I was feeling so good. I lost almost 30 lbs and then it started to creep back on. I was told by doc to start using a bike because of knee problems. He said my triglycerides are way up. So I kick into high gear and my heart acts up and I am scared again. I want to live but slowly feel myself falling. I don't think my husband will help me, he is going to be a hurdle. He told me he thinks I am going to stay with him long enough to lose the weight then I'm gonna leave. He buys candy and carb and sugar loaded foods even after I tell him I don;t want that stuff in the house because I have little to no will power. Today I feel sad,depressed,scared,a dn not sexy or pretty at all. How do I get back to where I was before I gain all my weight back?
Dont give up first !! ]
Think What you have done!!
You have done a great job , losing 30lbs is not a kids play !!
stick to your regular diet !!
as you lost i think you know all the basic thinks to stop weight gain !!
You forget that weight and composition are big factors. My wife played sports most of her life so at 190 she looks 145 or so and is very toned.
You say you'd be furious if he said something about your weight. Why? He has to live with you, so why shouldn't he? Women seem to think they have a right to tell us to lose weight, how to dress, blah blah blah, but men aren't allowed to express themselves?
There are a lot of women that become LESS attractive when they start losing weight. I have a friend from England that just lost 90lbs, which is part of what inspired me, and her long time bf told her he wasn't attracted to her anymore. That's part of the reason I said talk about it. Talking doesn't hurt, but she is free to do what she wants, but keep in mind that if your guy like a certain type of woman, he'll probably find that type of woman.
You twisted my words, then proceeded to generalize all women, followed up by informing us all that our men will leave us if we aren't the "type" they like. Nice.
Women seem to think they have a right to tell us to lose weight, how to dress, blah blah blah, but men aren't allowed to express themselves?
I tried to leave this thread and not reply but I can't help myself.
I have never EVER told my husband "to lose weight, how to dress, blah blah blah". But the general statement of "women seem to think they have a right..." is just so wrong in so many ways.
I am not sure if you are really just making all general statements or if those same statements represent your marriage and relationship personally (if it works for you, that's great!). But please do not include all men and women in your statements as it just isn't true.
If you say you hate yourself This is a Major clue something is not working in your life!
If your husband likes you overweight and you want to comply with his wishes for you to be at increase risk for problems related to obesity ....then why attempt to lose weight in the beginning?
Sometimes I think we send out 2 different messages ....Decide if you want to live your life being overweight to keep your husband happy.
Hopefully he will be there to care for you as your health declines...I'm in healthcare and seen people that have let themselves become morbidly obese and they can not even perform the activities of daily living.
I would not want to have a Little Rascal in my future if I have the power to prevent it.
Sometimes we find in life it's comfortable to live with what we know ...it takes real courage to step out of your comfort zone ...and make a positive change.
Hating yourself serves no useful purpose...Change does.
Co-dependent relationships can be harmful to all people involved ,maybe you could seek professional help to gain clarity and figure out a plan that is workable for both of you.
Hating yourself is a very destructive...please re think what you are doing cuz if you are hating on yourself...It is not working for you!
I tried to leave this thread and not reply but I can't help myself.
I have never EVER told my husband "to lose weight, how to dress, blah blah blah". But the general statement of "women seem to think they have a right..." is just so wrong in so many ways.
I am not sure if you are really just making all general statements or if those same statements represent your marriage and relationship personally (if it works for you, that's great!). But please do not include all men and women in your statements as it just isn't true.
you are right indeed !!
just follow Give & Take policy .... if you are taking advice then you can give too!!
You twisted my words, then proceeded to generalize all women, followed up by informing us all that our men will leave us if we aren't the "type" they like. Nice.
Well lets look at how society portrays the roles in general.
1) Women sometimes get with men because they think they can "change" them.
2) Women generally want to change how their men dress, but if a man says the same thing its unthinkable.
Either I'm right or wrong. I never said all of your men will leave you. Talk about twisting words. I said, if he doesn't like it, he'll find what he does like. He may not leave at all, but he might cheat.
The fact that any of you have a problem or an objection to the fact that I said TALK to your life partner about a life change is pretty funny. It shows your true character. Marriage is a partnership. If it was just her boyfriend, I'd say do what you want.
I now know why we have a 50% divorce rate in America. LOL
I agree with what most of the peeps have said. Lose weight for YOU and not anyone else. If a man isn't attracted to you anymore after weight loss then let him kick rocks! There are PLENTY others who will appreciate the new you. I know how it feels to have someone try to keep you at a certain weight. It wasn't a husband or boyfriend but family. I find they didn't want me to lose weight because they were insecure themselves. Please don't stop your journey and dont let any man or anyone else define you. Do what YOU want to do with your body. You are the one who has to live in your temple. Stay encouraged!
