Kiwi, I am so sorry. It is perfectly normal for you to grieve right now. Crying, wanting to sleep, and not eating are all a part of that for some people so don't stress yourself out even more worrying about how you "should" behave. Go ahead and grieve. You'll reach a point when you are all cried out and anger will take over and that will be the best thing. Then you will tap into your strength. I would advise you to ignore his texts completely. Don't engage him. It's an age-old ploy by cheaters. He wants to keep ahold of your heart just in case the new relationship doesn't work out. Don't fall for that. Since he was too weak and insecure to love you with all his heart and had to stroke his ego by seeking out someone new, he doesn't deserve to have you, and he especially doesn't deserve to believe he can keep you on the back burner as a back-up plan! Let him fall flat on his face. He wasn't thinking of your feelings when he did all this. Don't give his feelings a second thought. So cry for as long as you need to, but drop him like a hot potato, and when you are feeling stronger (and will find your strength again), have no doubt that you deserve better than him and he does not deserve you at all. I wish you the absolute best!
I think most of us have been through at least one horrible breakup. It sucks royally. And everyone gets over it in time, as long as they don't sabotage the natural recovery process. I suggest you NOT communicate with him or his mother or anyone connected with him. Delete him from all your social media accounts and don't check up on him at all. Doing so will only slow down your recovery.
I know all of what everybody is saying is 100% rational, but I really can't bring myself to cut off the communication just yet. Im still in the phase of wishing this was a bad dream. I just arrived back at my home in Virginia after a trip to NY and I just prayed and prayed that his car would be there. That he would be inside, and he's not and i feel so sick. I'm still so optimistic despite it really just is me being naive
You're not any more naive than most of us--it's the hardest thing I can imagine to let go. It takes time. Hopefully you have some good support there with you, whether it's friends, family, or professional help. And of course we're here for you too.
EDIT, Just saw Jacqui's post----I would read that as often as possible! You WILL eventually get there. Someday, and may it be soon, you will be thankful that he is out of your life. I wish there was a way it didn't have to hurt so much. That's a sign that you have the capacity to open your heart to someone. That's a gift.
Last year--the week before my 40th birthday and the day after Thanksgiving--my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. I wanted to get married and have babies. I hated the holidays last year. I hated everyone and everything.
I cried for a while, didn't eat for a while. Then, I spent most of this year eating...everything.
Sweety, I'm now fighting to get my life back. I'm working really hard to lose the weight I've gained this year.
Please take care of yourself. Give yourself time. Love yourself. You're worth it.
I'm actually not too far from you. (I live in NoVA, too.)
I understand, and I offer you any support you need... God bless...
I think most of us have been through at least one horrible breakup. It sucks royally. And everyone gets over it in time, as long as they don't sabotage the natural recovery process. I suggest you NOT communicate with him or his mother or anyone connected with him. Delete him from all your social media accounts and don't check up on him at all. Doing so will only slow down your recovery.
Hugs, Freelance
Well said. I agree totally. It's a natural process, OP. Please don't sabatoge yourself.
I wouldn't tell you that he's not worth it because I know you still love him. In time, you'll see things with more clarity.
Try really hard to distance yourself. Take up a new hobby? Maybe get a new puppy? Volunteer? You need a distraction while your mind and heart heal.
ETA: One more thing... Stop yourself from remembering things as being better than they were. Yes, there were good times, but there were bad times, too. I know you had bad times with a guy who would tell you that he wouldn't marry you because of your weight. Stop seeing things in this ideal, fairytale way. Things weren't ideal.
It doesn't feel like it now, but you are on your way to better things. You are strong. You will recover. I was just there. I know. Please PM any time.
You've been given some great advice here. I concur. Do not go back. He had 10 years of your life and couldn't make that big decision. Stringing you along for a few more months of waffling back and forth will hurt you even more.
Make a clean break and run like hail. Next time, within six-eight months, you'll know if it's someone you want to invest this much time with. Chin up and Ian is correct. You will be better for staying strong and caring about yourself.
I know all of what you say makes so much sense, but its really hard to see all of the rationality when Im living in a cloud. Its hard to think I that I am strong, when I am so depressed and I cant stop thinking about why half of my house is empty and when our dog keeps looking for his dad to come home. I am trying to see the light at the end of this tunnel but it is so hard
I know all of what you say makes so much sense, but its really hard to see all of the rationality when Im living in a cloud. Its hard to think I that I am strong, when I am so depressed and I cant stop thinking about why half of my house is empty and when our dog keeps looking for his dad to come home. I am trying to see the light at the end of this tunnel but it is so hard
One day, you'll look back and wonder why you gave him so much of your time. The way some dating pros get beyond this is to get right back out there and let this one eat your dust.
I agree with everyone. Run the other direction and don't look back over your shoulder.
Last edited by Hucklebeary; 11-04-2015 at 07:53 PM.
I feel your pain, I've been there. I know you're hurting right now but do you really want to be with someone that said he was only willing to marry you under the conditions that you lost weight? Consider him leaving you a favor. Not only is he shallow, he's a liar and a cheater. You dodged a bullet and deserve better. Don't waste your life. He will come crawling back and be prepared to tell him no. Believe me you don't want him. Take care.
Today while, I am still very hurt, I am starting to let anger set in a bit more. His dad who would watch our dog during the day still wants to do this and for this I let it happen because getting a dog walker last minute is not so easy and my dog has really been missing him too. His dad dropped the dog back off at my house last night and when leaving work I asked if the dog was able to see the ex during the day (bc I wasn't sure what his work situation was) and his dad told me, "he's out all week. Just me and the dog" I called his mom and asked her for the honesty and respect that i deserved. While the ex told me that he was trying to figure things out and needs time to figure out his emotions, he is actually in Florida with the woman that he had been emotionally cheating on me with for some time....I guess figuring out his emotions in her bed. It makes me sick to think about him being happy right now while I am still in such pain, but I guess its letting anger take over a bit more.
It is perfectly normal for you to grieve right now. Crying, wanting to sleep, and not eating are all a part of that for some people so don't stress yourself out even more worrying about how you "should" behave. Go ahead and grieve. You'll reach a point when you are all cried out and anger will take over and that will be the best thing. Then you will tap into your strength. I would advise you to ignore his texts completely. Don't engage him. It's an age-old ploy by cheaters. He wants to keep ahold of your heart just in case the new relationship doesn't work out. Don't fall for that. Since he was too weak and insecure to love you with all his heart and had to stroke his ego by seeking out someone new, he doesn't deserve to have you, and he especially doesn't deserve to believe he can keep you on the back burner as a back-up plan! Let him fall flat on his face. He wasn't thinking of your feelings when he did all this. Don't give his feelings a second thought. So cry for as long as you need to, but drop him like a hot potato, and when you are feeling stronger (and will find your strength again), have no doubt that you deserve better than him and he does not deserve you at all. I wish you the absolute best! 
