pts for yesterday: 3 water 1 and on program 2, no exercise. I need to journal, writing usually helps me gain perspective, maybe I can figure out exactly why I am resisting exercise. Do not want to become complacent and "con" myself into thinking I do not have to do it as often, BECAUSE I DO!!! If I learned ANYTHING while going to Overeaters Anonymous it is that compulsive overeating (referred to as a disease, AND MAN WAS I EVER DISEASED!!! ), IS A CUNNING AND BAFFLING DISEASE! AND IT IS CUNNING ALRIGHT! I can have all the good intentions in the world, and then start finding any old excuse AT THE SAME TIME. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?????????????????? I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAPPENS TO!!! ANYONE CARE TO RESPOND!! I JUST HAVE TO DO IT......DONT WORK TILL 3 TODAY SO I HAVE TIME, CANT USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE TODAY
Reading back over the last several posts, (didnt post yesterday so I got behind), I definitely concur with you girls on the financial woes!!! My financial instabiliity (many years of it), really did a number on my self esteem, seems like it was directly tied to my feelings (or lack thereof) of self worth!! It is difficult during those (lean) times to be optimistic, to be hopeful, to be able to "see beyond" the next 2 weeks or week, or even month when the income comes!!! Much less have personal goals!!! and be hopeful about your future. Whether self imposed (as much of mine was), or through absolutely no fault of your own, $ woes can be such the overwhelming burden. I am stable now, and it feels good to be able to manage it!!!! I am eternally grateful!! I am convinced it is because my life is coming together on all other fronts, I am much more disciplined now, (but that wee little voice inside my head is still nagging at me, saying "oh girl you are just fooling yourself this wont last, you will revert back to your old ways", talk about "self sabotage" I HAVE THAT DOWN TO A SCIENCE. I TOO HAVE HAD CARS REPOSSED! BEEN VERY DELINQUENT ON CREDIT CARD BILLS!!! I WAS THE ONE WHO FELT I HAD TO BUY FRIENDS!!! ESPECIALLY MEN, ALMOST BANKRUPTED ME, BUT I DIDNT GO THROUGH WITH IT!! And ironically, but not surprisingly spent much of that money on FOOD!! I WAS EVEN ARRESTED FOR A PERSONAL WORTHLESS CHECK!!! IT WAS IN 1992, I BELIEVE,IT WAS THE MOST HUMILIATING, DEGRADING THING I HAVE EVER INCURRED!! I WAS BOOKED AND FINGERPRINTED AND THE HOLE BIT, WAS NEVER LOCKED IN A CELL, BUT WAS RELEASED ON MY OWN RECOGNIZANCE, HAD TO ATTEND A $ MANAGEMENT CLASS AND WAS ON PROBATION!!! Had to meet with probation officer and everything, but did I learn my lesson? NO!! it happened a second time!!! not the actually booking process, but the probation thing! I can look back on all of that now (and sometimes I still find myself looking over my shoulder), scared to death of a checking account!! still, but I recently opened a checking and savings account, and I am taking it very easy, being overly cautious, but I need to prove to myself that I can manage $, We have more than enought $ (didnt think I would ever say that one!!) to meet our needs, (not a fortune, but our bills arent that many), and last month I managed it well! to within just a few dollars, it checked and it balanced. so I know I can do it this month and the next and the next. Ironic that just last year we came close to losing it all (when Jane was out of work), so I still wonder how long it will last, but I am trying to change all that just by taking one day at a time, like everythingelse, right girls??
WHEW!! I DIDNT MEAN TO GO OFF ON THAT TANGENT!! BUT ONLY WANTED TO CONCUR WITH SOME OF THE REST OF YOU, SEEMS TO BE A RECURRING THEM WITH COMPULSIVE OVEREATERS, I COULD EASILY BECOME A GAMBLER!! SO I STAY AWAY FROM CASINOS!! JUST HAVE THAT "ADDICTIVE" PERSONALITY!!!
Okay, gotta go, have to pick up a friend at work, she has no car, and it is very cold!!! Back later to reply!! I love you all, and whatever struggles you are each going through, just know that my thoughts are with you constantly, we are all STRONG, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!!! AND WE SHALL OVERCOME!!!
I LOVE ALL OF U BEAUTIFUL WOMEN... U make me feel so loved and safe. coming here is such a breath of fresh air. Lisa i am sorry to have worried u... i am ok... just kinda in a weird funk...lol not unhappy... just kinda in a funk...lol I have a funny... well i think its funny... story. This happened this morning... my husband and i were...how shall i say... starting to climb the stairs... LOL... the kids knocked on the door and DH told them that we would be out later... well.. our 4 yr old Sawyer... picked the lock on our bedroom door! Opened it and well... DH was and still is soooo embarassed... i couldnt stop laughing... so we got dressed... we'll climb the stairs a few times tonight instead of this morning...lol anyway... got dressed and called the boys back upstairs... hunter was standing outside the door as well when sawyer opened it. Hunter is 7... and once they saw us the ran down the stairs to tell there sister...lol shes 10. So, we called them up and i said to them... u know that this is mommy and daddy's room... and when the door is shut u need to knock.. and if we tell u we will be out later u need to respect that and listen. Whta we were doing is a natural thing that people who love each other do... i love your dad and he loves me... theres nothing embarassing about it... thats how we got u guys... so hunter says.. were u trying to make another baby?? and i said No, we were just having fun...lol I want so badly for my kids to know that they can talk to us about anything and if this had happened to me or my husband when we were kids we would have both gotten a beating... some people may think that the way i raise my children is unorthodox or even way to liberal... but they have a right to say what they feel ... just like we do... as long as it is done with respect its ok. Make sense?? ok.. i have babbled on enuf here... I am down to 222.... wooo hooo... i will have to post this and then edit since i cant remember what i was the last time...lol remember to take care of u today... laugh today... its so much fun to just laugh... i love you all... joy the family is in my prayers... pam... u r such an amazing woman... we wont let u sabatog yourself... i cant spell either...lol julie... u go girl swing that axe.. and i know exactly what u r talking about... thats y i am now taking celexa...lol the rest of u lovelies... stay strong... and go out and laugh today!!