Well lets look at how society portrays the roles in general.
1) Women sometimes get with men because they think they can "change" them.
2) Women generally want to change how their men dress, but if a man says the same thing its unthinkable.
Either I'm right or wrong. I never said all of your men will leave you. Talk about twisting words. I said, if he doesn't like it, he'll find what he does like. He may not leave at all, but he might cheat.
The fact that any of you have a problem or an objection to the fact that I said TALK to your life partner about a life change is pretty funny. It shows your true character. Marriage is a partnership. If it was just her boyfriend, I'd say do what you want.
I now know why we have a 50% divorce rate in America. LOL
Don't confuse "society" with the media. Most women, in fact most people, are probably decent human beings despite what television, newspapers, and Hollywood would have you believe.
As for the second statement I bolded, you are only digging yourself further in a hole. True love is blind to appearance. Appearance may be important for that initial attraction while dating, but once love really sets in, it doesn't let go for any reason. Perhaps you should take a good hard look at your own relationship if you think men (like you) are so easily persuaded to leave or cheat for appearances alone.
Well lets look at how society portrays the roles in general.
1) Women sometimes get with men because they think they can "change" them.
2) Women generally want to change how their men dress, but if a man says the same thing its unthinkable.
Either I'm right or wrong. I never said all of your men will leave you. Talk about twisting words. I said, if he doesn't like it, he'll find what he does like. He may not leave at all, but he might cheat.
The fact that any of you have a problem or an objection to the fact that I said TALK to your life partner about a life change is pretty funny. It shows your true character. Marriage is a partnership. If it was just her boyfriend, I'd say do what you want.
I now know why we have a 50% divorce rate in America. LOL
I wasn't going to respond until I saw this. (Only because op had already been given mostly great advice) I don't give a rat's behind about what society thinks. Society has nothing to do with my marriage or any other. It is between the two people in that marriage, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. It's about loving unconditionally, supporting each other, being honest, setting goals together, and continually striving for the greater good. I don't know any women that thought "gee, I'm gonna get with that guy so I can change him". For the generalizations you threw out I can throw out some that contradict what you said.
You said that you want your wife to not drop below a certain number on the scale, and that you prefer bigger women. Then said if a woman's body changes to not fit a man's preference, he may find someone else and/or cheat. Does this mean that when your wife reaches 190 and finds her body isn't the same at that weight as it used to be and she has health issues telling her she needs to drop more that she won't fit your picture and you will leave/cheat? Exactly what your words point to. THAT is why 50% of marriages fail. Insecurity, selfishness, and disrespect.
Edit to add: then you threw out "shows your true character.....marriage is a partnership"... I'm sorry, but telling your wife she can't get below a certain number shows true character. That doesn't sound like partnership to me.
Last edited by SweetAsCanBe; 03-22-2013 at 10:10 AM.
As far as the OP is concerned, you have gotten some very good advice as far as talking to your hubby. But, have you considered getting him involved in some physical activity with you? I know my sweetie was a little wary at first when I went to lose weight, but I think it was more because of an upheaval of the bad habits we made together. After getting into fitness together (specifically running), we now have a hobby and direction that brings us closer together, and my boyfriend has also become very focused on his health and dropping some pounds. If your doctor suggests you should start biking, then maybe you and the hubby should start going on some biking trips together this summer! The physical activity will be good for you both, and it might also help strengthen his confidence in your relationship to see that you want him by your side while you do this.
I also just want to say that I am dating a guy, who, when we initially got together, had a preference for "bigger girls." I was and am obviously a bigger girl, so that may not have even needed to be said. He's a bigger guy, and while I've never been too weight preferential, I will admit that, as a bigger girl, dating a very petite guy (which I did once or twice) made me feel like a bohemeth. So, I think it is very natural that people have preferences.
Luckily, my darling appears to love pretty much all women of different shapes and sizes equally and often quotes his late father’s aphorism, “There’s no such thing as an ugly woman. Just some I like a little better than others.” Still, I don’t know if he would be quite as attracted to me if I became very thin. I think at a normal weight, muscular and healthy would be fine, but if I somehow magically became almost model thin, he admitted that he would still love me, but it would take some getting used to. I appreciate his honesty, but I don’t know if I would feel very comfortable with a “weight limit,” unless it was a limit concerning becoming underweight or weight obsessed. I believe staying aware of your partner’s preferences is not a bad thing for the over-all health of your relationship, but a red line in the sand is not okay for me. My value as a woman is placed on my body and looks often enough. I don’t need the person I love the most putting even more pressure on what MY body should look like, especially at penalty of leaving me. That does not seem like any kind of partnership I would want to get myself into in the first place.
