman
"My grandmother said that bad things come in 3's" to the person who had lost 2 people over a period of several weeks-her ex-husband and best friend to suicide.
Before I get stoned for being a thoughtless and uncaring person---really I've changed. I'm so incredibly careful and think before I speak because you can not take back what you blurt out in an unthinking moment.
I think I inherited it from the old people in my family. My aunt's favorite saying to us girls was: "How are you going to catch yourself a husband looking the way you do?" "What man would want to be with you?" and those are just the weight related quotes, the list could go on and on with the things they would say that made me cringe.
I think we are all putting a little too much of this on MEN. I know plenty of women that have spent a large portion of thier lives with thier foot in thier mouths. My grandmother for one, her favorite phrase is "honey are you sure you want to eat that?" Even if it is healthy-ish foods. She said it to me one day eating an apple!
I agree. A lot of the meanest things ever said to me were said by women.
Call them on the mat! Here's what you say the next time.
"I may have, but did it make you feel good to bring it to my attention? What was the purpose of you asking me, to make me feel bad or to make you feel better about yourself?"
They'll get the message......What they think you don't know if you did or you didn't? I mean come on, there are always ulterior motives for saying something like that. DONT TAKE IT! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU THINK! Good luck!
Ok, I believe in giving what you get. Sorry, but you needed to put this jackass in his place. I would have said something like, "Sure, why is it a problem with you?" By the way, but have you been losing your hair?" "You look a little bald to me." Would have probably shut the jerk right up.
lol...when i first started to gain weight, this was the exact same advice my mother-in-law gave me. I find that it works pretty well.
Quote:
I was sitting behind this guy who was talking to a couple people he was with and he says to one of them, "Boy, does that girl have a big ***." (this was a girl standing at the carousel watching for her luggage)
Are you sure he wasn't saying it as a compliment? I know a lot of men who say that in admiration. These days it seems like more of an insult, in a lot of circles, if a guy says that a woman has a small ***. I've even heard people use words like "chunky" as a compliment. Maybe that's why the man got all worked up when you called him out on it.
I Understand How That Feels
Even before he said "hi"! Men really don't get it at all.