Sandy
thats 3 lbs... wooooohooooooooo! add em to the total faye!! LOL
Pam: I had a check thing happen to me like that only, it wasn't exactly my fault totally. Jack was out to sea this was about 1982 or so and it was in the winter right before Christmas time. Jack was going to be gone for Christmas so my mil sent me her credit card and told us to come to Texas for Christmas for 2 weeks. I had a check returned to the bank from a grocery store because I had forgotten to leave enough money in the account to pay the monthly charge and was like 5$ short. They didn't send it back through a second time. VA Beach has some kind of a freak ice storm while we were gone and the store sent me a cert letter which of course I was not home to get. We had one of those slot mail boxes, the idiot mailman only put the mail half way through, the wind blew it out and one of the things it blew out was the slip saying I had a cert letter. It blew behind the ac and froze there. Long story short, about 2 weeks after we got home, I had a detective at my door. I had never even had a speeding ticket, didn't have Jack to help me, but thank God had a friend whose husband was an officer and they had MONEY! I had to go through what you did even though I tried to explain I knew nothing about it. I went to court and was "convicted" of the misdemeanor because the woman from the grocery store told him I had 4 other checks that were bad at her store. Well of course, that was a lie but the deed was done and I was such a mess about going through it that I wouldn't go back to court and get it reversed and I probably could have considering the judge was going to let me off because I had paid the check right away before even going to court the first time but went on this stupid woman's word that I was bouncing checks. When I called the store about the other checks, she said, "oops, sorry, the name was Melinda." I was so mad I would have strangled her if I had been at the store. If it had occurred now, believe me, I would have drug that *itch back to court to the judge and made her tell him that it wasn't me. Back then, I was just too terrified.
SandyB: We have had the "bust into the room" thing a time or two so I know how that goes and I, like you, found it funny but Jack certainly didn't. You have to see the humor in it after all. Funny how men don't take things like that as well.
I was in such a blue funk I laid in bed and boohooed and felt sorry for myself this morning. Everything had caught up with me I guess. I went back downstairs later and watched House Rules, which spurred me on to thinking about decorating, which makes me totally happy so I got up and cleaned the downstairs really well and did some preliminary decorating of my own. I had white geese motif in my kitchen and changed it to hearts and flowers keeping the blue of course. I am going to buy heart stenciling and stencil the inner part of my kitchen cabinets. My walls are country blue with an off white trim and cabinets, and blue and white drawer pulls etc. Then I took down all my country stuff in the living room, I have a darker shade of the same blue with the off white trim in the living room and it was paneling at one time so the walls look very "beach house" so several months ago I started bying chatchkis of lighthouses, sailboats and the like and am doing my living room in a beach theme. I have to buy some prints for the walls, sand, shells, candles and holders etc but it looks pretty neat already. So, of course I feel fine now except I ate junky stuff today so won't make OP today. I didn't want to stop and cook so ate what was at hand which was snackwell choco chip cookies, deli ham, etc and overdid it I think.
Well, girls, I am pretty grungy from working downstairs (I also waxed the floors which always takes times) so I am going to get a shower and put on something slinky for my husband. He is already upstairs.......
Sandy B- very funny story about the bust in the room. But I must say I think you did a great job handling it, and agree with your way of thinking...hey as long as the respect is there you're ok.
Faye- oh boy you do lots of cleaning...my respect goes out to you. I wish I could clean more, not that I am a wreck, but next to you I probably would be.
Susan- glad to hear you're doing good.
Everyone else take care and I'll talk with you tomorrow.
Hello Ladies,
I went to the football game today and we had a SPECTACULAR WIN : OSU 43, Stanford 3!!!! GO BEAVES! Anyway, this brings me to my delema and I just need a place to vent about it. I am set up to transfer from my current school OSU, to U of O. This summer it all made perfect sence. I did not have a good experience last year for several reasons and I wanted to get out. So I applyed, was accepted, and started the transition to the new system. But, this term here at OSU has made me realize the things about it that I really love. So now it seems no matter what I do, go or stay, I'm going to be disappointing someone. There are people looking forward to me going to the U of O, and those that will be sad to see me leave OSU. The thing is...I want to do both but I know I can't and I just don't know what to do and I have to decide finally (again) in the next week or so. I just feel so bad for having built all this up only to waver once again. I realize now that last year I wasn't "unhappy at OSU" I was just unhappy, now it seems I've screwed everything up and I'm stuck without a clue because no matter what I do I lose. <-times 10
Oh yes and I'm WAY off plan for today, but its a game day and I'll make up for it this week - and 4 points for yesterday
Do not want to become complacent and "con" myself into thinking I do not have to do it as often, BECAUSE I DO!!! If I learned ANYTHING while going to Overeaters Anonymous it is that compulsive overeating (referred to as a disease, AND MAN WAS I EVER DISEASED!!!
<-times 10