Also, as far as an anecdote in reply to a generalizations stated above, I have never told my bf how to dress. He usually is a very fine dresser, but due to his Type A, utilitarian personality (which extends to clothing), sometimes he walks out of the house looking a little bit like a dweebus for work. I can think of one horrible shirt in particular that has so many pockets and is made out of some weird, special khaki material that makes him look like he is ready to go on a safari. He does soil evaluations, so I understand he’s got a lot of stuff he has to carry around with him out in fields, but does one human being really need that many pockets?! He really, really loves pockets. I may ask him if he is going to go shoot a cape buffalo, but I never tell him what to wear or tease him in any way that would suggest I don't want him wearing it. In fact, he wears that freakin’ shirt all the time in the summer.
ETA: Also, the shirt has a vent in the back for when it's hot. A vent. In a shirt. Love him. He's so practical.
Last edited by Song of Surly; 03-22-2013 at 10:30 AM.
I was feeling so good. I lost almost 30 lbs and then it started to creep back on. I was told by doc to start using a bike because of knee problems. He said my triglycerides are way up. So I kick into high gear and my heart acts up and I am scared again. I want to live but slowly feel myself falling. I don't think my husband will help me, he is going to be a hurdle. He told me he thinks I am going to stay with him long enough to lose the weight then I'm gonna leave. He buys candy and carb and sugar loaded foods even after I tell him I don;t want that stuff in the house because I have little to no will power. Today I feel sad,depressed,scared,a dn not sexy or pretty at all. How do I get back to where I was before I gain all my weight back?
First, congratulations on 30 pounds lost. That is a HUGE accomplishment. And because you've done it once, you KNOW you can do it again. Focus on that, even when you feel like you can't. You CAN.
I know how it is to be scared because of health issues. And being limited by my body. So if your heart acts up in high gear... slow it down. Slow and steady is the way to win this race. You don't have to sprint. Heck, I was pleased to be able to walk ten minutes without a cane the first time. Now I'm up to 30 minutes fairly regularly. Every little bit you do helps, especially for heart and knees and strength and endurance.
Weight loss is another thing. "Lose weight in the kitchen, and get fit in the gym." And that is HARD without family support. It's not impossible. But it is hard. My husband consistently bring cookies, ice cream, chips, and candy into the house. I try to keep it out of sight, but ultimately, it's up to me to eat it or not.
I do that a number of ways. My plan is low-carb, so I don't suffer the ravenous hunger and cravings I did on other plans. I don't buy the junk; if he wants it, he has to buy it. And I refuse to leave the junk out on the counter; I put it in drawers or behind pantry doors, so I don't have to look at it.
I also don't talk a lot about my diet to him. I just eat what I eat. My husband doesn't pay a lot of attention, so long as he's not hungry himself. So I make chicken and broccoli for dinner, and we both eat the same thing. I used to make a starchy side for him and just not eat it myself, but I slowly stopped bothering. I don't think he's even noticed.
I talk and boast and vent here. Here is where I know everyone supports me, because they don't have a stake in what I eat (or cook) and don't. My food choices do affect my family, so they do have a say in what I make (not what I eat). But by and large, if I don't make a big deal out of it, they don't even notice.
I like it that way.
I also have a document of "health scripts" that I keep on my computer and re-read when I need encouragement or a reminder of why I'm doing this. It ranges from easy statements that are encouraging, like "a year from now I'll be glad I started now" to whole paragraphs about my health fears and issues, and how good I feel when I walk regularly (for those days when I just don't want to get walking and need that extra push). You can do it in a journal, too. I like it on the computer because it's no "different" from me being online for other things, so it doesn't stimulate my family's curiosity.
Again, I like it that way.
Sure, they'll notice when I've lost weight. But they see me every day... it will be harder in some ways for them to notice than for people who only see me once a week. And to be truthful, I've gained and lost so much weight over the years that my husband really doesn't pay much attention.
You've gotten some really good advice in this thread. I do hope you take it to heart. You know your relationship better than we do. Is it better for you to bring your husband in as a weight-loss partner/encourager? Or is it better for you to just quietly make your choices and changes and not explain, so that eventually it becomes just part of your life, without the input or knowledge of your family?
It's up to you. Either way you do it, I do hope you do it. You CAN lose weight. You've already proven it. You can do it again.
