Thank you Candidmaster. It just feels like every time I take a step forward in this, I get 2 steps back. With continued zero communication despite a very calm voicemail message asking for some respect by him just talking to me so we can arrange him getting the rest of his things (I can't throw away his sentimental items. I actually loved him in this whole thing), he still hasn't given me any response and I learned yesterday afternoon that he has unfriended on facebook. Now I can't see his posts, which I guess is his way of showing compassion since he's now posting pictures of himself and "longtime love." It just felt like another jab to the heart. I realized yesterday when I got in bed for the night, I hadn't eaten. I don't think everyday gets better. I think some short brief moments are better than others, but for the most part its still pretty effing awful.
kiwi: the quicker you get his sentimental items out of the house, the better for you. Did you say you still talk w/his parents? Find out if you can box it up and leave it w/them. No sense in conversing with him as he didn't really give you the courtesy of a good end to a relationship. Actually you are pretty nice about wanting to save and return these things to him. I think the angry side of me would have no issues of placing them at the curb without second thought. However the adult side of me says, ask and drop w/his parents. And then go treat yourself to something nice - a massage, a pedi, whatever gives you a moment to feel good. You can do this.
Just checking back in with you. I agree. Box up his stuff and give it to his parents. Keeping it around is a connection. If he gets married quickly, you will not want that stuff around the house. You won't feel like reading old journals either if he gets married.
I believe Ian's exercise get-back-out-there and move plan is the best way to clear the head out. Everything always looks better in the mornings after a good night's rest.
Last edited by Hucklebeary; 11-04-2015 at 07:56 PM.
Kiwi, seriously...there are so many men out there. He wasn't the one. You lived and learned all you could from this relationship, in order to have an even better relationship with the next guy.
He has moved on. Who knows if he will even stay with this woman...he may eventually move on to another woman from this current one.
Things happen for a reason. This guy is not your forever.
Box up everything and call his Dad to come get it. The faster you get his things out of your house and cut off all communication the faster you will heal. I know it hurts like a b**** but you will get past this. Several all ties including his personal items. Good luck.
My husband of 10 years (together 14) left me very unexpectedly in July. I am so very sorry you are going through this. You will need to take time to process things in your own way, at your own speed. Of course it won't be easy. It's great that you came here for support, even if you don't follow one shred of advice.
My advice? Take care of YOU. Be nice to yourself. I know how very hard it is, but think of it this way: if your best friend or sister was going through the same thing, wouldn't you shower her with kindness? Treat yourself as you would her.
So just found out that he is pretty much trying to move to Florida to be with this new girl. I am just in such denial of this situation. It makes no sense to me. What's more annoying is how in 2 wks I can't bare to move on when he did so long ago. There is something so new everyday to make this pain keep on holding onto me
It's still early. Soon, you'll stop thinking about him all the time. Before you know it, you'll realize that you haven't thought of him for a day...and then two days...and then a week! Mourning comes in waves, and eventually the waves come less frequent.
You'll get there. Give yourself the time you need.
So just found out that he is pretty much trying to move to Florida to be with this new girl. I am just in such denial of this situation. It makes no sense to me. What's more annoying is how in 2 wks I can't bare to move on when he did so long ago. There is something so new everyday to make this pain keep on holding onto me
Sorry to hear what you are going through In my opinion, he is in lust with this girl. That is why he is moving on so fast... he is crazy for her and willing to move states to be with her. Maybe she does genuinely like him, or maybe she will ditch him when she is tired of him... because some people do just like to break up relationships. He is making a big mistake. I think that he is trying to keep contact with you because he maybe feels guilty and also because he wants you for a backup plan in case things don't work out with her. If it doesn't work out with her, it is really likely that he will come running.
Don't be his back up plan. You will find someone else. You will move on and it will hurt less as time goes on. Take care of yourself.
Also, no decent person who loves you will tell you to lose weight. See it as a learning curve.
kiwi, it's apparent that you are loved by loads of people including us...virtual strangers on a website. Why is that? Because you're an awesome person and we can all sense that.
I should be caring about posting food but seriously, that's not me. I'm more interested in seeing you get back up on your feet. When I was taking a shower (I do my best thinking)...I wanted to tell you that one day, you will be the gal who tells the next hurting person - don't allow a person to take years and years of a life to make up their minds.
Shoot, I wouldn't even give them a year. You know where it's headed in 3-6 months. If someone is putting you on their backburner backup plan - run as fast as you can and don't look back. You'll be there one day. I woke up this morning wishing that I had never ever given anyone 10 years of my life to play around with. It's patently unfair and something that no one deserves.
Kiwi, I'm not the least bit surprised that he's making sudden decisions. That's what they do after long-term relationships. They suddenly get married and move on. Long term relationships let the air out of the tires. The pressure is off, they drag their feet and saunter along. The next best thang comes along and it's off to the races. It is the nature of the beast.
Last edited by Hucklebeary; 11-05-2015 at 10:09 PM.
it is true that I should be on this site posting about food and exercise and wt loss. Its hard to concentrate on anything right now except for the issue i am having with my now ex. I thank everybody for their words of wisdom and advice and encouragement. That fact that I am in your thoughts if extremely powerful to me and I truly appreciate everybody's kindness and honesty
Kiwi, I know it's hard and painful, but you have to stop getting updates on what he is doing or trying to do. You will never heal that way because each time it's going to bring another wave of pain. Try to take small steps, do something for yourself each day, even if it is just taking the dog for a walk or watching a favorite movie. Give yourself a break too, it is going to take some time. The hurt won't stop overnight, but it will get better and you will be stronger for it and more aware of what you really want and need.
Also, if you still have his things, I would say box them up and dump them on his dad's porch and be done with them. I wouldn't even call first. You need that stuff out of your house and out of your life.
kiwi, take it from someone who was cheated on and finally divorced after 14 years of forgiving and taking the SOB back. The trust goes out the door. You always wonder where they are when they go somewhere without you. The final time, he would not admit he was fooling around, just said he was "out with the guys". I was suspicious and started digging around and my suspicions were right. I was married at 18 and was truly and deeply in love with him, couldn't imagine my life without him, but I turned myself around and told myself, I needed to look out for myself. I am glad I did, because I have been married for 21 years now to a wonderful man that loves me the way I am, big or small, sick or healthy. My ex would complain if I gained 5 lbs and told me he didn't like fat women. The thing is I never got above 155 lbs!
You're helping me, Kiwi. Today, I've faced my truth. I cannot post food or exercise. I'd rather visit about everything but food and exercise.
I can't count or measure anything. So I won't. It's never helped me in the past and it doesn't motivate me now. Today, I feel free to be free of my own imaginary obligation. I've unloosed myself from those chains and burden.
A realization. My weight struggles began when that relationship ended. I ate myself into a big hole. That's going to stop. I will no longer be a victim of that disaster.
But I'm checking in on you. I care.
Last edited by Hucklebeary; 11-06-2015 at 02:33 PM.
kiwi!
In my opinion, he is in lust with this girl. That is why he is moving on so fast... he is crazy for her and willing to move states to be with her. Maybe she does genuinely like him, or maybe she will ditch him when she is tired of him... because some people do just like to break up relationships. He is making a big mistake. I think that he is trying to keep contact with you because he maybe feels guilty and also because he wants you for a backup plan in case things don't work out with her. If it doesn't work out with her, it is really likely that he will come running.
