Hey everyone, I saw a similar thread and could not find it.. so this thread may very well be in the wrong place, but I just need to talk about it...
yesterday I saw a friend i hadnt seen in about a month and we sat and had a wondeful conversation... and RIGHT as i got up to leave, this is what happens
he asks, "Have you put on weight?" LOUDLY in front of i dont know how many other people.
In shock and anger, and in an effort to just get the **** out of there as fast as i could, i say, "no." Really quickly and sharply, in hopes that he'd get the hint.
big mistake.
He replied, LOUDLY, "I think you may have..."
at that point, I just said no again and turned tail and jetted out. This is not the first time this has happened, as i know you understand (after reading the last thread on this same topic). when stuff like that happens, it makes me want to cry, throw a tantrum, give a speech to everyone on the planet about compassion and understanding and what it does when people have no tact or sensitivity... GAH!
the worst part is, and i dont know why it affects me this way, it makes me want to stop trying. i guess i just end up feeling hopeless. it's also called learned helplessness. you keep trying, and no matter what, you are still stuck.. i hate that weight is such a big issue to EVERYONE...
First of all, you call this person a friend???!!! That doesn't sound like the kind of friend I'd want to have. If it is a good friend who just doesn't have very good people skills then you may want to talk to him about how his comments are very hurtful to you. Some people are just oblivious and suffer from chronic verbal diarrhea. Does this person know you are trying to lose weight?See, I have the tendancy to be very defensive when someone comes at me with something smart or mean and I go for the jugular. If I were in your shoes I would have calmly stated, "No, I haven't put on weight, but while we're being honest, have you noticed your thinning hairline?" Men are super sensitive about this even if it's not true. Keep your head up girl, and surround yourself with people who are going to uplift your spirits and motivate you instead of someone who drags you through the mud.
Here's the part that really hurts.... he has been a good friend ... and he has never said anything like that before...i do not think he is aware of my efforts to lose weight as im kind of keeping it a secret... this has been the first time i ever thought of him as not being a friend to me. it's like we were two bricks cemented together, and that moment was a sledgehammer right where we were bonded.
and the timing! what the **** is wrong with him!!! we had JUST finished talking about what we did during our semester breaks! Such a good, positive conversation destroyed right at the end...
i hate moments like that.. he had asked me (before he said that,of course) if he could come to my house this friday, and i had said yes.. looks like he'll be getting an excuse on Thursday evening
and oh, when i said that wasnt the first time it had happened, i meant that it had happened many times, but with different people...
Men are so tactless sometimes (read: most of the time). I remember one time a few years ago my dad was talking to my brother in front of my mom. My brother told him that he and my mom weighed the same amount, and my dad responded "Well, muscle weighs more than fat". He didn't understand why his wife got so upset about that until after the kids spent 10 minutes explaining it to him :P
Keep your chin up. I've had comments about my weight thrown around my whole life, even to this day. It's especially ironic when another overweight person tells me that I'm fat. My response is usually "Yeah, I do weigh more than I should... but you know what? At least I am doing something about it." Because 9 times out of 10, that person is doing nothing to control their weight.
He honestly may not know that he offended you or why you got upset or why you deny that you've put on weight when he obviously thought you had. Guys don't think the same way we do.
It's hard to come up with a come back for something like that. Maybe you could tell him on Friday why it's not good to say stuff like that.
I must be very lucky. The only person who has done anything remotely like this to me is my mom! Moms can get a pass for stuff like that, but friends? With friends like that who needs enemies????
Hmmm...I thought about this after posting and funny enough my husband gets this kind of treatment! He gets it from both men and women--I think some people think it's okay to make weight comments about a "big guy" but my husband wishes they didn't! He doesn't get it anymore though. He's getting closer to goal (he didn't yo-yo)
I'm Pam....was just reading this thread....people are so mean...what is wrong with people? Ever since I was a young girl, I know that I was probably the most critical about myself...way more than anyone else would be. Most people I know are the same way. I want to know what goes through people's heads that makes them point out that you are looking fat or you're having a bad hair day? Like, who is it that they think we see in the mirror?? Believe me...I already know what I weigh, what I look like, and every single hair that is out of place, along with any blemish or pimple I may have! Oh well, just a thought.
yeah, for a while afterward i tried to tell myself that he just didnt realize how hurtful he was, but i just cannot believe that any member of today's society can NOT perceive that as offensive! ugh. i just went through reading threads about comments people get AFTER they've jumped all the hurdles on the path to becoming fit, and all i can think of is,
WILL I EVER GET TO THE POINT WHERE I DONT HAVE TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT FROM OTHER PEOPLE EVER AGAIN??
I grew up hearing horrible things from my family and i'd like to think that i'll never have to relive those experiences again.. or re-hear those words...
*sigh*
Normally men don't even notice subtle changes in women so how did he even notice a weight change in a month? It is practically impossible to gain enough weight in a month to be THAT noticeable. I have to say that was someone (not a friend by any stretch on the term) out to hurt your feelings. EVERYONE in the world understands that it is not a compliment to point out someone's weight. He can not be that dense.
Sorry he hurt you like that. But I have a feeling he had other motives for saying it. Just my .02 worth!!!
People are SO MEAN!
Wow....people just suck
